Niki Pappas
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Hi Virginia! I love your line, “No worries, I will feel much more confident next time.” Such good energy! I enjoyed our meditation time together and by the way, your instruction was clear and supportive. And I strongly agree with you that we learn so much from others — hugely from Susan and all that flows through her, as well as from every single share in the sangha and our one-on-one times.
What a lovely summary of your experience before, during, and after! And I admire the way you apply your self-awareness (about, as you say, overthinking and overfocusing on improvement) to this particular learning and practice process. That is very powerful in all aspects of life, don’t you think? Thank you for sharing!
I felt quite relaxed offering instruction, aware of parallels with and echoes from guiding meditation and yoga classes in the past. That said, this experience is fresh and new to me as I attempt to represent and share the practice faithfully and helpfully.
The group discussion about going first vs. second was interesting, with both positions having benefits and challenges. I was second in my pair, and I was aware that my thoughts during my partner’s turn flitted to planning… what exactly did I want to say when it was my turn? So I was aware of that.
Another question I considered was, from which point of view is it best to guide? Should we be directive, telling the other what to do (nicely) with “you” and “your”? Should we use “we” language, fairly common in yoga? Should we use impersonal language, focusing on body parts, as in “The spine is straight while the belly is soft.” I believe Susan uses “you/your” language as well as impersonal (not really the right word) language, and I will continue to listen and learn!
Thanks for sharing the insight that your lineage derives from behavioral and interpersonal aspects, whether you’re talking about your family or other mentors and teachers, moreso than cultural or ethnic qualities. And the idea that they have passed some of their ESSENCE really resonated with me, maybe because it suggests such a strong connection or mutuality and makes our human experience feel less lonely.
The first thing that comes to mind with this question is that I come from a family of teachers in which education is very highly valued (especially PhDs, though that’s another story). My maternal grandmother, my mom & dad, his sister and her husband — all schoolteachers or college professors of some flavor. There is a great respect for knowledge and the privilege of learning and sharing it. I’ve taken so many lessons in my life and completed so many programs, and I still can’t resist the lure of something new (to me) to learn about and take in so that it can become a part of me that I can offer to others in our interactions.
I am having a bodily sense of the difference between external knowledge that we bump up against and the deeper integration that makes us (or has the potential to make us) wiser and more useful. This is related to the three components of learning that we discussed a couple of weeks ago, of course. But integration is necessary for us to be able to take our place as part of the line — to become a worthwhile link on the chain.
Reflecting on my lineage, my grandma arises as a model of unconditional care and love that I remember and rely on when I need holding and that has shaped my mothering. I think about the role of music in my life and I’d have to name Chopin as not just an inspiration but a connection across time that I feel when I look at the marble bust I have of him on my music cabinet. I am part of a line of pianists who have played his music with wonder and delight and will continue to do so into the future. Even within my own life, it is a special experience to now play the Etudes or Nocturnes that I first played decades ago. I think about my yoga teachers and the wisdom they connected me with in training, brought to life by their unique personal energy and beauty. And I think about my major enneagram teachers, who form part of a larger group of psychological and spiritual thinkers, writers, and teachers whose work I’ve benefited from. Their writings and teachings represent their own respectful interaction with the flow of consciousness that they’ve tapped into, and I am honored to learn from them and join in to the best of my ability.
Hi Kat! Thank you so much for your essay. I can feel the back & forth that you describe, including the exhaustion and frustration and heartbreak as you swung from one extreme to another. Our culture’s tendency to dichotomize everything exacerbates this, doesn’t it? And then I cheered for you and related to the way you describe the times you have been (and continue to be) inspired (inspirited) by the more, the limitless, and yes, the groundlessness of life.
I was raised by two scientists, neither of whom shared or exposed me to beliefs that align with either eternalism or nihilism. We didn’t go to church as a family, ever. My exposure to organized religion came through my maternal grandmother who was devoted to Billy Graham and who sent us to Bible School when we visited her in the summertime, and through going to the Lutheran church with my best friend growing up, where I felt mostly uncomfortable and like an outsider. In my family we were serious tennis players and on Sunday mornings, my brother and I would have to play doubles with our parents; Dad would say “We’re going to the temple of the tennis!”
My first husband, whom I met in graduate school, was raised Episcopalian, and he would describe his (and his family’s) relationship with the church as much more a social than spiritual one. His family wanted us to be married in the Episcopal church and I remember going to pre-marital sessions with him, and actually feeling like the Episcopal priests (one of whom was a woman) were really intelligent and open-minded, and for a while I even served on a strategic planning committee for the church we attended, where my marketing research and business background came in handy. But none of it went very deep for me.
It wasn’t really until much later in my life, after I’d been married and divorced a second time and had left my marketing research career, that I began encountering and opening to religion and spirituality — reading amazing mystical authors and interacting and working with wonderful people who were grappling with their own beliefs and transformations — and I gratefully connected with notions of continuous mind and eternalism. I often thought that even though I felt and sometimes was made uncomfortable by my lack of religious upbringing, I also found myself as an adult with very little religious baggage (or trauma) to unpack, work through, or deconstruct. I was — and am still — in constructing mode, not deconstructing mode! 🙂
Hi Clif — there is so much CARE in your response — that energy is palpable and lovely. So many phrases and important ideas stood out for me: Unconditional positive regard, Humility, and the importance of creating a Container within which the student feels safe to land and brave to explore — and the teacher/guide feels safe & brave too! Thank you very much!
Hi Liana! Thank you for this simple and clear response to our essay question. I resonate with the way you describe coming back to the meditation instruction — no matter how many times we have heard it, it is new. Each time we begin anew, in a new moment of a new day, with a unique opportunity to be newly present. We, in what feels like our ever-changing experience, get to connect with and rely on the instruction and the practice, again and again.
And yes, listening. Thank you for revealing your usual mode as talker/processor 🙂 and your appreciation of others’ receipt and reflection of your words. And I really feel the way your experience of being actively listened to has organically enabled you to offer that receptive and reflective experience to others. And all of this leads to discovery — inside, outside, and between!
Hi Colin! I appreciate the way you use imagery of maps and landmarks and pathways to answer this essay about supporting others on their journeys. It suggests that there is something much bigger than any one of us that we can rely on, that there is truth that we are able to approach, and that we are in it together, to support each other when we stray or stumble. I also appreciate your comments about encouragement, that it is not (mindless) cheerleading but wise and kind waypointing, helping others truly perceive and integrate their unique insights.
This question reminds me of an article I read by a death doula who said that when she shows up at a client’s home to do her work, she takes a moment to empty herself – to let go of her current concerns and preoccupations – in order to be fully present to and with whomever and whatever she encounters once she crosses the threshold. She literally touches the door frame as she enters (and leaves) to mark her transition to and from the interaction.
Susan shared the definition of deep “listening” as to stop thinking my own thoughts and to start thinking yours. It is impossible to do this 100% but it is meaningful and powerful to set this intention and practice it. So, listening is a primary tool for supporting discovery, but it is not the only one. In whatever role we are serving, we have information (teachings, history, techniques) and experience (our examples & stories) to offer others – to invite them to encounter and interact with, to discover THEIR connection to and resonance with whatever we are sharing. And if we are listening fully as described above and opening to their orientation and responses to what we are sharing, WE discover something new too. The discovery is mutual – not because the experiences are identical but because they are complementary in some way. This opportunity is never-ending.
One other tool that supports discovery is a stance of wonder. I remember an essay comparing curiosity to wonder (perhaps by Eric Weiner?) and the perspective was that curiosity is more questioning. We treat something unfamiliar as a problem to be solved; we aim to fit it into an existing framework or theory. There’s more of a challenging or even skeptical mindset that predominates; we want to reduce our uncertainty and discomfort by figuring it out. Wonder, in contrast, is freer from our preconceptions, more wide-eyed, open-minded, and open-hearted. We’re on shakier ground, which is both exciting and vulnerable. We don’t know what will happen – it’s not about knowing! – we are letting go and being with it all. We are empty, ready, and willing.
Hello! I’m Niki Pappas and I’m thrilled to be part of this training with you all. Meditation has had at least a small role in my life for about 15 years, as I transitioned out of a business career and into holistic coaching, yoga, bodywork, the enneagram, and end-of-life work. I first learned about Susan by reading her wonderful book, The Buddhist Enneagram, about a year ago. I quickly joined OHP and have dived into Susan’s podcast, more of her books, and my own meditation practice.
All of this feels like perfect timing for me, given the current challenges and wonderful opportunities in my life, including aging parents, a new home (Santa Fe), and a new romantic relationship that is delightful and also complicated logistically. I am confident that this training will enhance my ability to meet and work with it all, while also supporting me with kindness and care, and I hope to offer that kind and caring support to my fellow participants.
My email is niki.t.pappas@gmail.com and phone 513-378-8657.
