Octavio Valdes
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This has been the hardest question to answer so far, and I suspect it will remain the most challenging of the entire course. I first encountered the concept of “lineage” in October 2025 during Susan’s meditation course at Kripalu, MA. Since then, I have struggled to find a lineage that truly resonates with me.
After reading the excellent essays of my fellow students, I realized I cannot identify with the lineages others have claimed. While there are many groups I belong to and admire, I don’t consider them my lineage. For instance, I am a proud gay man and deeply respect those who came before me to make my life easier; however, I do not see that as the defining factor of who “I am.” I reached a similar conclusion regarding my heritage. I am from Mexico and love my culture, but I don’t feel my lineage comes from blood. I love my family and would do anything for them, but I do not consider them the main defining factor of my being. However, I recognize all of those (and other) factors are part of my lineage to a certain degree.
Perhaps I am overthinking or I am simply indecisive, but I believe clarity will come with time. I may simply not be at that point yet.
The only aspect of my life that feels truly defining is learning. I love to learn, to discover, and to know—not for the external value of knowledge, but for the knowledge itself. While I am not particularly inclined toward teaching, I love the process of self-discovery. Rather than following a single teacher, I prefer to read and listen to diverse perspectives to find my own truth. I wonder if it is possible to belong to a lineage of people who love to learn vastly different things just for the sake of it. I think there is something there that I need to continue to explore, even if I have to admit that I am not quite there yet.Hi Clif, just wanted to thank you for your essay. As a gay man, it moved me, and it is true, that growing up it always felt like something was missing. there were just no role models for us (either separated from family/friends or in the closet). Never thought about this until now. Thanks. I am glad future generations will have a better chance than us at having GLBTQ+ role models.
Think you are right, and most of us experience both extremes constantly. Never thought about it that way, in my view we would go from one extreme to the next for periods of time. But you are right that in any given day or week there are moments or thoughts that are Eternalistic followed by nihilistic thoughts. Interesting thought…
Thanks for sharing this beautiful story Mary Beth. Loved the practicality of your late husband and the fact that he focused on directly helping others instead of just talking about it, or simply believing. Also loved the fact that you didn’t let differences get on the way of happiness, well done.
You are right, there are huge commonalities in all our stories, and perhaps that is understandable given we are all alive today and live in a somewhat similar context.In retrospect, I was exposed to Eternalism at a young age. I was raised Catholic, though my parents were not particularly observant. They taught me about a somewhat involved God who would judge us after death. For some reason, this prospect never stressed me; I always felt that “judgment” would be based on individual circumstances and true intentions. I knew that divine judgment could not possibly be as simple (or as cruel) as blindly following a list of “dos and don’ts.” While I can appreciate the appeal of this view—its simplicity and the comfort it provides—it never fully resonated with me. Perhaps it was too simplistic, too inflexible, or simply too mystical.
As I grew up, I learned to be skeptical of “beliefs,” recognizing that they could easily be based on bogus or erroneous concepts. This skepticism was reinforced by the modern education system and the scientific method. However, I never equated science with Nihilism. Interestingly, many cutting-edge scientists, both past and present, have believed in a higher power. Scientifically, we know our senses cannot perceive everything that truly exists, such as x-rays or electromagnetic fields. True scientists recognize the limitations of their field: just as you cannot prove the existence of God, you cannot prove His non-existence. Even today, quantum physics serves as one of many examples that may lend credit to various religious theories regarding the source of consciousness. Ultimately, Nihilism is not enough for me; it feels too simplistic, disheartening, and inconsistent with the vast areas of scientific knowledge we have yet to fully understand.
Where am I now? I know the truth cannot be as simple as pure Eternalism or Nihilism, but lies somewhere else entirely. I am currently interested in Buddhism, which I find offers a less paternalistic explanation for life’s big questions. Is it all true? Most likely not, but I believe there are vital kernels of truth to be found there. I am drawn to the teachings of the Buddha, which suggest that one should experience things firsthand and only accept what proves true for oneself. In this process, I believe one must remain humble, open, and skeptical. Without these three qualities, I don’t think I will be able to discover my own truth.
Ahhh, i figured how to respond by myself!! Ok, next week i will be responding to specific posts then.
OK, I have to admit, I couldn’t figure out how to respond to a specific comment! Read them all, and wanted to add my comments to a few of them, but simply couldn’t find the way….How many Teachers does it take to help me discover how to respond to a specific comment…I wonder. LOL.
In all seriousness, i loved so many comments from many of you. And after reading them all, some patterns really emerge which is very interesting and I am sure we will discuss that at a later class. What was clear to me, is that I have a lot to learn from all of you, everyone has such a different background and bring different perspectives. This made me think, that part of enabling discovery in a “field of study” where the path is different for everyone, must be to give the student exposure to many examples, tips, pointers, etc. that come from very different backgrounds and perspectives. The more diversity the better as you don’t really know what will stick with each student. This is (i think) the power of community, as this can not be done by any one teacher/instructor by definition.
I am personally just really starting this practice with consistency and structure. So I have a lot to discover. Will definitively welcome any advice on specific literature to read, tricks and tips to do better meditation, places to visit, etc. I know this is too broad so don’t expect any specifics now, but I know as this course evolves and we discuss more specific topics and problems I look forward to all of your tips and learnings that have helped you improve your practice.
Each person follows a unique path; no two are the same. Our job is not to point toward a single “right” way —as one does not exist— but rather to empower students to hear and follow their own intuition (inner voice). By encouraging their natural curiosity, we help them discover what is true for themselves.
I believe, the answer is already inside each of us; the challenge lies in learning how to listen to it and put it into practice. I feel there are internal and external forces that nudge us in specific directions. For instance, I have always been deeply curious about meditation and the “true nature of reality.” There is no obvious reason for this; it was never part of my education or culture, and I was never exposed to it by anyone in particular. Yet, looking back, whenever I stumbled upon this topic —whether through a TV show, an article, or a lecture— it grabbed my attention, and I couldn’t let go. Something inside me wants to learn more about this topic. I cannot define exactly what it is, or where it comes from, but it is there. I believe there is a drive within everyone to learn and discover. Our role as teachers is to help students listen (or even discover) that inner voice.I can think of several tools for supporting discovery:
•Active Listening and Empathy: We must truly listen to what the student is saying, feeling, and thinking. Put ourselves in their shoes, and resist the urge to provide a “right” answer. Instead, we should gently highlight possible paths for them to explore if their curiosity leads them there. I anticipate this will be particularly difficult for me; having started my career as a consultant, I was trained to “solve the problem” and provide a “strong hypothesis” without hesitation. I must remain aware of this bias.
• Flexibility: Since there are many paths to the same destination, we must be flexible in our guidance. Some students require more direction, while others need less; some need inspiration or an analogy, while others simply need to be heard. We must avoid the temptation to force a student toward a conclusion in a single step, remaining comfortable as they take the necessary detours to get there.
• Comfort with Uncertainty: We must be comfortable with a lack of immediate resolution. I believe people learn by doing, failing, and eventually succeeding after multiple attempts. If you spoon-feed a student the “answer,” they may never internalize it—even if it was the correct answer for them. This reminds me of the “case method” used in business school. Unlike a lecture, where a professor presents a problem and a definitive solution, the case method requires a professor to just be the arbiter of possible solutions posed by each student. The professor never tells you what is “right” or “wrong”, it leaves that job to each student. The ultimate learning is that there is no one answer to any question, and you need to find it by yourself on a case-by-case basis. This could be frustrating. I think our job as mediation teachers is a little bit like a professor using the case study method.
• Humility. We must be conscious that we might not have an answer to a particular question, and that is fine. Acknowledging we don’t know something should be part of our vocabulary, that will reinforce the fact that every path is different, personal and must be discovered by oneself.