Rachel Hirning
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Rachel Hirning
ParticipantAnn, Lovely!!! Such a wonderful experience you have had. And, no doubt, your presence and experiene helped create a container that ‘all is well and safe’ for people to practice. It was also a great reminder that we don’t need to over complicate this. It can sound so intimidating. Presence, intuition, awareness, and knowing some alternatives for people covers a great deal.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantBetsy, I love your stories and how this trauma sensitivity can relate to children, and in other work/volunteer capacities. I also admire your admittance of what you don’t know. It is a vast subject, and the video just hinted at what would be in store for someone who wants to learn more and feel some ready-ness in their approach with other students. I think just chunking it down, coming up with a few strategies to offer, would help. A few basic tools to offer in the moment may be all that is needed – in the light of keeping it simple and easy for people to understand/adapt.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantWhen I consider difficult emotions and meditation, 2 natural consequences come to mind.
I notice that leaning in to the emotion ALWAYS helps. And I mean, always. At first, it can feel more terrifying. I may get fooled to think that it won’t help. After awhile, it softens a bit. The acceptance of it, the feeling it, does shift in some way. It becomes more tolerable. Even, at times, to the point of compassion for it, myself, for others.
Off the cushion, I notice a steadiness that arises in conflict or other difficulty. I don’t jump to another hot emotion, like worry or despair as easily. It widens my container to hold a lot of emotions at once. I can step away and discern. Sometimes, I can be quicker to make the right call or response in that very moment.
The more space I give them, the easier they settle.
I loved the reading from this week. The explanation of how meditation stabilizes and compassion can come forth made logical sense. Rarely do things of this nature make logical sense to me. I rely on practice alone. But the article seemed to break it down in a way that it clicked. I look forward to this seed growing in my practice, and opening up more to feelings and allowing compassion in, which seems Bodhisattva generous (The 1st paramita).
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantBetsy, I adore this sweet response. Your clear words highlight the simplicity of practice and the results seem ‘tried and true’ – you have been able to trust meditation to do this. I hear your appreciation and openess to the practice. Thanks for sharing.
(FYI for some reason this one isn’t showing up underneath Betsy’s)Rachel Hirning
Participant(woops, I am deleting this post and putting it underneath Betsy’s response)
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This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by
Rachel Hirning.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantGinny, sorry about the death of your friend. That is hard, especially so when there were moments you wished you had reached out more, stayed connected in some manner. Lots of emotions were running through, and tears fell. You felt those and surely much more, more deeply. And you stayed with them, let it happen. The way you described it, it sounded graceful and steadfast. Such a willingness to stay with them and let them be. Warmly, Rachel
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantGwen, interesting parallel to Byron Katie’s work. I also have loved her book, What Is, and have used a version of her questions to help myself and others drop the story. So many people can drop it, but then try to change the story, to become a hero of it or create a ritual to transform it into another story. Either way, The richness we all seek, is not in the story at all. Thanks for sharing Gwen.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantHelene, Thanks for sharing the Thich Nhat Hahn story. I think that is a way to make the intangible tangible. Plus, it is so simple! …”and to feel life in”. So beautiful. I also resonated with your ‘my my my’ and love how there is opportunity there to slow down and pivot while you drive. I go to Denver fairly often (about 3 hr drive) and find myself antsy during it. I just want to be home. I, I, I. What if I invited in patience and was with patiend during the drive? How would that change things? Gosh, my essay was so elaborate about art and all of this and yadda yadda yadda. I so love the simplicity of what you have offered. Thanks for sharing, Helene.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantYes, I believe this is possible, and it is the path to experiencing our Buddha nature.
However, I’ve been having trouble wrapping my mind around this. Like, how to put it in daily terms, grounded in ways I can start knowing I’m doing it… Like a list to check off. I’m aware that’s not the thing, by any means. But one must start somewhere?Meditation is great, but listening to words from Susan on Saturday mornings, I am more and more aware that absorbing and contemplating the lessons also intend to bring out your Buddha nature. Each teaching is asking you to be present, like meditation.
And, so do the paramitas. I’ve been so loyal to just sitting practice, and relying on the spillover of the benefits that naturally occur off the cushion, that I haven’t considered much else. The lists of teachings seem extensive. And yet, living with generosity, dicipline, patience, exertion, meditation, and prajna wisdom intend to do the same and bring it off the cushion.
But as Chogyam Trungpa wrote, it isn’t your one-day volunteering for Red Cross. It’s not a concrete thing to check off a list.
Perhaps then, it is a quality, a way of being… and even that doesn’t suffice. If you’ve chosen this path, you are hopefully always talking, loving, being and moving toward this wordless thing.
I can see how I have not exercised the paramitas.
-I want to go now to a meditation retreat. Maybe that’s escapism.
There’s no patience in that.-I want to just get all the Christmas gifts now and pay the piper later (mastercard). That doesn’t exercise any discipline.
I want to donate some money to my local Rotary chapter just to say thanks for sending my kid to the leadership camp on scholarship. Secretly, in hopes they will choose to send him again when he’s in high school.
That’s not generous.Sure, I can ’round up’ at the grocery store to go toward the Feed the Children non profit, with no strings attached.
But that feels like the checkbox, especially done in haste or without heart-centered intention.
So what is it? How do we start? The paramitas are qualities Buddha carries. We can enter at any point thankfully. That is so generous. 🙂
On a hike today, I thought of art. How often things can go back to the art for me.
What do I imagine if I were to mix my mind with Buddhas mind? To feel into the heart of historical Buddha, and imagining this being’s patience. What did historical Buddha feel exactly, that they deemed it ‘patience’?
What do I think the Buddha felt? Imagine having patience for all beings, including myself. Including every object. What would that feel like?
Feeling into that, and then, how would that look?
If this feeling was to have line, shape, color, texture, what would I see?If I were to hear it, what would I hear?
Would it have a scent?Where would it want to live inside of me?
How would I grace the earth differently if I embodied it?
How would I know it was there?How would it lead me in inspired action?
That’s a place to start, without the trite check boxes. Maybe then volunteering for the Red Cross would feel different. Or ’rounding up’ at the check out line would also feel different. Or maybe it would lead somewhere completely unknown to me. Yes, it would. I know it would.
And then I wouldn’t know…As Susan said in the check in on Thursday, something like, one can do that, and then it changes 45° and it is somewhere else.
Every teaching just teaches you to be present. Every single one. It all points to the same place.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantI was driving one time on a freeway in Denver, going 45 miles an hour. The speed limit was 70mph. My sister had to tell me I was; I didn’t even notice. My body felt so heavy. Slow. I was on on my way to purchase a mattress after a big break up. Now I know I was depressed, but I was just going through the motions then. My brain so cloudy and emotions were consuming every waking moment.
I had been with this person from age 23 – 34. We were engaged. So much growing between us took place, but my final growing with him was leaving him. I had to. I was co-dependent as hell. Toward the end of all that growing, it was obvious. I was only with him for fear of being alone. I bravely broke it off. Within 1.5 months, this person was having a baby with another person and moved to the East coast. That baby died, in a failure to thrive situation. I still cared about my friend, my ex, and it all felt so horrible. The whole thing felt like I was tearing myself away from steering clear of his new story, wanting to help, wanting to let him figure it out, being mad at him, struggling to persevere in my own interdependence.
Ironically, I think having to do the basics of life, go to work, respond in a way to people’s inquiries in a socially acceptable way, and play the part of a day-to-day human who can be sufficient helped provide some anchor to reality. I had a support crew to fall apart with. I relied on the nugget of truth, that I was not to live with this person for the rest of my life. That helped get me through.
Sometimes I still regret wasting nearly 10 years of my life with someone who didn’t share the same life vision. I think: I could’ve been doing so much more, and I likely missed so many opportunities in those early young adult years.
I am also thankful I went though it then, not when I was older, thankful I had not gone through with the marriage,started a family, and been tied to this person my whole life.
I can see it now, about 25 years later, how I ended up being so dependent on someone. She really made the best decisions she could, given the template that was laid out for her. I can envision myself hugging her, although she feels like such a smaller, faded version of me now. She didn’t know. She was naive, desperate. She had to dig really deep back then and have faith in that nugget of truth. She took a chance and I’m grateful she did. I love her.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantIm struck by how two simple words, “You stink” can be so powerful. And…Boom, just like that, something turned. I am also struck by how special your relationship was with your mother. Not everyone gets that. What a blessing…and how she is this rock, this solid supporter, in your heart… that is alive. Thanks for sharing your story, Dominic.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantWow. 37 years. That is a very long time. Love the weird things in your journal and staring into the snow falling from the window. Sounds like you were being so true to your feelings. That ‘being with’ what you were avoiding and locking way. It is so interesting that life pushed you into this new place, beyond what you thought possible, and now so many aspects are better. You took the push and worked some chemistry magic there, Ginny. Not everyone does that. People can even read a beautiful book like you did, and not take heed. But you did! You did it.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantLineage.
This is something I am just opening up to. It is nice to have a beginner’s mind with it, and to have so much permission to start with heart. Thank goodness, because I really only know a few things that bring such wisdom and grace.After spending what seems like the last 15 years being married, having a child, earning the cash to provide all the darn things, I am just now picking up those threads and weaving them back in. They were also the path, I know. But for many years it was not intentional. It was simmering on the back burner.
One lineage is art. More specifically, the freedom in art. It has been there all my life, joyfully yes, but early memories are also riddled with it not being OK. Lots of stories there, but basically it wasn’t allowed. It was a waste of time and money according my Mom, and my people pleasing self eventually obliged. I found myself free from those shackles in my 20’s when I fled the nest and gave myself permission to fully embrace it. The wisdom of making art, its freedom, came through in a process arts workshop. I’ve never forgotten it. I took 3 workshops in one Summer. It was meditative. It was life affirming. I wanted to shout from the rooftop, “I knew art could do it!” I don’t even know if I knew what IT was. I have never been able to find another activity that reveals and is so present centered. It teaches you step by step to be present and being able to ‘see’ this unfold in a painting is incredible. There are some guidelines, such as not being allowed to cover anything up, which also teaches acceptance. The precision in the process is full of it! A deep knowing. That wordless place.
It was so beautiful, that it led me to Naropa University where I earned a master’s in art therapy and counseling psychology. This is my next thread. This thread is still loose. I don’t know how it will come together. But… Awww, Naropa. I remember thinking in the interview, “Well, if this school can do even half of what it claims, then it will be good”. And so it was, and so much more. They really did walk the walk and talk the talk. At the end of the three year program, our program director told us all, “I don’t care if you ever become therapists. You can lose the art piece. Please don’t let go of meditation”. (not exact words). And, I never have. I don’t think it was Naropa. I think it was the meditation piece. It was always so pure and trustworthy. But maybe it was also that canoe class, where I didn’t want to hide out in the tent anymore. I felt safer outside than in. Or the class where we dropped the agenda and broke into a group counseling session because that was what was needed. Or when I responded to the Pema Osel Ling ad to go to Watsonville, CA to be a camp counselor…and the lengthy meditation there and the talks… and that was lovely but there was also talk of consorts… and goodness…what was that about?
Well, I know it was all Vajrayana. That keeps coming up for me. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche is a consistent thread, but honestly, I haven’t dived deep because I have heard his methods were a bit outlandish. I’ve veered away from embracing him as a teacher, but the teacher for the sangha in Steamboat where I live (Tim Olmsted) studied with him. Chogyam Trungpa founded Naropa University. Susan Piver comes from the Vajrayana vehicle. I am drooling over her teachings. When I discovered her newsletter all the words and the point of view fell perfectly into place for me. I love reading Pema Chodron, she studied with Chogyam Trungpa. I remember people saying at that camp it was the Diamond Vehicle. Tibetan Buddhism has my heart.
Art making, in all kinds of ways, but especially the process arts method I learned that summer which was discovered and originally taught by Michele Cassou.
Vajrayanya Buddhism.
Susan Piver.
You see, it is a bit all over the place. In the smaller breakout group I mentioned I’d be ‘stumbling’ into this idea of lineage. I’ll stumble on in now. 🙂
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantFirst, I am so sorry you have experiened that betrayal. I can see why you tucked yourself back in, it touched you so deeply (this transgression). There is a lot to ‘unpack’ there, as people often say, especially just as you were taking on a teaching role yourself. Goodness, and here you are showing up for it. Exploring it gently. My heart goes to you.
Second… Yes! I too love this FREEDOM to broaden the sense of lineage too, in an effort to get the essence and touch into that rather than a condensed, more traditional view. It is the Open Heart project, Susan teaches it from the heart and this seems totally in line with that teaching. Plus, the encouragement to DISCOVER and explore is embedded in it. Thanks for sharing your process and thoughts. It helped me embrace where I am in the midst of this question as well.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 4 weeks ago by
Rachel Hirning.
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantDavid,
What an inspiration, singing a song, or part of a song. It seems to put one right in the space of being with rather than coming from the thinking brain. I once created a playlist of spirit songs, but never did I think about singing one verse before meditation or as an inclusion in my altar space. Thank you for sharing your beautiful verse. It was a nice intimate moment to read your song and yet hear it sung in my head. -
This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by
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