Octavio Valdes
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The Paramita i feel most connected to (or find easier) would be Discipline, particularly in offering “virtuous Darhmas”. I like to learn as I have commented on previous essays, and don’t mind sharing those learnings to people I love. Perhaps sometimes I share when not being asked, which could be problematic, but for the most part, people find me helpful when I offer my advice.
The Paramita I struggle the most with is Discipline. When I know what “the answer” is, is hard for me not to get to the point instead of having more circular conversations. Of course, I realize, there is no one answer, and even if there is, people need to come to it by themselves. Still this is where I struggle the most. The framework provided on Discipline, I found very helpful in increasing Patience. Before, I thought it was mostly about having deep breaths and let a situation (conversation, or whatever) continue with a smile in my face. I find the last 2 suggestions provided very helpful:
1) understanding where people are coming from: why they are thinking what they are thinking, or struggling to agree with me, even if I am correct, which I am often not even!
2) Examine each circumstance/person on its on merits intead of making generalization and assumptions (individual examining).
I think these 2 specific and concrete ideas will help me become a more patient person.Thanks for your note Allison. Found it very interesting the dichotomy you describe where within the same paramita, you can see a virtue sometimes, but when taken to the other extreme it can become a challenge. Good thing to keep in mind in general as we practice each and every Paramita.
Melanie, was good to read your essay, because I am SO different from you. I struggle the most with Patience in general, I am so focused on finding resolution and move on, that I lack the ability to spend the time thinking where others are coming from. Sounds like this for you, is natural, which is a big blessing. Congratulations!
I feel exactly the same way (difficult to pick a specific lineage). So loved, your comment that maybe our lineage is people who find it difficult to pick a lineage, so in that way we are part of the same lineage! Thanks for that!!
I agree with you, in the “Circular reference” present here. We need to practice to become a good techer, but we need to (at least feel) Good to feel comfortable teaching…
I guess, it is step by step, little by little, as opposed to waiting for “perfection” to come.Such a good point in that an ideal learning environment includes not only the teacher, but also the team dynamics, which in part are orchestrated by the teacher but not entirely controlled. More to consider, for sure!
Like most people in the forum have said already, i do feel ready to give 1-1 instruction to someone, but know I am new to this, so still lots to learn. What is missing is the confidence that can only grow from doing something many-many-many times over. Also missing would be the feedback from the student, either verbal or just by looking at them. I think if I were to give guidance to someone I would be able to detect if they liked it or not, and what was missing to take it into account the next session.
I honestly think the best part to get us comfortable is the fact that you (Susan) “forced” us to give instruction every session to someone else. This proved invaluable to me, as practice makes perfect (or at least not too bad!). Thanks!Fully agree with everything you said.
We might never be 100% ready becuase that doesn’t exist or is not realistic, but we have to push thru to gain the experience and confidence to do it a bit better every time.I am not sure if I will teach or not. But if i do (to strangers) I would definitively charge for it. Time is money and if I am going to dedicate enough time to this, it will take the place of other activities that might generate money or my free time (which is precious).
I think the ideas of having a tier pricing system where you can offer the lessons for less to people with less money would be a good idea.In general, my philosophy is that for something to grow it needs to be profitable. How amazing it would be to create a system where teaching mediation is profitable enough that it attracts more people to teach, which in turn means more people will learn to meditate. Creating a sustainable system like this would be great for everyone involved. I don’t see any issue with it, or conflict of any kind. Eventually this will drive innovation and different ways of teaching/learning would flourish, meeting more specific needs, different price points, etc.
Fully agree with your perspective Stina. I am not sure if I will teach or not, but I would do pretty much the same thing as you are suggesting.
Thanks for your perspective Dawa. I never thought about the difference on this topic based on gender, but think you are right and there is an extra burden put on girls about this topic. Good to keep that in mind.
Such a good point about parents providing the ideal circumstances to learn. So much of what we know, we know from them, I was not thinking about that dimension when responding to this essay, but its so true and valid. Thanks for brining this up.
In my view, an ideal learning environment provides the space to figure out how to solve problems independently. While I value guidance from a mentor or teacher, I prefer having the autonomy to research different methods and decide on the best approach myself. I appreciate a mentor who takes the time to explain their thinking and methodology; once I understand their approach, I like to apply it and then refine it to find even better solutions. I thrive under leadership that is open to new perspectives rather than expecting blind execution.
Conversely, I find it challenging to work in an environment where I am expected to follow detailed instructions without context or the ability to improve upon the methodology.
I never had a desire to connect with the teachers when i was at school (30 years ago now!).
This whole session for me, took me back to a similar balance one needs to take as a supervisor, employee or even as peer.
I remember when I started my career I was able to make a lot of good friends with my peers (fresh out of college). They were a great source of comfort, and helped me not feel alone (as much) being in a new industry and new town. As i progressed, i started becoming someone else’s boss, which was interesting but not that difficult as I still had peers to relate to. The issue was when I found myself leading a small organization, so I was everyone’s boss, and my peers (leading other brands) were people I didn’t see often. I really felt alone in that situation. After much thought, I decided the only way to tackle that was to strengthen my relationships with my peers to find that warmth and vulnerability i was missing. In terms of my relationship with my direct reports, I kept it very professional, cordial but not particularly personal. It worked. Then in my next rotation, I had an amazing boss, who was able to really connect with her direct reports (me included), while keeping the relationship professional. It is hard to express (or even understand) what exactly she did to achieve this balance, I am still trying to figure it out. She could be very demanding in some circumstances and personal in others, but always being fair and straight. I guess, this might not be a good model for a teacher-student for mediation, unless its a very long term student, but i wonder if there are some elements of Sandra’s (that was my bosses name) energy that could be replicated and applied. Something i need to keep thinking about for sure.This is a delicate balance indeed. I personally feel that most people in corporate America err on the side of being too cold and distant. It is for sure a safer bet, but there is something missing there, that if done properly can be so gratifying to everyone involved. I have had the opportunity to work outside the US and even in the US with people from other countries, and I personally like that warmth better in a work environment, but it needs to be kept professional (and of course, legal, showing no favoritisms, etc.). Anyway, all to say, that as you reach your balance, i hope you don’t lose your warmth, as I am sure it is very valuable by those working with you today.