Elizabeth Bonet
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Definitely a new therapist type of feeling although like you, now I have 25 years of life experience to go along with it!
Yes, I do. Despite a critique during my one on one that included multiple corrections, I now feel like I have a very basic script that I can use that doesn’t have any flowery language and no buddhist concepts mixed in. The study guide has good answers to basic questions. And I learn along the way with my students and will try my best to adjust accordingly. I’m very comfortable saying, “I have no idea” when asked something I don’t know. The discussions around preparing the environment and keeping psychological boundaries have been helpful.
I completely agree that clear is kind! I love this perspective and yes, I’m also confused by cultural norms around talking about money. And then there are family ones to navigate too.
I tried to respond to this question twice this week but had technical difficulties – the Reply link would not show for me – not for the main questions or to reply to others either. So I apologize for the shortness of the response. I wanted to get it done before tomorrow and finally today the website worked.
I believe that money is a spiritual practice. How we handle it, how we treat it, how we care for it, how we count it. It often reflects how I feel about myself. And meditation teaching or any type of work I choose to do in the world is a spiritual exchange. I’m giving service and showing up to help someone with healing. And the money reflects that spiritual exchange and is supportive of it. I’m not in the position to give free services on a continuous basis. I give that in a different way with my podcast or videos or blog posts on my website. There are hundreds of all of that by now. I’ve been in the position of not being able to afford anything so thank god for free stuff. But I’ve also been in the position of being able to pay for what I need and have done that as well. To me, it all works out in the end.
I love this, Susan! Well-lit – yes. Nothing more annoying and distracting to me than bad lighting, either too bright or the tone is brash, etc. I also appreciate when people start on time and end on time. As a therapist, I naturally watch the clock. But oftentimes it’s a relief to not have to do that; to have someone else take care of it. And I love your description of Nepal. I often want the ideal environment physically but learn through hardship!
My ideal learning environment is in person in a small group environment. I did a couples workshop with about 10 other couples in 2025 and it was lovely having the support of everyone in the room. It was a mix of slides/learning concepts and processing emotions that inevitably come up with questions that could be asked at any time. The leader was really tuned in and present and i could feel that. There was also small group breakouts which was helpful to get to know people more and explore what was happening with ourselves.
Less than ideal – I take CEUs for my license online pretty regularly. For many of these, you have to be present the entire time no matter what. There aren’t any free flowing questions and questions can only be asked in the chat and will be answered typically at the end. There’s no actual back and forth interaction with the teacher or with other students. I learned pretty quickly not to sign up for ones over about 2-3 hours because (1) I’ll get a headache and (2) pretty much no matter what kind of seat I choose my back will hurt due to lack of movement. Very occasionally there will be one where we can ask questions as it goes and I like those much more.
I love the lessons from your mom! This is also how I learn / learned to cook and bake (although not from my mom – from friends). It took me forever to figure out that videos just don’t do it for me. I need to be present with the person, watch them, have them talk to me, etc. I was briefly a professional organizer and that “lesson” sounds less than ideal. There are so many emotional factors involved in organizing and so many different styles. I wish she had gotten to know YOU instead of imposing her own style.
Eek! I’m so sorry that happened to you (the negative experience)! I have close friends who have gone repeatedly but honestly I have no interest even hearing positive experiences. I have not so great sleep in general and that would really affect me.
What looks like a simple question feels really complex to me. My training as a therapist in the 1990s was to hardly ever self-disclose, to remain remote. The focus was always on the client and self-disclosure was seen as fulfilling your own needs instead of theirs. That stance has shifted over the last decades into a more relational stance – you self-disclose when you feel like it would help the client. And that has truly helped me as a client in particular more recently when I was trying out new behaviors in my marriage. I literally did not know how to do a particular thing my therapist was recommending and asked her to model it for me. And she shared how she did that in her marriage. This was much appreciated! What I’ve found is that when I do that as a therapist, some clients feel like they know me more and want to be more “friendly,” asking more personal questions. The vast majority don’t have my professional training around ethical boundaries so don’t know not to ask. It’s brought up conflicts in me before around my value of honesty but my greater value of protecting the client and remaining in a professional role which for me includes some distance but still warm with positive regard towards them.
I taught prenatal yoga for 20 years. Many students wanted to be friends or mom friends. There was one mom group I started attending and just didn’t feel comfortable being fully myself there – a signal that perhaps just the teacher role was appropriate for me. I also found that I had one idea of them in class and discovered an entirely new side to them outside of class that I didn’t necessarily want to know. I found I just wanted to be their teacher and not know they were parenting in a way that conflicted with my own values. I would rather maintain some distance in order to keep warmth towards them in the best possible way. In contrast to that, I lived on the same street as the owner of the yoga studio who was my own yoga teacher. I loved her personally but really did not like her teaching style as I experienced it as very remote and almost uncaring. We went through a few rocky times with this with me sometimes crying in class as yelling and critical instruction would elicit tears in me. This was very opposite to her out of the classroom personality. I know that it was based on the philosophy of the yoga system she was trained in but it just didn’t work for me and actually stopped me from going further into that particular system. Eventually, we stayed personal friends but I sought out a different yoga teacher.
Balance is hard to achieve. We have a deep need for connection as human beings. But I think it takes great self-awareness and awareness of what the student is seeking as well, acknowledging it and being aware of whether it’s appropriate for the circumstance.
I immediately thought I would focus my own essay on being a therapist as well. As a therapist, I’ve also had the thought about some clients – we would be good friends in different circumstances. It is a dance with always helpful self-disclosure in mind. I’ve also seen the field shift from zero self-disclosure to more relational type of therapy.
This is so moving. My daughter attends university and has significant health problems. It is not just the understanding but also a felt sense of compassion from her professors that keep her going sometimes. That’s what I sensed in your essay – as honest as you could be, as compassionate as you could be, but with boundaries. Thank you.
I resonate and struggle with all of the paramitas but I’m going to write about Discipline and Patience. With the paramita of Discipline, I can commit. But I do struggle with committing without knowing if I made the right or wrong choice. I try my best to research and be thoughtful before I commit to something or someone. But then I do want a “good result”, a benefit once I make that choice. Or to avoid something if I make a choice not to do something. Going through a divorce right now reminds me that I committed to my partner thinking I made a good choice but also knowing and stating out loud that I was along for the journey. And I was. Until the end I was willing to keep learning, keep being present, keep trying again to speak in kindness or to try to build connection. Even now I’m willing to do those things not knowing the result but just trying to show up as my best and kindest self.
The paramita I find is a strength and a downfall for me is Patience. I used to be a very angry person. Combine that with a quick mind and wit and I would end up hurting people and myself, hurting relationships with my anger. At some point, I learned more self-regulation and then also read Pema Chodron’s book, “Working with Anger.” This really helped me a lot. Along the way, I became a very patient person and usually find it easy to be patient. I’m a long-term planner which requires patience to achieve the goals. I’ve worked hard on how to move into acceptance of circumstances that I don’t control as well as letting go of resentment. I also don’t tend to react to anger directed towards me with a quick anger back anymore.
But the downfall for me is that I think I swung too far to the other side. I sometimes get stuck. I’m too patient and allow for too much time to go by in my personal life for others to awaken / learn / realize before acting for my own behalf. This results in boundaries that aren’t always firm for myself and has ended up with people taking advantage of me sometimes. Or I’ll extend compassion but then not protect myself as necessary. I just continue to give myself grace around this, reminding myself that I’m still learning each day.
Ha! Kat! I’m with you about the political chaos and getting so angry about what’s going on. And the moving into seeking to be peaceful myself. I loved how Susan talked about skillfully using anger during the last class and thinking of that to keep myself grounded right now. And I love the chant! I have not heard/seen that one before. Much needed right now.
Colin, thank you for sharing your personal story in relationship to the paramita of Generosity. I too grew up in poverty and have the same instinct – to pick up someone else’s discards just in case I could use it. (I will say that I’ve also found many good things that way, including the desk I’m currently writing at!). I never put it together though that it came from that poverty mindset and feeling like I never had enough.