Week Ten Essay
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One of the gifts that I appreciate so much is my curiosity, which spurs me to research so many topics and take so many classes as a student myself. I also am fortunate to have a belief in the basic goodness of people, and always give them the benefit of the doubt. These qualities inform my current teaching (in art), and I know that they will inform my teaching of meditation.
One of my challenges has to do with vocabulary: not being sure how to best communicate. I’ve gotten more fluent over the years, especially in teaching art, and my students often will ask really good questions that spur me to invent new ways to convey the same information, which always deepens my own understanding and stretches my skill in presenting the material.
There is another severe challenge for me related to an insecurity known as “imposter syndrome.” As an art teacher, sometimes I fear that everyone in class already knows the material I’m trying to teach, and I’m just boring them. The critical voice in my head tells me that I don’t know anything special about this, and I shouldn’t be standing there telling anybody anything. When I get that feeling while teaching art, it makes me talk faster, and demonstrate things too quickly. Recognizing this shortcoming, I’m working on slowing down and sticking to my planned material – at a reasonable pace, not rushing through it. When I reason with myself, I can come to accept that I indeed do have valuable information which is important to share, and the old voices of the detractors in my head get quieter.
This tendency of mine to go through material too fast usually spurs me to “overprepare” for classes – to have notes and backup materials in case the class time exceeds my planned presentation. The added stress of preparing so carefully has caused me some headaches, but it has also resulted in a strategy, which I will describe here:
I have a Continuing class in calligraphy where the students have been with me for years, and in addition, I offer Beginning workshops. My strategy this Fall Session was to have my Beginning students study the same alphabet (Uncial) that I was reviewing more in-depth with my Continuing students. In the last session of my Beginning workshop I went too fast, racing through my prepared materials, and there was time left on the clock. To my relief, I was able to dip into the Continuing class material and fill the last part of the class with the more-advanced fare.
I’m eager to share tools for self-care and self-comfort through teaching Shamatha Vipashyana meditation, because in today’s world, the index of human suffering just went up. What a marvelous tool we have In “just feeling” the breath! It’s been wonderful to learn about it, and to learn how to skillfully communicate about it. Many thanks to our teacher, Susan, and to my fellow participants, who have all taught me so much.
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Thank you Karen for your honesty and openness in your essay. I really can relate to your challenge of “imposter syndrome”, mainly because I too have this particular challenge. So, I can appreciate the stress you feel, at times when you teach. The fact that you overprepare is a strategy that benefitted your students. I am sure you are an amazing teacher and now have more resources to help you become an even better teacher for your students. I am happy to have been on this journey with you.
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Thank you Karen. I love the way you described your “overpreparation” as a headache sometimes, I tend to lean into this “overpreparation” as well…, but the positive strategy that resulted from it eventually.
I’ve always learned a lot from your essays. “What a marvelous tool we have In “just feeling” the breath!”, I will remember this sentence too.
I am convinced that all we’ve learned in this teaching course will enhance your art and calligraphy. Good luck with the continuation ! -
Karen, thank you so much for your thoughtful essay – and I echo what Dominic said, your words about imposter syndrome and rushing through aspects of teaching because you feel your students might already know it, etc. really resonates with me. I always have this feeling – even when I’m just talking! Then, I hurry through what I’m trying to say, assuming my audience has lost interest or I’m talking too much. Thank you for bringing your wisdom to this predicament – I will keep in mind your words about how you are personally handling this and try to improve and slow down, as well.
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Thank you Susan for this essay topic, which can itself be a challenge. At least there was a time in my life when I didn’t want to talk about myself, either about my gifts or my challenges. I am sure that I am no different than most people in this. But I have grown a lot in the past number of years and this training has helped me grow even more, so I really appreciate you for allowing me to be a part of this training.
My particular gifts as a teacher are that I am open and really can be present with people and truly listen to them without listening to respond. Allowing people to truly feel heard and seen. I am naturally curious, always wanting to learn more and upgrade my skills which benefits my students as much or more than it does myself. Also, I have, for as long as I can remember, wanted to be of service/benefit to others. I have always been told that I have a kind energy and feel about me by many people and that, I believe, allows me to be the best teacher/coach I can be for those whom I am serving/teaching. I tend to see the basic goodness in everyone I encounter. I am honest and will not “sugarcoat” things when necessary.
Challenges as a teacher, I have plenty. My biggest challenge is “imposter syndrome”, not unlike others have mentioned here. I have the idea in my head, false or true, that people I am teaching/coaching have more and better knowledge/skills than I do, and sometimes ask myself, “Why would they listen to me?”. Or “Do I know enough?” runs through my mind. Another very big challenge is, that I have difficulty with public speaking. I get very nervous in front of a sizeable group, I have no problem with one on one or a very small group though. Public speaking is something that I have to work on and practice. This really comes down to fully trusting myself and preparing as much as possible before I would give a talk. I have a challenge, when nervous, I tend to forget some things or rush to “get through it”. I just need to slow down and use my meditation practice to help me be at my best, but not have to be perfect.
I am grateful to Susan for having this training, allowing me to be a part of it, and assisting me in finding a way to join this invaluable program. I am also very grateful to all the other students in this program. I am so happy and honored to be on this journey with every one of you!
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Thank you Dominic. Your gentle presence and willingness to listen and truly be there for others is a great gift to your students/clients. I join you and Karen in the imposters club. We just have to remind ourselves that what we now is valuable and rare. (Remember when Susan talked about how her view of meditation differs from the more common idea of meditation as self-improvement?) We can take confidence in being Susan’s students, carriers of lineage.
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Dominic, I find that usually a line or two really stands out to me when I’m reading essays. Yours “I tend to see the basic goodness in everyone I encounter” literally started to bring tears. (I mean, like, embarrassing, right?, but really.) That truly is a gift, and this world sure needs it. And yes, Imposter Syndrome is a real thing — but I’ve seen it a bit differently after this training. I’m starting to see “not knowing” not as a challenge, but a gift, understanding evermore what wisdom truly is. Maybe this is that beginner’s mind that the greats are always jabbering on about? If so, I’d say you’re on the right track. 😉
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Dear Dominic,
“… truly listen to them without listening to respond.” How beautiful this is, it says so much about your full presence, rooted and open to the other. And as I kept reading, I could feel your authenticity and gentleness in being of service/benefit to others. What a gift you must be to them.
I recognized myself in being also someone who is best at ease in small groups to speak. I have learned from my previous work that the heart is the strongest muscle of the body. It is with all my heart that I approach my practice of meditation, and I think about this when I speak in public. And that’s definitely what I always felt when reading your essays.
Thank you Dominic, your contribution to the forum has always been important for me. -
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Like every teacher, I am stronger in some areas than in others. My gifts relate to my experience with meditating and Dharma. My challenges center around physical limitations.
I’ve been listening to Susan for a dozen years. Her voice is “in my head” with many useful turns of phrase and examples. Susan converted me from a sometime meditator to someone who has a regular practice. That gives me confidence that I know what it’s like to meditate and I’ve had similar experiences to my potential students.
I took refuge eight years ago which means I’ve been paying close attention to Susan’s lessons as well as reading books by Dharma masters (Pema Chodron, Judy Leif, Chögyam Trungpa, Tulku Thondup and others). All of them talk about meditation and dharma. I know I stand on the shoulders of giants.
I am pretty good at recognizing everything as practice and I take joy in practicing. Those qualities will serve me well as I encourage others on their paths.
On the other hand, my voice is not strong. I must stop to breathe every few words. Both of those things make it challenging to give instruction. Sometimes if my wheelchair isn’t set right it changes tilt as I speak which is disconcerting to me and others. The tools I use are all gathered around my mouth, which makes me look a little strange. That may be off-putting to some people.
I am certainly a beginner and not confident as a meditation teacher. We’ll see what opportunities arise to give me practice in making mistakes and recovering from them. That way I will improve and gain confidence.Since this is the last essay, let me take this opportunity to say THANK YOU to my fellow students. I have enjoyed reading your essays and being in class with you. It has been an honor and a privilege to be on this journey with you. My email is Kate@Jensons.com. My website is http: journeydancing.com. I wish you well.
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Hi Kate, I appreciate greatly your simple, powerful phrase “I know I stand on the shoulders of giants.” It is all at once humbling and empowering, isn’t it, to be on this path with all of these brilliant writers, teachers, ancestors?
That said, I do acknowledge your challenges as a teacher, as you describe them here. It seems to me that we all have our own ways of instructing. I don’t know anything about your personal circumstances other than what you’ve shared here; it does seem particularly challenging. I wonder, also: might this be a gift in another way, a way in which you say less than other teachers — and it reaches the very students who prefer it? Less distraction, less words, less less less. The simplicity and spaciousness of less that, honestly, many of us might have trouble settling into?
Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps our challenges are just that, and we can let things “be as they are.” But I personally am quite inspired by your story on the surface of this thing, your presence with obvious physical challenges that, in your simply showing up to teach, give others permission to come as they are, to be here even if they might feel different, to be welcomed in as is, challenges and all.
There is something noteworthy — humbling and empowering, again! — about having us all together in this common goal, with our many differences and difficulties. Thank you for sharing yours and being part of it all.
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I enjoyed reading your essay. I am working on recognizing everything as practice, but I too love my meditation practice. Thought to be honest, my commitment to it means that sometimes I’m checking the clock and meeting my commitment instead of just sitting there doing nothing. Thanks for your wise words. You are amazing.
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Dear Kate,
“I am pretty good at recognizing everything as practice and I take joy in practicing.” What a gift you have, I am quite impressed by the depth of what that means.
And talking about your challenges with teaching, you write this: ” We’ll see what opportunities arise to give me practice in making mistakes and recovering from them.” It moves me because I feel this highlights your profound practice, and a trust in the unknown in presenting you opportunities for growth. I feel the firm roots of your practice in between your wording.Thank you for your writing, it has really been an inspiration to me. I wish you the best luck with your meditation and writing classes! -
Kate, thank you so much for your thoughtful writing here! I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability around sharing your challenges with teaching and your chair moving, as well as feeling that you might be distracting with your physical setup regarding the tools close to your mouth, etc. I can say with all honesty, that while you mentioned, “On the other hand, my voice is not strong. I must stop to breathe every few words,” as a negative thing or a potential hindrance, I really love this about you and what this physical challenge brings to your teaching as a strength. Because of the speed at which you speak, when you speak, I really listen, slow down, pause with you, and think about your words. I don’t want to take away from your challenges, but that I see them as you bringing something unique to the table that other teachers don’t have. Your pacing is calming and your words are still confident and full of wisdom.
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Gifts:
– Heightened, humble awareness of (and comfort with) what I don’t know.
– Endless desire to learn.
– Open-mindedness, with integrity.
– Intuitively connecting with a student/client energy, spirit, sense.
– Being comfortable with silence.
– Cultivating an energy that is calm and clear, firm and loving, gentle and strong, patient and motivating.
– Assisting others through transformative times and challenge (like the birth transition, infertility, illness, death), with compassion and spaciousness for the others’ experience without it becoming my own.Challenges:
Generally as a teacher..
– I want to do everything at once; it can lead to a scattered state that requires a lot of energy to reign in.
– Also, I made a conscious choice to focus on my family instead of my teaching (this isn’t an obvious challenge with teaching, per se, and I’m completely committed to it — but it is often hard for me and can cut into my self-confidence and respect for my work)For meditation specifically…
– I can be too flowery when I’m inspired. 🙂
– I want to give lots of cues (there are so many good ones!!) and it’s tough to choose.
– I always start wondering if I look weird to the student while I’m meditating.
– I don’t know how I’ll possibly feel trained enough in the Buddhist realm; it can feel like so much, so big, so great. It is deeply humbling.
– I want everyone else to try meditating, too. I have to remind myself to model it mostly, instead of hit people over the head with Start Here Now.I’ll also end this, like my earlier colleagues, with a huge namaste and words of appreciation for your presence and brilliance over the last few months. I’m honored to have been on this journey with each of you.
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Hey Kelly, thank you for your contribution to this week’s essay question. I am struck by your first line: “Heightened, humble awareness of (and comfort with) what I don’t know.” So powerful and the beginning of all learning and teaching as well. I am certain that you are an amazing teacher because of this gift, and all of your other gifts just add to that one quality. I can appreciate your want to be able to give and be “enough” in giving meditation instruction. I am sure that the first line of your essay will serve you well in giving meditation instruction. I am honored to have been on this journey with you.
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Dear Kelly,
I found much to admire and relate to in your essay but I want to highlight the challenge you named re: consciously focussing on your family (as opposed to your teaching) and how that well-considered decision still can cut into your self-confidence and respect for your own work. This is such a relatable situation–one I found myself in when my daughters were young. It’s just hard. But I’m glad for you that you bring so much awareness and intelligence to this situation, and I trust that it won’t cause you to deny the world your gifts as a teacher.
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My gifts are
1. Thanks to yoga, I have found most students are open and receptive to what you have to teach. I have been taught that I am in a particular class for a reason and even if the teacher is not my cup of tea and I remain open to receive whatever the gift is. I attempt to convey that when I teach yoga and meditation.2. I love to learn and love to share what I learn.
3. I particularly enjoy working with beginners, and am gentle with them and caring.
4. When my “imposter syndrome” sets in, I have learned to “act as if”. I act as if I am a gifted teacher and I keep the focus on giving a gift to my students. In the end I receive so much from their smiles and goodness, and openness to receive.
My challenges:
!. Self confidence. I feel as though I never know enough. And get a little flabbergasted when asked a question I don’t know the answer to.
2. I can rush a bit when nervous.
3. I can overdo the cues.
4. Silence is hard for me. My mind gets busy with silence, and it’s been good for me to sit in the silence to train myself to let go. That has been helpful in letting the silence be for others that i teach.
I would also like to say i very grateful you are all in this class with me. Your comments and questions have been wonderful. I was always one that didn’t care for question and answer periods, because often people share because they want to demonstrate how much they know. But I let those judgements go in this class and found that I loved the q&a as much as the straight teaching from Susan. I’ve learn a lot from you all and was happy to share this time with you.
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Ann. I have found it very admirable and at the same time difficult to achieve, to remain open to the teaching of a teacher even if you are not particularly connecting with that person. Normally when a teacher or speaker gives me feelings such as boredom or lack of credibility, I tend to close down or mentally digress. The attitude that you mention for me is more patient and humble, and I think it is also applicable to the relationship with our students. Knowing that everybody has something to offer and enrich us with. Thank you for that!. The fact that you especially like working with beginners, I also think is an example of the generous, open and receptive attention that is perceived in your response. Regarding the course, I agree with you about the joy it has been to take part, listen or simply be an active witness at times of the Q&A section, and how this has been as important as the curriculum itself.
Thank you for having been part of this path. -
Ann, silence..yes! It is so hard to hold isn’t? I resonate with that worry as well. I’ve watched closely how Susan meets the silence if there is one. I love how you offered up the suggestion of what to do with all the thoughts that fill it, by simply let them go as you do in meditation. There is so much that spills over into daily practice that happens with just sitting practice. Thanks Ann for sharing.
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I find it is a challenge to reflect on my particular gifts and challenges as a teacher, but it is truly a gift to be aware of them. So thank you for this question.
As for the challenges…, perfectionism comes on top of the list. Even though I’m not there anymore and I am recovering from this, in part it comes from my training in the performing arts world from a young age, it is still ingrained in me and it sneaks in the way I teach. When I start to worry about how I say or express things, as well as judge and evaluate when I feel I might have made a mistake, it takes all my attentive presence to observe and adjust this, while reminding myself I am a human being (!!!) and that no matter what I say or do I can always amend or come back on the subject when necessary. And bring awareness to my own expectations for myself and others. I love how meditating each morning uncovers my inner landscape, I find respite in the rhythm of the breath, I let myself re-discover the exquisite vulnerability of being human.
Another challenge is to take time before to talk or to answer, to offer myself and others a precious pause. I can occasionally be quick with an impulse to talk or respond, and I recognize it is a way of functioning. It has helped me to remember that in the teacher’s role it is always worth taking a moment to weigh up. It is all about transmission, I’m a conduit for information that others will meet with their own richness within.
The challenge of having a part of me who frequently wants to help others so that they feel better or at ease. “Not taking care of them, caring about them” as Susan said many times. Committing to remind myself this nuance is crucial for my students and for myself.As for the gifts…, I have always been an attentive listener. I am at ease with silence.
Honest. Patient. Highly intuitive, with a knack to find strong images when writing or describing.
A curiosity who is more one of a seeker, discovering in other ways to understand, trying not to always take the same paths.
This ability to see and feel in relationships when something is not openly transparent, I consider it a gift and a curse, because once it’s seen it is impossible not to raise it. So putting myself in a vulnerable position instead of proving a point or defending myself is a “forte”, despite the fear.
Really resilient because of my way of perceiving human beings and life fundamentally as being enchanting.
And…, a sense of humour (which has not been expressed here in this forum:)). Knowing how to play things down, make people smile, laugh at me or a situation gently, when humour makes things easier, I have found this an asset in my teaching.As it is our last essay…, I want to tell you how fortunate I feel to have been a part of this amazing group, and to participate at your side in learning to become a meditation teacher. To cultivate my meditation practice and awareness of what happens while meditating is to me a dear way of being with life. I was engaged here with you in the very thing I love most, and through it, we journeyed together on our spiritual path. Thank you to all of you <3.
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Dear Helene,
I really appreciate the way that you write about your perfectionism. As a fellow recovering perfectionist, I find that those self-judging impulses are still very deep within me. As with you, I find meditation opens my perspective in this ongoing dynamic and I love your phrase: I let myself re-discover the exquisite vulnerability of being human.
Thank you. -
My gifts as a teacher are a love for the practice and a genuine love for all kinds of people. As an elementary school teacher I find I’m able to bond with all my students as individuals, to praise them lavishly when it’s appropriate and to foster a love of learning as fun. I’m naturally inclined to learn alongside my students as opposed to lecturing and talking down to them. I feel comfortable in my skin this way. My sense of humour is a key part of all this. Essential!
As a meditation teacher I am comfortable with silence and genuinely grateful to be practicing together with others. The challenges arise when I lose confidence and question myself. Am I not saying enough? I succumb to the ever-present inner critic. Oy. That guy.
Working and studying with all of you under Susan’s deft and wonderful guidance has given me the faith that with devotion to the practice my confidence will continue to grow and I can be myself in my teaching as I am in my own practice.I’m so, so grateful that I landed in this particular sangha at this particular time. It has been a delight to be a part of this project.
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Discuss your particular gifts and challenges as a teacher.
I had to start and restart this essay several times to jostle myself past the reflexive “ick” factor of writing about myself as a teacher in terms of gifts and challenges. But I understand that’s just a habit of mind. So, whatever. Onward.
My experience as a teacher is in adult English for Speakers of Other Languages classrooms. In that context I find I rely on my genuine curiosity about other people, about the contents of their hearts and minds. I believe that we are all connected in profound ways. I am patient with others and with negotiating meaning. I love questions, both asking and answering. I will try multiple times to understand or be understood. And, when I don’t understand or don’t know, I say so. When I make a mistake, I say so. My willingness to be goofy keeps both me and my students engaged. As a prospective teacher of meditation my dedication to my meditation practice and to study of the Dharma counts as a strength. My experience as a meditator has given me glimpses of the everyday magic that Susan refers to. I believe that meditation can make us more: open, vulnerable, real, compassionate and creative; but I can’t say how or why. And that’s just fine.
As for challenges: lack of confidence can also lead me to lose my way as a teacher. My impulse to please people, to work to meet everyone’s needs, can tip me into inauthenticity. If rattled, I talk too much. In an attempt to be engaging, I can over plan and move through material too quickly. At times, I need to remind myself that it doesn’t matter if a student doesn’t like me or a particular lesson and that being real and engaged is far more important than delivering a mythical “perfect class”.
I will follow the lead of my classmates in ending this entry with heartfelt thanks to all of you for bringing so much openness, creativity, and compassion to our time together in class. I am honored to have been among you. Thank you, Susan, for providing us with an inspiring example of teaching with integrity, intelligence, heart and humor.
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“I believe that we are all connected in profound ways”- What a beautiful view through which to focus your work as a teacher. Together with the ability to recognize errors and know how to find hints of that ordinary magic, it seems to me to be a very desirable pack for any student who is accompanied through your dedication. I can see myself reflected in the impulse to try to please everyone and lose authenticity along the way, I wish us luck in the process of transforming ourselves in that sense. Feeling identified with someone and expressing it seems to be a good step forward.Thanks Anne for being part if this journey!
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Anne, I also sometimes catch myself in this place of working to meet everyone’s needs and tipping into inauthenticity. I’m happy to know that I can catch myself if I get here, though, and take a pause to recenter. Staying with a regular practice helps so much.
I love what you say about admitting your mistakes and your willingness to be goofy! For me both of these qualities are key to a successful learning environment. 🙂 -
Dear Anne,
I hear your hesitation to write about yourself. It seems that both writing positively about ourselves and naming our vulnerabilities are equally difficult. I love that you were able to name patience and capacity to wait for the good stuff, the meaning to come to the surface. What an amazing embodiment of patience and love that you named. I think that naming goofiness was also a big winner. There is so much power in being lighthearted. And people pleasing! Gosh, I think that we are all well trained in that. I guess we will all have to keep our hearts and heads together on that. Maybe we can grow together?
It’s been a delight to study with you.
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Regarding my gifts as a teacher, and how this course has made me improve as one, I consider myself a person with a genuine desire to provide a benefit and service to others. It is something that fills me with vitality and energy, and the feeling of work well done, or at least completed with great effort, really gives me great realization and satisfaction. I also know that I need to do this work from the heart to feel it as something real and valuable, and I take delight in pointing out the good things I see in others. This course has helped me to acknowledge this aspect in me, to pay even more attention to it, and to remember that not everything depends on how well you prepare your work, but that attention to the group and making people feel recognized and welcome is essential. From things as simple as making sure your students have a place to hang their jacket or that their position or seat is comfortable, to making them feel that you really see them, in their idiosyncrasy, pecularities and progress. Also, during 1:1 instructions, receiving reactions like “I’m proud of you” or “I really appreciate your work” have reminded me how incredibly good it feels to hear them as a student, and have made me a better teacher by using them more and more after this training.
Regarding my challenges as a teacher, sometimes I think that I have drawn from many different sources (pedagogy, languages, gestal therapy, yoga, drawing, meditation, etc.) precisely because I am a very curious person with many interests, but at the same time I feel that it has prevented me from delving into some of them with more depth. Many too many plates on the table? However, I like the mandala of tools that my path has given me, and although they come from very differentes branches, I think I connect with them from a very personal place, so I am learning to embrace my apparent dispersion.
On the other hand, I admire those people who work in front of others, and who seem to be able to maintain a point of calm, humor and equanimity no matter what. I do not consider myself that way, and sometimes, when I am in a situation of stress, worryness, annoyance or sadness, it is something that comes to the surface or that others can read in me, especially with my colleagues, and I would like to be able not to be so transparent, at least to put that asside when I have to.
Another obstacle is that I tend to overprepare and plan too many activities for a class. But meditation, and this course specially, have taught me the importance of leaving space for students to express themselves so that progress is truly transformative and to value well-established simplicity over a rush of content unrelated to the reality of the group. And also, to be more comfortable holding (an accompanied) silence, and the intimacy and presence that resides in it.Finally, I have to say again that this training has been a truly special journey, and I greatly value all of you who have been part of it. You are truly an example that has inspired me a lot, of enormously kind, valuable and brave people. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I bow humbly to you all.
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David, thank you for this beautiful response. A few things stood out to me especially. First, your line “not everything depends on how well you prepare your work, but that attention to the group and making people feel recognized and welcome is essential.” This is such bright wisdom, and I learned it the hard way. In an earlier stretch of my teaching life, I would put a ton of time/energy into preparing and come to the table with a wonderful offering, but I wasn’t able to be fully present, because I was caught in “delivering” what I had prepared….and because of this, I was missing the whole point entirely. Of course we prepare…some…but the showing up with compassion and kindness and PRESENCE is the heart of it all. Thanks for illustrating that so wonderfully here.
I also appreciated reading your thoughts about being drawn in multiple directions (yup – I can relate there, too!) and how you’ve embraced your apparent dispersion. I am also embracing mine, while holding this newly-posed question (thanks Susan!) about the possibility of falling in love. I have a feeling that will happen…sooner than later…and I also have a hunch my “mandala” of tools and experiences (beautiful visual/reference, btw!) will make the process of finding and choosing a single path even more rich. I’m curious where your path will take you as well! Wherever that may be, I know it will be rich. It’s so clear your heart is fully invested in this journey (I can feel it through your shares in class and here in these essays) and it has been a joy and a gift to be in your cohort. <3 <3
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David, I love this – “not everything depends on how well you prepare your work, but that attention to the group and making people feel recognized and welcome is essential.” It is so true, the presence and attention of a teacher can be much more valuable than the course material. Creating space for a real relationship between teacher and student is such a special thing. I can still remember some of my teachers as a child and how much their care and encouragement helped me feel confident and safe to express myself authentically. It really does make a difference. It’s wonderful to know that kids are being supported by teachers like you.
It’s been lovely to share this experience with you. 🙂 -
David, your essays have made it clear to me that you have a tremendous heart for teaching and bringing goodness to your students. This is such a benefit for all those that work with you. Thanks so much for sharing candidly these weeks.
It resonated with me when you wrote of the great effort put into our work here together being so valuable. I feel this too. I don’t feel like I wrote what I really wanted to, in most of the essays. It was hard to put it all into words, but so enriching to try, and then to reflect that to others, too.
I am going to use that term! “mandala of tools” is a perfect description of my journey too.
As for being transparent with your heart, that’s amazing. Maybe this can be your magic, your superpower? Then, you will be very relatable to your meditation students.
It has been a joy to hear your thoughts through this program.
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Oh boy! This is the good stuff isn’t it?
My strengths in teaching are firstly, that I’m such a determined student and the great joy and sense of belonging I get from being a student gives me a sense of belonging. Secondly, I have a lot of faith in the structure and the timelessness of this practice. I recognize that there have been so many teachers and students over so many years that are all committed to preserving and sharing this wisdom. Thirdly, I love teaching, organizing resources and planning classes/events. I enjoy the beautiful way we can connect with each other within the context of this practice. Teaching gives me satisfaction and a profound sense of purpose. Another strength is that I truly love humans and am learning along the way, to be patient, to see goodness and effort, to recognize that we are all carrying our own tender broken heart. All of this is a constant evolution.
It’s hard to limit my list of personal challenges (which seem endless). Maybe this is where I should start? I don’t really feel insecure, as in being an impostor. My years of study and practice have inspired me and filled my being with theory, ancient wisdom, experiences, (lots of) questions, and ways of exploring. After so many years of teaching (which has been a huge gift), I feel confident and when my words fail me or my words fail, I know that if I just take a few more breaths or make fun of myself (warmly) I’ll be able to get my bearings again. I feel insecure in a darker way. It’s deeper sense of feeling like I am wrong or boring, or wasting words by saying too much. I often hurry and worry. I put immense pressure on myself to say the right thing, use the correct language, and to be more correct or sensitive when others are sharing. The front of my brain knows that this isn’t really true in the present situation. The gift of time helped me to recognize that my insecurity is very much rooted in my family conditioning. I grew up as a constantly criticized, middle child who was charged to be the codependent kid who held my mom together. Of course I’ve done a lot of work around this, yet it remains a quiet coping mechanism and distraction in the background of my thinking.
It seems like each of my strengths and each of my challenges are counterpoint to each other. One is the light side and the other is the dark side of the same issue. My strengths and challenges point in the same direction, to the truth in my heart that this practice is so important, and each person I encounter on this journey is so important. I cherish this awareness.
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Erin, thanks for sharing your wisdom. Love what you shared, and through writing, I too also realized there is a ‘light side and the other is the dark side of the same issue’. Isn’t that amazing!? I appreciate how you said they ‘point in the same direction’. Your care in teaching and deep appreciation for the practice is so evident. Your students will feel that.
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Awww, it strikes me as sad to part ways with everyone. I have adored every moment of this. Thank you all!!! Everything that was said, experienced and felt has been tremondous for me. An open heart started to reveal itself. Sometimes I would just tear up for no apparent reason during the Saturday sessions. With this, came a vulnerability that had been there all along. It was just buried and kept safe. I am able to see this part of myself genuinely right now. It is also playing into my ‘challenge’ as I consider teaching.
This vulnerability is insecure and easily intimidated by all the ones who seem to know. Those amazing folks who know more and say it ‘better’. I’ve been hunkering down in my work, mostly 1:1 conversations with others. No one really knows what I’m doing in there. I haven’t had a boss, no measurement or annual review of any kind. Sure, there are some indications I’m doing just fine, but turning this inside process outside, for the world to see, is a bit daunting. Fearful that I will be stumbling over my words during my teaching moments, or being uncertain about my responses and perseverating on how I met any given situation or question when I get home.
Also, I’m wanting to avoid feeling judged, because all teachers seem ‘judged’ somewhow by their students. I was, afterall, trying to avoid judgement when I gave meditation instruction to Susan. I chose to do that part last, trying to wiggle out of that all together. Ha.
This insecurity (vulnerability) makes me want to keep my head in the sand and drop the idea of teaching all together.
Yet, that doesn’t feel genuine.
Questions abound. Hmmmm, does one have to have some thick skin to do this? Obviously not, but, what will be my guiding reason to do this? What will happen when I don’t answer in the most elegant of ways? How will I hold this space, with this open heart, and with the sensation of insecurity? What is the way to start that feels just beyond the comfort zone but not too far beyond it? Those are all questions I look forward to sitting with.
One of my strengths will be contemplation before embarking on this journey. The sitting and listening to myself before I begin, to cultivate insight and put forward the most loving and right intention.
Also, my ability to keep it simple is useful for students. I’ve never been one to over complicate with my words. In fact, sometimes I think I use too few.
Another strength will be my organic approach. I am never good with preplanned answers. I like to be in the moment and answer with what feels ‘right’ at the time. I can trust that even though there may be 10 great responses, the one I chose in that moment is what felt right. There isn’t much more I can do in that moment.
Some of these strengths I realize are antidotes to my fears of teaching and the challenges I may face. How convenient. 🙂 I can see the path to deepening my own practice as I teach others. It is so profound and brave to wake up and be with what arises and still do what you are called to do.
Thanks again everyone and Susan….thank you. thank you. thank you.
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First of all, it is hard to believe we are already here! This experience has been, dramatic as it sounds, life changing for me. The best way I can find to describe this is, it feels like I have remembered a part of myself that somehow I forgot along the way.
I have found the essay writing exercise each week to be a profound experience in contemplation and feeling into my experience in this life. And reading everyone’s essays has been often equally profound! There is so much widsom in this group. Our Saturday sessions have been so lovely, it has been such a pleasure to set aside those hours for presence and community. I am so grateful for our time together. Thank you all, and thank you Susan, so much, for creating this incredible opportunity.And now, my gifts and challenges as a teacher…
I find that I have a gift for creating a calm and safe space for people to feel grounded and secure, I often get this feedback from patients and students. It is a joy for me to listen to people and be fully present for them. I feel this is something that every human needs and many do not often have, so I am so grateful to be in a position to offer this. And to receive this! The relationship that comes from being present for another is beautiful, I cherish the realness of the interactions.
It has also become clear over the years that I have a strong intuitive sense as long as I am present and quiet enough to let it through. Sometimes I don’t feel that the words coming out of my mouth are mine, it almost feels like I am a conduit. I’ve learned that if I am not sure how to respond the best thing to do is take a breath and pause, and often the right words or sentiments come.I believe my biggest challenge is insecurity. It’s not even that I don’t feel confident in what I know to be true, but I guess it’s more about wondering how what I share will be received. This is a deep shadow that exists in many aspects of my life and it shows up full force when I’m teaching anything or sharing in a professional situation. I do not know that it presents itself obviously in an outward way while I am teaching but it is definitely present for me, and maybe even more in my preparation and leading up to the actual time of teaching than during. Over the years I have learned to acknowledge its presence and work with it, but it can still be an almost immobilizing factor sometimes.
Specifically in the context of teaching meditation, I notice that I sometimes over-do it with instruction, like saying too much. I am trying to keep it more simple and take plenty of time, this seems to help.Over the last week I’ve felt a range of emotions leading up to this ending… a bit of grief and also relief and joy, mostly deep gratitude. Again, thank you all for sharing this experience.
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Thinking of myself as a teacher has always felt a bit funny. Partly because, as a child, I lacked stability in my own education and never imagined myself at the front of a classroom. Yet, I’ve found myself there often throughout my life. There’s something uniquely empowering about being a “reluctant” teacher. Because I don’t feel like I entirely “belong” in that role, I show up authentically humble and genuinely willing to help. Students tend to respond well to that. During my time in grad school, when I formally held teaching roles, I was consistently voted one of the best lecturers in the college.
That said, I also see where I struggle. I’ve never felt like the smartest person in the room and am often in awe of those with deep “book smarts”—the ones who can cite dates and facts with ease and have that classic “professor” presence. That’s never been me. Plus, I’m notorious for talking too much! I’ve been told many times to let a question sit in silence long enough for people to gather the courage to answer it. Sitting in front of a large, silent group is my literal nightmare (insert irony about being a meditation teacher here!)
But I try, I learn, and I am always honored to support others on their learning journeys.
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Jana, you write: I find that I have a gift for creating a calm and safe space for people to feel grounded and secure, I often get this feedback from patients and students.
This is such a gift to give your students! One which, I think, only encourages them to return to your teaching. I, too, think sometimes the teacher receives more than she gives, at least that has often been my experience. It’s been a joy to be on this journey with you! -
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So grateful to all the responses here, to all of you in the meditation teacher training.
I’m going to list my challenges firstly.
My challenges as a meditation teacher mainly revolve my issue with focusing on scarcity, what I don’t know instead of what I do know to be true. I’m new to Buddhist thinking, though as I look back over my life I have been reading Buddhist teachers for over eight years now. So that must account for some kind of immersion in knowledge, perhaps that I’m still not aware of. My challenges now also revolve around a question of if I am ready to teach, to lead someone else in this technique that goes back 2600 years, has a deep lineage, seems simple, but is so nuanced. Lastly, if I do teach, I think I will also be challenged to find students or even places to give a talk on meditation. I’ve been in this area for five years, two of years of during COVID, and I am only just now starting to make meaningful connections, something I struggle with in the best of situations.
As for my gifts, I am a life-long learner, this is one of my core values, along with honesty, discernment, and non-judgment. I deeply appreciate beauty and excellence in all things. I can see how some of these gifts will help me deepen my own practice, which still feels very young to me, but these can also help me to instruct another in meditation. I believe I am patient as well; my six grandchildren have helped me grow there!
As others have mentioned, I thank you all for such a wonderful experience. You all are so very intelligent and compassionate, and have filled me heart-opening wisdom. I hope are paths do cross in the future! My email, if anyone wants to reach out, is GinnyLeeTaylor@gmail.com.
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Gwen, you write: There’s something uniquely empowering about being a “reluctant” teacher. Because I don’t feel like I entirely “belong” in that role, I show up authentically humble and genuinely willing to help. Students tend to respond well to that.
I can totally relate to this. I’ve never been the “sage on the stage” kind of teacher. It makes me very uncomfortable, yet I do admire those who can do this. I think showing up as a reluctant teacher does help one to show up authentically. My writing classes were always more about building a community of writers instead of, “Listen to me, I know it all,” kind of thing. I sense through this course that you are a natural leader. Your students are fortunate to have you in their lives.
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One of my strengths as a teacher is my inherent curiosity. Teaching is learning. I am always learning from students, and revel in the ways in which my work grows and changes simply through the act of engaging with others on it. I don’t hang very comfortably in the place of sheer authority, instead, I always view teaching as a collaboration, a shared experience which changes us all. It seems I share this with many in the class.
One of my difficulties as a teacher is that I have a hard time doing things entirely on my own, or self-motivating in that way. I bristle at the word “self-starter,” a characteristic so often sought in the work world. I *can* start something on my own, I have before, and I know that sometimes getting anything to happen at all requires taking a personal creative vision and pushing it inch by inch into reality. But I struggle to keep things afloat entirely on my own energy. As I look toward what teaching opportunities I want to have, I know that they will need to have coconspirators built in (not just students)!
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Hi Eleanore! I’ve taken a few of your inspiring words and put them on a sticky note for myself:
“Teaching is learning”
“Teaching is a collaboration which changes us all”🤗🙏 Thank you!
I’m also grateful for your honest reflection on what you need to help your teaching come to life (coconspirators – yes!). That seems like an important thing to identify and know for yourself. It also makes me think of the power of “sangha” – in all spheres of our practice and teaching. We can never go it alone, can we? <3 <3 <3
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I feel like my strengths and challenges might be one and the same, or maybe two sides of the same coin. One of my strengths, I think, is having an open heart and being receptive to the feelings and energy of others. As an empath, I feel deeply when other people are suffering, and in my teaching, this open-heartedness makes me feel more connected to them.
But this can also be a challenge, as sometimes this heart-openness attracts the wrong people, and in the past, I’ve had the tendency to attract energy vampires or people who just want to use me as a sounding board, telling me I’m their “best friend” when they don’t know or ask anything about me. When teaching, this is something to be mindful of, I know.
This is also connected to my rejection wound and wanting everyone to “like me” – so I can sometimes be overly amicable in situations that call for more distance – not touchy-feely or huggy but just inviting people into my heart space, subconsciously, by putting out that needy energy.
I find that as a teacher, it’s important for me to be mindful of boundaries and the line on which to balance that open-heartedness with self-preservation and protection so that others don’t take advantage of my heart space but also so that I don’t get too emotionally involved the point where I am not of service anymore – or losing my place as a teacher — either trying too hard for them to like me or wanting to give them my all in order to help comfort them/soothe their pain, etc.
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I am grateful for this question!
When I was young, I would set up all of my dolls and stuffed animals in little chairs or on blankets in rows in front of my whiteboard and “teach” them ALL the things. I did this for years. It was one of my absolute favorite games. From a very young age, my innate zeal to teach, and the care with which I crafted my “lessons”, set up my “classrooms”, tended to my “students”, and FULLY committed myself to the experience, was very strong. I still feel that same eagerness and drive to share things with other beings. And to help communicate something of value and meaning to someone else. I was a tennis instructor, then a hip-hop and Irish Dance teacher, a tutor in high-school, and eventually became a meditation teacher. It feels like a natural gift that I was given, and have nurtured, from a very young age and one that is at the center of who I am as a teacher – and human – today.
Another strength is that I have a great memory (for now, at least!) and my ability to recall passages from books, quotes, poetry, etc, is quite strong. Because of this, I am able to weave in to my talks or guidance, when appropriate, very valuable wisdom from other teachers/poets/etc in what feels like an effortless way. The words simply show up in my brain and I am right there to share them. I’m so grateful for this capacity, and of course, for the thousands of beings whose words/hearts/insights are now a part of my life and teachings.
The third thing that comes to mind is connected to a bit of background….I had an unbelievably nourishing childhood. I had deeply loving and devoted parents (who had a strong and loving relationship). Two amazing brothers (we had our tiffs, of course, but there was a steady foundation of love). I was surrounded by grandparents, cousins, extended family, teachers, mentors, and a community that was, honestly in the way I remember it, pretty perfect. I didn’t experience any major traumas. The security and stability of my family was an impermeable refuge, and still is. Just this year, on my birthday, my younger brother Aven left me a voicemail and signed off by saying “I hope you feel endlessly loved”. I don’t think I’d ever heard those exact words before, but for some reason they struck a deep chord. I realized – this is my life. I have been endlessly loved….from my grandparents to my high school/college boyfriends to my now life partner and child. I have known what a gift this is, for a long time, but I still don’t think I’m able to fully comprehend how that wellspring of love has shaped who I am and how I am able to show up in this world. I think this love is something people can feel when they are with me. I think it is a gift I have been given to bring to those I teach and share practice with. It’s not something I need to offer (although I can), it’s just simply here…and there is such an abundance….that it is automatically shared.
Perhaps connected to this feeling of love is my tenderness (another strength). When I first started meditating, and then teaching, I thought my tenderness would be an obstacle. I was afraid of it – I felt far too “squishy” to be holding space for anyone else. I have learned, and continue to discover, that it is a beautiful quality and incredible strength that helps me connect deeply with myself and others and show up more fully and sincerely in everything I do.
Regarding my challenges….the first thing that comes to mind is my deeply ingrained people pleasing nature. Wanting everyone to be happy. To feel “good”. Avoiding conflict whenever possible. Difficulty with holding my own boundaries/needs, in an effort to make others more comfortable. I will say, I’ve come a LONG long ways (thanks to my practice!) AND…this is still something I need to attend to closely and work with. In a similar vein, wanting to “likable” finds its way into how I show up. I once had an MBSR teacher say “You don’t guide the body scan so people will like you.” And I was like, you don’t?!! 😂 Kidding (sort of)…but that was a big moment for me of realizing how much I wanted to guide people in a way that made them “feel good” so they would have a “good” “pleasant” experience with me and therefore like me as a teacher. Of course, that’s missing the point entirely! This has also shifted for me over the years, in a good way, but I still catch myself in that “wanting people to like me” space. It’s an ongoing practice to release that wanting or needing and come back to what is true and honest and real.
I have a tendency to complicate things (or make them more “frilly” than they need to be….less words Rena, less words!….oh the irony as I write this incredibly long essay response, lol). This training has been a HUGE, huge support and nudge in the direction of simplicity and less (MUCH less) is so much more.
The energy of needing to “prove myself” is something I’ve also been working with. Sometimes I find myself showing up with the primary (albeit often unconscious) intention to demonstrate (to myself and others) that I know what I’m doing and that I’m actually quite proficient/knowledgable/awesome/whatever! And, of course, it’s not about me! It is, in some ways (as Susan/we have all discussed), but it’s so much less about me than my ego wants me to believe. This comes back to our Week 5 essay on letting go of self as a path to true happiness. The more I can show up to teach from a place of “there you are” and “let’s discover something together” instead of “here I am” and “watch how creatively I can deliver this and see how much I can help you”. I’m cringing a bit as I write this, but alas…it’s true! I’m learning to soften that part of me that needs to know/prove, and also see, with compassion, that it comes from a very genuine yet tiresome place: when I prove myself, then I’m worthy.
Welp, there’s more I could say, but this is quite long, so I’ll wrap here. This reflection on my strengths and challenges feels empowering – they’re all pathways pointing back to the dharma and growing into my most real, worthy, liberated self (non-self! 😆) in service to this beautiful world.
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Hmmmmm my intention at the start of the class was to renew and deepen my meditation practice and now that the class has ended, my intention feels the same. That said I do feel as a human have positive qualities and challenges.
-I have always been curious of people and nature, the stories each can tell or spiritually convey. I am an introvert by nature yet love to laugh out loud. I am enjoying being in my 60s which has given me such a sense of awe of the world both the good and the not so good.
Challenges – being an introvert and being misunderstood by others who live by busy schedules and activities. I can be a patient listener but sometimes my excitement to express my thoughts gets in the way. I get uncomfortable by pauses especially when I’m nervous and speak too quickly. I would like to become more comfortable with pauses because I believe that is where the magic is.I feel privileged to have gone on this class journey with truly thoughtful, intelligent and generous individuals. Thank you for your honesty in your essays and your dedication to your practice! Namaste.
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