Elizabeth Bonet
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I missed doing this class live due to a friend’s father passing away and choosing to attend his memorial service in support of her. But I’ve given meditation instruction many times. Still, the thought made me nervous to give it to another person training to be a teacher until I just grounded myself and moved out of a sense of perfectionism and into the thought of “skill” – “Everyone has their own style. I do this all the time. I’m sure it will be ok.”
I love the cheat sheet! What forethought! In hypnosis, some people love scripts and some people are very against scripts. I’ve always been a fan though of them so that I make sure I cover important points. They’re like a loose guide for me and then creativity is allowed for as well.
That you love to share (which all teaching is sharing) comes through very strongly and is delightful to read about! Thank you for your honesty too around being nervous and thinking, “did I remember this or that” but then rooting yourself in your own body.
Susan – Jeff Warren – Shinzen Young – Bridgett – Dr. Glasser – Marty – Mary Jo – Mukti Micheal Buck – The Luckymoms – Bobbi Goldin – Leta & Jack (mom and dad) – Mary (grandma). To these I honor with lineage. And that’s the short list. The first time I heard about lineage really, and honoring the teachers before us was in a Thai Yoga teacher training and we listed them out most recent to least. But stuck to “teachers” more in the formal sense. This time I included teachers, mentors, relatives, and The Luckymoms who were my playgroup when I was a young mother and many of whom are still a large presence in my life even with the kids practically grown up. Sometimes I have a hard swallow when I think about lineage – some of the mentors and teachers along the way were not so kind or supportive. Neither was my mother. But in my 30s, I began writing letters to my maternal grandmother to get to know her better. And I still treasure the ones she wrote back. She had passed away before I made my first quilt but I have the ones she made me. And quilting became a way to stay connected to her and my lineage. Oddly enough, my mother didn’t quilt although she did a lot of embroidery that she would give my grandmother for a particular quilt being made. I hand quilt so one typically takes me up to a year to make and have become treasured parts of my own family history. Back to the Luckymoms – I didn’t realize until this moment that the only ones I’ve made to give outside of my family were to Luckykids and to foster kids. My mother was a state social worker and I heard my whole life about how the foster kids had nothing. So in some way donation quilts to foster kids keeps me connected to her and my grandmother as part of my lineage. This was a fun essay to write! Thank you for the topic.
Wow! I love this story so much. As a hobby artist, I know most people will never see my art and I do it for the process, how good it feels to make something, and as a way to connect with my artist daughter. Your essay opens up the possibility that it may someday affect someone unknown to me, a niece, a grand-niece, maybe a stranger.
Even with my kids 20 and 24 now, your essay felt so validating. I remember being jealous of a friend with no kids who meditated daily, did her yoga teacher training and then led yoga retreats in Costa Rice the year after. Meanwhile I was at home with two small kiddos just dreaming of a moment alone and my ex-husband saying that me going off to teach yoga once a week was my alone time. Mothers are mainly in my lineage as either mothers or mothers/therapists.
I grew up in a very religious Methodist household in Texas where eternalism principles were taught. My father was a Methodist minister and my mother became one after he passed away. She was a social worker most of my life growing up. My father passed away when I was 18 the year before I went to college which led to an intense period of questioning. I landed on atheism at some point. I am not familiar with the distinctions of nihilism and atheism although they strike me as similar. It wasn’t until my early 40s that I found a sense of spirituality again but not necessarily eternalism. It’s not a sense of follow the rules and you’ll get to heaven; rather that my spiritual guides are present and able to help me. And an afterlife that is available no matter what, where I review the life I just lived and choose how to move forward into the next one. This life no longer feels pointless like it did for 20 years while I was an atheist. Even so, sometimes this life often feels hard, difficult, tiring and there is sometimes a sense of having to endure the hardships to learn lessons along the way and to burn off karma. Perhaps that’s closer to eternalism than nihilism. It’s probably not the middle ground of Buddhism (I’m not really sure as I’m still exploring that) but it feels more middle than to either extreme.
Anita, I like the developmental perspective and had not really put it together for myself that way. Since my father died when I was 18, it coincided with my move away from externalism but also going off to college where the exploration of different spiritualities would be considered developmentally “normal.” I always thought it was because of his death that I moved more towards atheism and not necessarily developmental. Thank you for the insight.
@Colin. I had this same experience of comfort disappearing once I began questioning the promises of externalist traditions. And when I stopped believing them. Their comfort seems to be dependent on believing their premises.
Reflect on what it means to support discovery. What are the primary tools?
What struck me the most about the first meeting we had was the concept of caring about but not taking on the responsibility for taking care of a student’s experience. Caring about, for me, is holding the space for the student to discover their own experience. Providing the container for that as others have said above. That would be one tool of many.
Holding the space for me as a teacher is about providing consistency, being reliable so that the student feels that they can count on me to show up for them to hold the space. Listening deeply, reflecting their experience rather than imposing my own. I think in here is also some boundaries as in I can reflecting their experience and not impose my own but also set some limits around this is the tradition we are working in so here is the structure about how we do that based on thousands of years of teachings. Holding the space for this also, for me, includes that this method may not be a good fit for them and so they’re free to find a different method or a different teacher. Another tool would be a sense of freedom and choice. We choose to show up, we choose to meet, we choose to practice this way/path for now.
I’ve definitely had to learn not to provide too much information along my journey as it’s been experienced as overwhelming in the past. And moving to questions about the person’s experience is a wonderful tool. Ultimately, we all are looking for understanding and that’s almost impossible without questioning. Thank you for your thoughts.
I relate to this as a recovering co-dependent and therapist. I learned a hard lesson years ago to not try to help someone who isn’t asking for help. It is containing myself that’s necessary. I love that you label the urge HELPING. And that the tool you cite is allowing as well as questioning. Thank you for your thoughts.
Hi! My name is Elizabeth Bonet. I live in Jacksonville, Florida. I moved up here about a year ago from South Florida. I live with my 20 year old daughter, two cats (14 and 1), and Trixie the rescue terrier (3). I’ve been meditating on and off for 30 years and almost every day for the last 15.
girrllie@yahoo.com
954-496-2034