The Dharma of Love: a podcast
July 31, 2013 | 2 Comments
Hello and welcome to the first Open Heart Project podcast! Personally, I’m very psyched. The first topic is: “The Dharma of Love.” To listen and subscribe on iTunes, click here.
This podcast is about falling in love, being in a relationship, and breaking up—from a Buddhist point of view. As a student of Buddhism and someone who has fallen in love, lost love, and is now in a long-term relationship, I have often wondered: If the spiritual path is about non-grasping, how are you supposed to fall in love? If non-attachment is counseled, how does one make a commitment to a person and a relationship? And if ego-clinging is seen as a problem, what does it mean when your heart is broken and all you can think about is how awful, shameful, and unworthy (all forms of ego-clinging) you are?
Of course, this is an enormous topic, one on which books should be written. Surprisingly, there are not a ton of such books, which in itself is curious. If I was to write something, what would I say? I asked myself. This talk is a result of my exploration of this question. I hope it will be of benefit.
In the podcast, the following points are covered. I hope you will be inspired to contemplate them on your own or discuss with others.
- The single most important attitude in making a relationship work.
- The one thing we most avoid when it comes to love that is also the only thing that makes love possible.
- The “Four Noble Truths” of love.
- The three phases of making a relationship work.
- When a relationship is new, the most important determination to make.
- How to remain powerful in love relationships.
- The importance of meditation.
Obviously, no 30-minute podcast can cover any of this in depth but hopefully this talk will offer some clarity on the topic and introduce you to notions that further open your heart.
Next month’s podcast is “The Dharma of Communication: How to Say It and Be Heard.”
Here’s to love!
Susan
*For those who have purchased a membership in the Open Heart Project, this podcast comes with a discussion guide, access to our online community for further dialog with each other and with me, and suggestions for discussing this important and confounding topic with those you care about.
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2 Comments
I really appreciate this dharma talk. My path with my partner is steep and challenging. We are both 58 years old.
We made a very conscious decision to commit to learning to love each other. We both have a trail of failed relationships based mainly on ‘love affairs’. Try to form those into ‘relationships’ has caused so much suffering for so many people that we both love.
Our journey is not without suffering. I still long for the “love affair”. And I try to let go everyday. I constantly wonder if this suffering is worth sitting with. I am filled with doubt. We both meditate and my partner is an ordained Zen Priest. My heart is very unstable but nonetheless I am just sitting with the grief I feel trusting that there is something to lead me. His attraction to me is very different from his previous relationships. He doesn’t desire me in a sexual way and isn’t very affectionate toward me. He have discussed this so often and we are both trying to trust that this too is impermanent. Of course our reasons for being together are very complicated. I would be willing to go into it, but not at this point as I am the first to comment on this post.
I think we are trying to learn to be realistic in a society that has fueled romanticism and sex. My desires have led me down many paths towards suffering. And my partner has experienced the same. There is no telling where our experiment will lead us. Will we learn more about intimacy or will we end up shutting down. We both try to pay attention to ‘what really matters” and I actually think that is key to making a relationship work…Susan, your words have been very comforting to me, as I have explored this path and there isn’t much discussion out there about how and why we choose our partners.
Thanks for giving me something to reflect on and some solid ideas on how to practice. I look forward to further teachings on this subject.
Yours,
BB
I appreciate reading this and I appreciate hearing about the spirit with which the two of you approach the relationship. “An experiment” is as good an approach as any other, IMO. And, as you point out, no two relationships are the same, certainly. If you ever want to go into it, I (and others, I’m sure) would like to hear about the complicated reasons.
It is very good and sane to question romanticism and sex. However, both have aspects that are neither good nor sane that are meaningful nonetheless. It is a very rich experiment, surely.
Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and making this comment. I’ve heard from a lot of people about this content, whether by email or upon meeting them in person and it is good to carry on the conversation here as well.