Betsy Loeb
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Sometimes allowing my dog Lucy to jump up on neighbors. I assume that they would enjoy that, or I’m just thoughtless. I don’t realize initially that they may have a different relationship with dogs and don’t appreciate that. I’m embarrassed. I need to set boundaries with my dog that ultimately is me setting boundaries and respecting others boundaries.
This is Just to Say…*
You invited me into your bedroom
And rather than finding an invitation to play
I opened the door
And, stuffed animals fell on my head.I decided to reciprocate your love
I printed your name on Mama’s piano
She never dreamed it was done by her sweet Betsy
But that mischievous boy named Henry is at it again.You continued on … you said
“You’ll flunk out of college by semester’s end”.
I retaliated by staying til the end.Unfortunately there’s more to be told,
But we’re both getting much too old.
I love you deeply from my Broken Heart.*
“Mistakes Were Made” by William Carlos Williams, 1934
I heard the above today on This American Life podcast.
Following the reading of his poem, many others shared
their poems inspired from his.Naomi, I think small steps do count! Best to you as you continue to make small steps and not to be hard on yourself…self-compassion is hard for me, but it is so powerful…magic!
There are many things I feel like I’d like to change about myself. Right now I’d say wanting others to like me…because I’m fun to be with, because I’m smart, because I’m kind and generous. Those are things that I don’t think I am…especially when I’m alone with myself. I’m sitting with self-pity, I’m a victim, that the world hasn’t treated me fairly, that I’ve tried really hard but just haven’t quite got it. I give myself a “C” (on good days a “B-“) in life. You must not feel worthy of love; you’re not good enough. In response: you’re being extremely hard on yourself. Life is full of suffering. This is what it is to be a human. It’s not specific to you. You can use the teachings to feel how these emotions find themselves in your body, send out loving-kindness & gentleness to yourself and to all others who struggle with similar feelings.
I chose the following ritual:
Twice a day, walking my sweet 15.5 year old dog. I think this is a very special, personal ritual. It has a beginning, middle and end. She and I are united in our love for walking. Begin with setting the stage: going to the back door, putting on her leash and recently giving her eye drops.
Middle: walking one of a familiar set of paths in the neighborhood. These are chosen based on weather, my schedule and her energy. Regardless we share this…just the 2 of us. Sometimes I listen to a podcast (often Susan’s or other talks), or focus to the beauty of nature that surrounds us, or come across neighbors and we have delightful little chats.
End: finishing the walk at the back gate. Her going through the yard and me meeting her at the side porch door.Now as I reflect on the teachings, I think I could be more intentional with appreciating the magic of this time we have together. This past year her older age is starting to show itself. I want to appreciate the teachings from the 4 Reminders especially with regards to “impermanence and death”.
What I could add:
I think I could slow down. At the start, reflect on how I’m feeling, be more present. In the middle, slow down-slow down, relax. In the end, reflect on how I’m feeling and with gratitude acknowledge the benefits of this experience and wish it for all.Dear Sue Ellen,
I ditto Anna’s remarks. Clearly you put your heart in this “exercise” and someone will receive such love!
BetsyDear Tracy,
How fortunate that a high school girl might find this beautiful writing.
I know it will be a welcomed delight.
And, how wonderful that you work at a high school.
BetsyI wrote inside a card the following:
“A child’s world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement. It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood. If I had influence with the good fairy…I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder…that it would last throughout life…”
By Rachel Carson from the book: The Sense of WonderI put this inside a book that I placed in one of the small “free library” stands in my neighborhood while I was outside walking my dog on a most beautiful day.
Thank you for this exercise. Such delights I think are especially needed during these very troubling times.
I don’t know why, but I don’t seem to have a good example to share for this question.
The only example might be when I was discussing with a few folks about my experience at the Hands-Off protest. None of them had gone. I didn’t ask them why. However, they seem to think that protests don’t make a difference. At times, I have wondered that also. However, I responded with that I think they do make a difference (as other actions matter, too) and that it has been said that the demonstrations during the Vietnam War were the turning point for President Johnson. After my stating that, nothing else was said.
So in some ways, maybe I shut down further exploration on the topic. I could have started with Pacify (to listen, to be patient) and then to see what might have occurred next (magnetize).
Dear Sue Ellen, Thank you for your share. I can imagine that it’s difficult to see your husband with mild cognitive impairment navigate the world…especially technology. Two very close friends had husbands who developed dementia and it became very exhausting for them. I do wish you the best and hope that you are gentle with yourself and call for support when you need it. You’ll do the best for your husband when you are able to do the best for yourself.
Dear Pam,
I can imagine your predicament! I, too, have a dog who just a few weeks ago after having eaten grass (which I wasn’t aware of) vomited on my rug. Fortunately I got to it soon and have a wonderful carpet cleaner that after a few hours wipes away any evidence of the mess. I can appreciate your concern especially while staying at a friend’s house!Dear Sue Ellen, What a beautiful description of this scene. Though you may have difficulties with associating the Buddha families with people, your association of this with the Ratna family seemed to have flowed easily. What a joy that it’s your “happy place”. Thank you for sharing it with us.Betsy
