David Minarro
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Thank you Betsy, your kind words remind me why it is important to work this way, and make me feel so much gratitude in my heart!
Thanks Kelly! I have sometimes worked in schools where assemblies were considered a waste of instructional time, and I couldn’t understand it. And I totally agree, that there is nothing more healing than feeling seen and cared for.
As a fifth grade teacher, I consider that the well-being and safety of my students is above all else, and I give all possible importance to creating safe spaces where they feel confident to express what may concern them. I have also received specific training to know how to detect signs of violence, mistreatment or abuse on children, and how to respond accordingly. So in my work I feel equipped and supported to respond to trauma effectively. A strategy that I really like and find especially useful is assemblies. Assemblies consists of starting the morning with a space of 10/15 minutes, in which everyone can talk and share what they want, whether it is a nice memory from the previous day, a task or art project you’re really proud of, a curious dream you’ve had, a family event you attended, or anything else. These meeting and communication spaces give students an opportunity to feel heard and valued, and they provide me with a lot of information to know their opinions, conflicts and concerns, which can help a lot, especially in the second R (recognize).
Outside of my known work environment, such as working as a meditation teacher, I would seek training to obtain specific tools, such as those mentioned in the video about the trauma-sensitive yoga class, to feel adequately equipped for this topic. However, I found last week’s class on setting boundaries, cross-cultural awareness, and paying attention to courtesy to make everyone feel welcome very helpful in this regard.
Thanks for reading.
Karen,
I found your strategy of detecting disagreements in what you receive, between words and body signals, very skilful, and I liked how you pay attention to these signals to evaluate the person’s degree of comfort toward a certain situation. I alsoadmire the communication process that you stablish with your body and that you know how to pay attention to it, which seems very healthy to me. It is very common for our body to communicate needs to us, and for us not to pay attention to them because there is always so much to do and we are always so busy. This inattention towards the body seems to me as another form of the self-aggression you refer to. So I’m glad that you step out if and show us the way to do so!Kate,
Thank you for sharing the results of your research, it has helped me to complement the information in the video. The beginning of your response has conveyed a lot of humility to me and I have found the idea of including meditation in your journalling classes very interesting. I have no doubt that your classes, your presence and your work with your students will help them enormously to achieve feel more confident and be kind to themselves. Thanks also, I loved Carl Jung’s quote, I didn’t know it!When facing difficult emotions, meditation has taught me to create a kind of internal witness that helps me observe the situation from a more objective level. Although I still have a long way to go, in the midst of an emotional turmoil, on good days I can connect with a kind of more equanimous and realistic version of myself that calmly tells me, within me, things like this: “David , stop, stop for a second to feel yourself, calm your thoughts first, put your hand on your heart; do not let yourself be carried away by worry, respond when your anger has passed; do not lose patience, you made that mistake yourself yesterday at least twenty times; act later, when you have more clarity; do not make movies in your head about this; before insisting, wait to see the effect of the action you did before; ask for forgiveness or start that conversation that I know is difficult for you; it is time for you to let go of this person who does not benefit us, at least for today, etc”. And although sometimes I tell him “shut up, leave me alone or I can’t deal with you right now”, deep down I listen to him, and that dialogue we establish helps me take a step back and create some space between situations and my reactions. Maybe we all have this version of ourselves inside, somewhat Gollum-esque, it’s called voice consciousness, internal dialogue or Jiminy cricket: But I feel that my meditation practice has helped me give more prominence to that internal witness, who behaves like a teacher who comes out in search of my care and well-being, and also has helped to recognize its voice among the hubbub of noise that is going on inside our brains and bodies, specially when facing difficult emotions. And I am very glad for that extra help. Thanks for reading!
Karen, isn’t it incredible how sometimes the vicissitudes of everyday life can take us to our edges, and when we find ourselves in extreme situations where even our survival is put in danger, we can bring out a calm that we don’t even know where we had stored? I find what you say very interesting about how meditation can create our neural pathways and connections, and I hope that your practice and life also lead you to face thosework challenges that you talk about, and that you undoubtedly overcome with flying colors, with more serenity and joy.
Kindly, DavidDominic, I find it admirable and inspiring the way you found your way back home after such a hard process, and that meditation was a witness to that entire healing process. To stay with what is. To see things from a different experience. To understand impermanence. Without a doubt, just with one of those three we could spend a lifetime contemplating. I am excited that at the end of that long road, the solution was not to learn to always be well or to overcome negative emotions forever and ever, but to accept and feel the pain of the end of a relationship, and to keep the warmth and energy of your mum within your heart. May she rest in peace, and may we thank her for the wonderful son she brought into this world.
Warmly, DavidIn my job as an elementary school teacher, this year with a wonderful group of fifth graders, I have the habit of practicing meditation before the school day begins, in a cute corner I set up in my classroom, next to my desk. Sometimes I can meditate for up to ten minutes, sometimes just a few breaths, depending on the time available, but I found that I started the morning completely differently. I realized that my morning mind (frequently filled with thoughts about how horrible the traffic had been, the emails I had to answer, how behind I was with curriculum, the debts I had carried during that month, what was missing for the holidays to arrive, or anything else) calmed down, and from then on I was able to be much more present in the relationships that surrounded me. Present when receiving the children from my class, paying attention to their needs and demands, listening or trying to solve their conflicts, relating with my colleges , talking to the parents, maintaining my attention in a conversation, enjoying a pleasant ray of sunlight in the patio, or the smell and warmth of the cup of coffee I made during recess. I realized again how my practice or those moments of turning inward helped me change the way I saw and felt the most everyday things. And for me that is an example of egolessness, because instead of going to meet other people and situations in my work from my worries, my stress or my preconceived ideas, meditation helps me see all of this more simply and clearly, getting myself out of the way, but at the same time being more aware of myself than ever. And that feels really really great.
Thanks for reading.Betsy,
As an elementary teaching myself, as you say, I find it very comforting and valuable to know that, to the extent possible, you are helping these children build positive experiences during childhood that will hopefully help them in the future, and that has something about emptying yourself of your own self-centeredness that is very liberating and makes you feel really fulfilled.
I love that you called the business again, I have no doubt that that worker will never forget that gesture of generosity on your behalf.
Kindly,
DavidJana,
The final part of your answer, when you say that it is only possible to perceive or achieve that state of egolessness during only certain glimpses, reminded me of what Susan mentioned last week, about how we can only become totally free of our thoughts during the meditation through small gaps that occur after exhalation. Therefore, I am glad that on your path you are experiencing these flashes of great awareness and wisdom. And by the way, I’m glad your financial situation has stabilized too.
Warmly,
DavidHi Betsy.
I don’t know if maybe you have already really learned to have as much confidence andto love yourself as much as you would like, but from what I have known about you in the OHP sangha, you certainly have a very tender capacity to make others feel appreciated, to highlight the good things in other people, and do it with great humility and kindness. That seems very valuable to me, and I thank you for that.
Also, I have felt really touched by what you say about at least trying to ensure that the pain we feel about loneliness helps us understand and accompany others who also feel it. I think only really great souls are able to see and accomplish that 😉
I wish that your path continues to have beautiful discoveries and countless blessings.
DavidKaren,
I can only imagine how infuriating it must be to invest so much time and energy into an organization and its project, only to end up with such a painful outcome.
Just like they say that when your teacher fails, his teachings are still valid if they helped you and were useful, I hope that the learning, tools and knowledge that you were able to acquire and develop during those years of service, have been able to help you on the steps, subsequent jobs and situations you went through. And also that knowing your extremes and the way to manage the boundaries between your personal and professional life has been a harvest worthy of all the pain you had to go through. And judging by your words, it seems that it was, so I’m glad.
With kindness,
DavidI’m going to talk about something that almost everyone can relate to.
Putting your expectations on someone, being over carried away by the promising situation arising, then falling down on your feelings and having to pick yourself up again. Heart pain and its potentional to tear us apart, and at the same time, simultaneously and paradoxically, help us to find in this whispy dusty unsettling turmoil, the hidden gem that gives your heart an unforseen extra capacity to love with a whole new dimension, a power that is not revealed until it breaks open and new brighter light can be filtered through its cavities. To love with extra strength and appreciation the people and circumstances in your life that do work and that will not run up the hill when things get tough, or when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and real.
Trying to repeat Susan’s words as I remember them in her book “The Wisdom of a broken heart”, a heart that is broken is a heart that is set free from its limits, that instead of focusing its love on a single person or situtaion, now is set loose, love radiating from it all. You feel more, you are touched deeper, and you are able to understand what other people are going through and, let me just say, life in general. How priceless that is? So many great things came to my life after that experience, or experiences, and I remain wholehartedly amazed and grateful to them since.Thanks for reading,
David