Dominic Young
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Amazing essay Rachel! I love how you were able to stay present with your current client even though you had troubling news on your mind at the same time. And how you “could relax into the session”, be there for that client, and also be alone inside with the news you received beforehand. I am glad you could do both and all things worked out well. what a challenge and you seemed to handle it with grace.
Wow, such a wonderful way that you are completely present to your students and their needs to have a wonderful experience, Ann. And how you are in touch within yourself at the same time. Your students are lucky to have you! And I love that you take care of yourself, both before and after.
What a beautiful essay, Kelly. You describe the “teaching” role wonderfully and how you are able to be present with your children and your clients while being alone within yourself, with emotions and experience of the situation. I appreciate how you are able to balance the two so well. I am glad to be in this class with you!
Hi Ann I love your essay! It is short and straight to the point. Simple and yet very insightful. I love it when you say: “True compassion is knowing when…”, it’s like true compassion has a “magical” quality to it. Just knows, innate and authentic, uncontrived. Thank you.
Hi Betsy, your essay is brilliant and I think that you describe idiot and true compassion very well. You did some great research and I thank you for helping me understand compassion much better. Thank you for doing this research, which helped everyone who struggled with this essay. I appreciate you listing the article as well. I love how your practice has helped you in your understanding and awareness.
I have struggled some and thought a lot about this question and the idea of idiot compassion versus true compassion. One could say that idiot compassion is compassion that really helps no one and may even cause more suffering to both the receiver and the giver of such compassion. If one can actually call it compassion at all, it seems more like a play and people are just doing what they are “supposed to” do in a difficult situation. Such “compassion” can also make a mess of the whole situation, so it could bring added suffering, not only to the receiver and giver but to the “environment” as a whole. Idiot compassion has in it a lack of wisdom and a lack of skillful means. It is very messy, and inauthentic, and is more like acting how one is taught or should act in a particular situation that calls for compassion. It is giving compassion, not necessarily to lessen the suffering of another, but to make yourself feel less uncomfortable in the situation. Basically, it is a misunderstanding or confusion of the true nature of reality.
On the other hand, true compassion comes from a deep place within that actually knows the true nature of reality somehow. Either through study, meditation, or in some magical way that is beyond understanding. True compassion comes from the deepest part of one’s heart. You feel the pain and suffering of another human being because you are no different from them really in the most basic sense, you understand their feelings because you have felt them yourself at some point in your life. There is wisdom behind true compassion and you give it very skillfully to another person, they feel really seen and heard by you, and it is very authentic. You are not giving this compassion expecting something in return or to quell your own suffering of feeling uncomfortable. In ultimate reality giver and receiver are one. With true compassion, one seems to have, in a mysterious way, without thinking, the Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, and Right Effort to the situation. I guess you are on the Right Path with true compassion.
With idiot compassion, you are acting more selfishly, you are putting on an act to try to be helpful, of service, of benefit. But in reality, you are trying to be less uncomfortable yourself, it is more about you than about the person you are giving “compassion” to, and ends up being a mess. True compassion is about the one you are giving compassion to only and being fully with them and being of true benefit to them. With no ulterior motive, either conscious or unconscious. As said earlier, ultimately giver and receiver are not separate, and this understanding allows one to be authentic, spontaneous, and deeply feel compassion.
I can’t bring to mind any specific situations where I gave idiot compassion or true compassion at the moment, but I am certain that I have done both in my life. Probably less now that I am on this amazing Path, but I am a work in progress and always learning. I can have true compassion for myself for not always getting it “right” in all situations that I encounter. My ability to just be with someone in their suffering in the way they need to be with them is always growing in some unknown or mysterious way.
Thank you for your essay Jenn! I love that you tune into yourself as well as the person that you are guiding. It is so important in guiding someone in a practice and the fact that you are aware of this is special. I also love the recognition of how important language can be in creating a safe space for someone to practice. You are definitely a skillful guide and I am sure your students are glad to have you. am happy to be on this journey with you.
Thank you for your beautiful essay, Helene. I love your analogy of the 4 R”s being musical notes and how you can play them together skillfully to have a beautiful symphony. The 4 R’s are used together to create a safe space for any practice or close interaction. At the beginning, you say that you have little knowledge, but by the end, you show that you are much more skillful than you think. I believe you are and will be an amazing guide to anyone you work with.
Thank you Susan for bringing up this critical and essential topic. This video was very short and simple, yet it spoke volumes on the topic of trauma and how to respond with sensitivity and skillfulness. The four R’s are a wonderful way to explain how to have a trauma-sensitive class or practice. This topic of trauma is very personal to me and in the work I am beginning to do.
As far as the first R, I am very aware of how widespread trauma is in society in general. I have taken several trainings on the topic of trauma sensitivity and have read many books on the topic. Besser Van Der Kolk, Peter Lavine, Aimie Apigian, and Gabor Mate are some of the best trainers and authors on trauma. Still, that is only an intellectual understanding on my part, I know trauma personally as well and have had many traumatic events in my life. I feel very confident in my awareness of trauma, how pervasive it is in society, and the crippling effects that it has on people.
The second R is Recognize. I know that I can recognize the non-verbal signs of trauma in myself. The trauma that I have experienced most likely goes back to birth or possibly before. When I was born, the doctors told my mum that I would not live, that had to be very traumatic for my mum as she had a previous miscarriage. This trauma was probably transferred to me as well due to the emotionally traumatic state my mum was in at this time. She was still strong enough to not accept this and I believe it saved my life. She gave birth to me and saved my life at the same time. I was born with spina bifida and my mum was told I would never walk if I survived, again my mum refused to believe this, and I can walk, though with mobility issues. Again I credit my mum with my ability to walk. This was a trauma for my mum and for me as well. These traumas are in the past, but are fully present now in the body and can have lasting and ongoing effects. I don’t believe my mum fully processed or healed these traumas or even had a real awareness of them. I can now see this in hindsight from some of her behaviors, like “eating her emotions” or numbing with food, and being closed off or shut down at times. I can also recognize the effects of trauma on myself in “eating my emotions” at times still ( may be generational trauma in a sense). I can stop this response most of the time now that I am aware of it, but not always even though I am aware of what I am doing. In such cases, I do my best to have compassion and empathy for myself and am not too harsh on myself.
The third R is Respond. In the past, I didn’t feel I had the ability to respond skillfully when I recognized a trauma response in myself or anyone else. Today, I do feel confident that I can and will respond skillfully and with compassion when I recognize a trauma response in someone else. And I am able to do this for myself as well. I feel I have the skills to respond in a kind, gentle way to anyone displaying a trauma response/reaction or triggered in any way while I am guiding them in meditation or coaching. Though I have much to learn and experience and this is ongoing throughout life. I will continue to add to my learning, knowledge, and skills in this area.
The final R; avoiding re-traumatization or “do no harm” is so important when working with other people in any capacity. Fostering an environment of safety is the first place to start and asking the person you are working with what they need to feel safe in the space and in their body. And how I can facilitate this feeling of safety. Also to let them know that they can stop and take a break if they begin to feel a trauma response or start to feel unsafe in any way. Then come back when they feel safe to do so. To let them know that they have agency over themselves.
David, thank you for your kind reply to my essay, your words have touched my heart! I am grateful to be on this journey with you.
Thank you for your kind words, Karen! I appreciate you! I commented on your essay, but it seems to have gone in the wrong place, not under your essay, but at the bottom of the thread. I am grateful to be on the path with you.
Karen, what a harrowing experience you went through on that country road on that dark night! I am so glad that you made it through unscathed physically and hopefully mentally as well. It is truly amazing how calm you described you were in the face of a life-and-death possible situation! I can appreciate how traumatic that must have been in many ways. It is strange how one can be calm in such extremely scary situations. I agree that meditation does seem to rewire the brain and science has shown this to be true from many studies. I like to think that there is some sort of “magic” in meditation that is beyond science and concept. This may be what you experienced on that country road, I don’t know for sure, but a practice of regular meditation allows one to experience moments of that “magic”. I am so glad you are here on this journey and I am happy to be on this journey with you. I am sure you will continue to cultivate further moments of calm in difficult situations in the future.
