Anne Dooley
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Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Betsy and Kelly,
Betsy, thank you for your well described and completely relatable example from your grandchild’s class.
Kelly, I appreciate your thoughtful response to Betsy’s post and really paused over your suggestion that touch ‘shouldn’t necessarily be demonized… but practiced, communicated and corrected as needed. Those last three words are important. Trauma sensitivity is a crucial awareness for meditation teachers, and I would argue, for every human seeking to strengthen and build community and emotional ties (ie: not be a jerk). But we may make mistakes along the way, being human. I wonder if there is room for an additional R–repair, an apology and a recognition of the validity of the boundary we may have mistakenly crossed.Anne Dooley
ParticipantParticularly in the wake of the COVID epidemic, I have become aware of trauma in others as well as myself. My ESOL students are adults and have all immigrated to the US. They have a vast range of experiences and life stories. Some topics, such as family vocabulary, can be tricky for students whose families might have been separated due to violence or other trauma. Students never need to share any personal information; I reinforce this rule in class. On the other hand, many students thrive on discussing their lives and circumstances and in comparing and contrasting with their classmates. My goal of creating a classroom that is both culturally responsive and trauma informed means that I find myself articulating respect for individual differences as well as students’ right to accommodations that will help them feel safe and best equip them to learn. I suppose another way of putting this is: I strive to create a container that is welcoming, supportive, and joyful.
I have experienced meditation classes or retreats where students are counseled to back off if they are encountering very difficult emotions in practice. I have had to do this myself. When I first began to meditate, focusing on my breath frequently triggered anxiety in me. My heart started to beat faster and my breath came so quickly I felt light-headed. Sometimes I just stopped meditating. Sometimes I tried walking meditation. But often, switching to focusing on sensations in my hands or feet or on my belly rising and falling with the breath gave me the space I needed to continue my sit and begin to be with my anxiety.
I appreciated the yoga class token example in our video and wonder if there is a corollary that could be used in a meditation class. Most of what I have heard or can think of come across as warnings to students: be mindful of your emotional state, don’t continue if you are experiencing uncomfortable emotions. But, on further consideration I think that those cues could also be seen as signposts on the way to helping meditators lean into the journey of learning to understand their own minds and goodness.
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Jenn,
Thanks for bringing up the whole judgement of our emotions piece. Yes, me too. It was really only through meditation that I became aware that I was piling on the suffering by questioning and castigating and blaming myself for what I was feeling.
Also–I think a little talking to oneself as you describe can be really useful. Made sense to me!Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Kimberly,
Your description of being raised as a child to repress your emotions resonated with me, as well as how you say you internalized repressing your emotions — so that it felt natural to you. I feel I have so much un-doing to get through to really experience emotions.
I appreciate your gratitude toward all who have come before to practice and teach so that this wisdom is available to us!Anne Dooley
ParticipantMeditation has helped me to become far less in thrall to my difficult emotions. Through meditation I learned that “I” am not my emotions or thoughts; and that my most joyous or wrenching emotions don’t necessarily mean anything beyond themselves. By sitting in meditation, I became aware of my mind and also of consciousness (although I can’t actually say what that means).
In meditation, I encounter my mental chatter. Typically, after running through my to do list, thoughts of what I’m going to eat next, and what clothes were clean to wear to work, I eventually became aware that a lot of my constant mumbling undertones were arguments against whatever was my predominant emotion at the time. You know: why do you feel that, stop feeling that, you should do this, say that, go there, to stop feeling that.
After a while, when I shift my attention away from thinking and let the emotion rise in awareness, I find that feeling angry or sad doesn’t kill me. Sometimes the emotion just settles and softens in my body, sometimes I feel a jolt of energy or heat. I always feel a sense of space in and around me, and peace.
Of course, this rarely happens. But rarely is enough, is a gift.
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Betsy,
Thank you for sharing your car wash story. Our scarcity mentalities are so hard to overcome! I find tipping to be awkward, even when (especially when?) I’m very motivated by gratitude. The moment that stood out for me in your story was the brief conversation you had with the car wash employee. I expect that was a really good moment for him, to be seen as he was: a good and honest worker.
It was really lovely to call the business. (Don’t forget to be generous with yourself!:)Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear David,
I really enjoyed reading this and felt I was following you throughout the day, seeing the sunlight, smelling the coffee. Thank you so much for describing how getting yourself out of the way also helps you be more aware of yourself than ever — and feels wonderful. I understand this and thank you for describing it. Beautiful.Anne Dooley
ParticipantMy sense of self can be a bit wobbly sometimes, it ebbs and flows, so I’ve never taken the suggestion of letting go of self as much of a threat. However, I don’t think I’ve actually let go of ego or sense of self in any long-lasting or meaningful way. I do believe it’s possible and I do believe it would be joyful.
My connection to my adult English as a Second Language students has deepened as my practice has progressed. I love empowering them by helping them to improve their English language skills. But coming to know each of them and appreciate their cultures, personalities, strengths, and challenges opens my heart in an unprecedented way. I love how they create a class community and bond through comparing and contrasting their languages, foods, music, and color and texture of beach sand. Thinking about different activities to best serve different classes is a joy – and sometimes a total wormhole. But sometimes, things get sticky for me as a teacher, and I know that I am wanting to elicit a certain response from my students. Simply put, I get a little hooked on positive feedback from students. I notice this puts friction (for me, don’t know about anyone else) in our connection. Avoiding this kind of grasping and the clarity of freedom I could experience from nongrasping is how I imagine letting go of self might work.Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Ginny,
I really resonate with the way you write about your previous relationship to grief. I, too, locked grief in the closet for so long I convinced myself that I was “dealing with” it that way. Thank you for sharing your journey from the shock and grief of divorce to freedom and thriving.
Anne Dooley
ParticipantThe covid pandemic lockdown spat both my daughters out of their young adult lives and back into our small house. They were both furious, scared and disoriented, just in very different, noncomplementary ways. They were miserable. They snarled at each other and rolled their eyes at my sweet husband and me. My younger daughter adopted a rescue puppy who quickly grew bigger and stronger than our resident 60 lb dog. The dogs snarled at each other. I was frantic, trying to figure out how to help (fix?) my daughters, how to convince the dogs to quit jockeying for position. Of course, everything else was a mess, the world was on fire, and I felt I just couldn’t bear it, I had to do something, I had to fix the mess. In the meantime, I avoided my family as best as I could. I didn’t mean to; I just couldn’t deal with them. I wasn’t sleeping or eating. All frayed nerves, I leapt up in terror, my heart pounding at random sounds.
I had fantasies of running away, although I knew I didn’t really want to. I had to address my fury and fear. I had to admit past trauma.
I can’t say that it was worth it, that I’m glad in any way for the experience. Memories of that time still cause me deep pain. But I understand suffering now in a way that has opened my heart to include myself.Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Kate,
Thank you for your expansive, heartfelt exploration of your lineages. Thank you too, for your Maya Angelou quote and adaptation. I too, want to remember everyday that “this is a wonderful practice session, I’ve never seen this one before.” Beautiful.Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Jana,
I very much appreciate your naming the sadness that you felt at the beginning of this process. I, too, felt sad and worried that I don’t “belong” anywhere. It was lovely to read your process to connecting to the long and rich history of Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioners, plant lovers, healers and others. Thank you.
Anne Dooley
ParticipantI have been puzzling over my lineage since the first time I heard Susan talk about it, earlier this year. I have moved from flinching at the word and its incongruity with how I see myself, to a tentative understanding I am happy and curious to work with. My ancestor lineage, includes my grandmothers, and my great-great grandparents, who were deaf and whose influence manifests in my beautiful younger, Deaf daughter. My teacher lineage includes Susan and Kevin, Pema Chodron. My magic lineage are the people who sparked a certain kind of happiness and yearning in me for life and truth beyond the day-to-day agreed upon reality. Harriet Tubman, William Blake and my best friend Cathy, who talked magic with me and who died nearly 25 years ago. Counting her in my lineage, remembering and honoring her every time I sit, feels right
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Kate,
I really appreciate the way you speak to the role of our culture in our response to ourselves=suffering. It was such a pointed and elegant way of underscoring the way that suffering is a result of our afflictions of mind. And I loved your phrase “celebrate everything as practice.” Something to aspire to. Thank you.
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Suzie,
Thank you for sharing your inner monologue of facing daily suffering. I can relate from the pre-dismay over a messy rain wet dog to the early resistance to the upcoming doctors appointment. Suffering is universal.
I absolutely love the Pema Chodron quote you shared. I will try to remember it and tell myself, hey, it’s just suffering. Nothing’s wrong! -
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