Melanie Sponholz
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Thank you, Mary. Your lineage connections resonate so much with me, especially the connection to strong female voices. A statue of my mom might also have a pie: ) I have added Sharon Salzburg to my reading list!
I reflected on lineage when creating my shrine for meditation. I included a memento from a retreat with Susan in Austin, since she is my direct link to the dharma and the spiritual origins of my practice. Susan speaks often of her lineage and the unbroken chain of wisdom stretching from her teachers back thousands of years; and I include that venerable lineage in my thoughts, although it feels less tangible to me. I feel like I have barely scratched the surface of the dharma as shared by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Sakyong Mipham, Thich Nhat Hanh, and others, so my connection to Susan feels much more tangible.
Beyond this lineage, I have always felt a strong connection to my matriarchal lineage, especially my mother and grandmothers, and my shrine includes items honoring them. They are/were amazingly strong and spiritual women, and I feel their presence at a cellular level. They also stand in for thousands of years of women who have brought fierceness and grace to the world. I also include my daughters who are always in my heart, as I hope to plant karmic seeds for their future, and their children’s future. The last addition I made, which felt like a bridge between the generations and between the many evolutions of myself (if there is one?), is a picture of me as a child. When I see three-year-old me, I feel magic knowing that under the layers of self-consciousness and self-criticism, there is that same wide open heart.
Jersey, I really enjoyed the “atmosphere” of your essay. It felt gritty, and human, and celestial and mystical all at once…And isn’t that just the way it is: ) Thank you for sharing. And love from another fan of the Boss.
Liana, I enjoyed following your train of thought–There are so many cultural aspects of church, beyond the belief structure of religion, that it is very interesting to try to parse out our relationship to the institution as our personal beliefs evolve.
And Kat, I appreciated you asking some interview questions to your daughter! It is SO interesting when we have the opportunity to see the world through different lenses.
Thank you, Susan. Yes! to your thoughts on Buddhism. I am blessed by being wired for happiness—I can crest and fall with life’s events, but I reliably come back to an optimistic center: )
Thank you, Jersey: ) It is such a joy and luxury, really, to have this opportunity to explore! It reminds me of hearing Susan talk about how lucky it is to be born into the Human Realm, because although we have suffering, it is through that suffering that we have the opportunity to find growth.
Liana, it’s so cool that your father has expanded his perspective and that it’s provided such fertile ground for shared discussions! It is truly one of the fascinating things about humans, that seemingly similar experiences can result in such different outcomes.
I am also so pleased to be on the journey with you!
Thank you for sharing, Kat. I can identify with the allure of the promise of hard work/perfectionism being rewarded, and the crashing disappointment when results don’t follow the plan! And I have also found that it has been some of the moments of profound disillusionment–veering off the intended path–that have brought such great evolution. I heard an interesting podcast this week in which Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist, talked about the “end-of-history-illusion–the tendency for people to recognize that they’ve changed a lot in the past (values, personality, etc), yet underestimating how much they will continue to change in the future. Your essay brough it to mind…I thought it was such a cool concept…made me think about how my negative framing of things not turning out as planned may just be my brain railing against inevitable change.
Natalie, for a long time I have described myself as agnostic, for reasons very similar to what you describe. I have a surety that defies objective description that there is more than meets the eye—actually more than meets perception by the good old five senses! I think it is why exploring the middle path also calls me. Glad to be on the adventure with you: )
Virginia, your thoughts on nihilism were thought provoking for me. When I was writing my response, I said I haven’t identified with nihilistic philosophy, but your re-think offers a different perspective. I have always hated the old adage that “things happen for a reason.” I chafe at the suggestion that there is some higher purpose, destiny, etc in a school shooting, for example. I guess this is nihilism in a way…hmmmm. Thanks for giving me something to chew on: )
Christian faith is the foundation of my mother’s life, and she is the parent who was central to my upbringing. Some of my earliest memories include dressing up on Sunday morning for church and the beauty of candlelit Christmas Eve services. Active involvement in a church community continued through my high school years, including singing in our church choir. We attended fairly traditional protestant churches, Lutheran and then Baptist, where fire and brimstone were not on the menu. When I think about how the study and practice of religion impacted my world view, the emphasis on the unconditional love of God, and how we should manifest that love towards others, are in the forefront. My mother lives her faith and was the love in our home. She made no bones about the fact that church attendance was mandatory. Yet, she has always been accepting and open minded, including about the LGBTQ community and other religions and cultures, which is a big part of why the version of eternalism I experienced was more about a belief in eternal life than it was about that option being snatched away from anyone for “bad” behavior. The God in our home was not one to foresake anyone.
I was not raised in a single-parent household. My dad was there, but played a very passive role in parenting. His contributions were polarizing–angry, loud discipline for any behavior that inconvenienced him and cool-cat listening sessions, with a playlist of classic rock. From a young age I understood he had come back from Vietnam (when I was one) a changed man. Once an acolyte he was now an atheist and a nihilist. From the little that he’s shared about his experience in the war (usually when he’s had a few), I can’t fault his view. And I’m thankful that I can’t fathom the crucible he survived.
Somehow my parents reached a detente. My mom offering my dad grace, and my dad largely remaining silent on his thoughts about religion. In retrospect, maybe this dichotomy empowered me to pick and choose which pieces of Christianity I bought into. I always enjoyed the ritual and community. I believe in the golden rule: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Prayer was my first mindfulness. Early on though, i choked on Biblical literalism, the inherent patriarchy, and the idea of some all-powerful being judging me and granting (or not) a ticket to whatever is next. And by junior high, I faulted the logic of any organized religion “getting it right,” since which organized religion you ended up in seemed entirely dependent on where you were born and who you were born to. When I left for college, I left church behind, although I completed a Religion minor in my studies, because I think understanding the many approaches to belief around the world is both fascinating and central to understanding history and culture.
While I have never returned to organized religion, neither have I ever leaned towards nihilism. The version of it I experience of it with my dad felt despairing, harshly cynical, and lonely. While I have known for a long time that I don’t believe in a single version of God, I do believe there is a through-thread of spirit across all sentient beings. Still figuring out what exactly that means: ) But I believe our lives and the way our lives impact the world matter.
Here’s to discovering ourselves! What a beautiful keystone for practice. Thank you, Lauren, for highlighting this: )
Active listening is such a gift…thank you for framing it that way: ) I know becoming a better listener is part of my work. It is mentioned by so many here as crucial for supporting discovery, and I am so thankful to be surrounded by a group that will support me in developing this skill.
Niki, thank you for sharing this. I really love the physical ritual of touching the doorframe to signal the intention of being fully present in the place you are entering…so powerful. I also believe that discovery is mutual, and appreciate your view of this exchange as a never ending opportunity. It is this mingling of hearts and minds in the discovery process that is just so magical!
