Helene Melancon
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Trust your experience, but keep refining your view. – Dzogchen adage
It is with a lot of consideration that I approach this question about compassion, idiot and true. Consideration for its practice, for the deepening into its nature. Consideration for this teaching of The Four Karmas by Chogyam Trungpa, far from sounding completely clear to me. I have found helpful readings on compassion from Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron, and Charlotte Joko Beck.
Compassion, from latin cum passion, with passion, with suffering.
Idiot, as in stupid, foolish, but also “neurotic”, “unbalanced”- as named by Chogyam Trungpa.
True, as in real, genuine, authentic, veritable, but also trustworthy, absolute.In this text, towards the end, I found he was pointing in an unexpected direction, far from judgment, or stating that one is better or more legitimate than another.
This really caught my attention: “…getting beyond these four maras (“…some imaginary quality”,dreams, wishes, hopes) and activating our involvement in the four karmas (”…connected with something real, the reality of the situation…”) is to use situations as they are and not regard negativity as something bad, something that one should get rid of.” Because “…negativities are emotions and energies…” we could work with, he suggests “…not regard them as negative and something bad, but use them as hospitality in the ego realm…”. When we can see that they open doors for us to be welcomed in the home of our ego. He continues: “Our ego seems to provide a particular stepping stone…” to be of great use to start to pass through its lie, see our ignorance, and destroy “…what is necessary to be destroyed”.If this way I understand awakens something in me, I think its echo, even fugitive, helps me to glimpse the nature of idiot and true compassion. When acknowledging how painful it is to perceive our motivations with the twisted manipulations of the ego to get where we want to, when acknowledging our ignorance or only the surface of a situation, when acknowledging sometimes our inner vehemence, our tendency to invade others with our own ideas to help, often with hidden agendas of self interest, we could start to be willing to practice to let go. Let go of being passive, of staying gentle when we disagree, of trying to be soothing and non confrontational instead of addressing a difficult issue because it will make us extremely vulnerable and upset, and we fear we might lose something or will be disappointed.
“It’s a life of calculation, foreign to compassion, which gives without expecting anything from anyone. Compassion knows no exchange.” Charlotte Joko-BeckAs we take a path of more acceptance, more care, more love for ourselves that doesn’t ask for negotiation, could we get closer to act towards ourselves and others “with passion”, including our whole selves with our heart and inner suffering? Could we find ourselves in a new territory where to respond clearly and appropriately when our instinctual intelligence tells us to, where to find a courage to say no or say the truth when it is critical? Where compassion would look more like a space we engage in with our faith, our openness, our two hands on our heart and simultaneously on the heart of the other?
I never forgot this expression I read one day in Elizabeth Lesser’s book “Broken Open”:
“… we are all bozos on the bus, contrary to the self-assured image we work so hard to present to each other on a daily basis… Every single person on this bus called Earth hurts… Imagine how freeing it would be to take a more compassionate… view of the human condition…”Dear Dominic ,
Waow … You entered into a brave space to write this essay. I recognize it and hold it with you. I also read through your writing how much work you have put into healing, and the mountain of compassion for you, for your mother, for your ancestors you cultivate.
Compassion that turns also into tenderness, strength, and a light in you that guide your vision, intentions and actions. I feel how your understanding of the 4R’s will light a path for others.
Thank you for your openness to vulnerability.Dear Rena, thank you so much for the link to Dr.Treleavan’s longer training. My search for it was not successful so I am very grateful! I will invest in the time to listen to it. I appreciate reading from you the 4R’s are a practice and a process, and how it has helped change your angle of vision.
Like you I feel very strongly how bowing to past stressful experiences is a powerful practice. It has allowed me each time to open to self compassion and find my own strength.
As someone who runs a meditation organization I see with how much care you are adjusting and including offerings to create a safe space for your participants, and yourself, like the link to a brief trauma-sensitive guide in your intake form.
And… Yes to intuition. I would say it is the most sensitive string on my musical instrument and the one I listen to with attention <3. Thank you again for your very helpful input.you can tell humanity is maturing
because more of us are saying no to harm
we are taking time
to examine our biases,
moving our love from
being selective to unconditional
and expanding our idea
of what is possible
more of us are healing ourselves
and actively helping heal the world—From Clarity and Connection
Yung Pueblo
Trauma sensitive mindfulness inside of a contemplative container such as meditation requires me to take an introspective look at my teaching approach. I have a little knowledge on the subject and more questions. What attitudes do I have? practices? actions and intentions? I let in the evocative analogy of the 4R’s as 4 musical notes played together or separately, how to bring them alive, practical and up to date? My best musical instrument is my intuition.
I’m aware that unfortunately no one is immune to exposure to a traumatic event, and that social and cultural factors can play an influential role in vulnerability to trauma.
In the teaching setting of dance where I evolved, in rehearsal or class, coming close to a dancer to rectify alignment or adjust a position was the number one used tool for sensory integration of movement. In recent years, because of multiple situations in teachers/coaches role, a real effort has been made in practice to overcome these old habits rarely challenged, by asking for the dancer’s agreement before touching him or her, and above all by encouraging the teacher instead to demonstrate clearly the changes to be made.
I realize the importance of creating and ensuring that a safe, caring, inclusive climate and environment is offered. I want to teach meditation where this initiative is not only possible inside the class but also if the case, in the school or institution where it takes place.Because of this proximity with young people in their training context, we had instructions to help us identify and keep an eye out for a resurgence of non-verbal symptoms of trauma, subtle changes through the body – hyper vigilance, standing aside, avoidance gaze would be some. At least these could be signs it is time to check-in with a student. I’m aware there are many more indicators. Inside of the meditation practice of a participant though, l need to decode signs, and the differences and similarities with the ones I was taught to be recognized. I know vigilance and curiosity are important assets.
I have learned simple soothing and grounding exercises, to use with trainees. Here, I need to nuance ways of responding skillfully in this particular meditation setting, forms of support, or perhaps approaches to assist a person when they ask or if it’s appropriate.
I’ve found that getting to know my students well has proved important and that listening, discussing and sharing with them played an essential role. Relationship between dancers and teacher matters. I found setting a moment for connection was a precious tool. Also I have noticed that creating a predictable ritual and agenda for a class was reassuring for them, to know what will happen and how it will be done. I want to integrate these as a meditation teacher.About re-traumatization, “First do no harm”. When necessary I see the importance of asking a participant what they need to feel safe in a meditation session. Exclude no one. See reliable resources I could turn to, as much for a participant in a class as well as for myself.
I lead my actions from “feeling” these 4R’s. And I am interested in opportunities for knowledge.
Kate, thank you for your essay. While doing my own research it helps me clarify this week’s question by your view on the process of the 4 R’s. I learned you teach Creative Journaling! I find it so important to go back to these classes regularly. I appreciate how they help me deepen trust in my own writing, in my intuition, and to be in the flow. Combined with meditation, I am certain it is a fascinating path to experience, as much for the teacher than for the student. You describe very well in the context of your classes the importance of continuing to learn about trauma sensitivity, offering gentleness and a space where students feel safe to communicate with you.
And I will remember Carl Jung’s quote, teaching as a miracle of connection between souls, on the importance of allowing full presence with the other in the moment.Ginny, please accept my deep condolences for the loss of your dear friend. I was so moved by your essay. I could recognize myself in these moments that are hard teachings. Thank you for expressing these intense emotions with such sincerity. Your share reminds me to practice more to “remember to remember” what I’ve learned in similar difficult situations, when we suddenly feel impermanence. You end with Susan’s inquiry “Please take on your meditation practice for the benefit of all”. And I also think in last week’s reading of “Meditation means that the cushion is sewn to your pants”(Chögyam Trungpa).
I feel that’s what you did, reaching out to your friend’s daughter as well as your own daughter<3.
May you be safe. May you find comfort. May you find peace in this very painful moment Ginny.Kate,
John Muir’s quote “the grand show is always eternal” applied to the reflection on difficult emotions we are doing here, is so accurate! Eternal, and very humanly universal. I immediately saw myself in the analogy you make between what we experience on our own and what we realize when in Sangha: the feeling that my suffering, my sadness, my story is more special, and different. But every time I find myself with others, the Sangha reminds me through each sharing, that it’s never just my internal show but all’s internal show. So a sense of reciprocity and nourishment arises. And what I’m trying to say also is that this forum where we share our ideas and unique way to understand always feels a non-judgemental and caring space. Thank you for being here with all your presence and liveliness of spirit.For a long time, I didn’t know which way to approach my difficult emotions. A shapeless, often vehement fog. I wanted to harness them. Feeling hot behind the mask of correctness I was trying to keep in place on my face. I had to keep moving forward.
Meditation has been a fountain in the desert. I could begin to poke holes in the confused cloud of my emotions, and glimpse the perspicacity of their insistence. Understand that they could offer me precious pools of information. I remember feeling like the lid of a pressure cooker squirting. I cried a lot while practicing. I was an estuary that had held back too often.
Through the Dharma, I received little envelopes of peace, sometimes a shooting star of calm silence, more rarely a still corner of a lake. I often returned to meditation. I needed it, like the sailboat of the wind.
Illuminating the invisible, becoming aware handed over me clues. Wait! Stay! Listen to the thunder of emotions and their heavy rain! Let them exist! Quenching their thirst for space was the opposite of my desire to get rid of them, and scary. Before, I was waiting in hope these difficult emotions would pass. Now I was learning to meet them. Recognizing that I emerged a little more peaceful, a little lighter, I persisted in meditating. I felt truer to myself and others.By sitting with what is, without forcing an emotion to leave, without forcing myself to love it, I learned and still learn to allow its disordered movements and to draw on the power they release to use it where it counts the most. As long as I’m at mercy of their turbulence, I can’t move.
Easier said than done.
Not long ago, my father passed away. Our relationship was always difficult because it was based on authority that had not faded. I was haunted by the disappointment of seeing him go without a sprout of mutual gratitude and tenderness, and even with his physical and cognitive losses, I had hope of a denouement. Projecting myself into an improbable future, frozen in expectation. Hope prevented me from seeing what was. Through attentive presence, I realized near the end that my desire for our connection to change was just impossible. Sadness did not go away, but paradoxically when I stopped wanting for things to be otherwise, I was able to move out of my hole in the sand and reposition my feet in the present. I was able to do what seemed important to both of us. Hold my father’s hand. Offer him a reassuring presence when sleeping. Smile. Sing his favourite Acadian air.In the eye of the storm lies a strength that always surprises me.
The more I meditate, the more I feel supported to live. It’s a delicate task of patience and beginning again.Jamie, I was moved by your share. I appreciate the parallel you make between «the gomden sewn to your pants» and in the twelfth step «to serve others and work to practice the principles in all our affairs». To practice everywhere.
That’s what you did when your friend called you.
And you write “I knew exactly what to do.” I find this so inspiring! Just as you did some years ago, when you knew you had to follow your instinct to make many changes simultaneously.David ,
I find inspiring your example in your life of letting go of self and it strikes a chord in me. Having been teaching to children as well, I have found how they catch right away when we’re not present to them, listening from just one ear, or worried, and in that sense they are wonderful teachers by asking us to «be there» fully!
I feel that what you describe as the most everyday things are also those I praise the most or I miss the most when for all sorts of reasons they are not there.
I so felt your enumeration of these beautiful moments in your days, and the presence you bring to them. For a minute if I imagine subtracting them from the days, in an instant my heart aches… Reading you, I think you would miss these occasions greatly if they were absent, but I can also sense how much your students and colleagues would miss you too <3.Jana,
You talk about how “the day to day reality of living in this world” can make it difficult to get in touch with letting go of self and place our energies towards others. It resonates with me. I love that you perceive your steady meditation practice as a discipline that broadens your awareness beyond your own desires and needs. I feel the same way, it’s such a good starting point daily for me as well. Your example of experiencing hints of letting go of self that came in meditation during your tough situation, is eloquent and extremely touching.
“Enough to carry the spirit of it within me”…
Vibrant to read, thank you.Hi Karen,
Chogyam Trungpa’s suggestion to see the ego as a Brussels sprout rather than an obstacle made me smile too! (Especially as it’s certainly not my favourite vegetable).How delicious to follow your reflection on the cooking, digesting, and assimilation. It made my understanding of this parallel with the ego easier. Just like your example of your restraint during that conversation at the wedding, where your discernment and awareness softened the experience.
Thank you for this lesson in wisdom.*(I can’t figure out how to edit my essay. Here is the sentence I missed at the end of the 2nd paragraph): “Clear the way. Help let them in. Let them through. Wait. Smile. Also, something bigger may be at play”.
I am impressed by Chögyam Trungpa’s description on how to live as a Bodhisattva, how to apprehend one’s life with this extraordinary perspective.
I find it revolutionary to work with paramita practice with the nuances he mentions, to remind us of who we are and our interconnectedness, to live to alleviate suffering and offer happiness and peace.
With perseverance, is it possible to lead a life with these six fortifying disciplines, equipped with bravery and a generous heart? To “exercise goodness” as Chögyam Trungpa explains, to do its work, while staying open to being surprised, where to respond creatively, and venture to always walk towards the edge of where trust is felt?
I view it is about caring healthily for Life through one’s life. I want to learn to rely on the power of not knowing to guide me.
“When we let ourselves hang out in the space of not-knowing, there is enormous potential, and life could unfold in innumerable ways.” – Kaira Jewel LingoAn ordinary example from my life where I experience putting into action non grasping is driving…This is a place where impulsivity, recklessness, exasperation coexist : I complain aloud, those who go too fast, too slow, the snow trucks, imprisoned in traffic, you get it…The craziest thing is that six days out of seven I’m alone in the car, reacting like a tense bozo to others who don’t hear me, so only I am the recipient of my unpleasant comments.
I glued a picture of a Buddha statue tied up with a safety belt on the glove compartment. Transformation occurs with time but still, it is a generous area of working with letting go of Self that never fails to remind me that I’m holding on to my way, my time, my speed, my territory, my, my, my. But what is happening that morning in the life of these people I encounter on the road? Who is this I that feels it tolerates their nuisance and is able to judge them? As hooked up as I might seem to me, festering with impatience, my heart melts when the radio reports sad news of bumps and accidents about traffic.Years ago, Thich Nhat Hanh came to Montreal and one of the meditators was responsible to drive him from one meeting to the next. After a few days, Thich Nhat Hanh said to him: “I am going to offer you a gift”. Thich Nhat Hanh had noticed the motto written on the license plate of cars of the province of Quebec “Je me souviens”-“I remember”. “Every time you will be waiting at a red light or lost in traffic late and nervous” he said, “you will see this and “remember” to pause and breathe, to take in a “fresh” perspective as he loved to say.
Instead of obsessing about it, can I remember this “gap” and feel life in? To teach the mind by remembering, before its own stories kick in? A dear present, an invitation to feel the uniqueness of this space and to take care of it.When I manage to start the day by remembering to remember, in my car I rejoice.