Djuna Penn
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Melanie, thanks for bringing your young self to your shrine. I’ve done a lot of reflection on my childhood, and the child that I was. I’ve fallen in love with her, and I’m inspired to add one of her photos to my shrine. I think in a way because I was so young, I had a stronger connection to the divine universe, and the many forces that would shape me in later years hadn’t had much chance to make me forget my Buddhanature.
I grew up in a religiously neutral family. My mother always said we could choose our faith when we were 18 or older, and that she wasn’t going to push my brother and I in any specific direction. She was suspicious of all religions, I think. Despite that (or because of it?), I was always curious about religion and spirituality; asking difficult questions like who created God? At that point, eternalism was the only religious model I knew about, so my questions were always based on a Christian idea of the world.
But as I got older, especially in my teens and 20’s, I was very rebellious and skeptical of any person, system, or organization that society held up as ‘an authority’. And learning about heterosexism, misogyny, and colonial history added a lot of fire and contempt to my views of religious organizations and their rules.
But even though at that point in my life I toyed with nihilistic ideas, they brought up sadness and feelings of defeat. But I haven’t abandoned nihililism altogether – I still love all types of science, and I believe in the scientific method. But I don’t buy any claims about complete objectivity, because the sciences are also subject to unexplainable forces, like human bias and the placebo effect.
I’m very comfortable with the agnostic idea that we simply can’t know everything. And I still believe in the mysteries of existence – dreams, intuition, synchronicity, and déjà vu. It helps me stay open to possibilities and steer more towards a beginner’s mind, especially when my ego’s false sense of security bubbles up. Leaving room for mystery and the unknowable also fuels my sense of hope and curiosity.
Hi Erin. Your description of having a sense of there being ‘something more’ resonated deeply with me. Looking back into childhood, I can see I sensed something heavy and important and trustworthy moving below or behind the physical world. It was definitely something I connected to physically, a kind of intuition or deep knowing that always helps me know when I’m on an unhealthy path and need to change direction.
Thanks Anita for sharing your commitment to practicing more gentleness with yourself. Self-compassion is emerging as a super important practice for me too, and I’m seeing how it shows up in so many ways in my life. 🙏
A few key elements that I think support the process of discovery:
Creating Safety – for me, this would start by modeling being ok with unexpected things that come up (e.g., saying I don’t know the answer to a question, or using phrases like “I wonder…” or “what do you think?”. There would need to be a balance between that flexibility and setting up a reliable structure to the classes. This could include establishing some routines or rituals (like ringing the bell to start a sit each time), so students know what kind of structure to expect.
Gentleness – discoveries are things the practitioner newly becomes aware of. The teacher can nurture these new discoveries by gently receiving what is shared, acknowledging that it’s new for the person, and thanking them for sharing. Any questions could start with “I know this is all new to you, how would you feeling about talking about it a bit more?”
Staying curious – this could include asking questions in a way that centers the other person’s view, maybe by inviting more sharing, or using terms the other person uses in any reflections the teacher offers. Body language is also important, e.g., an open posture and facial expression.
Maintaining self-insights – the teacher needs to stay aware of their body, for example to watch for any signs of tension. I like to use a couple of things to help me do this – making sure I’m breathing evenly, checking that my shoulders are low and relaxed.
Hi Octavio and Liana, I totally agree with your idea that meditation teachers need to cultivate comfort with uncertainty. But I wonder if it isn’t key to the teaching content too. Possibly the frustration of not hearing “the answer” from the teacher could provide energy for more study and contemplation by the student?
Hi Andrew, I’m curious about the idea of confidence, and how it could balance with egolessness. I see confidence in the meditation technique and in the Dharma, and how they inform the meditation teacher’s sense of why they want to lead a meditation class. At the same time, personal insights and a healthy understanding of their own ego’s powers of confusion are important to balance that confidence.