Toni Gatlin
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Colin, this was so moving to read. So much of your thought process resonates with me, though you expressed it both more clearly and more beautifully than I could. I too feel the sense of finding my own “middle way,’ and your “underlying foundation” feels spot on to me. Thank you for expressing this so well to share with us; I’ve learned from you!
I too appreciate the “don’t take my word for it” encouragement that Susan offers! Proving things to be true (or not) for ourselves is far more powerful than accepting any particular indoctrination.
My life experience has been almost exclusively with eternalism. There was a brief period perhaps a decade ago when I had a sort of “what even matters?” perspective as I wrestled with the lack of a felt sense of purpose, but even then I never truly felt that there was no structure to the universe or to life.
The worldview that was instilled in me during my formative years was one of an absolute God and a created order that required my compliance in order to please the God who held my eternal fate in his hands. Because this belief was the water in which I was born and learned to swim, it did not feel in any way optional to me. It was just the way things were, and I as the created being had no say in the matter.
More recently as I have decided to prioritize curiosity, wonder, and mystery, I am growing much more comfortable with not understanding the Divine. In fact, I think that a deity that I could fully understand with my finite human mind wouldn’t actually be much of a God! The more I can let go and the more I can accept uncertainty and groundlessness, the more open I can be to the myriad ways to experience the spiritual life.
Compassion is the water in which I choose to swim now. I am confident that there is a creative and benevolent force of love in the universe, and I can be in relationship with this love, and I can cultivate this love in myself as well. As for anything beyond that, and what happens to our souls or consciousness after our human life ends, I’m content to let it remain a mystery.
Hello, all; what a delight to read your introductions and get to know you a bit. 🙂
I live in Central Texas with my husband and dog, and I come to this training with a desire to be of service in the world. Susan has spoken of “strengthening our friends” when we feel unable to defeat our enemies, and I think that’s something that training as a meditation teacher will better equip me to do.
In addition to this course, I’m in training as a spiritual director and non-profit leader. I’m very excited to fit these skills together in a way that makes (at least my little corner of) the world a better place.
That last paragraph is gold, and something I hadn’t thought specifically about just yet. Thanks for pointing out the need to consider our student’s context before jumping in!
I’m also in a “listening” role and agree that the temptation to “help” is so very real. Releasing that (I love your labeling technique here!) and instead quietly supporting agency and self-discovery is the goal.
The use of the word discovery implies that the end result might be a surprise: discovery, by definition, means to make visible something that was previously unknown to us. It’s important to have curiosity and humility, and to hold outcomes loosely.
Seeking discovery with a curious, open-hearted approach allows for the following of unexpected paths. We don’t know exactly where a trail might lead or what we’ll meet along the way, but curiosity keeps us open to exploring and finding out.
In a similar vein, discovery requires adopting a posture of humility. Arrogance does not foster an atmosphere conducive to being challenged or create a willingness to wrestle with an unexpected result; rather, it (thinks that it) knows best, has anticipated all outcomes, and is incapable of being surprised. Discovery grounded in humility allows the searcher to live in reality, staying with what is rather than clinging to a preconceived expectation.
The twin tools of curiosity and humility would also serve leaders well. As a meditation teacher–a path-walker myself who is a companion for someone else on their own path– I must continually recognize both that I’m not in charge and that I can’t possibly know everything about another person and their journey. My role is to support their self-discernment and foster the quality of agency as they travel a path that might be very different from my own. Staying open and curious about differing understandings and experiences can allow me to partake in and grow from the discoveries of another.