“Relationships take compromise.” Is there any piece of relationship advice more ubiquitous than this? Personally, the first time I heard it, I hoped it wasn’t true. It sounded like a grim reality, one where I’d have to sacrifice what I wanted and find some way to do what the other person wanted even though it was stupid. And plus I’d... READ MORE
Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, from “Conquering Fear” (Based on a seminar conducted in 1979 for teachers in Shambhala Training, a series of weekend programs on meditation and the view of warriorship): The starting point on the path of fearlessness is the discovery of fear. We find ourselves fearful, frightened, even petrified by circumstances. This ubiquitous nervousness provides us with a stepping... READ MORE
predictable self-deceptions their consequences and antidotes there are 9 of each I am right. Everyone else wrong. I trust that things are righter than I can ever know. I am needed. So you better treat me right. I give without agenda. I am important. I will overwhelm you with my credentials. I have no need to spread propaganda about myself.... READ MORE
memphis slim at antone’s in austin, tx, 1986-ish (mel brown under the hat behind him, sitting at the b-3) Buddhists say that in every moment there are 108 opportunities to wake up fully and completely, to transcend the sorrows of this world and attain bliss without end. You might find your moment in the sunset or the blossoming of a... READ MORE
Last year, a dear friend died suddenly. He was the founder of a blues club I worked in. But that doesn’t really describe him. This man, Clifford Antone, devoted everything he owned and everything he was to blues music and musicians. It’s not like he was a saint (see below), but in a sense, he was (see below). He had... READ MORE
Some years ago, The New York Times ran an op-ed piece entitled, “Authentic? Never Mind” by Paul Krugman. It’s about how presidential candidates are trying to appear authentic. (Oxymoron.) One candidate, for example, switched from a Lincoln Continental to a pickup truck to appear authentic during his Senate run. Does anyone really fall for #(@) like this? Substituting the image... READ MORE
“Never accept responsibility without authority.” I thought that to move to the “next level,” I had to take on more responsibility. I didn’t pay so much attention to who actually had the authority to make decisions about these responsibilities. Power (or whatever you want to call it) comes from more authority, not more responsibility. So now I work in a... READ MORE
I heard that Sam Cooke dreamt the song A Change is Gonna Come,woke up and wrote it down. It scared him. He thought it meant he was going to die. The song sounds like this. Lately, I’ve been listening to it repeatedly. Like maybe hundreds of times in the last several months. It makes me cry every single time. I’m... READ MORE
what questions can you ask yourself to see if you’re ready for marriage? could i devise a short quiz for readers to test their readiness? i love things like this. a chance to try to say something i believe to be helpful, in women’s magazine-speak. without being a liar or a fool. challenge to self: try to point out the... READ MORE
i forgot. this is what music is supposed to sound like. listen to cyndi lauper offering tribute to joni mitchell at some awards thing-y. (mtv?) vocal is relaxed and intensely focused. the singer is listening to the band. the band is listening to the singer. the performer is deeply seated within herself. no one is in a hurry. the context... READ MORE
When I began practicing Buddhism in 1995, I hoped it would help me cope with depression, make me more loving, and, mainly, decrease the level of fear that seemed to always accompany me—fear of financial ruin, war, my own unlovability, or who could be calling me on the phone. And it really helped with these things; I calmed down a... READ MORE
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