Kimberly Allen
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I have so enjoyed the essays and everyone’s discussion on lineage. I am truly enjoying the lessons and the experience that this training is revealing to me. It’s interesting to see the points from our first class regarding discovery unfold as we continue through the workbook and the essays.
I am a second generation American on my father’s side, and I have always felt connected to this family line of people who truly worked, strived and sacrificed. My great grandparents left a war torn country to find a better life for their children – both of my grandparents came here on ships through Ellis Island in the early 1900’s. They were young children. I can only imagine what it was like at 8 or 10 years old traveling across the Atlantic with their mothers and siblings. I don’t know very much about how they met, but I do know that life was hard. I remember a few great aunts and a couple of uncles. There was a bond between them and a language that I couldn’t understand. There was love and joy for me as a child in this family. I am so profoundly grateful to come from these people. I do not take for granted the life I have as a result of decisions made in a far away place, two generations ago. From the timeline of Buddhist teaching, this is not a very long time. Yet, what I think of is the respect for those who came before. And, to me the importance of honoring their legacy.
Lineage does not equal perfect harmony or superior character. I don’t know if there was scandal or unfavorable choices made in my family line. I know there was sacrifice, vision and perseverance. I imagine these things are part of the human story. It is a fascinating and multi-faceted subject to consider.
The responses to this question are fascinating and so very personal. I have had very personal experiences with both eternalism and nihilism.
I am a cradle Catholic and my earliest influences were my grandmothers; most specifically my father’s mother. She was a loving and very devout woman. As a little girl we would go to mass each Sunday with her lady friends followed by lunch and an afternoon spent playing cards. At night we would pray and she would tell me stories about my grandfather and other close family members in heaven. She was a child immigrant that came over to America through Ellis Island in the early 1900’s. She had a deep faith and I adored her. I never knew my grandfather her husband, but she assured me that we would meet one day in heaven. I remember lying next to her staring at the ceiling and pondering this wonderful place.
We moved away when I was five and that time spent living next door to my grandma was priceless to me. The memories are the favorite time of my childhood. I think it was my entire childhood because soon after we moved away, my parents’ marriage became clearly irreparable and our home a battle zone. I attended catechism for a while, but eventually that went by the wayside as my parent’s couldn’t keep it together. I ultimately became the parentified child and my faith became a sanctuary. As a young adult I pursued the continuation of my sacraments – the big 7 in Catholicism – and I became a seeker. I’ve never considered myself religious, but I have a deep spiritual curiosity and there is a part of me that identifies with the traditions and rituals of being Catholic. The problem is the man made teachings and the current climate have turned me away from the church and the hypocrisy.
It’s complicated seems to be most accurate because I married an athiest from a very wonderful Catholic family. He was and is a nonbeliever, a scientist and was never in our relationship “going to see the light” although I prayed and prayed and prayed! I chose him because a bible waving Christian that didn’t practice living with integrity, acceptance, love and values was scarier to me than a man that was very direct in his views but also unwaveringly solid in matters of integrity, social responsibility and the values of being a good human. I know so many nonbelievers that are amazing humans and so many believers that are just not. That may be very judgey, but for some strange reason or not it felt safe to me. Perhaps my denial was a more accurate description of reality, but he played along and allowed me to marry in the church where his parents were wed, and baptise our daughter into the faith.
When my kiddo was four years old, we attended the wedding of a dear friend. He and his bride were married in a Buddhist ceremony at a Zen monastery in upstate New York. It was a wonderful experience. My friends’ reception was in a charming B&B close by. During the reception I came upon the groom chatting with his VERY NY Italian catholic family. They were asking all sorts of questions about this Buddhism business and I remember that he seemed so light and free as he fielded questions from his loved ones. I remember saying to him – what about God? – He responded – what about God? Later I received a book in the mail – Zen Spirit Christian Spirit – The place of Zen in Christian Life by Robert E. Kennedy I was extremely enthralled with this book. He talked about an opening and the path…My memory of this experience is one of spaciousness.
Years later I stumbled upon the Open Heart Project. The way Susan Piver spoke about things spoke to me. It was even more spacious. I started believing that Jesus/Catholicism/Christianity/World Religion gave us rules and the Buddha gave us tools. Tools for navigating the messy middle. Technique for showing up in a more authentic and accountable way.
What I am learning today is that perhaps my tool analogy is incorrect in the context in which we are learning about The Middle Way.
I understand that we are not here to fix anything. I have less answers than I have ever had about any “isms”. What I do have is a practice, a technique and much more to learn.
What does it mean to support discovery? What are the primary tools? I have thought about this quite a bit since class on Saturday. The world we live in has become so very chaotic and undisciplined. It seems to me that basic principles have been replaced by culturally perpetuated personality disorders, poor communication tools, ignorance and bad behavior. I often think that we could all respectfully coexist if we could find a common thread upon which to focus. I believe the posture that we take in our practice – sitting tall, back straight on the floor or in a chair, our hands resting lightly just above our knees, mouth closed with teeth slightly parted, eye softened attention on the breath is the beginning of discovery. The simplicity of it and the complexity of this ancient practice calls to me. It is the golden thread that could teach us all how to co-exist. The container we create as individuals and as a community is magical. It is personal and intimate. The practice of listening and following the instruction gives us structure and boundaries in which we are safe to explore and yet we are sitting and breathing. Staying with the technique, following the instruction -staying within the container. I think these are primary tools. This framework supports principles of the practice over individual personality or ego. I find it freeing and thought provoking. We follow the same technique yet our experiences are different. We become each other’s teachers. Sitting, breathing and looking softly at what is. Letting go and returning to the breath.
Hello. My name is Kimberly. I live in Haslett, Michigan. I’m a longish time member of the Open Heart Project although I have been more quiet than interactive. I have often considered participating in this training only to let fear get in the way. This time when the opportunity appeared I told fear to leave me alone. Here I am saying yes through the fear. I attended a retreat with Susan back in 2021. It was transformative. I’m very grateful and happy to be part of this experience!