Jeffrey Dorsey
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Gosh, Sue Ellen, I really appreciate the depth at which you traced Right Livelihood and even followed it through to where you spend your dollars and who else’s livelihood you may or may not be supporting. Thank you for offering this.
I just shared these two examples with my Study group so its feeling fresh…
First, after viewing what feels like a masterclass on Wrong Speech that took place in the Oval Office, I have been reflecting on Right Speech. Earlier in the day yesterday, I was invited by a friend/co-worker to coffee and the first thing she said to me when I saw her was, “I see you are wearing your gym pants.” That didn’t land with me for some reason but because it wasn’t overtly mean, or even a question, I just let it go. Or at least I thought I let it go. (Lieing to myself 😉 I realized in hindsight, that because of that comment (or maybe more importantly because of my interpretation of that comment, or my lack of clarity around it), I never really felt connected to her for the rest of the hour that we spent together. I mean we had a “lovely” conversation and laughed and I felt generally that she wanted to be there. She even treated me for my birthday (which was a month earlier) but because I’m on sabbatical, we hadn’t seen one another. Pam (from our study group) so wisely observed that using the Enneagram lens might reveal that my friend’s opening comment WAS a way of connecting. And knowing my friend/co-worker, that makes a lot of sense. But I realize that I might need more clarification in the future to be able to connect in return. So I’ve been considering responses I might the next time I feel caught off guard, like, “What do you mean by that?” These kind of seemingly “neutral” comments can trip me up a lot and I end up overcompensating in conversations/relationships, under committing, or finding myself talking about things that don’t feel like Right Speech at all (like somehow we end up being critical of someone else, because it gives us a shared point of agreement or something?) Yuck! That feels like Wrong Speech. I plan to sit with this more, because issues of my upbringing, or conflict avoidance (or the perception of potential conflict), and being white and being “nice” are definitely resonating.
The second example is also related to the Guardians and Protectors episode of The Emerald. (Side note just for the record, I am really enjoying The Emerald podcasts and have listened to others including a very thought provoking episode called, “Trickster Jumps Sides” that offers a lot of context to what is happening politically right now…right down to identifying the guy who broke into the capital on Jan 6 (wearing the dear skin hat) as a modern day trickster. But I digress…)
Anyway, last week my wife and I traveled to Puerto Rico and spent one day hiking in the rain forest. But the drive up was provoking a lot of negative feelings in me about being a tourist (there are signs on trees to zip-line and other tours), colonialism (which needs no explanation but let’s just say it was first Spanish and then American Colonization), and my privilege at being able to book a flight to an island and just assume its okay to walk up a sacred mountain. So we stopped the car and I asked my wife if we could perform a little ritual. I have been trying out some of the ideas from the Guardians and Protectors episode including asking for permission. So I asked permission to the Guardians (I even looked up the ancient dieties of the original people from the island) if we could walk along the pathways and spend time giving gratitude in the forest. And then waited to feel that it was okay. Just the simple act of pausing and asking and being open to a possible “no.”, felt like it put me in relationship with the mountain, the land, the forest and the ancestors of this place. Reflecting on that now, I feel that asking permission is another kind of use of Right Speech. It’s connecting language that connected me more to myself, to my wife (and her to me, as she told me later how much she liked the little ritual before walking) and to the forest, mountain, ancestors.I’m not sure who I’ve been in conversation with over the last six years, but it was in the fall of 2018 when I first asked the question, “What should I do?” and received a clear response that felt like my deepest inner voice/spirit speaking clearly to me. I had surgery on my right ACL and was bed ridden for 3 months and contemplated what life would be like if I couldn’t walk again, all that I take for granted, and how I might best support my own healing. The inner voice is abbreviated as IV below.
Me: So what should I do? I’m stuck in a bed for months and can’t walk. What if I can’t play soccer again? What if can’t run? What if I can’t walk again?
IV: Rest.
Me: But I don’t know how to rest.
IV: Let go. Be still. Listen to the silence. Sit. Heal.
Me: Should I read?
IV: Not now. There will be time for that.
Me: Should I listen to music, or NPR, or podcasts?
IV: Nope.So I sat in silence every day for a long time. Eventually, I remembered my meditation retreat weekend with Susan Piver and started meditating everyday.
Me: What will I do when I am well?
IV: Paint.
Me: I haven’t painted in 20 years. What do I have to say?
IV: A lot. You have 20 years of experiences in relationship with others.
Me: What should I paint?
IV: Paint people. Paint your relationships. Paint them on big canvases and paint them as beautifully as you can.
Me: But, who?
IV: You will know. Paint twelve paintings.
Me: People I know already?
IV: Six people you know and six people you’ve yet to meet.
Me: But how will I know who these people are?
IV: You will know when you need to know.So once I began rehab on my knee, I purchased some large canvases and heard the voice again guiding me…
IV: The color Gold. Caretaker of Mother Earth.
The next day at a leadership conference, a woman stood up with golden blonde hair, and gave a Land Acknowledgement and spoke about how she was 6th generation of people living on this land, caring for it, healing the water polluted by mining. So at the break, I introduced myself, explained this project (for lack of a better word) and asked if she’s let me paint her portrait. She agreed.One by one, I felt the inner voice guiding me to people, to places. Interestingly, at some point during each painting, I felt that I needed to stop. And wait.
IV: Stop. Wait.
Me: What it is I need?Eventually, sometimes within 24 hours, sometimes it was weeks, sometimes over a year, I would receive a clear answer. And many of these answers showed up in the paintings in ways that I couldn’t explain, but the moment I showed the painting to the person I painted, they would ask me how I knew? They knew. This unexplainable connection felt incredibly sacred and extraordinary, but I’ve come to realize (as Susan and my other Buddhist teachers will say) its quite ordinary.
IV: Summer sunlight. Night painting, during a full moon. The color blue.
And one by one, over the course of the five years I painted 11 large paintings.
Me: So who is the last painting?
IV: Snow.
For a year, I searched and waited and tried to arrange meetings with people during snow storm but it wasn’t right. Then, I tore my other ACL and found myself back in bed, with months of healing ahead of me.
IV: It’s you.
Me: Me?
IV: You are the 12th painting.As soon as I was healed enough to be upright, I started exploring how to paint my self portrait. That winter, we visited a lake Chautauqua in NY. We love going there when the lake freezes. I was walking out to the center of the lake one day, further then ever before and it started snowing. And then I heard it…
IV: This is it. Your snow painting.
This was the same lake that I’d swam in years ago, right before the surgery of my right ACL. And I realized that all the other paintings that I’d painted were created in-between that time. And they all the paintings were about people experiencing some kind of trauma, and healing.It has been another year getting consent, figuring out where and when and how to exhibit this project (which will take place in April, 2025.) And now I’ve added the invocation of Guardians and Protectors to ask how to protect this work.
Me: What can I do to protect this exhibit?
IV: Make an altar/shrine. Make offerings. Use ritual to clean, order, and bless the space. Consult the lunar calendar for planning the schedule. And on and on…I’m not sure what/who my inner voice is… me?, my Spirt guide, teacher(s), ancestor(s), creative spirits, all of them maybe? But after being in conversation with it/them for six years I know that is not just about this art project, but about how I live my life, how I’m connected to something bigger, a context, how I make choices (what to do and what not to do), its about trusting. This experience led to the creation of my daily meditation practice and a know that my inner voice is truth.
Side note: I wish I could show you all the paintings. You can check out some of them at this link: https://okaythen.net/category/projects/ And if you happen to be in Pittsburgh, let me know. I’d love to welcome you to the exhibit! 🙂
Thanks for sharing this Pam. I am deeply touched. The last thing Gary said to you, “No, hiding that light under a bushel” made me tear up. It reminded me of my own inner voice once giving me the words, “Shine, baby, shine!” as a mantra. Bless you and may you shine your light! 🙂
This resonates with me, Elaine. Especially the listening with open heart and without judgement. It feels like the listening is so deep. Thanks for sharing.
This is a reply to Ric. (Sorry if this is I’m the wrong format, I’m working from a phone while traveling and struggling to have steady internet and not sure if this is the right place to respond.) Anyway, Ric, I appreciated your essay, much of which resonates with me. Including the FOMO you mentioned. Although I didn’t take Susan’s teacher training (yet) I eventually overcame my fear when, after years of study, several people told me that if I offered guided meditation that they would attend. So I did. But thanks to Susan, I was reminded that I wanted it to stay connected to lineage. So I’ve been very open about my study of Dharma, about meditation not being self-help, etc. and to my surprise, all of my students have stayed with my…and more have joined. This is the power of lineage. Thank you for your courage in taking the next step with your teache training. I hope you are teaching now, too. Blessings to you.
I made two shrines before flying out of town this week. The first was at my kitchen window where I prepare food and mostly do dishes (since my wife is much the superior cook ;). The shelf already had many meaningful objects including found wood and heart shapes stones, wool and crocheted animal objects from my children, ceramic gifts, a small plant, and candles. I added an offering dish and photo of my deceased father, who also was a dish-doer. As I lit the candle I added an offering of chocolate (my dad’s favorite) and, after learning more about how to connect to lineage beyond family, gave gratitude to all those who serve, especially in invisible ways that we may not notice. I asked for nourishment from the food and honored all the sweet moments that arise from breaking bread with others. As it was dusk, I also asked for protection through the night. Having listened to The Emerald, I was more intentional about how I washed each dish and pot, thinking what elements they were made from, their makers, and how they serve us, too…grateful for the water as it cleans, water that makes up my own body, water that gives life.
The second shrine is in a top shelf where I meditate on my third floor. I brought photos of recently deceased friends, one an artist, another a patron of the arts; and both who always supported my work as an artist. I added a memorial I wrote for another friend, painter who recently passed. In the center is a tile with an image of Ganesh (remover of obstacles), three candles, and to the left a book of 500 artists portraits as inspiration and lineage of artists, painters and creatives, asking them for support in the creation of my upcoming art exhibit which is a culmination of a 6-year long Spirit journey. Finally, again inspired by The Emerald episode, I added meaningful objects representing elements -fire (candle), water (in a small offering cup), (earth) a precious stone and tiny piece of drift wood, and (wind) – a tiny metal bell that I used for meditation. I also added a metal screw from the 16 easils I’m refinishing and painting that will hold all of my paintings for the show.
Lastly, since I’ve been traveling this week, I’ve added the practice of making offerings and asking for blessings (before getting on the plane, driving the rental car, before going to bed. While I may not have my shrines, I am using the time to connect more deeply to what is around me – the bird songs, the desert cactus, the sky, the wind, the moon and stars, all the animate energies that hold me in relationship to the elements. Even though this is a “solo” trip (without family) I’m feeling very much NOT alone. It’s been quite calming and I feel more open, curious, and present. I feel less, separate burdened, less fear.
Thank you Sue Ellen for sharing about your shrines. I appreciated you mentioning your struggle asking for blessings and that it could feel like begging. Asking for blessings is new for me and I’m noticing that I’m not always sure what to ask and that this feels like part of my practice…to open my heart and ask for guidance, protection, and support…even if it’s for asking how to ask for blessings, perhaps?? This struggle might also be a good offering because it feels authentic. I think the most important part is that you are open to communing with the animate energies. Perhaps contemplation and/ or journaling on the struggle of asking might also reveal something helpful to you?
