Week Two Essay
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Jamie Evans.
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AuthorPosts
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September 14, 2024 at 12:13 pm #78778
Susan Piver
KeymasterPlease choose one of the first three truths and express it in your own words. Give one example from your own life that illustrates the truth you’ve chosen.
Reading: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fqc5wUj3cpzVygeUYJj1-9RW6L-hT2hH/view
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September 15, 2024 at 12:57 pm #78780
Donna
ParticipantSuffering
My formative years were filled with suffering, unfortunately. Early on, life circumstances were accompanied by constant change (could be fun), stress (not so fun), and the upheaval of moving a lot (upsetting). I am currently revisiting feelings centering on a short term but somewhat debilitating childhood stress. I can remember when I was in second grade, I lost most of my hearing due to severe ear infections. I think I sat silently in class staring at my classmates without a clue as to what was going on. I knew something was wrong, but did not understand what was happening. I felt unintelligent and uncomfortable. This spawned a feeling of of panic.That emotional uneasy feeling remained a feature even after I regained my hearing.
Ultimately, the seemingly endless process of forgiving my parents for the somewhat crippling emotional suffering they caused in my life, forgiveness for the intense stress I encountered because of my military service, and at times ordinary physical and emotional limitations in my life seem endless- a source of irritation for me.
However, lately I have come to more fully realize and embody the concept that what I experience is largely a part of the human condition. And, I am not alone in that. We all cope with the suffering involved in growing up, being sick, aging, and ultimately passing from this existence.
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September 16, 2024 at 4:32 pm #78819
Allison Potter
ParticipantHi Donna-
I really appreciate reading your thoughtful post on what suffering means in terms of the life you have lived.
I have been trying to get myself to remember, know, and accept ‘impermanence’. It’s a good reminder in times of suffering.
I also agree that, I too, am coming to see that we are all the same, and everyone experiences suffering in their subjective way in this life.-
This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by
Allison Potter.
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September 18, 2024 at 12:23 pm #78910
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantDear Donna, Thank you for your honest sharing of the difficulties during your childhood. It sounds like you have been doing a lot of reflecting and coming to some peace with it all. May you continue to find solace in knowing that you aren’t alone in life’s experiences of suffering. Betsy
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This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by
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September 16, 2024 at 8:23 pm #78862
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantHi, Donna – I’m sorry you had to go through those difficult and confusing experiences, especially when you were just a child! I agree when you say that suffering is really part of the human condition, and in that, we are not alone. I think that realization can lead us to compassion, because we have an inkling of how other people must be suffering. I wish you blessings of peace.
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September 18, 2024 at 10:32 am #78905
Kelly Newsome Georges
ParticipantI moved a lot as a kid, too, Donna (by college I’d lived in over 30 houses). I found it very stressful but, at the time, wasn’t able to process it. During adulthood, I could, and recognizing that my feelings were similar to others’ experiences was a critical part of healing that wound. Gratefully, I also realized that it’s only through the wounding that I was able to relate to the suffering of others – and that provided the foundation for profound friendships and even professional development. Your mention of “not being alone” in it rings very true.
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September 18, 2024 at 1:11 pm #78912
David Minarro
ParticipantDonna, I found it very admirable that you have such a big and brave heart, capable of finding liberation in forgiveness, despite the harshness of the experiences you have related. I find hope, strength and inspiration in your attitude.
With kindness,
David -
September 21, 2024 at 8:23 am #79127
Kimberly Hillebrand
ParticipantDonna, I’m so sorry to hear that your formative years were so difficult. Your personal narrative is difficult to read, and at the same time, incredibly inspiring. That you were able to experience so much in your younger years and still work toward forgiveness of your parents is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
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September 16, 2024 at 4:35 pm #78821
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantSuffering originates from craving: the Second of the 4 Noble Truths
Eckhart Tolle has said, “Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it – all else is madness.” This quote has a lot in common with the Serenity Prayer, which says, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Similarly, in the Lion’s Gate essay, Tulku Thondup Rinpoche stated: “In tantric, or Vajrayana, Buddhism the followers do not avoid or subdue emotional afflictions or negative energies and situations. Instead the emphasis is on accepting and transforming them as the fuel of the wisdom energy.”
These three quotes are referring to the same concept expressed in the Second Noble Truth, which tells us that the cause of suffering comes from our own craving. The external circumstances may be painful, but suffering is multiplied when we create a story about it that springs from our grasping at what we think should be the case, instead of accepting what is objectively before us.
The wisdom of accepting what actually *is* occurring in the present reality is increased by Tulku Thondup Rinpoche’s notion of transforming the negative into medicine that is of assistance to us. As an example, my first marriage was to a man who had many personal issues, and his drinking led him to join AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). During the years that he was going to AA meetings, I was going to Al-Anon, and it was there that I first learned about the concept of detachment and accepting what is. The Serenity Prayer is often recited in AA and Al-Anon meetings.It is akin to madness to not accept what is literally going on around you, but so often our impulse is to do exactly that. We have the urge to bend circumstances to our own preferences, and to have our own way, and even to try to change other people, which is a particularly excruciating exercise in futility. When I have tried these things in the past, what seemed to be behind those impulses was the need for my ego to control, and for my ego to be superior, and for me to get my own way. It was also my ego becoming judgmental of the other person, resulting in me trying to force things to be “better.”
Tolle’s words, “Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it” pretty much sum up my divorce. In my case, my ex-husband actually kicked me out, because he had been cultivating new paramours that were, like him, involved in AA. To try to stay would have been madness, although leaving was difficult and the cost was high. To express the second of the Four Noble Truths (“Suffering originates from craving”) in my own words, I am reminded of my own craving at that time: wanting things to stay the same, to stay in my old apartment and town (craving for the familiar), wanting the security of material things, and wanting my own way (cravings for my desires).
As the Second Noble Truth tells us, the cause of suffering comes from craving, which really comes from my own inner thoughts, which is terrible and wonderful to realize. It’s terrible because I’m doing it to myself, sometimes without my conscious awareness, and it’s wonderful because if my eyes are open to that fact, that means I can become aware, change my approach, and theoretically put reduce my own suffering. As Tulku Thondup Rinpoche indicated, we can even transform the negative energies into the medicine of wisdom, which blessedly happened in the middle portion of my life as a result of my difficult divorce.
– Karen Daughtry
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September 17, 2024 at 8:46 am #78864
Allison Potter
ParticipantHi Karen-
Your post spoke to me deeply. I had never heard two of the quotes you mentioned before.
“Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it – all else is madness.”
“We can even transform the negative energies into the medicine of wisdom.”
I agree with you that it is both terrible and wonderful to realize that craving, leading to suffering, comes from our own inner thoughts.
I am hopeful that this practice and teachings will strengthen my resolve to pause and choose new reactions or actions.
Thank you for your personal and thoughtful post.-
September 18, 2024 at 1:11 pm #78913
David Minarro
ParticipantKaren, I find it fascinating how you describe your experiences of loss and growth, which seem to have been sides of the same coin, as chellenging as it is to view it like that. I value and contemplate in awe your ability to find wisdom, awareness, and even gratitude, through shifting perspective and taking responsibility for your own suffering.
Warm regards,
David -
September 18, 2024 at 4:46 pm #78944
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantKaren, thank you for being brave and vulnerable telling us about your divorce. It sounds like a painful time, but it sounds like you have gained wisdom from it. That is part of Tulku Thondup Rinpoche’s “medicine,” I think. We are all searching for safety, love, and belonging. We want to hang on to whatever we find and not let go, even if it is madness.
Yes, the second Noble truth is both “terrible and wonderful.” It sets us on the path and our own minds give us content with which to work. We are like the miller’s daughter in Rumpelstiltskin, sitting down at our spinning wheels to change straw into gold. -
September 20, 2024 at 11:27 pm #79113
Jenn Peters
ParticipantI found your writing really powerful, Karen – thank you for sharing. Tolle really sums it up, doesn’t he: “Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it – all else is madness.”
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September 18, 2024 at 10:52 am #78906
Kelly Newsome Georges
ParticipantI admit it’s not nearly as “profound” as Tolle or Tulku, but when I read your reflections, I heard Sabrina Carpenter in my head:
“Don’t swear on your mom
That it’s the first drink that you’ve had in like a month
No, don’t say it was just
An isolated incident that happened once
There’s no need to pretend
I’ve never seen an ugly truth that I can’t bend
To something that looks better
I’m stupid, but I’m clever
Yeah, I can make a shitshow look a whole lot like forever and ever[Chorus]
You don’t have to lie to girls
If they like you, they’ll just lie to themselves”To me, it’s a perfect practical application of your restatement: “The external circumstances may be painful, but suffering is multiplied when we create a story about it that springs from our grasping at what we think should be the case, instead of accepting what is objectively before us.”
It’s a situation that occurs much more often that most people acknowledge in marriage/partnership, I think – and it’s one that begs the question we can all ask ourselves “what happens when I stop lying about this, even to myself?” For me, that kind of honesty is the only way I can move forward with (and, if needed, away from) someone. It seems to me that you’ve done that in your divorce, and it’s deepened not only how loving you can be to yourselves but to others.
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September 20, 2024 at 2:14 pm #79090
Dominic Young
ParticipantHi Karen your essay is so deep and personal, my heart goes out to you. The loss of a marriage must be difficult, to say the least. You went through a lot and came out on the other side much stronger! I have read some Tolle, but I have not seen that particular quote, and it definitely rings true for me. Thank you for your beautiful essay!
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September 21, 2024 at 8:18 am #79126
Kimberly Hillebrand
ParticipantKaren, thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful essay. Your deeply personal words about your experiences were moving and inspirational! And that Eckhart Tolle quote? Powerful.
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September 18, 2024 at 6:08 am #78901
Allison Potter
ParticipantTest
(My essay won’t post for some reason)-
September 20, 2024 at 11:59 am #79084
Leanna
KeymasterHi Allison, I’ll reach out via email and we will figure it out. 🙂 -Leanna
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September 21, 2024 at 7:58 am #79122
Allison Potter
ParticipantThanks I think I got it to work now.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
Allison Potter.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
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September 18, 2024 at 11:37 am #78907
Kelly Newsome Georges
ParticipantSo I was going to write about childbirth beliefs and their relation to suffering, and how it might be reframed through the THIRD NOBLE TRUTH: cessation of suffering (Susan’s “stop doing that”). But I can’t get past my experience of this reading, which was in itself a source of suffering (though of course not comparable to birthing :).
As I made my way through the document, I couldn’t escape the Buddhism mental flowchart, which for me tends to be so infuriating and distracting that I can’t devour the material. I’m okay with 3 divisions of yanas and 8 folds of the path. But then you add in 5 precepts, 10 deeds, 8 disciplines, 4 principles, 6 perfections, 5 wisdoms, 987 trainings… I mean, I’m a pretty smart cookie, but my brain starts to bend.
So instead of reflecting on misogyny of medical care, or social conditioning and suffering experienced by birthing people, I’ll go with the simple everyday suffering of trying to understand something that feels obtuse or overcomplicated, founded in grasping onto an expectation to understand. Examples: “I read the Economist and Financial Times! I should understand this!” “Is everyone else getting this, but just not me?” “This is bullshit. Shouldn’t the purest truths be easier and simpler??”
If I, myself, stop those beliefs – if I stop doing “that thing” – then the suffering is gone. Then, there are just numbers and words and a hierarchy of categories. Maybe I follow, maybe I don’t, but either way, I don’t feel agitation or annoyance. It just is.
And once I was able to get there, to just see and let it just be what it was, I got to a most interesting place: the end description about the Vajrayana – which resonates so much more profoundly for me than the other yanas, which doesn’t seem hard at all, which feels rich and true and almost like an internal voice as I read it aloud.
And if I had been wrapped up in the suffering, in my grasping to understand; if I hadn’t been able to “stop that,” would I have ever gotten there?
I’m open to this being a completely simplistic and inaccurate representation of the Middle Way, by the way. But here, two classes in, this is my lens.
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September 18, 2024 at 8:08 pm #78983
Ann Harmon
ParticipantKelly, you are not alone. I struggled with the article also. Maybe I haven’t studied long enough to have the comprehension of what he was saying. But I felt the deep caring of Tulku Thondup Rinpoche Sometimes I have to read something like this and then when I learn more reread it and gradually things become clear.
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September 20, 2024 at 10:32 pm #79107
Christine Masi
ParticipantKelly, I also struggled with this article and thought it was written for students at a much more advanced level than I am.
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September 20, 2024 at 7:54 am #79073
Helene Melancon
ParticipantKelly, thank you. You shared very directly your struggle with this reading. It is said honestly and clearly. I felt less alone. It’s true it is a very dense text, and I especially had trouble with all its multiple ramifications. I smiled and recognized myself in your description of the lists, scratching my head. It was inspiring to see your capacity to put your finger on your expectation to understand, and to follow unequivocally how you felt in that moment, which led you to the part that was key for you and meaningful. Thank you for voicing this sincere point of view. In its own way, it helped me.
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September 20, 2024 at 10:44 am #79074
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantKelly,
awwww, so beautiful! I could feel into your mind and the conundrum, and how you found the way, and it all resonated. I too, was a bit overwhelmed and had to re-read this article a few times, knowing things are only going to get more complex from here the deeper I go. I even googled a simpler definition of the Four Noble Truths. I was searching for a practical application that I could sink into right away. And…your writing helped me do just that. No google needed. Thank you, my outer teacher. 🙂
Rachel -
September 20, 2024 at 2:25 pm #79091
Dominic Young
ParticipantHi Kelly, I love that you are so open, raw, and real about your struggle to comprehend the teachings and this particular article. I could really feel your frustration over not being able to “get it”. I am glad that you were able to let go of that and to just let it be as it is and stop trying so hard. And to just sit with the teaching for a while. I am glad we are on this journey together
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September 21, 2024 at 12:13 am #79117
Erin Anderson
ParticipantThanks Kelly. I truly appreciate your candor about the intensity if information shared in this article. I was feeling like I was on the outside of the wisdom here while enjoying Tulku Thondup Rinpoche’s deep understanding. I even said to my family, maybe I need stronger glasses. But, now I sit here, just marinating in the wisdom and waiting for the glimpses of understanding in myself. Waiting.
Thanks again. If you hadn’t written from your own heart, I might still feel like I’m on the outside.
warmly,
Erin -
September 21, 2024 at 10:00 am #79129
Lianna Patch
ParticipantKelly!! I feel exactly the same way about the brain-bendiness. Glad it’s not just me.
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September 18, 2024 at 12:09 pm #78908
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantIt’s hard to pick just one type of suffering! But, since I’m 75 years old the suffering of aging seems logical and ever present. In my own words: the suffering caused by aging emphasizes how transitory life is, how we and others are forever changing and that close behind the suffering of aging is dying and death. Seemingly the ultimate fear.
Fortunately, I’ve been very healthy most of my life. It really wasn’t until a few months before my 75th birthday when I had a major fall, broke my ankle in several places and stayed in the hospital for a week, that I realized how fragile my independent living (I Live alone) had become. Fortunately for now, after searching for independent living places, I decided that for now I could continue to live in my house of 40 years!
I think the thing about growing old is clearly not having control over the future. Of course, that’s true at any age, but it seems so ever present now.
I find myself trying to shove many activities in now before it’s too late. Eg. traveling, joining a fitness center, going to different events to be entertained. And, I realize how fortunate I am to have both the financial means, physical and emotional means for this.
One area of my life that I’m disappointed in is that I’ve been divorced for almost 30 years. Loneliness at times can be unbearable. And, at 75 yrs old meeting my soulmate is close to absurd!
Anyway, I don’t like moaning and complaining about my life circumstances. I have been so very fortunate in my life.
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September 18, 2024 at 12:20 pm #78909
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantDear Kelly, Thank you for your courage with your descriptions of the difficulty of this reading. I, too, had many questions about what different concepts meant: If our world and ourselves are a creation of ignorance and emotional afflictions rooted in grasping at self, how is it that the nature of mind is absolute truth, buddha nature & voidness. How do the 4 “emblems” relate to the 4 Noble Truths? These are just a few examples.
Betsy -
September 18, 2024 at 7:58 pm #78978
Ann Harmon
ParticipantBetsy, I identify with you. Thank you so much for making yourself vulnerable. I means a lot to hear your struggles with health and aging. I feel the same way, although I am lucky. I have my soul mate. I just want to change him all the time. Haha. We go on and we seek ways to be content by studying Buddhism, etc.
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September 20, 2024 at 12:16 pm #79086
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantBetsy Loeb
Participant
Dear Ann, Thank you for your response with connection. And, you brought laughter to me with your words, “soul mate…want to change him all the time.” Fabulous!! May you see in him the love that continues to hold true for both of you.
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September 19, 2024 at 4:29 pm #79067
Suzie Amelia Kline
ParticipantBetsy, thank you for your honest sharing. I am currently visiting my 90 year old parents and so many feelings, issues, and concerns arise for me. What I learn from watching them is not dissimilar from what you describe: keep going amidst the suffering of ageing. It is inspiring to hear ways you move forward in your life, despite inevitable concerns and lonliness. You recognize the goodness in your life. Gratitude = Buoyancy. I struggle with my ageing body and not being able to remember names as quickly before. The former is especially formidable! 🙏🏻
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
Suzie Amelia Kline.
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September 20, 2024 at 12:15 pm #79085
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantDear Susie, Thank you for your response to my aging! I really appreciate your words: Gratitude = Buoyancy. I will keep that as a lovely mantra. My parents were quite a bit older than me, my dad 43 yrs older, my mom, 40 yrs older. I remember growing up always being aware of that, especially because some of my friends had grandparents who were their peers. So I didn’t want them to die when I still was too young. Unfortunately my dad died when I was in my early 30’s…too young for me; and my mom, in my late 40’s … still too young for me. I don’t know now what it means to have elderly parents to care/love for, but I wish you the courage, the love, the compassion to be there for them and for you.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
Betsy Loeb.
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September 27, 2024 at 7:55 pm #79243
Suzie Amelia Kline
ParticipantBetsy, thank you for your beautiful reply and I am so sorry you were so young when your folks passed. My Dad died when I was 39 and it was searing. Some of his contemporaries are still alive. And I have been lucky to have had my stepfather for 24 years. Truly a blessing. And it is humbling to have two parents who are 90. Thank you for your blessings for courage, love, and compassion to be there for them…and for me.
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September 20, 2024 at 2:33 pm #79093
Dominic Young
ParticipantHi Betsy, I love how open you are about your feelings about aging and about living alone for a long time. You have great courage to live your life to the fullest with the time that you have and you are an inspiration to me. I am honoured to be with you on this journey.
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September 20, 2024 at 4:17 pm #79101
T
ParticipantBetsy,
It is so very hard to pick just one kind of suffering. Although we are differently aged, I identify with you. It’s hard to resist trying to cram everything into one incarnation.
En solidaridad,
T
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September 18, 2024 at 1:13 pm #78914
David Minarro
ParticipantI feel that I am now positioning myself on the Third Truth, Cessation of Suffering.
Lately I am directing my gaze towards my share of responsibility in my afflictive emotions, as Tulku Thondup Rinpoche mentions in the article: “Grasping at self is as harmful as an evil monster and we are responsible for maintaining it.” I am trying to focus on the parts of my life that provide me with nourishment, belonging, growth, root and vitality, instead of the opposite. And just as perhaps I am not fully immersed in a fourth truth that gives exact guidelines on how to follow an unequivocal path that leads towards an everafter solid, stable and reliable hopefulness and purpose, I have the determination to position myself in a third truth that opens paths , that is expansive and that is not foolish or deluded, but rather has the maturity and temperance to know that it is supported and conditioned by the first and the second truth of insatisfaction and grasping, having lived and gone through them with sufficient experience.
And, as a matter of fact, this training, with its community, study, homework and intellectual and spiritual nourishment, is an extraordinary example that help me position myself in that direction.
Thanks for reading!
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September 18, 2024 at 2:19 pm #78919
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantOur dominant culture would like us to believe that if we have a beautiful, healthy body and the right personality, then we will have lots of friends, a great career, a lovely place to live, and therefore we will be happy. If we are not happy and/or don’t have one of those “right” things, the solution is only a few purchases away. So, lost in confusion, we strive to get the right stuff and be the right people. It’s The American Dream.
I certainly bought into the dream as a young adult. That’s why it was so devastating to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 20. At that time, MS was incurable and untreatable. (Now there are “disease modifying” medications that may save people from the worst of it.) Having a chronic – and in my case gradually paralyzing – illness was the “first arrow” of suffering. Every time I had a physical flareup, I felt grief, anger and fear. I thought since I couldn’t be healthy, there was no way I could be happy. Trapped in thoughts and emotions I didn’t want, I got depressed. My response to illness was the “second arrow” of suffering.
Into this madness, the first two Noble truths of the Buddha cut like vinegar through oil. Life is suffering (or deeply unsatisfying and our grasping after perfection is what causes it.
I get to let go of the idea that I should have a different body. I can take Pema Chodron’s advice: “don’t believe everything you think.” That relieves some of my embarrassment about what I cannot do and fear about what may happen next. She also says “feel the feelings and drop the story.” I feel and honor my sadness and fear, but I don’t need to get caught up in monkey-mind explanations of why they are there or judgments about whether I should feel them.
Meditation gives me practice in self-compassion. Every time I realize I’m thinking and gently escort my awareness back to the breath, I practice being kind to myself.
The Noble Truths tell me that I don’t have to take part in this world of lusting after success and the “perfect life.” What a relief! Instead, I can stay anchored to this moment and celebrate everything as practice.
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September 19, 2024 at 2:59 pm #79065
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantLove, love, love – dear Kate, you are eloquent in your expression, and I feel the power of your words. Deep bow.
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September 20, 2024 at 2:27 pm #79092
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Kate,
I really appreciate the way you speak to the role of our culture in our response to ourselves=suffering. It was such a pointed and elegant way of underscoring the way that suffering is a result of our afflictions of mind. And I loved your phrase “celebrate everything as practice.” Something to aspire to. Thank you.
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September 19, 2024 at 5:06 pm #79069
Suzie Amelia Kline
ParticipantI am commiting this to memory: Every time I realize I’m thinking and gently escort my awareness back to the breath, I practice being kind to myself. It is a reminder that compassion is as close as the breath. I am deeply moved by your capacity to allow yourself to be transformed through the Noble Truths, and our practice. And I aspire to this: celebrate everything as practice. I thirst to hear more about how this may show up in your life.
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September 20, 2024 at 6:37 pm #79106
Jana Sample
Participant“Every time I realize I’m thinking and gently escort my awareness back to the breath, I practice being kind to myself.” This is wonderful, thank you for this reminder.
I also love your celebration of everything as practice, this is really the truth and brings such a different awareness to “negative” experiences in life. Thank you for sharing this wisdom.
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September 18, 2024 at 7:50 pm #78973
Ann Harmon
ParticipantThere is definitely self-inflicted suffering in my life. Because of my devotion to my meditation practice I am learning how I think. My go-to thoughts are “why don’t I have that?, If I do this or that it will fix me and I will be content forever, Why is my friend, husband etc, thinking so differently from me because I’m right? Why is the driver ahead of me going 20mph below the speed limit? Etc, etc, etc.”.
I believe part of that is the very humane negativity bias, and partly because my focus goes to what is lacking instead of the incredible abundance I have in my life.
So I continue to sit on the cushion day after day and study the four Noble Truths because there is a solution. Bringing my focus back to the next breath, or what I am doing, I am content for a while. I love this quote
“A Zen master is nothing more than someone who has repeatedly screwed up and eventually learned something. We can do the same.” Mark Van Buren. -
September 19, 2024 at 11:22 am #79035
Helene Melancon
ParticipantI choose to tell you a story, a very personal illustration of the Noble Truth of the Cause of Suffering.
“Tilopa instructs his disciple Naropa: «Appearances (of phenomena) do not bind you (to samsara) but attachment (to them) does. So, Naropa, cut off attachment».”
(from The Buddha’s Noble First Teaching by Tulku Thondup Rinpoche)Once upon a time … the sudden loss of my youngest sister. She was coming back home. Everything burned. She was 19, I was 26. She was the closest human being I had on the planet. Nothing to hold on to. Nothing inside me. Just. The. Nothingness. It broke the only Order I knew of when I was a tiny person : we die old and go to the sky. How? kept asking my 4 year old self. No answer. I figured people were elevated to the church steeple from where a trampoline sent them high in the stratosphere. At 26, I knew nothing of death. I was wearing her socks. Walking on the street I would recognize her from the back and in a flash, the impulse to run into her arms. I was dizzy. I was looking for her everywhere. All I could find were tangible companions : my sadness, my anger. I fed them. They turned into heavy canes and me, a limping animal. What else could I do? I did not give up my inability to swallow her passing away. Engulfed by the fear that surrendering, I would lose her again. One night I started to write to her. No longer in a field of thick thistles, on the white scene of the page she and I had a space. I loosened the jaws around my heart. A tipping point. I was mending a piece in the hole of the irrevocable.
Beyond the fact that I could not escape the reality that she was no longer here, and with my certainty that I was nothing without her, for years I missed her. No adjuvant to modify the past. Blinded and at the mercy of the hold that these muscular ideas of wanting her back had over me. I didn’t know how to go forward.But far be it from me to wallow here in the fading colours of the past.
The Noble Truth of the Cause of Suffering tells us suffering has an origin. We don’t want what we have, and we want what we don’t have. This impetuous need and not wanting to let it go causes a lot of suffering. An inner battle of the ups and downs in life, resisting the changes in our lives, it translates in many ways, as being fearful, angry, confused, jealous, disenchanted.
The loss of Kateri was a secret gateway to the spiritual path. To meditation. I entered through a door that was showing me a different trajectory to apprehend life. Such as Impermanence: a balm to my perplexity, my ignorance; a joy to uncover it lives everywhere and it is universal. Gently taming its existence, change in all its forms. Even though it entails a loss, is it always synonymous with “bad” ? The seed, the day, the seasons, us. I am grateful to the teachers I met, to their teachers, to the lineage whom I hear these teachings from.For a long time I wanted to be an airplane pilot. My heart kept nudging me elsewhere. Still, I think I became one. This story is my True North. Like a beacon, in the direction of the Refuge of the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha, I found solace. I found a sky to drop my suitcases of conflicts and emotions. I start with unpacking my thoughts. A sky in which, with non stop work of practice, recognizing where the turmoil comes from, approaching letting go. A sky to trace lines of love, of compassion in my life and the lives of others.
And I found a deep connection where to tend to the Infinite.-
September 19, 2024 at 2:52 pm #79064
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantDear Helene – deep condolences on the loss of your dear sister. How transformational that you can take that loss and redefine it as a door to the spiritual. I’m ruminating on your sky metaphor – so evocative – thank you.
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September 20, 2024 at 3:35 pm #79098
Helene Melancon
ParticipantThank you for your reply on highlighting the profound transformation that happens when redefining our suffering and becoming aware of its multiple layers: the suffering due to an experience that happens and the suffering of desperately trying to force its course.
And you developed this with elegance in your essay, thank you for having embraced the 1st and 2nd Noble Truths through your own personal journey of divorce. It really helped me to further deepen them.
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September 20, 2024 at 10:59 am #79078
Rena Meloy
ParticipantHelene – your writing here is profoundly beautiful. I have tears streaming down my cheeks as I read and re-read your words. Holding the tenderness of it all….and the realization that the tenderness and confusion was your gateway. I can relate, personally, on so many levels. These words were particularly powerful for me:
Impermanence: a balm to my perplexity, my ignorance; a joy to uncover it lives everywhere and it is universal.
“A joy to uncover it lives everywhere”. Mmmm. I need to sit more with this, but you just unlocked a whole new dimension of understanding and relating to impermanence, for me. Thank you for the gift of your open heart and precise words. I will never forget reading your story and the wisdom that you’ve shared here. <3 <3 <3
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September 20, 2024 at 6:26 pm #79105
Jana Sample
ParticipantWow, what a gorgeous transformative experience. And what a gift you found in this heartbreaking loss. I love how you say that this story is your True North and how you’ve been able to use the pain that you suffered through it to find such peace. It really is incredible the levels of beauty to which such deep grief allows access.
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September 19, 2024 at 4:16 pm #79066
Suzie Amelia Kline
ParticipantMTT Essay 2
Suffering. It’s almost too painful to deeply contemplate the first Noble Truth. Its presence is so prevalent throughout my days, and my power over it, at times, seems limited.
The first Noble Truth acknowledges all the manner of suffering we experience. Life is suffering, as Susan, said. She also used “dissatisfaction” as a synonym. This definition works for me as it feels more malleable, like something I can more readily acknowledge.
Most significantly, in the article we read for this week, our task is to learn to tolerate and accept suffering and not be overwhelmed by it.
Easier said than done.
In my own life, accepting life “on life’s terms” has been an area of great reflection and attention. I notice my tendency to resist people, places, thing or situations that I don’t want, or that I wish were different. First there’s am internal “no”, then (emotional) fists are at the ready. Anger inevitably arises. In my 12 step recovery of over a decade, I frequently return to a passage that explores the concept of acceptance, understanding that it is the basis of living a peaceful life. The serenity prayer which begins with “(God) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, ” is said at every recovery meeting I’ve ever attended.
A brief look at my morning yesterday illustrates the ease with which I enter into a moment of suffering.
-I check the weather. We will have heavy rain this week. My first reaction is that my freshly coifed dog will look end up looking like a wet rat. And then oh no! My flight to Florida will be delayed! Here, just the potential of encountering unwanted situations causes suffering.
-Next, I realize I have to pre-treat the laundry. I resist what I don’t want. I mentally struggle and finally do the job. Fortunately, I was able to apply calm energy to the job once I started it!
-Knowing that the podiatrist appointment is a full day away, I begin to resist beginning my day with a doctor’s appointment, rather than undertaking my normal routine. And worrying about whether I should actually see the doctor was another form of suffering.
Clearly, I am in the correct place by making a deep dive into a process—this MTT training–that can help me continue to acknowledge the pain I cause myself by non-acceptance of the challenging feelings that arise when I resist what is. My hope is that bringing greater awareness to my feelings, along with intention to accept and not judge them through our practices along with a willingness to challenge them, will lead me to greater peace. And when I struggle, it is helpful to remember this quote by Pema Chodron: “The first Noble Truth of the Buddha is that when we feel suffering, it doesn’t mean something is wrong. What a relief.” This quote reminds me that my suffering is not unique nor is it a problem to be solved. Suffering is universal, and simply a part of life that we learn to accommodate.
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September 20, 2024 at 11:17 am #79080
Rena Meloy
ParticipantSuzie – I so appreciated your very candid investigation of your morning….how you could see the energy of resistance showing up everywhere, and the “pain that is caused by non-acceptance”. I’ve found myself on a similar journey over the past few years of noticing, almost constantly, the feeling of wanting things to be different. Even when things are downright marvelous, there still that tilt towards wanting. So much wanting!!! I feel grateful for this practice and path to slowly but surely unthaw some of that wanting energy. I’m noticing now, for myself, that when I bump into something “unwanted” there’s at least a small part of me that thinks “Okay universe…what magic do you have in store this time?” That alone has been incredibly liberating – to assume that instead of something being “wrong,” what if it’s all exactly right – the perfect unfolding? And when I can release the resistance and just say yes, the experience almost always reveals something meaningful or beautiful. There’s still LOTS of automatic resistance (of course!), but I’m noticing more and more “gaps” where I can enter into the space and energy of acceptance….and then getting really curious about what unfolds from that space.
I also love the quote you shared from Pema. Sometimes, it’s such a relief to be reminded that in fact, nothing has gone “wrong” – that this is life….and the common humanity of it all (including our shared experiences of suffering AND all of the wanting it to be different).
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September 20, 2024 at 2:11 pm #79089
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Suzie,
Thank you for sharing your inner monologue of facing daily suffering. I can relate from the pre-dismay over a messy rain wet dog to the early resistance to the upcoming doctors appointment. Suffering is universal.
I absolutely love the Pema Chodron quote you shared. I will try to remember it and tell myself, hey, it’s just suffering. Nothing’s wrong! -
September 27, 2024 at 7:59 pm #79244
Suzie Amelia Kline
Participant“Okay universe…what magic do you have in store this time?” This is so amazing, I love that you are brave enough to ask the question. I will try this, though it seems so against my resistance. Thanks for our honesty and thoughtful reply.
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September 20, 2024 at 11:43 am #79082
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantSuzie,
Thanks for sharing how the First Noble truth plays out for you. It resonated with me too b/c the constant tide of ‘ugh’ piles up and feels overwhelming. I just want one perfect day. One perfect vacation. Ha. The quote from Pema is lovely! It was like a light that got turned on. Nothing is ‘wrong’ per se.Plus, irritation with the thing just shows us where we are grasping, wanting something to be different. Well, it seems this effortlessly flows into the 2nd Noble Truth. 🙂 I am speaking for myself here, but this is pretty exciting stuff and I look forward to finding all kinds of ways my thoughts/behavior falls into these first 3 truths.
-Rachel-
September 27, 2024 at 8:01 pm #79245
Suzie Amelia Kline
ParticipantThanks, Rachel. Your sharing helps me feel less alone in my “ughs”! Glad Pema’s quote spoke to you!
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September 19, 2024 at 6:01 pm #79072
Dominic Young
ParticipantAs I have been thinking and contemplating about which of the first three Noble Truths I wish to write about to express in my own words and share an example in my own life, it has been quite difficult to choose just one as they are all inextricably interconnected with one another.
I will start at the beginning, as that seems to be the simplest place to begin, lol. The first Noble Truth is that life is suffering. As I understand it this means that life is constantly changing and never static. And that everything is impermanent, nothing lasts, nothing is completely solid. We will die, people we love will die, people will leave, moment to moment things will not stay the same or the way we want them to be. That is the way it is. That is the nature of reality and then we start to cause our own suffering by wanting this to not be the truth of reality.
As I said, it is difficult to separate these simple yet profound truths, as I am straying into the second Noble Truth already! Life is suffering or unsatisfying and that is very true. We will suffer in some way or another from the time we are born, from sickness, from old age, from death, from losing loved ones, from losing friends, from losing a job, from not having all the things we want and it goes on and on. Then we cause our own suffering by pretending, wanting, or hoping that these things won’t happen in our lifetime. Basically, the suffering of suffering.
In my own life, I have experienced this Noble Truth of suffering, as we all have for certain. I experienced this very deeply with the death of my mum, she meant the world to me and was my rock and biggest supporter. I felt the pain of the loss of her from my life, this was such a deep loss and suffering for me, that it broke my heart. Then I didn’t allow myself to feel the loss and completely process the loss of my mum who was my foundation and support my whole life. I didn’t want it to be true, I didn’t want her to be gone, I wanted her to still be here. I started to just live in the past, so to speak, to be like it was when she was alive, for her to still be alive! I actually stopped living and just barely existed for a very long time. I was definitely suffering from the loss of my mum ( which was completely understandable ), and further creating more suffering by wanting and ignoring the truth of the death of my mum to not be true. I was ignoring reality and thus suffering not only the truth of reality but the further suffering of not accepting the reality.
Through meditation, I was able to have compassion for myself and became aware of the suffering I was causing myself by grasping onto what I wanted to be the reality and not truly feeling the actual reality of the death of my mum. Once I stopped grasping at the reality I wanted, I was able to process the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of the loss of my mum and let go of the past ( as in wanting the past to be my present reality ). I still have my mum with me in my heart and my mind, her energy lives on through me. She is gone and not gone at the same time.
I guess I described and/or defined both the first and second Noble Truths in this essay. They are definitely so very interconnected with one another!-Dominic Young
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September 20, 2024 at 2:47 pm #79096
Helene Melancon
ParticipantHello Dominique,
Your illustration of the 1st and 2nd Noble Truths resonates with me and brings me a lot.
This passage:
“We will die, people we love will die, people will leave, moment to moment things will not stay the same or the way we want them to be. That is the way it is.”
Even though I have been walking around with these reflections on reality most of this week in my pockets, I have tears reading it from you.How moving it is to learn about this major loss of your beloved mother, your “rock”. I can so feel the imbalance and disorientation you share.
The break with a loved one is so so difficult. We are human beings who feel life physically!You write at the end: “I still have my mum with me in my heart and my mind, her energy lives on through me. She is gone and not gone at the same time.” The gift of this invisible bond you describe with her is a reminder for me that it develops and strengthens in us with awareness of our attachment, of non-acceptance, and the process of letting go. Thank you.
How touched I feel at the way we all so beautifully hold each other here.
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September 20, 2024 at 4:15 pm #79100
T
ParticipantDominic,
I love that you combined the first two. Me too and me too and me too.
Love,
T
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September 20, 2024 at 10:51 am #79075
Rena Meloy
ParticipantIn June of 2020, right in the thick of Covid unraveling, my dad was suddenly diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and given a very short window to live (a few months). In the days and weeks that followed, I cried a lot. I cried by myself. I cried in the midst of my family. I cried sitting next to my dad at the dinner table. My mom and brothers are more stoic than me, so I regularly found myself wishing I wasn’t so “squishy” (as I learned to fondly call myself). The source of my tears almost always came from thoughts about the future. What it would be like to have dinners without my dad. How much I would miss calling him when something good happened or when I needed advice. How I wouldn’t be able to hear his comforting voice answer the phone “Why, hello sweetie!”. There was such an acute tenderness that would accompany these thoughts and I would just become a puddle, wherever I was.
At the same time, I remember growing acutely aware of how precious each moment was with my dad. And how I didn’t want to miss the precious moments I had, right here, preoccupied with what was to come. A quote from the Buddha kept arising in my mind “If you take care of this moment, you will take care of all time.” I’m not sure exactly how everything unfolded, but something began to shift in me and I discovered a profound and inexplicable beauty of fully inhabiting these very small, simple moments with my dad (squish and all!). There was one in particular where we were sitting on the deck together eating cherry tomatoes off of my mom’s potted tomato plant. It was such an ordinary experience, and yet – it unlocked a mysterious new dimension of wholeness and completeness for me, smack dab in the middle of suffering. Often, these moments were without words….just presence. Just being and breathing together. That was it. There was a true feeling of peace that was untouched by the “knowing” that dad would die soon. And there was a boundless trust in what was unfolding that was beyond my finite understanding of illness and death. My dad died during the night on November 20th. The next morning, when I walked into his room to be with him, I was expecting him to feel “gone”. Instead, I was quite surprised to feel a powerful and pervasive sense of peace. Dad’s presence was everywhere – in his room, in the house, in my own heart. And even when a random unmarked white mini van came to take his body away (apparently this particular crematorium didn’t send fancy hurses – like in the movies), it all felt completely okay and right. Something much bigger was holding it all.
At this point in my journey, I can’t connect all of the dots in words (or even through my own thoughts). But I do know, in an embodied way, that through this experience I tapped into the third noble truth – the cessation of suffering. Early on, when dad was first diagnosed, there was so much grasping. So many second arrows. Somewhere in the process of bearing witness to his decline, loving him endlessly, inhabiting these tiny moments of presence, and continually allowing my to heart open, it seems that I stumbled into realization. There were still many acutely painful, heartbreaking moments….and many tears, but they were no longer rooted in attachment. They just….were. Through this experience, I touched into the true nature of myself, of dad, of the universe. A few days after my dad died, one of my friends texted me and said “you know, there’s nowhere someone can be where you can’t still love them.” Somehow, those words shed a whole new light on the idea of impermanence.
Reflecting here on my own story, I think for now I’d like to sum up the third noble truth (at least for me) as the process of piercing directly into the nucleus of suffering, and in doing so, mysteriously arriving in the spacious and joyous realization that the “thing” we were so afraid of all along is an utter delusion.
~ Rena
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
Rena Meloy.
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September 20, 2024 at 11:26 am #79081
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantOh Rena,
Awestruck. There was such a flow in your experience, it seems. What an experience and a way to experience the 3rd Noble truth. Thank you for sharing.-
September 27, 2024 at 5:07 pm #79228
Rena Meloy
ParticipantThank you for receiving the “flow” Rachel! <3
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September 20, 2024 at 2:43 pm #79094
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
Participant(sorry, this got put in the wrong place and it I don’t know how to shift it) Thanks, Dominic. I agree that it’s hard to write about ONE Noble truth because they are so intertwined. My condolences on the loss of your mum. I can hear, in your essay, how huge that was for you. Not wanting to feel what we feel makes it so much more powerful! You are right: she lives on through you and your memories. I am glad you have found a measure of peace.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
Kate Wolfe-Jenson.
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This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by
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September 20, 2024 at 6:09 pm #79104
Jana Sample
ParticipantSuch a beautiful experience and description, thank you for sharing with us. This quote you mention is so lovely, “If you take care of this moment, you will take care of all time.” I feel I should have this painted on my wall or something, to keep remembering. Also I think “squishy” is such a great description, I’m feeling this one. 🙂
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September 27, 2024 at 5:12 pm #79230
Rena Meloy
ParticipantHi & thanks Jana! I’m now thinking I need to paint the quote on my wall, too. AND the word “squishy”. Lol – after reading your comment, I pictured that word “Squishy” inside of a calligraphic zen circle, like the ones Thich Nhat Hanh does in his calligraphy drawings and books (like “This Moment is Full of Wonders”). I think I’m going to go for it! :))
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September 20, 2024 at 10:50 pm #79109
Christine Masi
ParticipantRena, such a tender sharing of your experience with the dying of your father. Each moment was all that was important and meaningful. Giving yourself permission to be present allowed for the opening for cessation of suffering
Thank you for sharing your story-
September 27, 2024 at 5:13 pm #79231
Rena Meloy
ParticipantThanks so much for reading and receiving Christine. With metta & gratitude! Rena
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September 20, 2024 at 11:17 am #79079
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantI am surprised to find myself contemplating the first noble truth so much this week. To me, it is basic. “Live is suffering” Disatisifying. Ill-ease. Painful.
The surprise is because it is basic, my knee jerk reaction to this truth has always been, “Well, of course.” or ‘duh’ and I bypass it. Move on to the next one. This week I am pausing, and really sitting in in this truth.
In my work as a therapist, one of my favorite quick go-to’s for someone is to ask them to gently say “this is ‘what is’ ” in response to a difficult situation before they jump to solutions, or do their mental gymnastics to find relief. Once they can do that, it is a lot easier to move with compassion and pivot in a way that makes sense.
So I am doing that with the totality of the 8 Sufferings. When I really truly sit with this fact, and circle in toward acceptance of it, it feels a bit like a Mac truck. Funny how a soft practice can feel so harsh.
Personally, the secondary sufferings are riddled throughout my life. Sometimes a sensation of disspointment flows through me. I go a bit existential on it, confused that despite having all the benefits of water, housing, food, friends, art supplies, my mind, health, family, I can still be dissatisified. Dissatisified with a particular part of my spouse, the color I chose to paint the living room wall, the monetary needs I must make if I want to travel, dissapointed in the constant work of parenting, and goodness, thinking… “what is my problem? I only have one child afterall”.
The list is endless.
Stop it. Ha.
Life is Suffering.It is a truth.
It is ‘WHAT IS’.
Once I pause and sit with that, like my client… it softens. It feels OK. It starts to create room, a spaciousness. I can be with this this and then pivot if that is what I called to do.
I have a hunch that if I slow down and take time to contemplate & embody the first 3 truths, the 4th (and the 8 fold path) will crystalize and land different than if I hadn’t taken the time.
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September 20, 2024 at 2:57 pm #79097
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantThank you Rachel, for slowing me down and telling it like it is. I recognize myself in your descriptions. (that living room blue was so beautiful when we first painted it, but now it seems so boring…) I am so impatient to get onto fixing things that I don’t take time to feel the feelings and understand the losses. Rushing through my suffering leaves me brittle. So much better to soften.
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September 20, 2024 at 1:57 pm #79088
Anne Dooley
ParticipantI had my first existential crisis at 12, surveying the large garbage cans my father was dragging to the street curb and thinking: ‘One unhappy family of four make this much waste, to be deposited forever in a dump somewhere. What is the point of this existence?’
At 12, I was already worn out with the responsibility of trying to manage my parents’ moods, to hide my fear of my father’s terrifying anger and evade my mother’s biting criticisms. Of lying in bed, frozen in fear, listening to them fight. I was afraid and lonely, and I couldn’t tell anyone.
As a very young child, I understood my mission was to alleviate my parents’ suffering. I understood suffering to be disgraceful, wrong, unacceptable. Of course, my ill begotten mission was doomed, and I managed to do a lot of damage to myself in the process.
The freedom I now feel from the recognition of the inescapable truth of suffering is liberating and opens me to understand that suffering is truly a consequence of mental and emotional grasping and clinging. -
September 20, 2024 at 4:13 pm #79099
T
ParticipantI am sick. I am sick and it is impossible for me to escape the truth of suffering. The truth of suffering wakes me up hot in the middle of the night and with cold, sharp pains in the morning. And yet, there is also the cessation.
In some way, I might argue that sometimes what wakes me up at night is suffering and sometimes it is simply pain. I don’t think that before my recent medical adventures I had ever truly experienced pain, not because my life has been without pain, but because suffering has been my dominant experience.
I know, I know, it is a cliche to say that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. I’m not sure that optional is the right word choice, but pain itself holds a malleability that suffering does not. Suffering itself seems to me a kind of resistance. The suffering is greatest when I resist the fact of pain, when I try to escape the reality of illness, when I fantasize about the pain-free past. These are the clingings, the attachments that for me transform what is simply pain into suffering.
And so what if I don’t resist? What if I allow for the pain, nestle into it, make it familiar? Well, it does not go away, but it does become friendlier, or I become friendlier towards it and then it seems less woe is me how I have been forsaken and more just another fact of my experience. There are other facts of my experience: Love, Community, Care, Beauty. Pain and suffering do not have to be central.
I’m not trying to gaslight myself and I am no kind of brightsider. My physical pain is real and the suffering that arises is also real and also what is real is always determined by where I am seeing from. Sometimes I am better at choosing a perspective and sometimes not. Sometimes it feels chosen for me, maybe by karma, maybe by psychological patterning (if there even is a difference between the two).
I want to say something grand like Oh I have faith that letting go of attachment will relieve me of suffering. I don’t know that I am capable of such surrender, but my real, lived, felt experience is that the less I resist reality, the more I enjoy it, whatever the circumstances, whatever the suffering.
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September 21, 2024 at 2:34 am #79120
Erin Anderson
ParticipantHi Tracey,
It sounds like this time in your life is incredibly challenging. Thanks so much for sharing your journey. The wisdom of making friendly connection to the pain that you’re dealing with is moving. I see that it’s a bold, courageous to travel the path of keeping it real, to open your heart.
with gratitude,
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September 21, 2024 at 2:41 pm #79133
Ginny Taylor
ParticipantHi Tracey, It seems that this time has a lot to hold. I’m grateful that you shared so openly your experience, your questions (like, are karma and psychological conditioning different, or the same?), here in this forum space.
Hand over my heart, I see you.
Ginny
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September 27, 2024 at 8:26 pm #79247
Suzie Amelia Kline
ParticipantYour brave essay moves me. Pain has always felt so personal, but through your sharing, it is a reminder that it is universal, hard as it is. I’m sorry you are experiencing great difficulty right now, I admire your willingness to explore pain and/vs suffering. And admitting you are not a ‘brightsider’:). Love your exploration of being ‘friendlier’ to yourself. It;s a term I want to understand more and more deeply when it comes to myself. BTW, do you know how we can send a PM to one another through the forum if it’s possible? I want to send something to you in addition to this, but don’t know how. Thanks-
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September 20, 2024 at 5:55 pm #79102
Jana Sample
ParticipantThe second Noble Truth speaks to the cause of our human suffering, which is self-inflicted by holding onto that which could be let go. A lot of my own suffering lately has been coming in the form of anxiety and intense acute stress. I have recently begun to see so clearly that this is a direct result of my attachment to my ideas of how things “should” be and often anticipation of how things may be if they do not follow along with my expectations.
As I sit here typing this right now, I am still feeling the remnants of the suffering that I’ve created for myself today based on a feeling of disappointment that it is Friday evening and I’m just now writing this. I did fully want and plan to do this days ago, but unfortunately my life did not cooperate to allow this to happen. Earlier today I had a few quiet moments in the middle of what was feeling like total chaos and I wanted to begin writing, so I read the article again and this line spoke to me so deeply: “The seeds of karma are held in the universal ground of the mind and are experienced
when they ripen.” In that moment I realized that my present experience was exactly what I would be writing about, and instead of forcing myself to focus on writing I took some minutes to sit quietly in meditation. I see now, and also noticed throughout the afternoon, how this decision completely reshaped the potential course of my day. Rather than carrying this anxiety with me all day – of how late it would be before I was able to finish writing this and then also how I “should” have had this or that done already – I was able to largely let that go and stay in the moment. And what a gift, as even in this day that felt a bit chaotic, there were so many magical experiences for which to be present and I could have easily missed many of them had I been stuck in my attachment to my thoughts.
So I guess then I’m also speaking to the third Noble Truth, which says in order to stop suffering one must stop holding on. It is really incredible how a few moments of slowing down and just breathing can facilitate the letting go and how quickly the suffering fades. And then it becomes so much easier to remember this and come back to this, over and over and over. -
September 20, 2024 at 5:59 pm #79103
Catherine
ParticipantI can identify the life stories here, but two feed into my fear that I couldn’t possibly bare the suffering of. Kate and Helene jumped out at me because ,the idea of dealing with a physically paralyzing and losing a sister,who I’m with now.
I have been drowning in the cycle of Samsara for long periods of time,seemingly endless. My suffering so felt in my core it scared me. Thinking I will again have sometimes unbearable suffering, more unbearable than I don’t know! What I do know is that you sharing your unbearable experiences makes me feel that I have a way to process thoughts and experiences to make them more bearable.
If I have no examples of how this is possible I stay in the state of aimlessly being led by the way I’ve habitually done, self centered and feeling compassion for no one, not feeling it at all.
I have come to respect the process of it takes to get to the place of loosing my grip and opening my heart and mind to what I believe is beyond my wildest dreams. I am not a disciplined person but meditating everyday gives me the sense that I am and I believe that it has given me the power to navigate as best I can-and helped me be free of unnecessary suffering. -
September 20, 2024 at 10:42 pm #79108
Christine Masi
ParticipantAfter reading the assignment, I felt frustrated – suffering. Instead of sitting with this, I searched for a simpler version of the 4 noble truths which led to more suffering and confusion. I talked to my sister to try to figure it out – still suffering.
Finally I found what I thought would be the article to explain it clearly. I went to print the article out and the printer jammed – more suffering. I was so frustrated at this point! I started to laugh, I had asked Buddha for a simpler example of the 4 Noble Truths and I am in awe how simple and straightforward it became despite the suffering.-
September 20, 2024 at 11:32 pm #79114
Jenn Peters
ParticipantSo funny, Christine – when I wrote out my long response to this week’s and hit submit, my computer decided to lose internet and I just got a blank page. I felt myself get angry and frustrated as I kept reloading the page and kept getting nothing, assuming I lost all my writing. Then, eventually, it started working again, and my entry had submitted after all. I feel like there’s a lesson in there somewhere hah!
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September 21, 2024 at 2:21 am #79119
Erin Anderson
ParticipantThe Buddha’s Noble First Teaching by TULKU THONDUP RINPOCHE
The First Noble Truth – there is suffering
“Buddhism first asks us not only to see the momentary and suffering
character of the world, but also to have tolerance in accepting
suffering as natural and not negative.”I really love summer, it’s my favourite. I love the slower pace of a quieter schedule and hanging in the garden. This summer, however, was long and relentless. It might have gone un-discussed, but friends and clients kept saying, “Hey! How was your summer?” I was reluctant to answer but, I tend to be pretty honest about these things, so I told them the truth.
Thankfully, it’s been a while now since I got the memo (the teaching) that “in this life there is suffering” and that my response to what is happening adds the negative or the positive element. In fact, one of my favourite Buddhist stories is the Two Arrows. It’s so helpful to know that a good deal of what hurts when I suffer is extra layers of story and meaning, that don’t have to be added into the mix.
When folks asked about my summer, I would tell them that this summer was pretty rough. I was glad it was over. Along the way, the challenging times were mixed with the sparkle of delights and good times. I would tell them, that we are all ok now, but it was a tough one.From May to September went like this:
My mom needed surgery. (bad) Surgery went well. (good) Mom became very ill after surgery and needed to stay longer in the hospital. (bad) Mom came home with her health stabilized, but not really improving. (good?) Eventually, I got to sneak away and go for a very restorative kayak trip with my brother to The Broken Islands, in Tseshaht Territory. This trip was incredible in many ways. Being in nature with people that I loved was a slow motion, healing journey. (very good) Mom went into heart failure. (very bad) She got the care that she needed and finally began to improve! (very good) My brother stayed for a visit, (so good) but was drunk for the last few days because my mom is a lot to handle at the best of times. (bad) I went camping for a couple of days, with my challenging dog, who did very well with his training. (So good) The next week, my dear dog bit someone. (bad) I started my summer session of yoga classes. (so good!) Then, I became very sick for three weeks and had to cancel my classes. (bad)I could go on, but I won’t, because this is just the Summer Highlights Reel.
When I share with folks my impression of the summer, it’s just to honour (for myself) that it was challenging and required more effort than I was hoping for. None of this is to say that I am good at having “tolerance in accepting suffering as natural and not negative”, as Tulku Thondup says. Plus, we are all here, we made it through. My mom, my dog, and me too. This makes it a good summer, or ‘good enough’.
All of these events have their own story, their own life of suffering, their own painful presence. But, all of these stories have really beautiful moments of heartfelt connection, of nature’s immense beauty, and syncronicity.“After happiness comes suffering. After suffering arises happiness.
For beings happiness and suffering revolve like a wheel. —Nagarjuna” -
September 21, 2024 at 7:21 am #79121
Gwen Daverth
ParticipantNoble Wisdom from My Bathroom Floor.
‘If you have a human heart, you can expect to have issues with it,’ a Buddhist friend tells Frank Ostaseski when he is worried about his life threatening heart condition in his book, The Five Invitations. Simple. Easy. Open. Let it be. Just as it is.
But the space between my shoulders tighten and my breath shallows. My thoughts harden. This can’t be.
My kids, they need me – my thoughts flash so solid. My eyes tear up, flashes of color, panic rising. I’m definitely going to throw up again.
No control of anything – my moment, my body, my future – awareness shifting back to this moment as I shuffle against the wall to the already warm spot on the bathroom floor.
This is my new reality. Here. Once again learning to let go of the vision I had for my life. My day. This moment. No one chooses this version of reality – yet if you have a human body you should expect to have issues with it.
Seems trite to explain that for forty plus years I never had problems with it. My body always there to get me out of bed, give me three beautiful children with curly hair, and support me in ways I took for granted. Isn’t that a universal human experience – not realizing what you have until it’s gone.
So my reality comes into focus as I take a deep breath and sit on the floor in anticipation waiting to understand what my body needs from me in this moment. But I already know the answer – Understanding. Patiences. Compassion. Openness.
Guess Buddha was right.
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September 21, 2024 at 2:34 pm #79132
Ginny Taylor
ParticipantGwen, I’m so sorry to hear of your suffering. Opening to what is, and finding compassion with one’s body, in my experience, is never easy. May you go gently with yourself.
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September 21, 2024 at 7:59 am #79123
Allison Potter
ParticipantBeen having posting issues I’m going to try on this main thread again.
Karma and Emotional Afflictions: The Noble Truth of the Cause of Suffering
A line in the reading that hit me like a ton of bricks was, “how is it that we can knowingly torture ourselves.” Why can’t I put down the hot flame that keeps burning my hand?
Repetition compulsion (as they call it in the world of psychology), is something I have come to know well in this life. I tend to intellectualize things and feel like I am almost too self-aware for my own good. That, however, has not led me to stop being the cause of my own suffering. Suffering has become a place of comfort for me in an odd way.
One of the main reasons I feel drawn to Buddhism is due to the teachings of impermanence. I hope to continue to grow in my practice so I can have the strength (even just once) to sit in discomfort, pause, breathe, and choose a more conscious action rather than reacting from that place of repetition compulsion.
Tonglen has become my favorite modality of meditation. Not only do I feel like it has grown my compassion for others, but it has grown my self-compassion. I am my own worst critic, and I think only through self-compassion will I be able to accept myself and accept that I create most of my suffering.
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September 21, 2024 at 8:01 am #79125
Kimberly Hillebrand
ParticipantThe Noble Truth of the Cause of Suffering:
Shantideva reminds us that “All the violence, fear and suffering that exists in this world comes from grasping at self….If you do not let the self go, there will be no end to suffering. Just as, if you do not release a flame from your hand, you can’t stop it burning your hand.”
In this past year alone, my mother has experienced a serious illness, my parents are starting to need significantly more support as they age, I was laid off from work and spent months unemployed, one of my best friends passed away, and my brother-in-law’s mental and emotional abuse of my only sister finally led her to cut ties to our parents and me completely. And with that came the loss of the relationships of my two young nieces.
That’s a whole hell of a lot of change for one year! And yet – how much of what I experienced over the past year was the simple suffering of what happened versus how I felt and reacted to that suffering? Layering suffering upon suffering upon suffering? It seems that Shantideva’s wisdom is something I need to re-learn repeatedly.
It’s like when you have a nasty wound and the bandage you’ve used gets integrated into the scabbing that forms as the wound heals. If I think of this analogy as my attachment, some people might say that ripping the bandaid off is the best way to move forward. For me, when I look deeply into my inner landscape to identify the causes of my suffering, it’s most meaningful (and kindest to myself) to start by looking at the edges of the wound where the bandaid might come free a little bit easier. And then slowly and mindfully work my way into the core of the wound, releasing one little bit at a time. It seems that, at least for me, the slow process of recognizing and releasing the attachment is just as important as the release itself.
Perhaps, someday, or most likely in some future life, I’ll be able to release the flame before it even starts burning my hand. In the meantime, the first three lines of the Dhammapada come to mind: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.”
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September 21, 2024 at 8:48 am #79128
Catherine
ParticipantI wanted to share what was written on the blanket I slept under last night at my sister’s house. I was unaware of the message laying on top of me when I was tired and went to sleep. Only seeing it as white letters embroidered a black blanket.
I liked the transference of things
I enjoy finding ways to see connections
I like being curious with curious people
The words written on the blanket:DON’T EVEN THINK, JUST LET YOURSELF DREAM
THOUGHTS ARE VEILS THAT HIDE THE MOON’S BRIGHT FACE
THE HEART’S A MOON, WHERE THINKING HAS NO PLACE
TOSS THESE THOUGHTS AWAY INTO THE STREAMLooking forward to seeing you all soon
Katie -
September 21, 2024 at 2:30 pm #79131
Ginny Taylor
ParticipantI’ve chosen the second Noble Truth, that is the Cause of Suffering, which, according to the Buddha, is “craving…accompanied by passionate desire, and which is total delight with (or attachment to) this and that.
My interpretation goes like this.
Before me I see a beautiful golden maple tree in autumn. The leaves shimmer in the light like gold, and then begin to drop one by one, dancing this way and that, shimmying to the ground. I try to catch one, to grasp it in my hand so I can save it, press it into a book, or between two sheets of waxed paper like I did as a child. I must have at least one or two for my collection! The problem is I can’t catch one. Just as one seems to be within my grasp it will sways somewhere else, and so I chase there. I am always frenetically chasing after these beautiful leaves, and yet never really capturing them for myself permanently. This builds frustration in me, and feelings of hopelessness, and anger, and self-doubt (maybe the leaves don’t want me?), and so on.
Just recently, I had an incident that I think illustrates this second Noble Truth in my life. A teaching friend whom I deeply respect and admire over-reacted to my leaving an empty food container in her trash when a raccoon go into it overnight. Yes, she had asked for us not to do so, but I had felt I had “licked the container clean” and felt comfortable discarding it as I had. My friend did not feel the same. She didn’t know it was mine when she made an example of it before the class the next day. I was mortified, partly at what had happened and that it was my fault, and also partly because of her big reaction to it. I confessed that it was mine, and everyone in the group including the teacher seemed to let it go, but I didn’t.
I stewed over it for the following week, I added self-aggressive thoughts about how stupid I was, how I hoped she would still like me, that she would still want me in her art classes as her student, how everyone in the group must think I’m an idiot and so on. I swirled in these thoughts, attaching to them. Finally, I wrote her a note, and we cleared the air. She had let this thing go last week. I, on the other hand, had not. When she wrote to say that all was fine between us, I felt such a surge of relief that I cried. Imagine, crying over a mauled-by-a-raccoon food container!
As I was journaling about this yesterday, I was reminded of the story Susan tells in her book Right Here Now, pg 56 about how after her breakup she had gotten lost in the thoughts of her ex and his new girlfriend, and what she should or shouldn’t have done, etc., and how while sitting on the hot summer curb on trash day, a voice came which said, “But nothing is happening right now.” Certainly in my case, no one was in my room at home shoving that mauled food container in my face, yelling at me, calling me a bad person. It was only me. Nothing was happening then. I was creating it all.
To me, I’m slowly realizing how this grasping and craving and adding story to events and incidents has plagued me much of my life. And I’m actually kind of excited to have had this awareness, this awakening, as painful as this past week has been with this drama on top of having COVID.
I’m grateful to be in this course to experience the teachings given that all seem to be leading back to my meditation practice. Breathing in, out, letting go, begin again. Wow, kind of amazing. -
September 22, 2024 at 1:52 pm #79134
Lianna Patch
ParticipantWarning: unhinged ramble ahead.
I was so tempted to write about the first noble truth, since it’s what drew me to Buddhism (this seemed to be the only spiritual practice that faced head-on what tend to feel often — that there’s SO MUCH suffering out there, and I struggle to deal with it all).
Instead I’ll write about the third noble truth, or the cessation of suffering.
When I was in eighth grade, I was just starting to fall into a cycle of depression and anxiety that’s been with me since then. I felt everything so deeply, which meant I often felt rejected or isolated. Naturally, I communicated this isolation by listening to terrible nü metal, dressing in all black, and snapping at my parents.
At that time, a good friend of mine gave me the cavalier advice “Don’t care,” which seemed much easier said than done. (Also, how did another eighth-grader have such a nihilistic view at that age? Whatever, he’s doing great these days, super proud of him.)
But at its core, “Don’t care” feels like a component of the third noble truth. To let go of attachment feels like deciding not to care, though there’s definitely a balance necessary here to walk the middle way between eternalism and nihilism. (I think it’s less about completely turning off the caring, and more stepping outside of the emotional attachment to the caring itself. Dang, it’s so hard to explain this stuff.)
I’m also reminded of my occasional volunteer work in animal rescue. People who work in animal rescue are people who care ENORMOUSLY about animal welfare, but caring so deeply can lead to burnout.
So to be more effective, for longer, and to preserve their own energy and capacity for future good deeds, animal rescuers often have to work on practicing letting go of attachment: to desired outcomes, to the dream of saving every animal, and to the idea that working themselves to the bone will make a difference.
It’s probably not the right focus to think of cultivating non-attachment as a practice that will make me “better” at anything. But maybe it’s a start along the path of awakening? (All of my essays are probably going to end with these “maybe??” conjectures. Sorry not sorry.)
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September 24, 2024 at 8:12 pm #79156
Jenn Peters
ParticipantAhh, despite my hopeful comment above, now it’s looking like my post for week 2 didn’t go through after all, as I can’t find it here anymore. Please reach out to me Leanna or Susan if you didn’t receive it and I’ll try to re-create it in some form 😀
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October 11, 2024 at 6:02 pm #79585
Michelle Seely
ParticipantNoble Truth #3 The End of Suffering
The good news is that when we accept that the world is unsatisfactory and we accept that there is some suffering that is unavoidable –we can learn to not suffer extra from fighting to make the world change its ways. Clear seeing means we can be more skillful in grief by learning to face and grieve the unavoidable pains, and not to sign on for optional suffering.I learned about this on a month-long retreat.
For the first 10 long days I sat on my cushion in the big hall silently making speeches to the man i’d been dating about how he should be treating me, telling some imaginary judge (in detail with examples) what he should and shouldn’t be doing and saying and feeling. The speeches were well-crafted–I’d gone over and over them tweaking the flow of each argument till they sang. Each time, the judges’ gavel came down in favor of me!
Fifty or more imaginary victories and still the relationship was failing. I was tired and so, so bored by this topic. Still, I could not shut up.
I also couldn’t meditate. I sat there obsessing all day every day. On day 11 I was so sick of my mind I couldn’t sit anymore–so I left the hall and walked up the mountain. The speeches continued on the trail. I was making my case, again and again. But then, at some point as I was saying “He should …” I paused and something asked me: how do you know what he should do?
That voice and question stopped me. How did I know? A whole cascade of realizations followed and I saw how by thinking I knew what he should do in his life, and by going over and over it, I was creating so much extra suffering! I was disappointed and sad that the relationship was not going well, but by arguing to change this fact/him I was being unskillful, and I was believing thoughts that had no truth to them.The truth was, I was not in control. My speeches were excellent, and they brought about exactly zero changes.
For the next twenty days, armed with my new aha, I practiced interrupting the speeches. I found it was much more difficult to stop them if I let them get started–so I traced their beginning sensations back to the first iterations–to just before the words began. I found the very first edges of a speech started in my diaphragm. As a memory or complaint was just barely forming I could feel a slight contraction in my diaphragm–it was the valence–the feeling tone of aversion. When I could pause right there and say “you want to be in charge–you don’t like this” and keep that sensation company instead of letting the story get going, the obsessive arguing ceased.
That was a beautiful experience of interrupting the craving for control by being with the “no” in my diaphragm instead of speechifying and how that worked to reduce the suffering.
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November 16, 2024 at 8:40 pm #80328
Jamie Evans
ParticipantWhat is the noble truth of suffering? It is the suffering of birth, the suffering of old age, the suffering of
sickness, the suffering of death, the suffering of separation from loved ones, the suffering of facing
unwanted phenomena, and the suffering of not getting what one is seeking. In brief, every aspect of the
five aggregates is suffering. —The BuddhaI’m at the age where I have long started to feel the suffering of old age. The pains don’t go away. You just exchange them for new ones. But the suffering I feel much more keenly these days is ‘the suffering of not getting what one is seeking.’ More than that, the suffering of getting what one is seeking and realizing shortly thereafter that the satisfaction is fleeting at best. After all that! Now, what?
I’m still foolish enough to think I know what I want. I want it and want it and beat myself up for not being able to get it. And then suddenly one day – boom! It comes out of the blue, a gift from god. Sobriety. Praise from my boss. A comfortable pair of crazy expensive shoes. Lovely for a while… then the spell wears off and it’s right back to being miserable old me again. I need something else to fill the void. Is this what the Buddha was talking about? I think it might be.
This morning at our last session of this course I felt the sangha can fill that void.
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