Melanie Sponholz
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Susan, it was so lovely to share this first time instruction experience with you. You were brave to go first, and I felt calm and centered as we sat together. When it was my turn to instruct, I felt like you had created a safe and accepting space for me to step out and give it a try. Thank you: )
Hi Lauren: ) Like Colin, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about leaning on the technique to help sidestep self-consciousness. And I too am so happy to know we will have many opportunities to practice and find our own voice. Glad to be on the journey with you.
Colin, your essay so clearly evokes an understanding of your experience teaching. Probably because it seems very similar to my experience, I feel “right there with you” on your thoughts about the awareness of getting lost in the weeds, and having a sense of unanticipated awkwardness. It is such a gift that we are partnered with others in this beautiful, beneficent group, so that we can move through these bumpy starts feeling safe and understood.
I was more excited than nervous about providing meditation instruction–it’s all in how you frame the feeling. Just call it excitement, instead of anxiety, and it glows in a positive light: ) Going into it, I felt like the instructions would feel intuitive, since I’ve heard and followed them so many times over the years. However, I felt a sense of hyper self-awareness while giving the instructions and had to keep returning to the meditation from the spectator seat. I guess in some ways it was like the returning to the awareness of the breath, but my self-judgement was much more harsh. I was pulling myself out of the present by scrutinizing the moment and instruction that had just past.
The post-instruction discussion by the group was very comforting and provided food for thought about forging forward on the path to teaching. I appreciated the discussion of being there to care about, but not take care of our students, since part of my self critique was centered on whether I was meeting the student’s expectations. Getting in the groove, so to speak, is staying open, receptive, and present–Placing attention on the process as it unfolds and truly sitting with the student, not sitting in the stands with a scorecard. Simple not easy, but I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to come back to trying as many times as needed. So grateful for Susan and this beautiful group of people to share this with.
Ankur, what a beautiful and evocative essay! I could feel the atmosphere of your childhood. Your description of lineage as the string connecting pearls is so lovely and will stay with me!
Hi Colin, I am moved by your awe in receiving the jewel of the dharma through the ancient roots of lineage. I marvel at how fortuitous it is that Susan and The Open Heart Project entered my experience! I also feel the desire to pay it forward and share this gift—jewel—with others.
What a beautiful story, Liana! I too built my shrine gradually over a couple of years, with each item an intentional addition. And I too have family art on the wall behind my shrine! My maternal grandmother was a painter, and I have one of her paintings just above my table. Aunt Paige must be pleased to be part of your space: )
Thank you, Mary. Your lineage connections resonate so much with me, especially the connection to strong female voices. A statue of my mom might also have a pie: ) I have added Sharon Salzburg to my reading list!
I reflected on lineage when creating my shrine for meditation. I included a memento from a retreat with Susan in Austin, since she is my direct link to the dharma and the spiritual origins of my practice. Susan speaks often of her lineage and the unbroken chain of wisdom stretching from her teachers back thousands of years; and I include that venerable lineage in my thoughts, although it feels less tangible to me. I feel like I have barely scratched the surface of the dharma as shared by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Sakyong Mipham, Thich Nhat Hanh, and others, so my connection to Susan feels much more tangible.
Beyond this lineage, I have always felt a strong connection to my matriarchal lineage, especially my mother and grandmothers, and my shrine includes items honoring them. They are/were amazingly strong and spiritual women, and I feel their presence at a cellular level. They also stand in for thousands of years of women who have brought fierceness and grace to the world. I also include my daughters who are always in my heart, as I hope to plant karmic seeds for their future, and their children’s future. The last addition I made, which felt like a bridge between the generations and between the many evolutions of myself (if there is one?), is a picture of me as a child. When I see three-year-old me, I feel magic knowing that under the layers of self-consciousness and self-criticism, there is that same wide open heart.
Jersey, I really enjoyed the “atmosphere” of your essay. It felt gritty, and human, and celestial and mystical all at once…And isn’t that just the way it is: ) Thank you for sharing. And love from another fan of the Boss.
Liana, I enjoyed following your train of thought–There are so many cultural aspects of church, beyond the belief structure of religion, that it is very interesting to try to parse out our relationship to the institution as our personal beliefs evolve.
And Kat, I appreciated you asking some interview questions to your daughter! It is SO interesting when we have the opportunity to see the world through different lenses.
Thank you, Susan. Yes! to your thoughts on Buddhism. I am blessed by being wired for happiness—I can crest and fall with life’s events, but I reliably come back to an optimistic center: )
Thank you, Jersey: ) It is such a joy and luxury, really, to have this opportunity to explore! It reminds me of hearing Susan talk about how lucky it is to be born into the Human Realm, because although we have suffering, it is through that suffering that we have the opportunity to find growth.
Liana, it’s so cool that your father has expanded his perspective and that it’s provided such fertile ground for shared discussions! It is truly one of the fascinating things about humans, that seemingly similar experiences can result in such different outcomes.
I am also so pleased to be on the journey with you!
