Catherine

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Week 3 Essay #81837
    Catherine
    Participant

    The teacher I would love to be with is Wangari Maathai.
    Like your teacher Muir, Sue, She was impassioned with our earth.
    (I also love the mountains)
    Amy, I cried when I read yours. Deep wounds are so hard to be with, however your practice is evident. What I am learning is that we all are at different stages of life and practice, accepting that and being aware of my limitations,
    I ask Wangari-
    You planted thousands of trees with thousands of women. The movement you started went beyond just tree planting, what else happened?

    “Gratitude and respect for Earth’s resources
    This is the desire to improve one’s life and life circumstances through the spirit of self-reliance, and not wait for someone else to do it for you. It also entails turning away from inertia and self-destructive activities such as addictions. It encompasses the understanding that the power to change is within you, as is the capacity to provide oneself with the inner energy that’s needed.”

    in reply to: Week 1 Essay #81535
    Catherine
    Participant

    I am attracted to evolving through a process, i like the idea of the slower the better.
    Ive taken the long way and the short way getting to places I have no idea how, and not getting to places i thought i knew how. Ive heard that a long walk into the forest and finding yourself lost as i did, requires a journey. Ive been very alone in the dark woods at times , however I’ve not felt alone on this fantastic, mind blowing journey, really blowing up habits of thought and actions I felt i had no control over. Most the time i hated myself and felt shame about certain thoughts and actions.
    I was and always will be attracted to the beauty of the woods and can now allow myself to be more curious and marvel at what’s presently around me. I have a certain place in my house where i meditate. The discipline is there and i love being part of a sanga and sharing honestly without shame, because the sanga supports me.
    I’m becoming more and more aware of my need to consume as much as I can from a situation without seeing the little stuff that blocks my view. I want all my things around me at once and I’m unable to feel my breath!

    in reply to: Welcome! Please introduce yourself. #81525
    Catherine
    Participant

    Hi all, I’m Katie in Yonkers NY. My 105 year old house 20 minutes from NYC is my sanctuary. I’m close to the hustle and bustle of a city that stimulates, offering unlimited resources for my creativity and curiosity. I love the rush of possibilities with all the anxiety it brings knowing that I have a peaceful retreat to come home to and process, sit in silence, integrate what I have brought home into my life and relationships. Here I am surrounded by meaningful objects and cherished images collected over time, here is where I sit every morning since I started with Susan in 2019 at 9:00 am and meditate with my wonderful OHP Sanga – it’s like a warm hug. I’m grateful for this ritual to start my day. I’m grateful for the discipline I have to do this everyday even when I’m not sure why feeling my breath and being aware of the moment is so important. What I am aware of is my ability to take a few breaths before I react to what’s going on around me. Just feeling the breath is huge and it immediately grounds me.

    in reply to: Week Nine Essay #80142
    Catherine
    Participant

    YIKES! Yes, holding back as a parent was, still can be the sensitive thing to do, but I’m afraid I haven’t been and still not sure when i am, but i hope I am becoming more aware of whats going on beyond myself. Honestly I think this is a huge responsibility. The discipline that allows me to quiet my mind enough for the ability to see a larger picture does not come easily to me. Clearly the confidence of myself as a teacher is low. The idea that i am taking what first of all what I believe to be true. This in itself requires a certain confidence that I struggle with. What does give me confidence is the fact that I choose to sit every day and meditate, often with a Sanga and by practicing this everyday, as if going to the gym,
    And somehow it makes me feel better as a struggling person struggling with other person’s struggles.
    I have no formal teaching experience. I know that being a parent is a deal responsibility as far as teaching goes. But I feel that I was mostly the student.

    in reply to: Week Seven Essay #79828
    Catherine
    Participant

    I was also thinking how much my reactions to a person talking about trauma have to be very sensitive- sometimes I get caught up in how differently we have experienced trauma and it blocks my compassion. I want people to be able to understand the logic of carrying trauma continuously through our lives and bodies. This is not a good challenge necessarily because it is others suffering through my lenses. I can see how sitting in meditation can take a turn and kick up old fears. A good friend of mine has been trying to see her way through family abuse.
    I’m amazed how often her experiences dictate her thought process. Her lenses are sometimes clouded and side tracked because of past experiences- as mine are- but there is an edge of anger that’s different.
    I can see how sitting in meditation eventually lessen the grip of painful thoughts and becomes a safer place to be for our mind and body. I think it has made me through my practice be more compassionate to others without trying to understand them.

    in reply to: Week Six Essay #79712
    Catherine
    Participant

    When I was @ 15 I remember sitting on a rock, all around me people I love, people I trust, people who have watched and nurtured me, we were having one of our infamous picnics on
    “Picnic Island”. I was by myself, the rock provided me a place, not too distant, a place where I starred into the water all around us and felt sad. I remember what i was wearing, I see my 15 yr old, uncomfortable self feeling deeply sad. This memory is amplified by the words of one of my mother’s closest friends when she saw me and said “ Why do you look so sad?”. Good question! Why do I feel so sad is a question I ask myself everyday!
    My life is still very full of people I love, some deeply, beyond reason, beyond my ability to stop my heart from breaking from the fullness of all of it.
    I’m realizing more and more that if I want to feel the fullness of love, loving and being loved by others, I have to be open to the pain of my heart breaking. Being able to sit with a sadness so deep brings it to the surface where I can now sooth it, accepting that its the Yin to lovings Yang, “Like a sock and a shoe you can’t have one without the other”
    Opening to this understanding that contrary powerful forces can compliment each other
    This gives me the image of an even more powerful combined force that makes me feel open to possibilities.

    in reply to: Week Six Essay #79709
    Catherine
    Participant

    Ginny, You spoke so beautifully about your relationship with Helen. I’m understanding and accepting more that feeling the heart break is part of this powerful love we feel for others.

    in reply to: Week Five Essay #79602
    Catherine
    Participant

    The Buddha entangled in a seatbelt is a perfect image for me to connect with when I’m struggling with restraints my ego inevitably tightens when perceived threats to myself are beyond my control.

    in reply to: Week Five Essay #79593
    Catherine
    Participant

    I think it’s possible to redefine what happiness means to me through acts of selfless generosity.
    Every year for 10 years, for 2 weeks or more, I girded myself and helped build schools for the children in Kibera, a huge slum in Nairobi, Kenya. At first walking into an area, the size of Central Park, built on mounds of garbage, with no running water or electricity, home to a million plus people, I anxiously tried to NOT see as much as possible. Where should I focus my gaze?
    Kibera is a chaotic warren of corrugated metal, heaps of refuse, jury rigged shelters, any an outlawed population.
    What was I doing here? I felt uncomfortably white and entitled, but wasn’t that what propelled me here? I needed perspective and I needed it in my face, to make me pay attention to my life and what it offered to others.
    The scraps of metal and debris shifted into the background as beautiful children’s faces came into focus. Children smiling and eager to learn, often walking miles with siblings in tow. The schools built with the community became safe shelters where children escape the dangers of home and see possibilities for themselves.
    One thing I didn’t anticipate was the greater gift I got from the pure joy and love received from everyone involved.

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79489
    Catherine
    Participant

    David this is beautiful and I would love to hear more about your experience.

    in reply to: Week Two Essay #79128
    Catherine
    Participant

    I wanted to share what was written on the blanket I slept under last night at my sister’s house. I was unaware of the message laying on top of me when I was tired and went to sleep. Only seeing it as white letters embroidered a black blanket.
    I liked the transference of things
    I enjoy finding ways to see connections
    I like being curious with curious people
    The words written on the blanket:

    DON’T EVEN THINK, JUST LET YOURSELF DREAM
    THOUGHTS ARE VEILS THAT HIDE THE MOON’S BRIGHT FACE
    THE HEART’S A MOON, WHERE THINKING HAS NO PLACE
    TOSS THESE THOUGHTS AWAY INTO THE STREAM

    Looking forward to seeing you all soon
    Katie

    in reply to: Week Two Essay #79103
    Catherine
    Participant

    I can identify the life stories here, but two feed into my fear that I couldn’t possibly bare the suffering of. Kate and Helene jumped out at me because ,the idea of dealing with a physically paralyzing and losing a sister,who I’m with now.
    I have been drowning in the cycle of Samsara for long periods of time,seemingly endless. My suffering so felt in my core it scared me. Thinking I will again have sometimes unbearable suffering, more unbearable than I don’t know! What I do know is that you sharing your unbearable experiences makes me feel that I have a way to process thoughts and experiences to make them more bearable.
    If I have no examples of how this is possible I stay in the state of aimlessly being led by the way I’ve habitually done, self centered and feeling compassion for no one, not feeling it at all.
    I have come to respect the process of it takes to get to the place of loosing my grip and opening my heart and mind to what I believe is beyond my wildest dreams. I am not a disciplined person but meditating everyday gives me the sense that I am and I believe that it has given me the power to navigate as best I can-and helped me be free of unnecessary suffering.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)

We have so much to share with you

Get a new meditation from me every Monday morning