Dawa
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Sure do. I don’t intend (for some time anyway) to lead any big groups, just solo one on one sessions. I intend to add this approach to meditation to a larger toolkit I have collated over time. I know I need some practice, as with so many things, I can always be better. As per feedback from Susan, I can inject more ‘form’ or ‘order’ into my instruction. Got it.
Insomuch as what’s “missing” I would say making the delivery my own. Again, I don’t feel like this is a problem per se, and it’s something that is in perpetual development. I would also cater to the individual in front of me, as necessary.
I do believe continuing to learn from others, in our own group as well as outside of it, is going to continue for me.Great ideas here, Virginia. I like the idea of finding the little pockets of a community where me may be of service with the beautiful gift of meditation.
Hey Rosie, I am so in lime with you on the tiered offerings/fees. I do the same, and would also “do it for free if i could” Yay to be enjoying our work and the people we do it with, so much that charging becomes a dilemma 🙂
It was mentioned in our session this week that “clear is kind.” I live by this, and with money it is no different. I have faced “money issues” all my life. What started as a scarcity in childhood, and the example of an immigrant household trying to just get by, has become some foundational fixed ideas about the value of a dollar. As a young woman I was told I would make a great wife and mother one day…nothing about how to buy myself a house. The social structures around money showed me that there was never enough, and that people who had it were bad, dirty even. I always saw people “scrounging” for money, or arguing about it. As very religious people, anything “extra” was given to the church. It was even understood to be more ‘spiritual’ to give rather than receive.
As I have aged, I have learned that acquiring money is not so difficult. There is a lot of money in the world… and it is printed all the time. I stopped equating my ‘worth’ to money, and discovered how it could serve ME (*buy a house!). I went on to work in media (big money), health-care (less money), education (even less money), and as a ….yep, Wife and Mother(absolutely zero money!) As a Woman, I have regularly experienced being encouraged for giving more, giving for less, and being (socially, not monetarily) ‘rewarded’ for this – almost as assumed acts of service. I’m really over this, and won’t take part anymore in the social de-valuing of women as contributors. I have chosen to work for myself for the last 15 years and will do so for the rest of my life. De-valuation happens to people, and to ideas. Perhaps meditation suffers from this, as do many “soft” skills.
Now as a Counsellor, I find some sensitivity on both the parts of myself and potential clients around fees. I have followed in the footsteps of other very creative operators, and created a tiered offering, to allow, for as many people as possible to access my services. People pay different fees for access to my time, based on their means. This is a bit rare in my industry. I am proud of doing it, and I am serious about it — fees are what they are, once agreed on, and must be paid, and on time. In exchange I will show up and offer the best I’ve got! I know I’m a good deal, and if that isn’t enough for someone, they are not my client. I put my faith in autonomy – theirs and mine. Working this way also occurs to me as an important move as an Independent Operator, as anti-establishment, anti-commercialist, anti-patriarchal, and pro-spiritual.
I think the same applies to offering meditation instruction. I will incorporate it into my work, and perhaps offer it as a stand-alone. I will be creative about a tiered cost offering, and then I will expect that people can show up…or not. I have known and enjoyed free offerings myself, and then ‘graduated’ to paying for what I valued, when I could. I am happpy to be putting back into a system that works.I want to add (having trouble editing the original post in the forum) that in hindsight, and now with training in harm reductive and non-oppressive frameworks, Bikram created an environment that was psychologically and physically very UN-safe. I now know this can be the behaviour of self proclaimed ‘Guru’ characters and even cult leaders. It can lead to indoctrination and even radicalization. My exposure (pun intended very much) to Bikram had long-lasting ill effects in my life that ranged from a deep distrust of all men to my questioning my own choices. I said I now seek Teachers who display humanity. I should add humility as well. The upside? My reckoning with that experience has led to me becoming a great helper, first as a physical Therapist and now as a mental health professional. I am determined to be better and do better, and create safe spaces for learning, walking beside my clients — not barking from the podium.
Best learning environment:
My current Japanese language instruction is very intense, but organized so well. Expectations are very clear, the Instructor and Assistants are very available, there is community among students that is highly supported, and content builds week on week. We are celebrated for every success, and perfection is not necessary. I have been trying to learn Japanese off & on my entire life, at several times making more strides than others. Now, planning to retire here, I feel I must finally learn, and it just so happens I have finally found the best approach for me for this particular endeavour. If it goes well, I’ll seek similar style learning for other languages too!
Worst learning environment:
This is controversial and may offend/upset some people. When I was just out of university, I moved from home in Canada to work in LA in the film industry. As a side, for my own well-being, I was doing a lot of what was then called ‘Bikram’ yoga. I came to know that training to teach Bikram classes was done right there in LA, so I signed up, very excited to add ‘Yoga Instructor’ to my resume, and get classes in at the same time. The training was expensive and exhaustive, in a huge room with mirrors all around, Bikram himself on a pedestal, mic’d up, mostly barking at us, 100’s of student yogis. (*In hindsight, wasn’t that a red flag?) The environment was over-sexualized, especially for the women. There was no real encouragement, and at times, degradation. Suffice it to say Bikram was not a generous or kind Teacher, and to be honest a megalomaniac and what would now be referred to as a Narcissist. He has since been put out of business, sued repeatedly for sexual assault and there is even a Netflix documentary about him. I went on to teach “hot yoga” in LA & back in Toronto in a non Bikram identified studio. I vow’d to never “follow” anyone like Bikram again, and to choose Teachers who show their humanity. Luckily, despite the ‘cult of personality’ being alive and well, I have had some great Teachers since, in and off the mat. I feel like my Bikram experience taught me amply about how to choose safe spaces for learning, and I dodged a bullet, not falling for his star power!Cheryl, your appreciation of learning how to cook & bake from Mom made me laugh about how opposite my lived experience is right now. My son is Autistic and needs to be precise. I am a very good baker and somehow mostly succeed by “winging” a lot of things. When he & I bake together and I ‘toss in’ a pinch of this or that… or sub 1 ingredient for another, he almost has an anxiety attack. It makes us laugh. We can appreciate our differences, and luckily most things turn out yummy, so we are fine 😉
Rosie, so sorry you had a bad time @ Vipassana. I know those retreats well, and try to do 1/year, or at very least to assist me with big transitions. There are definitely differing opinions, and recently some very bad stories about them. Very good to hear you found your way back to meditation in a way that does suits you, and that you may now go ahead and Teach others as well. Win! 🙂
Joe, that is too bad 🙁 I suppose it’s a good example of that old adage “when you are ready, the Teacher will appear”…this guy just wasn’t the one, perhaps? So great that experience didn’t deter you and you are here now.
Kimberly, great points.
I know I too have had experiences with those tasked with ‘Teaching’ that were abrasive and definite “power-over” moments. They can do lasting damage.With regard to being remote or friendly, I have always walked a blurry line. In my most recent careers as a physical Therapist for 20 years and now a mental health Counsellor, It has been a very slippery slope to know just how much to open myself to others. My clients have most often expressed some interest in me & my life, as I share as a way to teach. I feel strongly that self-disclosure is at times relevant. This flies in the face of classic training on remaining ‘neutral.’ I have been taught to avoid “dual relationships”, but have in fact really enjoyed and seen mutual benefit from many, but not all of the ones that were ‘dual.’ I have some life-long friends I met during times of ‘Teaching’ or service. Now, what I will absolutely say is that these types of relationships have only been possible because I am a well boundaried person. I let people know how close they can come safely.
In the words of Prentiss Hemphill “a boundary is the safest distance from which I can love both of us.”
I will add, I have had experiences with Teachers of yoga and meditation, as well as in organized higher education – who have really broken the mold for being too self-important and imposing…those memories linger as wonderful lessons in how NOT to do the work of Teaching. It’s also oftentimes disappointing to see that even Teachers can be…a mess in their own humanity. Now I am more capable of extending grace around these mis-steps.Mike, what admissions! Are you by chance an enneagram 8? I am, and we want everyone to “get out of our way so we can just get things done right!”
Did I see in a profile that you do work in men’s prisons? I’m sure the vulnerability you’ve shared here and the patience and generosity required to be in that sort of space, all coalesce to make your efforts of incredible value. Way to go!