Donna

[Donna]

Suffering
My formative years were filled with suffering, unfortunately. Early on, life circumstances were accompanied by constant change (could be fun), stress (not so fun), and the upheaval of moving a lot (upsetting). I am currently revisiting feelings centering on a short term but somewhat debilitating childhood stress. I can remember when I was in second grade, I lost most of my hearing due to severe ear infections. I think I sat silently in class staring at my classmates without a clue as to what was going on. I knew something was wrong, but did not understand what was happening. I felt unintelligent and uncomfortable. This spawned a feeling of of panic.

That emotional uneasy feeling remained a feature even after I regained my hearing.

Ultimately, the seemingly endless process of forgiving my parents for the somewhat crippling emotional suffering they caused in my life, forgiveness for the intense stress I encountered because of my military service, and at times ordinary physical and emotional limitations in my life seem endless- a source of irritation for me.

However, lately I have come to more fully realize and embody the concept that what I experience is largely a part of the human condition. And, I am not alone in that. We all cope with the suffering involved in growing up, being sick, aging, and ultimately passing from this existence.

[Donna]

Masterful Marriage at a Young Age

I need a vessel as wide as infinity to embrace the true nature of you.
My thoughts are big on desire.
I can’t translate.
I am like a luna moth-bold and silly.
Everybody you love seems invisible in your presence.
What was I saying?
I’m roaming around picking up the pieces, still.
“Narrative, poetics destroyed my body, a dissolving, a return.”
I feel somewhat diminished watching the sunrise on the beach.
I am also trying to tell your story.
Why don’t you tell it? I will stand beside myself.
It is fiction anyway.
Tell me what you think is true.
You are the ocean.
I am noting the receding echoes.
Me, I am occupying the monotonous shore.
I peer through the kaleidoscope with my mind, proximal to the pounding surf.
What am I saying?
-Rant.
I think (but do not say) I should blame you.
Tell your story in your own language.
Ok?
Show up in your wavy hair cut short.
I remember now.
You were a country boy who stared at the sky and tripped over your own feet.
You liked Herman Hesse.
The contrast between worldliness and monasticism
Struck you
Like the absolute certainty of a heart attack.
Your hands are like piano players-long tapering fingers.

You spit in the shower.
(Inspired by The Fragile Vial by Rumi)

[Author]

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