Erin Schwartz
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Hi Toni,
I love the idea of my insecurities and inadequacies taking a back seat! Even while acknowledging our limited abilities, we can rely on what we’ve learned about providing instruction and staying true to that. Very well said!
Erin
Hi Nikki,
I really appreciate your discernment in noting that you are forever a student, but when in the role of facilitator or teacher, it’s important to maintain that orientation with all the boundaries that go with it. I can relate to feeling like a “forever student.” Your essay was a good reminder that I need to be aware of the role I’m occupying and behave accordingly.
Thank you!
Erin
The short answer to this week’s question is that I do feel prepared to offer one-on-one instruction to another person. I feel like I have a good understanding of the meditation technique and I feel comfortable offering guidance. The practice sessions during our weekly teachings have been very helpful. I’ve also picked up a lot of tips and tools from both the formal teaching with Susan as well as what others in the course have shared.
Where I feel some reticence is when I imagine questions that might be asked following a meditation session that might be beyond my expertise. For example, if someone asks more detailed questions about meditation practice within the context of Buddhism or about Buddhism in general, I feel a bit of worry about how best to respond. While I have some knowledge of Buddhism and Buddhist practices, I certainly am not qualified to offer any kind of teaching. I think my response would likely be to direct the person to qualified teachers, books, and other appropriate resources. I’ll want to be a bit more prepared to respond to these types of questions.
Susan,
I really appreciate your perspective around the ethics of charging money and the importance of having ethical intentions. I could not agree more! Very well said.
Cheers!
ErinHi Alexandra,
I think your response is spot on. Before beginning to offer meditation instruction, it makes a lot of sense to take inventory of your own circumstances and to think proactively about how changing from offering free teaching to charging might land. I also really like the idea of teachers including a “suggested donation” amount. There have been so many times when I’ve just felt lost about what is appropriate to offer.
Cheers!
ErinMy feelings about charging money for offering meditation instruction are more complicated than I would have thought. Currently, I don’t have any intention to offer meditation instruction in any kind of formal way, so I don’t plan to charge for offering it. I have a full-time job that provides me with enough compensation and healthcare benefits. If I were going to offer meditation instruction, it would most likely be with people I know or as a pro bono service for local organizations. I personally would not feel comfortable charging money for offering meditation guidance at this point.
However, I do think it is important that meditation teachers (and others doing similar work) receive compensation for their services. They are offering their expertise, time, and energy and should be compensated, especially if this is their primary work. They should be able to support themselves. Unfortunately, I think far too often there is an expectation that services like meditation guidance should just be provided without charge.
Ultimately, I believe how meditation teachers charge for services should be left up to the individual offering the teaching. The dana system has been around for a very long time, but I have to admit that having a set fee or a range results in less anxiety for me. I agree with what was said in class; I never know how much is the appropriate amount to offer.
Hi MaryBeth,
Thank you for your essay. I really appreciated your inclusion of your experiences with your husband. I also immediately thought of the classrooms I’ve been in when I thought about this question. Your essay helped me realize that I’ve learned so much from my partner over the 17 years we’ve been together. Thanks for that!
I also chuckled in recognition at your description of truly terrible environments where you’ve had to provide training. I’ve experienced this as well – so many bland rooms where the temperature and the acoustics are never right. It’s not a good situation for the trainer or the people attending.
When I think about an ideal learning environment and experience, I immediately think about my experience as a doctoral student in Psychology. I was part of a cohort of 8 students. Our classes were generally small (20 people are less) and we dove deep into subjects that I was passionate about. When I reflect on that experience, I realize that what I loved the most about it were the relationships that I formed. I became very close not only with the other students in my cohort, but also with a few professors who took a special interest in me as a student. The combination of small classes, the shared experience of going through a doctoral program among my classmates, and the passion for teaching from some of my professors made this one of the best experiences of my life.
I’ve experienced less than ideal learning environments each time I’ve been in large classrooms/auditoriums or conference rooms where I don’t know anyone and there is little to no engagement with the instructor/speaker. These experiences have been made worse when the focus or topic is of little interest to me – sitting in an Organic Chemistry class among 100+ students during my undergrad years comes to mind.
Prior to thinking about and writing this essay, I would have wagered that my predominant instinctual drive is self-preservation. I realize now that I’m actually more inclined toward the social drive. I feel truly at my best when I am connected with others and have a sense of belongingness. It’s helpful to understand this about myself.
Hi Susan,
You did a really nice job of relating the importance of healthy and balanced boundaries through your descriptions of experiences with two teachers in your essay. The first teacher you described was open, but the boundaries were clear. The second did not maintain good physical boundaries and was interpersonally remote (yikes!). I really liked how you described feeling contained by there being a “beginning, middle, and end” to your conversation with your first teacher and how the absence of that with the second teacher left you with doubts about the benefits of Buddhist study. Your essay conveyed the importance of considering both the physical space as well as interpersonal style. Thank you for your essay!
Erin
Hi Virginia,
As a former therapist, I really related to your essay. I often found myself bringing the troubles and traumas of my clients home with me. This, combined with a lack of self-care, led to burnout. Definitely a tough lesson to learn. I’m so glad you’ve been able to find the right balance in your work and personal life. Thank you for sharing!
Erin
My initial response to this week’s essay question was. “Wow! I have a lot of competing thoughts and feelings about that!”
From a personal perspective, I did not grow up with healthy models of connection. I also came into this world with a propensity toward anxiety and shyness. This combination led to me being socially awkward in my early years. I had a hard time knowing how to connect with others and I was often filled with anxiety at the thought of speaking in front of or interacting with people I didn’t know or know well. I was a good student, but wasn’t comfortable speaking up in class.
I trained and practiced as a therapist in my 20s and 30s. At the time, I really liked the boundaries that were inherent in therapeutic relationships. I felt safe in knowing that I wasn’t going to be expected to talk about myself. I understood that I was in a very specific role with my clients and I was not their friend. However, their hardships weighed on me and this experience was underscored by the feeling that I wasn’t able to have an authentic reaction in response. I also wasn’t taking care of my needs outside of my work. I wasn’t replenishing my own cup. I don’t know that I ever found a good balance as a therapist because I burnt out in my mid-thirties and opted for a career change. I think most of the clients I worked with would have said I landed more on the side of being too remote rather than too friendly. People in my personal life probably would have said the same.
For the past fifteen years or so, I’ve been working on showing up more authentically and letting others get to know me. In my professional life, I’m working to be a little less remote while maintaining healthy boundaries. I know if I choose to teach meditation, I will need to ensure that I abide by “caring about, but not taking care of” credo. I will also need to ensure that I’m taking care of my own well-being outside of the student-teacher relationship so that I am able to continue to show up and hold my seat as teacher.
Hi Anita,
I can really related to your reflection as I too have recently come to recognize (with some help) that I don’t always bring my full presence with others. I have a tendency to get focused on the next thing that needs to get done or musing inside of myself while others are speaking. In reading your reflection, it’s helpful to realize that bringing full presence to others is an act of generosity. I don’t know that I was fully holding that. Thank you for sharing this!
Erin
Hi Clif,
I so enjoyed reading your reflection for multiple reasons. I appreciated your deep-dive into the complexities of generosity, particularly in light of being an Enneagram 2. I also relate most to the paramita of generosity and although I’m not a 2, I have definitely had the experience of “getting strokes” for giving to others.
As someone who lived in PDX for 14 years (until 2023), I loved your description of walking in misty Mt. Tabor. I KNOW that experience.
Thank you.
I feel most connected to the paramita of Generosity. I think I came into this lifetime with a natural tendency toward caring deeply about the experience of others and wanting to alleviate suffering in whatever ways I could. This may sound virtuous, but it actually caused a lot of problems for me. Others saw me as overly emotional and I was regarded as a “weird kid.” Throughout my childhood I was constantly told that I needed to “stop being so sensitive” and to put myself first. Giving to and caring about others in various ways has come easily for me, but it’s not been balanced and that’s where I’ve experienced difficulties.
To that end, Discipline is probably the paramita I have the most difficulty with. This shows up in lots of different ways. The most obvious is as I’m struggling to incorporate more positive habits into my daily life and minimize those that are either harmful or don’t really add much to the quality of my life. For example, I know I’m at my best when I start my day with a meditation, but I have a long-standing habit of getting up in the morning, drinking tea, and playing NY Times games on my phone. Meditating gets pushed until later in the day or it has historically been skipped altogether. I’m trying to exert greater discipline with my morning routine which is fairly mundane, but has a major impact on my life.
The other ways that my difficulties with Discipline have shown up have had to do with unchecked Generosity which have led to hardship and/or resentment on my part. This has shown up primarily in close relationships. In recent years, I’ve been working on being more aware of how well resourced I am before giving to others. I also know that there have been times when I’ve intervened in an effort to try to keep others from experiencing pain or discomfort, but my actions ended up doing more harm than good to both the other person and to me. The discipline around checking in with myself and establishing boundaries will probably continue to be an ongoing practice for the rest of my life, but it has gotten easier over time.