Week Two Essay Question
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When considering this certain situation in my life, I feel confused, frustrated and even disappointed.
The first 3 truths confirm that we are prone to disappointment, and that it would be best to let go of my insistence on a certain outcome to handle better the situation. So, my feelings may not change much but my attitude and choices of actions do.
The step from the eightfold path that best supports me in this situation is RIGHT VIEW. Things got a bit easier (or less hard?) once I understood that we all have different lenses to see reality, and then learned to, most of the time (through Buddhism, NVC, practicing kindness, etc.), try to see the situation as a witness with clear view, and maybe even try to see things closer to the other people’s perspectives.
Honestly, RIGHT VIEW supports me best in ALL situations. To me, it sets the ground for more acceptance and right intention, usually culminating in wiser choices.
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@ THEREZA – I hadn’t even read your response when I wrote mine but I feel like we’re pretty aligned! May our view bring us clarity and strength.
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Large current situation is physical and early retirement how I feel changes numerous times during the day. The first three truths open up the lenses on my view and somehow “lightens” the weight. Right view and right speech… along with meditation and the suggestions on the offerings blessings and dedication of merit continue to open up my perceptions.
Still learning to navigate the forum not sure how to share with two people😜
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To be honest, at this time I don’t really have a “large concern” in my life. However, I think that based on my internal patterns of personality and conflicts, the main “large concern” that I feel may arise has to do with being concerned for what I will decide to do with my future: will I find a path that is fulfilling? Will I be making enough good in the world? Will I be “successful” or will I be “wasting my time”? At times I feel conflicting forces of wanting to be traditionally successful and stable while also contending with the intensely creative and imaginative forces that are inherent within me. With the desire to give my creativity as much of my time as possible, despite a perceived lack of material gain or “success” from that time usage.
I think the truths can be very helpful in this regard. You could take many angles. You could say that grasping to some concept of “success” is not actually real, and causing suffering. You could say that grasping to my identity as being “creative (wasting time)” or “smart and successful (avoiding what calls me)” are both ideas that can cause me suffering by the grasping of them. You could say that indulging in these mental conflicts and fueling their spiral is also a vector of pulling me away from reality, causing suffering. You can look at the eightfold path, and see that actually, if I am dedicated to these goals, the “right” path will arise organically. If I am following positive karma in my actions and decisions, then benefit will arise as a result. It is possible to both 1) invest in my own creativity and 2) work to make money to support myself WITH right view, action, intention, concentration.
And in terms of worrying how I spend my time: right livelihood outlines a pretty simple definition. Making money or acquiring “success” is nowhere within those eight folds. To work with our mind, to plant seeds of compassion and benefit, all one step at a time: the teachings say, if these are our goals, the diminishment of suffering will simply arise as a result of our work. -
One of the key practices in the last year of my life — since I left my last job, but I don’t know that it’s *directly* connected to that — has been “radical acceptance,” meaning that I am really trying, every single day, to be mindful of my own expectations and that I will ultimately have to accept whatever comes, regardless. It’s not an easy practice, and it doesn’t apply to everything, but it does help somewhat. The largest concern in my life — this one *definitely* connected to leaving my job! — is of course around incoming and future financial stability, and that’s one area where radical acceptance doesn’t seem to budge my worries. (Probably because “accept that I literally have no idea what’s going to happen nor do I have any way to predict it” sends my Virgo mind into a tizzy. 😂)
So here, yes, focusing on the first and second noble truths — that this uncertainty and discomfort are the way of things, and that attempting to work against the way of things is, ultimately, the cause of my suffering — is certainly much more helpful. It doesn’t make me feel GOOD, per se, but it certainly makes me feel BETTER. My favourite step on the eightfold path, in pretty much everything in life, is Right View, because I pride (?) myself on how hard I work to see things as clearly as I can, whether good or bad. It’s the secret key that unlocks pretty much everything about the way I balance myself in my life, so I rely on it constantly.
What’s funny about my current anxieties is that there is SUCH appeal to NOT seeing them clearly, i.e. pretending they’re not as big a deal as I think they are… maybe that’s true of a lot of these games we play with ourselves. It’s a good anxiety de-escalator, in general, to tell yourself that something isn’t as big of a deal as it seems to be. But I do worry that doing so, at least if I do it habitually, is negating the value of seeing the concern as clearly as I can.
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My husband and I have been wrestling with a big concern for a couple of years. We both have recently retired (which is a thing in itself) and find that at some point we are going to have to change our living situation for financial reasons. When I think about it or we discuss it, I feel anxious, angry and hopeless. Thinking about this issue in regards to the first 4 Noble Truths wakes me up in a big way. Life is suffering and this decision is not suppose to be easy. Situations change no matter what stage of life you are presently living. We cannot make the circumstances different than they are at this moment. The cause of suffering during these conversations is that we don’t want to be in this situation and we are trying to make the circumstances different than what they really are at this moment. It seems if we let go of grasping and trying to make it different that the answer to this big question might eventually appear.
It seems like Right View could assist in supporting me in this situation. To see things clearly without being confused by unrealistic scenarios would help in making clear cut decisions. The other way that Right View can help me is when we are in one of these tense discussions to notice my reactions so that I can hear what is being said and not just seeing it though my own point of view. I believe I am a #1 on the enneagram scale. I see issues as black and white so I need to listen better, be in the present NOW, and create some space so that these discussions can be more fruitful.-
Hi, Brenda
I find that transitions in life are very challenging.
Especially as I get older, I expect that I would get wiser. When I was younger I don’t think I realized how making decisions are so important…I had more of a carefree attitude.
So, I appreciate the difficulty that you and your husband are in the midst of.
Wishing you well in this next phase along the path,
Betsy
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@Brenda,
I appreciate reading your concern.I understand how major it is, having been through a similar transition 15 years ago with retirement. I like how you are applying Right View and the Noble Truths to your life and wish you well on this journey. We were fortunate to find a place that worked well for us for the next 10 years. May you find ease through these teachings. -
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I have struggled with this question as my concern is basically how to live with physical changes that require some basic life changes. Sometimes words help, like changing “giving up” to “letting go” which feels much lighter. Getting to the 4th Noble Truth and spending time with the eightfold path, I realize that applying right effort is very helpful, to realize my desire to sometimes just withdraw from the world only brings me more suffering. Right Effort encourages me to remain present in this world, to appreciate what I have and to continue to find ways to be of benefit to myself, my family,
my community, and sometimes this world that I cherish. It is different and that is OK in this moment. -
My large concern: getting old (I’m now 75 years old) and considering whether I should stay in my home of 40 years. How do I feel? Scared, claustrophobic with the feelings and alone.
Yes. When I mix it with the first three Noble Truths of aging and impermanence I feel less crazy. This is reality. However, time has gone by so quickly and in my head I don’t feel old, so that I have a hard time realizing that I need to figure out my next stage in life. Which, of course, has such uncertainty. Clearly I don’t have much control over what the next years will bring.
I keep going to the 7th step on the Eight-fold Path. Rather than worry about the future, if I can settle into the present with Mindfulness I feel more spaciousness and sanity. Unfortunately, I don’t seem to be able to control that either!!
Thank you to anyone who has read this! Betsy-
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@Betsy–I loved that you named the spaciousness that you find in Mindfulness. So much relief, and yes, sanity in the feeling of spaciousness
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@Betsy – we share the concern of age. For me, and I know this is semantics, it’s less about ‘aging’ and more about living at this age. I still feel free, able, capable, curious, excited, and desirous of experiencing life. Above all that desire is the umbrella of knowing time is limited – how do I best use it, use my resources (feel grateful to have some), and benefit my community, my friends, my family. How do I handle guilt about enjoying this time instead of buckling down and doing ‘important work’ as so many do. There I go creating my own suffering – an invitation to breathe and come back to the NOW of my life.
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When I think about a current big concern, I feel a variety of feelings, depending on the day or the time of day or if I have eaten or not eaten, slept well or not slept well, etc.
The feelings bundled up with this concern range from feeling blessed and grateful for this situation to anxious, resentful, scared, and tired.
I think right view is most supportive in relation to this big concern. How I view this concern affects how I feel, which impacts how I behave. It is a process of continuously looking again, trying to see myself and this concern more accurately and from many angles and perspectives.
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@ Betsy,
Hi Betsy,
Well, that was in the past and we have since moved again to be close to my daughter and her family with new challenges that go with aging as we are 82 and while still mobile,
confronting much loss.As to our previous move from our long time home, we downsized to a condo. It took a few years of getting clear about what could work for each of us. Interesting that we moved from more suburban Island life into Seattle where we could walk and take transit and leave so much driving behind. It was very freeing. I think that the getting clear was the hard part. Once we were clear about what we wanted to do, other things fell into place really without much effort. I was practicing Jon Kabot Zinn Mindfulness at that time but have
since felt the need for a deeper practice and am so grateful to be on this path.It is interesting to read about the different life phases people are experiencing and somehow comforting. I wish you comfort and ease on your journey.
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My biggest concern in life currently has to do with parenting. When I look at our issues through the lens of the first 3 noble truths I can find some peace occasionally. Since I have been on this path, I find I am able to stand back and receive what is happening with a different perspective. I think this is helpful for all involved.
I believe right intention has allowed me to slow down and be more thoughtful with my thoughts and words. Working on my mindfulness is the inner work that is needed.-
Hi Lisa – I can relate to this concern and I appreciate you sharing the perspective that “right intention” has been helpful. I love the idea of “planting seeds” that have the potential to grow and blossom over time. I also agree that the practice of mindfulness has helped me to show up for my kid and others in different ways and try to focus on being present even when things get messy and really difficult.
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I feel a deep-seated distrust of myself that I am struggling to untangle. I can trace this back to my childhood, and my role in a family structured around my parents’ often bitterly unhappy marriage. The first three truths give me context, understanding, and direction to engage with this issue. I understand how much of our suffering is born of railing against the truths of suffering.
I am, obviously, no longer a child and have worked diligently to build a decent life for myself as a teacher, wife, and mother. In most aspects, I do consider myself to be a basically good person in action, speech, livelihood, and effort.
I am called back repeatedly to Right View. There is something for me there that will help me not feel as if I am somehow counterfeit and merely going through the motions. I am fascinated by the Middle Way. For now, I am beginning again—and bearing in mind the Enneagram (pretty sure I’m a 4 :-). -
Without a doubt, the large concern of my life is the knowing that I’m in what I call, “the sacred final chapter”. I have no idea how long this chapter is or will be, but at 72, there’s no avoiding that I’m ‘at the end’ – whether it be another 20 years, 2 years or 12. Unknown. I accept this and wish to embrace this chapter and believe I am actively doing that. I have no fear of dying – I’m just not ready to stop being in this physical realm, in this flow. The first 3 truths are my reality even before I could consciously say that was so … I have created lots of suffering in denying that I’m suffering. Is the 3rd truth, ‘cessation of suffering’, real? Perhaps a lessening of suffering through acceptance and less grasping and attachment but not sure complete cessation is possible. As to the 8-fold path – #7, Right Mindfulness is where I’m drawn. Keeping present, staying in the NOW. Every one of these 8 though resonates.
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@marybeth @betsy
I so feel and question similarly — just this morning I realized I am much closer to 71 than 70 (and it feels like my birthday was just days ago but it will be here in 3 mos.!).
Now that I am not working I struggle with how best to spend my time. Getting to this Last Act I am in the absolute thick of Life is Suffering and everything will fall away; Everything Changes; and in my life I absolutely ache with the beauty and love of it and my family…which means I grieve the thought of losing any of it. The notion of karma is soothing to me, however. I like thinking about everything that brought me to this spot in time and that I am continuously planting karmic seeds along the rest of my way.
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When I think about one of the “big concerns” in my life – for example I think about the inequity in American society, specifically the massive financial income distribution and how many people are living with huge amounts of debt, paycheck to paycheck and/or are unhoused and trying to survive. I live in a community and work in an environment where I am regularly reminded of the experiences and life outcomes that correlate with poverty. Compared to myself, my family, and many of my friends are living rather comfortably, and I take that for granted all the time (along with many parts of my life). When I hold those thoughts long enough, the emotions and feelings are very uncomfortable and difficult to rationalize. The Four Noble Truths are a framework that can give some perspective, but I still think that suffering is relative. The step on the 8-fold path that I am trying to connect here is the “right view” and how the middle way is a guiding light through much of the suffering we all experience. While I believe this to be true, even with this specific concern of mine, I still can’t articulate it, but maybe it is a beginning.
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Right now my own age 75 is less concerning than that I am a caregiver for my 86 yr. old husband and 96 yr. old aunt. I retain lots of misgivings about how I cared for my parents in their dying years so I’m turning that suffering into learning again. I feel raw emotion, resentments, and precious love. Right effort is guiding me somewhere new that feels unsettling and real yet less burdensome than I expected.
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@maureen
Maureen, I cared for my 98-year-old mother in my home in the last year of her life. I can’t believe anything I do will be that challenging — emotionally or physically. I know I did the best I could with the knowledge and help I had, but I wish I could finally leave my self-doubts and recriminations behind. I feel the same way about that situation like I do about raising my children — I desperately want a “do-over” with the knowledge I have now.
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My current concern is something physical that is a scary negative result of a surgery I had. I feel like so much in my life is a result of my bad choices. The last week has given me a plethora of examples and all seem a direct result of my failings. Certainly as I look at them as neither good nor bad but just as is, I can find some comfort. I vassilate between anger at myself for the poor choices and being extremely hard on myself to acceptance to what is. When I let go of the anger about the outcomes, I seem to lose my attachment to what has happened.
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Hi Joell
Finding comfort in what is to me is an act of great courage. Bravo. Making mistakes is human. Being a human is what I have to tell myself every day.
Your last statement about letting go of anger lets you lose attachment to what has happened sounds to me like numbing out. Letting go of anger is for me discarding energy so I try to use the energy of anger towards something, for example writing a poem or helping someone get groceries or digging in the garden. Thank you for your risk taking. -
I am a little bit behind in our course as I’ve had a friend experience very difficult times.
In this response I will explore that briefly and give a trigger warning for suicide and self harm.
The difficulty I have been facing recently has been like no other I’ve faced and has really put the first noble truth on a huge platform: life is suffering. My friend has been extremely suffering to the point that I had to make calls to police and ambulance to respond to an attempt on their life. The trauma of this suffering has rippled out towards all of their friends and family and been a severely stressful experience for all involved.
The extent of her suffering made me question my choice to try and fall pregnant – do I really want to bring a life into a world where there is indeed so much suffering, no matter the external or internal conditions, there will be immense suffering.And yet, if you choose to not have suffering , you choose not to have life – where by choice during your life or for me right now choosing whether or not to create life. Life and suffering are indeed two sides of the same coin. And if I can choose the right action, to help my friend in their time of greatest need, calling in supports, reuniting them with family, providing them housing and a social calendar – I am choosing life to coexist with suffering rather than allow life to be extinguished all together. So for my own personal quest about whether a new life should happen in the expectant fate of suffering, this situation makes me realise I choose life coexisting with suffering rather than no life at all.
Right actions have been the most important thing for me to do in the immediate after care as they have been critical to my friend’s survival. The right actions have had to be firm, kind, tough, gentle. They have had to be rooted in the right view – seeing clearly what is needed moment to moment.
Life is suffering. But suffering gives a new life.
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Maureen, I felt really touched about how you turn to Right Effort to find strength to take care of your loved ones and forgiveness and loving kindness for you. Thanks for sharing that.
Caitlin, I am happy you found serenity in your final resolution of choosing life coexisting with suffering, over no life at all, and I have no doubt you are going to be an excellent mother.
Regarding this week’s essay, I felt a particular personal connection with the first truth when I first heard of it, as one should. I think I have always kind of felt that underlying sense of pervasive suffering buddhism talks about, and when I listened to Susan say, around 8 years ago, “the first noble truth is: Life is suffering/unsatisfying”, something really clicked, and it became my entry gate to this journey, which has offered and keeps offering me lots of tools to navegate through both its bliss and difficulty.
As for the Eight Fold Path, at this point I am really fuelling on Right Effort. Though I am not quite sure of where my life is heading or what I want it to be in the next future, that inclination of not giving up on myself, my path and my environment is the currency of the land right now. And that feels hopeful.
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