Anita Pai
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If I were to give 1:1 instruction, being prepared would require me to stay open, flexible, and receptive. I’m not planning on giving instruction at this time, but if I were, I’d say I feel ready to give the basic instructions. I would also be open to how things may unfold from there. The practice sessions throughout this training have been very helpful, a safe container for me to explore both giving and receiving instruction. The workbook questions give additional shape to this teaching container, informing my intentions in guiding a practice, and how I can respond to questions that may arise.
Part of being prepared is following the practice guidelines while also inhabiting a space of active learning and responding. This means I need to be invested in my own practice as well, where much learning and exploration take place.Hi Ana,
Lovely description of your approach to offering instruction, and the freedom that’s inherent in the defined container. I appreciate the feeling of excitement you express in growing and honing your teaching style. I sense the readiness and joy in your words!
Hi Niki,
I appreciate your words on being forever a student. It’s a wonderful reminder that there’s always more to learn and more ways to grow. To think we have attained complete knowledge in an area would be such a disservice to ourselves and our students. Thank you!
Hi Mary,
Thank you for your thoughtful reflection. I like how you framed your discussion about valuing a service (one where monetary compensation is expected and the norm) in different contexts. It underscores the point that the inherent value of a service should be honored, and sets a standard for the integrity of that service to be maintained.
Hi Kimberly,
Thanks for your reflection. I appreciate how you touched on the importance of balance, and how that balance arises from a healthy relationship and attitude towards money. Thank you!
I do not plan to formally teach meditation at this time. I enrolled in this training as a way to deepen my practice in an intentional way. I have not thought much about the money aspect and teaching. That being said, I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s reflections and thoughts around this topic. It’s very personal, but also reflective of the greater community and world we live in. This work of sharing the Dharma with others, of helping others to discover their own personal relationship with the Dharma, is sacred work. It’s work that requires honesty and integrity, and it is work that holds much value. I do not have any problem with money being part of how the work of teaching is valued. If this is someone’s livelihood, then they need to be able to support and care for themselves in order to provide teachings that reflect their mission and their ability to focus on their work.
I also feel that some flexibility might be helpful, especially early in someone’s formal teaching journey. There’s always a bit of a learning curve when we first start an endeavor. We grow in our abilities, our understanding, our perspectives. As we learn and grow we can adjust what we offer and also how we choose to be compensated. As long as our choices come from a place of integrity, reflective of our commitment to our own practice and ethics, then each individual can discover what is right for them.Hi Jake, thank you for this thoughtful reflection on your experience, especially those spent within a small-group setting. I, too, spoke on the special quality of the small group in my reflection (within the context of my writing group), and have really come to appreciate how valuable this container is for learning. I agree that deep connection and learning is fostered with time spent together, time that is imbued with intention, respect, and a commitment to working with—and for—one another. I also agree that the energy and success of a small group setting is dependent, in large part, to each individual showing up with the willingness and intention to engage. Thank you!
Hi Clif, I really connected with your reflection about the challenging learning environment you experienced. Your words had me nodding in agreement. I, too, feel that true learning and deep exploration are difficult when there is no space or opportunity to connect with others–no meeting of hearts and minds, as you so beautifully stated. It reminded me that this quality of connection has always been a constant in the spaces where I felt learning and growing could thrive. Thank you!
I am currently enrolled in a program that embodies one example, from my perspective, of a learning environment that bends toward the ideal. It’s a fiction writer’s workshop that meets in small groups every week. Each week, we rotate through writing excerpts, submitted the week prior by 2 members of the group, for our reading and evaluation. By the end of the program, we will all have submitted multiple large excerpts from our work for critique and guidance. Our small group of six writers stays the same throughout. This fosters connection, accountability, commitment, and support as we work through our stories. We know how hard each writer has worked to create their manuscripts, for we have each done the same ourselves.
In my group, we’re all in the early stages of revising our completed drafts, and therefore our work is far from the shiny, polished gem we hope it eventually becomes. Instead, it exists in a fledgling state, testing out its wings, vulnerable and delicately held. Just as with a real baby bird, there comes the day when the fledgling must be coaxed to take a courageous leap from the nest. In our critiques with each other, we work to find this balance between being constructive with our words and advice; while providing honest feedback for areas we feel their novel could be strengthened.
Fiction takes universal truths and experiences, and filters them through an individual’s (or individuals/society/culture’s) unique perspective. As a group, we honor this process as an unfolding and awakening that is unique to each person’s story. We commit to helping and supporting each other through this process as best we can, and bring our own unique perspectives to the reading experience. When we meet, we engage in a form of deep listening that honors what each voice brings to the table. Inherent is the recognition of our own vulnerability, our own search for truths in the words and stories we write.
In this open and receptive state, I feel it is almost impossible not to learn from and about each other as we workshop the excerpts. We see each other and our stories better. We see ourselves in our stories. This openness naturally allows us to notice and hold the feelings that can come up during critique, the tendency to cling or reject. There is both a tenderness and a “toughness” at play here. A space which allows us to go deeper in the exploration of our own work, navigating uncharted waters that hold treasures just beneath their murky depths, if we only choose to look. But there is one truth we all know and hold. We are not alone in this process, and there is great comfort in that.Navigating the territory between too friendly or too remote has not come up for me much in the teacher/student setting. However, these themes have presented themselves for me in the context of patient care.
When I used to attend procedures in the operating rooms, it was important to walk a line that met the needs of the patient without leaning too far one way or the other. We are human beings interacting with other human beings, but it’s important to their care and well-being that we stay within the proper boundaries. The practice of a kind and caring bedside manner, balanced with medical professionalism, helps patients feel a sense of safety and trust. As an anesthesiologist, I would often be the last person the patient would see before going under general anesthesia. Sometimes in those moments, it was more important to show that I cared as a fellow human being, rather than just state medical facts. Even more than words, it was simply being with the patient, ensuring they were warm enough and physically comfortable, making eye contact to show I’m listening. At other times, and with other patients, I could sense that medical explanations were exactly what they needed to make sense of their situation in the moment. Ultimately, I needed to meet them where they were, responding as best I could, while still maintaining healthy boundaries.
I remember (long ago!) an attending physician telling all of us residents that we should always treat each patient as a member of our medical family, each one deserving the best medical care we could provide by our highest standards. I absolutely loved this phrase: “our medical family”. Somehow, those three words encapsulated the respect, kindness, and diligent medical care that form the basis of healthy outcomes and patient/provider relationships.Beautiful essay, Liana! Thank you for sharing your experiences establishing healthy boundaries in your work. I appreciate that each time an opportunity to become too friendly with a student or group presented itself, you paused and reflected. I love the wisdom it brought you!
Melanie, thank you for this thoughtful reflection on the complexities of patient care from the perspective of a healthcare provider. The “being with”, while also staying separate, is a unique challenge that presents itself alongside each patient/provider relationship. Having a background as a physician, I connect with so much of your experience. I agree that trust is paramount, and maintaining professional distance can be emotionally draining. Thank you for your words and your work!
Hi Caitlin,
Thank you for your beautiful reflection! Your thoughts on generosity, and sharing your vulnerability, were very moving. You connected gratitude with the practice of generosity, and that is such a beautiful insight. I will now also link them together in this way because it makes perfect sense to me, too. When my heart is full with gratitude, it’s almost impossible not to feel that richness, and the urge to share it. I also appreciate the way you described it as a muscle. I completely agree! Practicing strengthens our gratitude muscles, and this a great reminder to do so! Thanks!
Hi Alexandra,
I love your reflection, and connected with your thoughts on both Generosity and Discipline. I, too, say yes to many things. Part of my work is to be aware of this so I can be fully present for others, slowing down and stopping the “doing” while in their presence. Thank you!
The more I explore and learn about the Paramitas, the more I grow in my understanding of their multifaceted nature. A word like “generosity” can apply to all things—-both big and small. It is both inspiring and a bit intimidating to envision the application of the Paramitas to every moment of our lives.
I have to start with the Paramita that needs both my attention and intention the most. The Paramita of generosity. The specific facet I’m focusing on here is the giving of my full presence and attention to others when I’m with them. This occurred to me earlier this week, as I was contemplating my reflection on the Paramitas, gathering and organizing ideas like cut flowers in an arrangement. One evening, I was preparing dinner when my daughter came to me. She wanted to tell me something, and as she did, I thought I was listening adequately. It was only when she’d finished speaking, and I had said something I’d forgotten the moment it passed my lips, that it occurred to me. As I watched her retreating form, I realized I’d only partially listened. Had I stopped chopping, put the knife down, and turned to look into her eyes as she spoke? No, I had not. And, of course, that was probably not the first time. So the rest of this week, I set my intention to change that. When one of my children came to me, or another family member or friend—even just a phone call—I stopped. I put down the chopping knife, the knitting needles, the basket of laundry. I stopped and stayed with the lovely person who was honoring me with their presence. And, as best I could, I gave myself fully, generously, to them in return. Did my fingers sometimes itch to be doing something? Sure! But that’s okay. If I needed to, I could have sat on my hands.
I find that in being generous to others, as these things seem to work out, I’m also being generous with myself.As for the Paramita that comes easiest to me, it’s discipline. I have not struggled too terribly with this one. It is a strong thread in the fabric of my being. But, even here, I have to be careful not to let my personal discipline go too far. I have to be watchful that I’m not creating impossible standards and expectations that ultimately lead to “failure” and critical self-judgement.
