Melanie Sponholz
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I am impatient for fluidity with The Heart Sutra. I feel awkward and effortful in my speaking of the unfamiliar words. I judge myself for haltingness and for my frustrated efforts to feel the meaning of the words. Gentleness, I say! Patience, I say! Just be with it. And so I come back and try again: )
I pick a word of the year every year and, inspired by Susan and seeking to deepen my practice, I chose “discipline” this year. I am a super Enneagram 3—more about that later—but I lean towards workaholism and constant striving for achievement and validation. Historically, my concept of discipline has been harsh and associated with all of the “must do” things that should be accomplished as evidence of my worthiness, both to myself and to others. It is a relief to switch the script to discipline as coming back, returning to now, being present to feel and listen, and receive the truth of what is happening, not trying to manipulate the moment into what “should” happen next. So here I am, trying to be here, and coming back to now, again, and again, and again.
Also, I am so appreciative of everyone’s openness and sharing. All of the transitioning and struggles with self-judgement going on with everyone truly resonates. So comforting to feel seen and in good company: )
David, I am the same way in the morning…doing ALL THE THINGS before settling in to meditate. I appreciate the effort you’ve put in. I also believe coffee first is entirely appropriate: )
Best,
Melanie
May, this is so lovely…I could picture the scene you painted. Your mention of matriarchal lineage resonates with me, since that is also what comes to my mind as I ask for blessings. My own shrine developed organically as I filled the space with things that keep the spirits and inspiration of the women in my life around me. Thank you for your thoughts: )
I feel strongly connected to the strong female lineage of my family. My parents were quite young when I was born, and it gave me the good fortune of knowing not only my grandparents but four of my great grandparents. My grandmothers in particular were dear to me in their lifetimes, and I continue to feel their presence as guides and guardians. My mom is the anchor of our family. We become more alike as time passes (hello, Progressive ad), and that’s just fine with me: ) I am one of three sisters, and I have three daughters, so the strong female energy is everywhere! My meditation seat is flanked by a painting done by Norma, my maternal grandmother, and framed needlepoints given to me by Dorotha, my paternal grandmother. Pictures of my mother and daughters sit on the side table, along with my Enneagram 3 scented candle (yes, really, LOL). I am inspired by the strength and beauty of all women, and especially my wonderful line of ladies.
Hi All,
So pleased to be joining this group. Home for me is just outside Philadelphia. I have been connected to OHP for about 8 years now. My meditation practice has ebbed and flowed over those years, really becoming consistent over the past two. I’m seeking a fuller understanding of Buddhism beyond the meditation cushion, and hoping it may be the thread that helps weave a fabric of the various sectors of my life that can feel dysfunctional in their siloed state. Looking forward to meeting you all soon!
