Karen Daughtry

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  • in reply to: Week Six Essay #79657
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    David, this is such a good description of the Inner Witness – thank you for expressing it so well and thoroughly. I will keep this idea in the forefront of my thoughts, especially when (like yesterday) I’m upset with my husband! I was not equanimous one bit at that point 🙁

    in reply to: Week Six Essay #79653
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Dear Kate, I feel your words deeply, and with appreciation. When you say “your drama is just as meaningful and gripping as mine,” I totally resonate. Thank you for your eloquent expression, and for reminding me about “giving myself unlimited fresh starts” – a much needed reminder!!! Many thanks for your wonderful writing, and many thanks for your insight.

    in reply to: Week Six Essay #79642
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Thank you for your thoughtful reply, David – yes, it’s the “little things” that get to us so often, isn’t it? At least to me. Ahhhh, humans!

    in reply to: Week Six Essay #79638
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Dominic, your description of your heartbreak and losses touches me and makes me grateful for your recovery and maturity in the face of these difficult life issues. Grief has got to be the most difficult and debilitating of the difficult emotions, and our acceptance of “what is” is truly a healing step. I’m so glad that you found meditation, and that it found you.

    in reply to: Week Six Essay #79636
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    I was in the little car’s passenger seat, driving home with a friend from an event in Wisconsin, and we were driving south – back to Illinois. The roads are pretty well lit in Illinois – but they are very dark in rural Wisconsin. Given our unfamiliarity with this area, GPS instructions were crucial, but we still had some wrong turns and backtracking. Up there, we went through no towns, and saw only one gas station. There were very few lights on the roads, mostly at remote intersections, and it was about 8:00 in the evening.

    My friend, who was driving, missed a turn, so we went out of our way a few miles while the GPS guided us back onto another country road. This one was a divided highway, with two lanes on each side of a ditch. She needed to make a left turn across the short entrance/driveway to the other side of the road, but mistook the ditch for the opposite shoulder, and turned into the lanes which were for oncoming traffic. With some urgent re-correction (luckily no cars were coming at that moment), we ended up halfway across the driveway leading to the proper lanes, but now cars were coming from that direction, and they were coming at 70 miles per hour.

    In the face of this danger, I did not feel fear, but the thought crossed my mind: “Is this how I’m going to go out?” Dying on a dark county road in Wisconsin was not on my Bingo card. Luckily, this was not to be. We proceeded safely, no crash, no drama, but in that moment, and afterwards, I had to inwardly marvel at my calm.

    There are events and circumstances that do get me agitated and anxious, and they are mostly work-related and have to do with deadlines and professional performance. There are occasions when I’m so wired and tired that sleep becomes an elusive gift. However, “the big one,” this “Wisconsin-impending-death” scenario, didn’t even create a ripple of fear, at that time or in retrospect. This is precisely why meditation is so important.

    The discipline of meditating seems to allow the brain to rewire, at least in my experience. When I settle into the present moment for meditation and just breathe, I’m opening myself to a healing energy, and inviting new connections with my consciousness and within my being. The rewiring is cumulative somehow, which is why the practice needs to be consistent. Isn’t it wonderful how we can rearrange our energy frequency? The human body is the vehicle for this. The stress hormones that give rise to the difficult emotions like fear, anger, and shame truly are diminished. Perhaps my stress chemicals carrying that pesky “work anxiety” will diminish someday as well.

    in reply to: Week Five Essay #79509
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    “Letting go of self” brings to mind Chogyam Trungpa’s definition of ego, which he says is “holding on to one’s existence” (in the Paramitas article that is for this week’s reading). The practice of letting go of self, letting go of the ego, can be a path to happiness, even if it is a goal that is elusive. As any human being can attest, there are challenges and obstacles built in to our attempts at selflessness, or egolessness. But Trungpa advises us to “not regard the ego as an enemy or obstacle, … regard it as a brussels sprout that you cook and eat.”

    This comparison of the ego to a Brussels sprout made me laugh, and it made me think: What happens to the Brussels sprout when we cook it and eat it? It gets hot and softens, it gets processed by our digestive system and provides nourishment to our cells. The components that are unusable are eliminated. It all has the distinct quality of assimilation, in a highly useful and helpful way.

    The ego is similar to the Brussels sprout in its utilitarian purpose and its ultimate assimilation. Is letting go of the ego a path to happiness? Yes, and it’s possible, if only for short stretches of time so far in my experience. Perhaps as my meditation practice and my Paramita practice proceed, egolessness will be able to stretch into longer periods of time.

    As an example from my own life, I was a guest at a wedding dinner this weekend, and the lady seated directly to my left was from the Philippines. Somehow she mentioned their former President Duterte’s authorization of “extrajudicial murder” — and that was the phrase she used. To my surprise, she was highly in favor of Duterte’s murderous regime in her country, and she stated that he made the country safer.

    At first I wanted to object and persuade her that his actions were criminal and constituted severe human rights violations, but I internally weighed the possible outcomes of such a conversation and decided that it was unlikely that my words would change her viewpoint, especially since she is a citizen of that country. She already has heard all the arguments, pro and con, and for me to try to influence her would just be an exercise of my ego. Brussels sprouts were not on the menu, but if my ego can be eaten like one, I could feel the fullness of that as it digested. Did it nourish me as it was assimilated? I believe that, with awareness, it certainly did.

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79472
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Omigosh, Kimberly, what a huge betrayal you endured! I’m glad you have found compassion for yourself and the others involved. You are turning your heartbreak into wisdom – not easy to do, but you are doing it!

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79471
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Dear Rachel, you were so brave to break it off, and I’m happy to hear that you can envision hugging your younger self. Such wisdom in your self-compassion! How good to know without a doubt that you did the right thing. Kudos to you.

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79470
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Dominic, please accept my condolences on your loss. I’m so glad that you found help, and that your *asking* for help was such an important step. Kudos to you for your progress and for your compassionate willingness to help others

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79469
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Dear Anne, your mention of the dogs snarling at each other perfectly captures the difficulty that everone was feeling. So sorry you had to endure this travail, and I admire your honesty in saying that you can’t say it was “worth it” – which probably would feel like sugarcoating it. The opening of your heart to include yourself is a beautiful thing, and I’m glad that is something that came out of this experience.

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79465
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Ginny, I love how you are now “grateful he had the courage to walk out,” and that you hold no grudges – these things probably took time and deep reflection to arrive at, and you have my sincere admiration.

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79463
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Thank you, Kate, for your compassion and encouragement!

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79462
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Thank you for your understanding and your kind response, Helene

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79461
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind response, David!

    in reply to: Week Four Essay #79272
    Karen Daughtry
    Participant

    In 2002, I felt fortunate to get involved with a local arts organization, eventually becoming an employee. I loved it, and I learned a lot. The founder, Board members, and others on staff were wonderful people, mostly in the psychological professions, many being licensed psychotherapists.

    Imagine the deep feeling of betrayal when this nurturing oasis of creativity and artistic exploration – my safe place for many years – became a nest of vipers. The organization was flailing financially, so they decided to lay off half the staff. It wasn’t just about the budget – there was a coverup of wrongdoing among the higher-ups in the organization. After being a class facilitator and Director of Administration for almost 15 years, I was now the “whistleblower,” and consequently I was jettisoned – fired – laid off.

    There is a quote that goes, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Sometimes it’s rendered as “Holding onto resentment…” – and from my Bing search just now it has variously been attributed to Carrie Fisher (!!), Nelson Mandela (!), and the Buddha.

    Looking back, I view this experience of extreme righteous indignation as a boiling cauldron of toxic ingredients that almost exploded. The range of emotions that I felt far exceeded any norms. It was informative to observe my own extremes, ranging from despair to rage – something I recognize as perfectly human, but not something I’m eager to repeat. It serves to remind me that all of us are capable of terrible extremes, and to observe these impulses with compassion, because I know they reside in every human being, including (and especially) in myself.

    Another takeaway for me is that it’s smart to remain much more neutral about organizations, and not invest so much passion in things that don’t belong to me (and are not in my purview). Ironically, some of the measures that I personally put into place at that job have been instrumental in maintaining that organization’s funding, and they remain in existence. I did my best, but when the Universe decided to move my ass out of there, it was unmistakable – I was ejected rapidly, and with no fanfare. It is as it should be, and I am grateful.

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