Melanie Sponholz
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Thank you for sharing, Kat. I can identify with the allure of the promise of hard work/perfectionism being rewarded, and the crashing disappointment when results don’t follow the plan! And I have also found that it has been some of the moments of profound disillusionment–veering off the intended path–that have brought such great evolution. I heard an interesting podcast this week in which Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist, talked about the “end-of-history-illusion–the tendency for people to recognize that they’ve changed a lot in the past (values, personality, etc), yet underestimating how much they will continue to change in the future. Your essay brough it to mind…I thought it was such a cool concept…made me think about how my negative framing of things not turning out as planned may just be my brain railing against inevitable change.
Natalie, for a long time I have described myself as agnostic, for reasons very similar to what you describe. I have a surety that defies objective description that there is more than meets the eye—actually more than meets perception by the good old five senses! I think it is why exploring the middle path also calls me. Glad to be on the adventure with you: )
Virginia, your thoughts on nihilism were thought provoking for me. When I was writing my response, I said I haven’t identified with nihilistic philosophy, but your re-think offers a different perspective. I have always hated the old adage that “things happen for a reason.” I chafe at the suggestion that there is some higher purpose, destiny, etc in a school shooting, for example. I guess this is nihilism in a way…hmmmm. Thanks for giving me something to chew on: )
Christian faith is the foundation of my mother’s life, and she is the parent who was central to my upbringing. Some of my earliest memories include dressing up on Sunday morning for church and the beauty of candlelit Christmas Eve services. Active involvement in a church community continued through my high school years, including singing in our church choir. We attended fairly traditional protestant churches, Lutheran and then Baptist, where fire and brimstone were not on the menu. When I think about how the study and practice of religion impacted my world view, the emphasis on the unconditional love of God, and how we should manifest that love towards others, are in the forefront. My mother lives her faith and was the love in our home. She made no bones about the fact that church attendance was mandatory. Yet, she has always been accepting and open minded, including about the LGBTQ community and other religions and cultures, which is a big part of why the version of eternalism I experienced was more about a belief in eternal life than it was about that option being snatched away from anyone for “bad” behavior. The God in our home was not one to foresake anyone.
I was not raised in a single-parent household. My dad was there, but played a very passive role in parenting. His contributions were polarizing–angry, loud discipline for any behavior that inconvenienced him and cool-cat listening sessions, with a playlist of classic rock. From a young age I understood he had come back from Vietnam (when I was one) a changed man. Once an acolyte he was now an atheist and a nihilist. From the little that he’s shared about his experience in the war (usually when he’s had a few), I can’t fault his view. And I’m thankful that I can’t fathom the crucible he survived.
Somehow my parents reached a detente. My mom offering my dad grace, and my dad largely remaining silent on his thoughts about religion. In retrospect, maybe this dichotomy empowered me to pick and choose which pieces of Christianity I bought into. I always enjoyed the ritual and community. I believe in the golden rule: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Prayer was my first mindfulness. Early on though, i choked on Biblical literalism, the inherent patriarchy, and the idea of some all-powerful being judging me and granting (or not) a ticket to whatever is next. And by junior high, I faulted the logic of any organized religion “getting it right,” since which organized religion you ended up in seemed entirely dependent on where you were born and who you were born to. When I left for college, I left church behind, although I completed a Religion minor in my studies, because I think understanding the many approaches to belief around the world is both fascinating and central to understanding history and culture.
While I have never returned to organized religion, neither have I ever leaned towards nihilism. The version of it I experience of it with my dad felt despairing, harshly cynical, and lonely. While I have known for a long time that I don’t believe in a single version of God, I do believe there is a through-thread of spirit across all sentient beings. Still figuring out what exactly that means: ) But I believe our lives and the way our lives impact the world matter.
Here’s to discovering ourselves! What a beautiful keystone for practice. Thank you, Lauren, for highlighting this: )
Active listening is such a gift…thank you for framing it that way: ) I know becoming a better listener is part of my work. It is mentioned by so many here as crucial for supporting discovery, and I am so thankful to be surrounded by a group that will support me in developing this skill.
Niki, thank you for sharing this. I really love the physical ritual of touching the doorframe to signal the intention of being fully present in the place you are entering…so powerful. I also believe that discovery is mutual, and appreciate your view of this exchange as a never ending opportunity. It is this mingling of hearts and minds in the discovery process that is just so magical!
Kat, your view of path, presence, and listening resonate so much with me, and are so similar to my own ruminations on the topic of supporting discovery. When you talk about how your experience can help a new traveler avoid pitfalls, I thought about how valuable navigation tools are that can provide real-time alerts on the dangers of the road (speed trap ahead! pothole on this road!). Thank you for sharing your open heart: )
When I think of supporting discovery, I think about having the beginner’s mindset—keeping learning, empathy, and adaptability at the center of instruction. I do consider myself a beginner in my practice and my study of the dharma, and I absolutely remember what if feels like not to know. I still feel that way all the time! That said, I also realize how easy it is to slip into comfort and familiarity with concepts, using vocabulary and jargon that seem like “the basics,” but feel impenetrable to someone earlier on the path of discovery. I want to share the gift of meditation by offering resources and structure (a container!), while remaining curious and open to students’ perspectives and their responses to what is shared.
Supporting discovery in my students includes holding awareness and anticipation that I too will continue to discover. I know that I will learn as much (more?) as those I am instructing. I recently created a professional course for graduate students, and preparing each session challenged me to look at my own knowledge through new eyes. I found myself going down research and reading rabbit holes, wanting to offer as much insight and as many resources as possible to the students. I was humbled to realize how much more I had to learn about what I was teaching. I would also try to anticipate student questions as I prepared a lecture and was surprised and delighted by inquiries I could not possibly have predicted. It is exhilarating to forge new neural pathways as you navigate the contents of your mind—a familiar landscape turned foreign when explored through the lens of a fresh perspective.
As I prepare to support discovery, I will strive to maintain the beginner’s mindset. I will carry a toolbox filled with the dharma, consistent practice, the wisdom of my teacher and spiritual friends, curiosity, and a commitment to listen well. I believe these tools, and an open heart, have the power to spark transformation and growth.
I am impatient for fluidity with The Heart Sutra. I feel awkward and effortful in my speaking of the unfamiliar words. I judge myself for haltingness and for my frustrated efforts to feel the meaning of the words. Gentleness, I say! Patience, I say! Just be with it. And so I come back and try again: )
I pick a word of the year every year and, inspired by Susan and seeking to deepen my practice, I chose “discipline” this year. I am a super Enneagram 3—more about that later—but I lean towards workaholism and constant striving for achievement and validation. Historically, my concept of discipline has been harsh and associated with all of the “must do” things that should be accomplished as evidence of my worthiness, both to myself and to others. It is a relief to switch the script to discipline as coming back, returning to now, being present to feel and listen, and receive the truth of what is happening, not trying to manipulate the moment into what “should” happen next. So here I am, trying to be here, and coming back to now, again, and again, and again.
Also, I am so appreciative of everyone’s openness and sharing. All of the transitioning and struggles with self-judgement going on with everyone truly resonates. So comforting to feel seen and in good company: )
David, I am the same way in the morning…doing ALL THE THINGS before settling in to meditate. I appreciate the effort you’ve put in. I also believe coffee first is entirely appropriate: )
Best,
Melanie
May, this is so lovely…I could picture the scene you painted. Your mention of matriarchal lineage resonates with me, since that is also what comes to my mind as I ask for blessings. My own shrine developed organically as I filled the space with things that keep the spirits and inspiration of the women in my life around me. Thank you for your thoughts: )
I feel strongly connected to the strong female lineage of my family. My parents were quite young when I was born, and it gave me the good fortune of knowing not only my grandparents but four of my great grandparents. My grandmothers in particular were dear to me in their lifetimes, and I continue to feel their presence as guides and guardians. My mom is the anchor of our family. We become more alike as time passes (hello, Progressive ad), and that’s just fine with me: ) I am one of three sisters, and I have three daughters, so the strong female energy is everywhere! My meditation seat is flanked by a painting done by Norma, my maternal grandmother, and framed needlepoints given to me by Dorotha, my paternal grandmother. Pictures of my mother and daughters sit on the side table, along with my Enneagram 3 scented candle (yes, really, LOL). I am inspired by the strength and beauty of all women, and especially my wonderful line of ladies.
Hi All,
So pleased to be joining this group. Home for me is just outside Philadelphia. I have been connected to OHP for about 8 years now. My meditation practice has ebbed and flowed over those years, really becoming consistent over the past two. I’m seeking a fuller understanding of Buddhism beyond the meditation cushion, and hoping it may be the thread that helps weave a fabric of the various sectors of my life that can feel dysfunctional in their siloed state. Looking forward to meeting you all soon!
