How Do You Help Someone Who is Dying?
July 27, 2026 | 18 CommentsAudio only here
Hello Wonderful Open Heart Project,
When I first learned to meditate, I was given an instruction that has stayed with me for more than 30 years: place more attention on the out breath than the in breath.
This week my mother entered hospice care. She is 96 and as I prepare to be with her, that simple instruction has taken on a very different meaning.
The first thing we do when we’re born is breathe in. The last thing we do is breathe out. Maybe meditation is one way we get familiar with letting go.
I’m sharing my most recent podcast episode this week where I talk about why this teaching has come to matter so much to me.
I hope you’ll listen.
With love,
Susan
PS: Please check out my new book, Inexplicable Magic: Meditation for Mystics. It offers seven principles of meditation as a spiritual practice (rather than self-help).
PPS: If sitting together sounds supportive to your practice, please join the Open Heart Project sangha. We have a live meditation practice every morning.
Guided Meditations
categorized in: meditation, relationships
18 Comments
Thinking of you and sending love,
Mango
breathing in and out, I honor this journey and send love
Wishing for your mom a peaceful final breath.
Sending love,
Virginia
Thank you for sharing your story, Susan. We are with you and your Mother, breathing in and out.
đź’—
We are human beings, rather than human doings. You will know what to do, because you are you. May you care for your tender heart.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story and experience with your mother. Having lost my parents and a very dear sister, I’ve come to know how important and valuable are the times when you know you will lose them to another place/time. I now have a nephew who is 42 and very sick, and not getting well has shared his wish to not suffer his infirmity and wants to take his final breath. A terribly difficult time for my sister, his mother and a nurse. My thought is to be supportive of his decision while also having encouraged him to keep trying the medical approach to recovery. Even from a long distance, I want to respect him and his family by only reaching out to let them know I am here if/when they need my hand to hold. I hope that all people can hear your story and learn the lesson of being there and letting go at the same time. Blessings, Matt
times like this bring so much gratitude for the practice
Mom died year ago at 95 and I wasn’t present, wish I could go back and have a “do over”
Oh my. This is so powerful and beautiful, Susan.
It might be that there’s nothing so sacred in a person’s life than to really be present with someone who is dying, and to journey with them to the threshold before the part they can only face alone. May your journey be meaningful and your mother’s passage be peaceful.
Sending prayers and much love,
Dee
Both my parents and my dear spouse of 24 years have passed on, and I was with each of them as they were dying. My Buddhist teacher said to say helpful things, if they ring true, like “you have been a wonderful parent, thank you so much”. Alleviate their worries or fears (“Mom, we will look after Dad, it’s ok to go” “I’ll be fine and I love you”). Because my spouse was Buddhist, after he stopped breathing, I gathered all his family and we read some Buddhist texts aloud and also shared fond stories and laughed. (I was told wailing and crying was not good!) You are such a wonderful teacher and I thank you for sharing. 10 years later, when I meditate I think “may you have a fortunate rebirth”.
Susan
Thank you so much for sharing about your Mom. May she pass peacefully with
No pain. And may you remember your practice which sounds strong and humble. May you leave your moons home feeling settled and complete with you’re mom
May you, your Mum and your family be blessed with serenity, courage and wisdom at this difficult time. Sending much love.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Sending you and your family love.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I loved seeing your Mom at the Friday gathering. What I witnessed was a deep loving relationship. I believe you will do and say what ever it is that will make her transition peaceful. My both parents are gone and died at home with family around them. Sending love and prayers to you and your family.
đź’—
Susan,
Thank you for sharing your incredible story as well as your wisdom and clarity on the in and out breath.
Wishing you courage and presence as you accompany your Mom on this part of your journey together.
May her transition be gentle and peaceful-there are many blessings and opportunities here for you both.
Thank you as well for the reminder that at some point on the journey we meet our aloneness.
Sending love and appreciation.
Susan – I just listened to this recording. I don’t know of your mother’s status as of today, but my thoughts are with her, you and your family. I pray for a peaceful passing.
Sending you so much love, Susan. I just this past month spent my mom’s final nine days with her, sitting in a chair next to her bed listening to her breathe, waiting with her for that final exhale. It’s a tender and terrible time, and while now that she’s gone my heart is broken open and so raw, I’m so grateful for her to be free from that failing body. May your mother’s final exhale occur with ease and may your tender heart keep on beating. xoxo