Week Six Essay
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Tagged: #week six essay
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Jamie Evans.
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October 12, 2024 at 9:32 am #79606
Susan Piver
KeymasterHas meditation helped you to work with difficult emotions? If so, how do you think this happened? Why is this important in the first place? Give an example if one comes to mind.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/19FyM_0HuvkXGIYnZ6o7G1hfRAboRiqhD/view
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October 13, 2024 at 4:48 pm #79628
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantI do think that meditation has helped me with difficult emotions.
When I’m meditating I feel much more in touch with “me”. If I’m relaxed and not hurried I will remember to notice how I’m feeling before I start my practice. And, while practicing I see how my mind thoughts come and go as do my feelings. Again, at the end of my practice, if I remember to check-in with my feelings, they usually have shifted a bit. They may seem to still be difficult, but at least I can feel that there’s been a shift. These experiences give me the trust to remember when having difficult emotions, these too will ride the wave of change.-
October 13, 2024 at 8:08 pm #79631
Dominic Young
ParticipantDear Betsy, I love how meditation makes you feel more in touch with yourself and that you can feel a real shift in your difficult emotions after your practice. I love that you “trust…these too will ride the wave of change.” Very powerful! I am happy to be on this journey with you!
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October 16, 2024 at 2:42 pm #79655
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantThank you, Dominic, for your kind words. I appreciate practicing with you.
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October 14, 2024 at 3:06 pm #79632
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantThanks, Betsy, for describing your experience. There is so much there that sounds familiar. Feeling more in touch with “you,” (thank you for being you out loud in sangha meetings. You are brave and delightful.) It’s so much nicer to meditate when “relaxed and not hurried,” but I find it so important to meditate when I am triggered and rushed! I appreciate your language of “there has been a shift” and “ride the waves.” Thank you for giving voice to those experiences.
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October 18, 2024 at 1:18 pm #79673
Ginny Taylor
ParticipantHas meditation helped you to work with difficult emotions? If so, how do you think this happened? Why is this important in the first place? Give an example if one comes to mind.
Yesterday late morning, I learned of the death of a dear friend, Helen, who I’ve known for nearly forty years. She watched my children, helped to raise them. I always joked that when my kids went to Helen’s they came home cleaner than they arrived. She took such good care of them. Over the past few years, Helen has moved several times to be closer to her daughter, ending up in Colorado, in a small community where she wasn’t happy. Her health was failing, also. When my phone started blowing up with messages from my kids who had seen a post on Facebook that said she had passed, my immediate reaction was one of regret. Why hadn’t I tried harder to maintain more contact beyond just a card or two over the past few years? Why hadn’t I tried to visit when I was at least in Colorado? Why hadn’t I simply picked up the phone and called? And then my heart broke. I sat in my office, closed the door and cried. And then I had to move, which is a typical response for me when confronted with an extreme emotion. So I walked outside, let the tears flow for me, for my kids, for Helen’s daughter, for the friends she left behind, and for my regrets.
I’m someone who can be very sensitive, and feel things deeply. I cry easily. And sometimes this intense sadness is immobilizing at times.
I think what my meditation practice is teaching me is that feeling intense emotions is OK. That I can walk and feel the pain, be uncomfortable with it all. That I can cry and feel the tears. I can breathe through the tightness in my chest, and still feel my breath. The intensity will pass, and then it will return. And then it will pass. In the moments when I felt more stable, I reached out to Helen’s daughter, and to one of own daughters who had had a rough week.
Susan wrote this, “Please take on your meditation practice for the benefit of all.” I’m not sure I’m there yet, understanding how my practice benefits “all.” But maybe it’s beginning to benefit me, and by extension those closest to me.
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October 18, 2024 at 5:57 pm #79683
Helene Melancon
ParticipantGinny, please accept my deep condolences for the loss of your dear friend. I was so moved by your essay. I could recognize myself in these moments that are hard teachings. Thank you for expressing these intense emotions with such sincerity. Your share reminds me to practice more to “remember to remember” what I’ve learned in similar difficult situations, when we suddenly feel impermanence. You end with Susan’s inquiry “Please take on your meditation practice for the benefit of all”. And I also think in last week’s reading of “Meditation means that the cushion is sewn to your pants”(Chögyam Trungpa).
I feel that’s what you did, reaching out to your friend’s daughter as well as your own daughter<3.
May you be safe. May you find comfort. May you find peace in this very painful moment Ginny.-
This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by
Helene Melancon.
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This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by
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October 19, 2024 at 8:45 am #79709
Catherine
ParticipantGinny, You spoke so beautifully about your relationship with Helen. I’m understanding and accepting more that feeling the heart break is part of this powerful love we feel for others.
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October 19, 2024 at 10:59 am #79714
Lianna Patch
ParticipantGinny, sending a big hug. I think recognizing that you needed movement was such a wise and compassionate choice on your part. I’m also a person who cries all the time, which I used to struggle with (trying to hold back tears, or judging myself for being “weak”). In the last few years, I’ve realized that if I simply allow those big feelings, they often move through me with less complication and fewer “second arrows”. It sounds like you know this about yourself too.
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October 23, 2024 at 6:21 am #79731
Jana Sample
ParticipantGinny, so sorry for the loss of your friend. I also recently lost a friend who I’d been very close with many years ago but had not spoken to in some time. It’s not easy to sit with feelings of guilt for not staying in touch after someone has passed, I’m still feeling this come up for me from time to time and even now as I write this. But I also find it true that my meditation practice has helped me sit with the discomfort of these feelings instead of pushing them away.
I also ponder often about how my practice is benefiting “all.” Whether or not I understand how, I think it’s a beautiful idea and I often think of it radiating from me into the world, whatever “it” is.
Hugs to you. -
October 24, 2024 at 7:35 pm #79783
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantDear Ginny, So sorry for your loss of your friend. It’s never “easy” or “the right time” to lose someone who has played such a meaningful part in our lives (& for our children). Please be gentle with yourself. And, know that life is so complex, so filled and we can only do so much…only 24 hrs in a day. I’m glad to read that you have such self-awareness to cry, to walk and to be with your grief. Your friend would want that for you.
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October 18, 2024 at 5:32 pm #79679
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantGinny, sorry about the death of your friend. That is hard, especially so when there were moments you wished you had reached out more, stayed connected in some manner. Lots of emotions were running through, and tears fell. You felt those and surely much more, more deeply. And you stayed with them, let it happen. The way you described it, it sounded graceful and steadfast. Such a willingness to stay with them and let them be. Warmly, Rachel
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October 18, 2024 at 5:49 pm #79680
Rachel Hirning
Participant(woops, I am deleting this post and putting it underneath Betsy’s response)
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This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by
Rachel Hirning.
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This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by
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October 18, 2024 at 5:53 pm #79682
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantBetsy, I adore this sweet response. Your clear words highlight the simplicity of practice and the results seem ‘tried and true’ – you have been able to trust meditation to do this. I hear your appreciation and openess to the practice. Thanks for sharing.
(FYI for some reason this one isn’t showing up underneath Betsy’s) -
October 18, 2024 at 7:20 pm #79694
Ann Harmon
ParticipantBetsy, I love the way you describe the shift that happens when you meditate. I relate to that. It sounds beautifully kind to you. Sometimes its easier to be kind to others than it is to ourselves. Thanks for the reminder,.
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November 4, 2024 at 12:44 pm #80018
Kimberly Hillebrand
ParticipantBetsy, I resonate with what you’ve written here, and I have found that your experience is similar to mine. The difficulty I have sometimes is that I don’t dig deep enough to get at the root emotions that I’m experiencing. For example, if the most recognizable emotion in the moment is frustration but there are other emotions underneath causing the frustration, I might not see any shifting after meditation. I might still see the same version of frustration. At times, I feel like I have to dig down several layers to the root emotion I’m experiencing. If I can do that, then it’s possible that I’ll feel the shift you describe in your essay. But – it takes time. Sometimes longer than my meditation time! Thank you for your beautiful words and practical wisdom, Betsy.
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October 13, 2024 at 7:11 pm #79629
Dominic Young
ParticipantHas meditation helped me with difficult emotions? I can say without a bit of doubt that YES, absolutely meditation has helped me with difficult/afflictive emotions! Now, as for exactly how that happened, I have no real complete understanding. So, damned if I know the ultimate workings of how this happened or happens. There is an element of “magic” beyond concept to it that I can’t explain.
But I will give some thoughts about why or how this happens. Meditation in an ordinary, yet profound way allowed and allows me to be here right now and be with, deal with, whatever with the emotions I experience right at that moment, and the next moment, and the next moment, etc. It allows me to stay and be with, and not hide or run away from myself and my emotions. However, if they get too intense or overwhelming, I take care, as one should, of myself and take a break. I stop and do something else that is not overwhelming, something that is enjoyable for me.
Meditation not only allows one to be with strong emotions, but it also opens up/ cultivates your awareness to “see” things from a different perspective. Different from the limited one you get caught up in when you are experiencing difficult emotions and feelings. It also has a “magical” way to open you and your heart with this newfound awareness. When you have difficult emotions you often end up with a broken heart because someone or something hurt you/me. This broken heart born from awareness actually softens you and you begin to drop your defenses (ego) allowing you to be real and yourself fully, and feel more fully. Seeing reality as it is and not as you want it to be.
Meditation also allows you to experience and come to understand the impermanence of everything. When meditating you follow/feel your breath and when a thought arises from space, you notice it and come back to the breath. You notice the thought floats by and dissolves into space. After a while, you come to realize that is similar to how our emotions process. Emotions arise from some experience and you sit with them and come back to the breath over and over; the emotions seem to lessen or lose their tight grip little by little and even dissolve at times.
All of this is important, I believe because when you have difficult emotions, you have to process them in some way. Through your mind and body. One has to sit with difficult emotions, feel them fully, and process them. Then one can begin to let them go compassionately and fully. This is how all emotions are processed. If you don’t go through this process but ignore or push emotions down or away, it will cause many negative issues both physical and mental like depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, and so on. It will be a detriment to your well-being or the well-being of others around you, where you might take out your unresolved difficult emotions on others. One caveat is if one is experiencing severe trauma, then one should seek assistance from a qualified professional.
An example from my own experience; I fell into a deep depression when there was a loss of a significant relationship and right after was the death of my mum. I received help from a clinical social worker, which was needed and very helpful. But what really allowed me to fully heal and move forward was when I found meditation and was taught the meditation technique by my meditation teacher.
This training and practice is what truly allowed me to be with my difficult emotions and my broken heart, to stay with them, and really feel deeply what I was feeling. Before all of this help, I hid and suppressed all of my feelings. I didn’t really experience my emotions I numbed them. That led to depression and health issues, like obesity and high blood pressure. Once I actually experienced and felt my strong emotions, I could begin to process them. I could see what I was really doing from a fresh perspective, the truth, that I couldn’t see before learning meditation. I felt my emotions without a filter, very raw, I could experience what was going on inside of me and just be with it. Then started to accept the impermanence of everything, including relationships and life itself. I began to accept that my relationship was over, it hurt but was true. I began to accept my mum’s death, which broke my heart, but it was the reality. This realization and acceptance allowed me to begin to let go of these strong, difficult emotions and the past. This allowed me to fully heal. Meditation was the key to my healing; a very simple, profound, and magical practice. I am grateful to have found meditation or it found me, that is the magic beyond concept or comprehension. Everyone who I loved and lost is still in my broken heart in some way (energy?), especially my mum.
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October 15, 2024 at 1:05 pm #79638
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantDominic, your description of your heartbreak and losses touches me and makes me grateful for your recovery and maturity in the face of these difficult life issues. Grief has got to be the most difficult and debilitating of the difficult emotions, and our acceptance of “what is” is truly a healing step. I’m so glad that you found meditation, and that it found you.
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October 17, 2024 at 1:34 pm #79667
Dominic Young
ParticipantThank you for your kind words, Karen! I appreciate you! I commented on your essay, but it seems to have gone in the wrong place, not under your essay, but at the bottom of the thread. I am grateful to be on the path with you.
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October 15, 2024 at 2:20 pm #79639
David Minarro
ParticipantDominic, I find it admirable and inspiring the way you found your way back home after such a hard process, and that meditation was a witness to that entire healing process. To stay with what is. To see things from a different experience. To understand impermanence. Without a doubt, just with one of those three we could spend a lifetime contemplating. I am excited that at the end of that long road, the solution was not to learn to always be well or to overcome negative emotions forever and ever, but to accept and feel the pain of the end of a relationship, and to keep the warmth and energy of your mum within your heart. May she rest in peace, and may we thank her for the wonderful son she brought into this world.
Warmly, David-
October 17, 2024 at 1:36 pm #79668
Dominic Young
ParticipantDavid, thank you for your kind reply to my essay, your words have touched my heart! I am grateful to be on this journey with you.
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October 16, 2024 at 2:51 pm #79656
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantDear Dominic, Your essay reflects so much your integration of the teachings and the value of sitting meditation. I can feel your emotions through your words “I felt my emotions without a filter, very raw, I could experience what was going on inside of me and just be with it.” You’ve experienced your losses (especially your mom) deeply and continue to connect with the impermanence without grasping in an unhealthy manner. Congratulations to you! May you continue to appreciate how far you’ve come. Betsy
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October 17, 2024 at 1:38 pm #79669
Dominic Young
ParticipantI am grateful to you for your kind words Betsy. Much love.
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October 15, 2024 at 12:54 pm #79636
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantI was in the little car’s passenger seat, driving home with a friend from an event in Wisconsin, and we were driving south – back to Illinois. The roads are pretty well lit in Illinois – but they are very dark in rural Wisconsin. Given our unfamiliarity with this area, GPS instructions were crucial, but we still had some wrong turns and backtracking. Up there, we went through no towns, and saw only one gas station. There were very few lights on the roads, mostly at remote intersections, and it was about 8:00 in the evening.
My friend, who was driving, missed a turn, so we went out of our way a few miles while the GPS guided us back onto another country road. This one was a divided highway, with two lanes on each side of a ditch. She needed to make a left turn across the short entrance/driveway to the other side of the road, but mistook the ditch for the opposite shoulder, and turned into the lanes which were for oncoming traffic. With some urgent re-correction (luckily no cars were coming at that moment), we ended up halfway across the driveway leading to the proper lanes, but now cars were coming from that direction, and they were coming at 70 miles per hour.
In the face of this danger, I did not feel fear, but the thought crossed my mind: “Is this how I’m going to go out?” Dying on a dark county road in Wisconsin was not on my Bingo card. Luckily, this was not to be. We proceeded safely, no crash, no drama, but in that moment, and afterwards, I had to inwardly marvel at my calm.
There are events and circumstances that do get me agitated and anxious, and they are mostly work-related and have to do with deadlines and professional performance. There are occasions when I’m so wired and tired that sleep becomes an elusive gift. However, “the big one,” this “Wisconsin-impending-death” scenario, didn’t even create a ripple of fear, at that time or in retrospect. This is precisely why meditation is so important.
The discipline of meditating seems to allow the brain to rewire, at least in my experience. When I settle into the present moment for meditation and just breathe, I’m opening myself to a healing energy, and inviting new connections with my consciousness and within my being. The rewiring is cumulative somehow, which is why the practice needs to be consistent. Isn’t it wonderful how we can rearrange our energy frequency? The human body is the vehicle for this. The stress hormones that give rise to the difficult emotions like fear, anger, and shame truly are diminished. Perhaps my stress chemicals carrying that pesky “work anxiety” will diminish someday as well.
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This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by
Karen Daughtry.
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October 15, 2024 at 2:22 pm #79640
David Minarro
ParticipantKaren, isn’t it incredible how sometimes the vicissitudes of everyday life can take us to our edges, and when we find ourselves in extreme situations where even our survival is put in danger, we can bring out a calm that we don’t even know where we had stored? I find what you say very interesting about how meditation can create our neural pathways and connections, and I hope that your practice and life also lead you to face thosework challenges that you talk about, and that you undoubtedly overcome with flying colors, with more serenity and joy.
Kindly, David-
October 15, 2024 at 2:44 pm #79642
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantThank you for your thoughtful reply, David – yes, it’s the “little things” that get to us so often, isn’t it? At least to me. Ahhhh, humans!
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October 19, 2024 at 11:10 am #79715
Lianna Patch
ParticipantKaren!! I know exactly what you mean. I was in a car wreck at the end of 2015 and at the moment of impact, I found myself thinking, “Ah, so this is finally happening.” Time slowed, my car spun around a few times, and when it came to a stop, I thought to myself, “I guess I should scream.” It was all very orderly, and kind of funny in retrospect. I wish I could apply the same calm to my own work anxiety!! Like you said– holding out hope for someday.
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This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by
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October 15, 2024 at 5:04 pm #79652
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantMeditation helps me work with difficult emotions. It does this in at least three ways. First, I feel emotions more deeply and completely than I did before. Sitting there breathing in, breathing out, my mind thrums away producing thoughts, which give rise to emotions. Watch them come; watch them go; it’s no problem. Label the whole tangled mess “thinking.” No need to judge. No need to engage. Just let it go. John Muir said, “the grand show is always eternal.” He was talking about the natural world, but the same is true of our internal worlds. Especially when I sit in sangha, I marvel at the gathering of body-minds – each of us sitting, breathing, thinking. What a species!
I’ve learned from Pema Chodron to “feel the feelings and drop the story.” My chest tightens and feels weighty, my face flushes and my heart beats faster as my mind reviews what she said about that and the tone of voice she used. Hello anger. Feel the tight weight, the rush of heat, the speedy breath, then watch as it arises, abides, and dissolves. Things that used to seem so sure and solid turn out to be wobbly Jell-O molds. Take a bite and it turns into sweet life-juice.
One of the fancy dessert salads I sometimes bring to the potluck is the notion that my story and suffering are separate and special. It turns out that you suffer too, and your drama is just as meaningful and gripping as mine. My heart breaks open into compassion for both of us. In fact, let’s just toss away the Idea of you and me as separate selves and realize the gorgeous emptiness of it all. That’s when things get gloriously numinous.
For example, at a recent meeting I presented my carefully crafted description of a group and the work we are doing and plan to do. In mere minutes, two people stood up to explain why we were going about it all wrong. I could feel the internal urges to freeze, flee, and fight arrive simultaneously. I felt cold and hot, shame, embarrassment, and anger. I breathed and listened. I did not tell myself I was stupid. I did not apologize. I did not burst into tears, lash out or shut down. Discussion continued. We’ll rethink, retool, and try again next month. This is very different from how things would have gone 10 years ago before I was a regular meditator.
I feel like I have a new set of tools, but really, it’s one simple process. Breathing out, breathing in, relaxing, and giving myself unlimited fresh starts. It’s important because I am more mindful and have more choices. I am kinder (inside and outside) and easier to be around. Meanwhile, the grand show continues.
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October 15, 2024 at 11:20 pm #79653
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantDear Kate, I feel your words deeply, and with appreciation. When you say “your drama is just as meaningful and gripping as mine,” I totally resonate. Thank you for your eloquent expression, and for reminding me about “giving myself unlimited fresh starts” – a much needed reminder!!! Many thanks for your wonderful writing, and many thanks for your insight.
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October 18, 2024 at 1:25 pm #79675
Ginny Taylor
ParticipantKate, such beautiful words here. This: Feel the tight weight, the rush of heat, the speedy breath, then watch as it arises, abides, and dissolves. Things that used to seem so sure and solid turn out to be wobbly Jell-O molds. Take a bite and it turns into sweet life-juice.
Thank you for your example of how meditation can change a person. As someone who is new to this practice, your stories, like those of many here, help to encourage me to continue on when the sitting is challenging.
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October 16, 2024 at 3:14 pm #79659
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantDear Kate, I appreciate much of what you stated in your writing. It reflects your deep appreciation for the teachings…instructions of meditation and Pema’s “feel the feelings…”. Your description “…solid turn out to be wobbly Jell-O molds. Take a bite and it turns into sweet life-juice.” is so vivid and beautifully descriptive of impermanence and being with what is. Thank you for sharing it all!
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October 18, 2024 at 4:54 pm #79678
Helene Melancon
ParticipantKate,
John Muir’s quote “the grand show is always eternal” applied to the reflection on difficult emotions we are doing here, is so accurate! Eternal, and very humanly universal. I immediately saw myself in the analogy you make between what we experience on our own and what we realize when in Sangha: the feeling that my suffering, my sadness, my story is more special, and different. But every time I find myself with others, the Sangha reminds me through each sharing, that it’s never just my internal show but all’s internal show. So a sense of reciprocity and nourishment arises. And what I’m trying to say also is that this forum where we share our ideas and unique way to understand always feels a non-judgemental and caring space. Thank you for being here with all your presence and liveliness of spirit. -
October 18, 2024 at 7:24 pm #79695
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ParticipantThis is so beautiful. I love this idea of unlimited fresh starts. Thank you.
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October 18, 2024 at 11:41 pm #79700
Christine Masi
ParticipantKate
Heart felt words to describe your meditation journey.
Life is very much like jello, wobbly, impermanent yet full of sweet life – juice!Your insight on how meditation has been of benefit to you, is inspiring.
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October 19, 2024 at 8:53 am #79711
Kimberly Hillebrand
Participant“Feel the feelings and drop the story.” That is incredibly powerful. And the idea of unlimited fresh starts. You’ve given me much to think about, Kate. I thank you!
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October 16, 2024 at 6:45 am #79654
David Minarro
ParticipantWhen facing difficult emotions, meditation has taught me to create a kind of internal witness that helps me observe the situation from a more objective level. Although I still have a long way to go, in the midst of an emotional turmoil, on good days I can connect with a kind of more equanimous and realistic version of myself that calmly tells me, within me, things like this: “David , stop, stop for a second to feel yourself, calm your thoughts first, put your hand on your heart; do not let yourself be carried away by worry, respond when your anger has passed; do not lose patience, you made that mistake yourself yesterday at least twenty times; act later, when you have more clarity; do not make movies in your head about this; before insisting, wait to see the effect of the action you did before; ask for forgiveness or start that conversation that I know is difficult for you; it is time for you to let go of this person who does not benefit us, at least for today, etc”. And although sometimes I tell him “shut up, leave me alone or I can’t deal with you right now”, deep down I listen to him, and that dialogue we establish helps me take a step back and create some space between situations and my reactions. Maybe we all have this version of ourselves inside, somewhat Gollum-esque, it’s called voice consciousness, internal dialogue or Jiminy cricket: But I feel that my meditation practice has helped me give more prominence to that internal witness, who behaves like a teacher who comes out in search of my care and well-being, and also has helped to recognize its voice among the hubbub of noise that is going on inside our brains and bodies, specially when facing difficult emotions. And I am very glad for that extra help. Thanks for reading!
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October 16, 2024 at 2:56 pm #79657
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantDavid, this is such a good description of the Inner Witness – thank you for expressing it so well and thoroughly. I will keep this idea in the forefront of my thoughts, especially when (like yesterday) I’m upset with my husband! I was not equanimous one bit at that point 🙁
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October 28, 2024 at 3:50 pm #79844
David Minarro
ParticipantThanks Karen, I’m glad it inspired you. Especially for those little everyday things that sometimes don’t feel small at all!
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October 16, 2024 at 3:06 pm #79658
Betsy Loeb
ParticipantDear David, Your essay put a smile on my face. I can just imagine your “Jiminy Cricket” supporting your awareness of your emotions and/or actions.
If I recall correctly, I believe that you are a teacher. So it’s not surprising that your “internal witness, …behaves like a teacher”. And, how wonderful that this teacher “… comes out in search of my care and well-being”. I hear Susan’s words in this. The most important thing is to be gentle with oneself. And, you reflect that in your description. Lastly when you “recognize its voice among the hubbub of noise that is going on inside our brains and bodies, specially when facing difficult emotions.” gives such a vivid description of what I, too, feel so often but haven’t put into such words “hubbub of noise”. Love that!
PS In a previous reply to one of my essays I think I gave you the wrong impression that I was currently a teacher. I’m retired from an advocacy organization that supporting early childhood teachers/administrators and home providers. Many, many years ago I taught first grade and preschool for a short while. Today I volunteered in my grandson’s first grade class, and again saw the challenges for teachers (and the little recognition that the broader community gives them). So I want to say to you, those children are fortunate to have you as their teacher!-
October 28, 2024 at 3:56 pm #79845
David Minarro
ParticipantThank you very much Betsy! How many times do we hear the voice of Susan’s teachings in our daily adventures, don’t we? haha
I appreciate your thoughtful response and clarification! I would love to have you also volunteer in my classes, we would definitely learn a lot from you 🙂
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October 17, 2024 at 8:18 am #79660
Jana Sample
ParticipantDavid, I love this idea of the internal witness / the Jiminy Cricket. And how totally real that sometimes the response to this witness is “shut up!” 😀 I really identify with all that you said, the creation of space between our first reaction to a situation and our actual response has been so helpful for me, too.
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October 28, 2024 at 3:58 pm #79846
David Minarro
ParticipantThank you very much Jana! Nothing makes me happier than reading that you found the answer useful. I hope we learn better not to tell Jimmy to shut up hehe
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October 18, 2024 at 4:30 pm #79677
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantThanks, David, for your helpful description of your inner voice. It’s wonderful that we all (I think it’s all) have that inner wise self. Maybe it’s our basic goodness speaking? I like that you note sometimes we listen and sometimes not. Meditation helps us be aware of it. It helps us make space between thought and action.
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October 28, 2024 at 4:01 pm #79847
David Minarro
ParticipantThanks Kate, I liked what you told me that this inner witness can be our basic goodness, and I certainly agree that our meditation practice can help us discern it better.
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October 18, 2024 at 6:28 pm #79691
Jenn Peters
ParticipantDavid, I wrote my essay before reading yours here and it brings me great comfort to know that I’m not the only person who has these convos in my head – i mean, I know we all can be aware of this internal witness, but i thought maybe mine was more maniacal than others. But it turns out that yours is just as chatty and fun. So nice!
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October 28, 2024 at 4:03 pm #79848
David Minarro
ParticipantThanks Jenn, your response made me laugh so hard at the end. I’m glad you didn’t feel understood by my answer, as I felt when reading yours!
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October 17, 2024 at 12:53 pm #79666
Dominic Young
ParticipantKaren, what a harrowing experience you went through on that country road on that dark night! I am so glad that you made it through unscathed physically and hopefully mentally as well. It is truly amazing how calm you described you were in the face of a life-and-death possible situation! I can appreciate how traumatic that must have been in many ways. It is strange how one can be calm in such extremely scary situations. I agree that meditation does seem to rewire the brain and science has shown this to be true from many studies. I like to think that there is some sort of “magic” in meditation that is beyond science and concept. This may be what you experienced on that country road, I don’t know for sure, but a practice of regular meditation allows one to experience moments of that “magic”. I am so glad you are here on this journey and I am happy to be on this journey with you. I am sure you will continue to cultivate further moments of calm in difficult situations in the future.
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October 17, 2024 at 8:54 pm #79671
Helene Melancon
ParticipantFor a long time, I didn’t know which way to approach my difficult emotions. A shapeless, often vehement fog. I wanted to harness them. Feeling hot behind the mask of correctness I was trying to keep in place on my face. I had to keep moving forward.
Meditation has been a fountain in the desert. I could begin to poke holes in the confused cloud of my emotions, and glimpse the perspicacity of their insistence. Understand that they could offer me precious pools of information. I remember feeling like the lid of a pressure cooker squirting. I cried a lot while practicing. I was an estuary that had held back too often.
Through the Dharma, I received little envelopes of peace, sometimes a shooting star of calm silence, more rarely a still corner of a lake. I often returned to meditation. I needed it, like the sailboat of the wind.
Illuminating the invisible, becoming aware handed over me clues. Wait! Stay! Listen to the thunder of emotions and their heavy rain! Let them exist! Quenching their thirst for space was the opposite of my desire to get rid of them, and scary. Before, I was waiting in hope these difficult emotions would pass. Now I was learning to meet them. Recognizing that I emerged a little more peaceful, a little lighter, I persisted in meditating. I felt truer to myself and others.By sitting with what is, without forcing an emotion to leave, without forcing myself to love it, I learned and still learn to allow its disordered movements and to draw on the power they release to use it where it counts the most. As long as I’m at mercy of their turbulence, I can’t move.
Easier said than done.
Not long ago, my father passed away. Our relationship was always difficult because it was based on authority that had not faded. I was haunted by the disappointment of seeing him go without a sprout of mutual gratitude and tenderness, and even with his physical and cognitive losses, I had hope of a denouement. Projecting myself into an improbable future, frozen in expectation. Hope prevented me from seeing what was. Through attentive presence, I realized near the end that my desire for our connection to change was just impossible. Sadness did not go away, but paradoxically when I stopped wanting for things to be otherwise, I was able to move out of my hole in the sand and reposition my feet in the present. I was able to do what seemed important to both of us. Hold my father’s hand. Offer him a reassuring presence when sleeping. Smile. Sing his favourite Acadian air.In the eye of the storm lies a strength that always surprises me.
The more I meditate, the more I feel supported to live. It’s a delicate task of patience and beginning again.-
October 18, 2024 at 1:21 pm #79674
Ginny Taylor
ParticipantHelen, your writing fills me with hope. My mother and I are not close, and she is aging. I wonder how I will be able to be with her if I’m given that opportunity. Your actions with your father give me guidance. Thank you.
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October 18, 2024 at 2:55 pm #79676
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantThank you for your elegant, eloquent language. I want to read it again and capture some of your phrasing so I can think about it more. You help me understand my process at a deeper level. My emotional undertow gets stormy too. Practicing meditation, practicing meeting things as they are without judgment, I am able to stay present. Turmoil softens.
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October 18, 2024 at 6:26 pm #79690
Jenn Peters
ParticipantWow, Helene – that is such beautiful and powerful writing. Thanks for this and for sharing.
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October 18, 2024 at 7:26 pm #79696
T
ParticipantThis is powerful, Helene. Thank you for your thoughtful words. The tenderness you bring into your language really shows the caring you bring to the practice.
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October 18, 2024 at 6:14 pm #79685
Rachel Hirning
ParticipantWhen I consider difficult emotions and meditation, 2 natural consequences come to mind.
I notice that leaning in to the emotion ALWAYS helps. And I mean, always. At first, it can feel more terrifying. I may get fooled to think that it won’t help. After awhile, it softens a bit. The acceptance of it, the feeling it, does shift in some way. It becomes more tolerable. Even, at times, to the point of compassion for it, myself, for others.
Off the cushion, I notice a steadiness that arises in conflict or other difficulty. I don’t jump to another hot emotion, like worry or despair as easily. It widens my container to hold a lot of emotions at once. I can step away and discern. Sometimes, I can be quicker to make the right call or response in that very moment.
The more space I give them, the easier they settle.
I loved the reading from this week. The explanation of how meditation stabilizes and compassion can come forth made logical sense. Rarely do things of this nature make logical sense to me. I rely on practice alone. But the article seemed to break it down in a way that it clicked. I look forward to this seed growing in my practice, and opening up more to feelings and allowing compassion in, which seems Bodhisattva generous (The 1st paramita).
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October 19, 2024 at 1:22 am #79703
Rena Meloy
Participant“The more space I give them, the easier they settle.” – such a good way to phrase this Rachel, thank you! I can definitely relate. It’s wonderful to recognize your process of learning to trust the leaning in process – even if it’s terrifying at first. And also recognizing the steadiness that has grown in you as a result of your practice….and the capacity to hold many emotions at once. All things that I’m sure make your daily lived experience more easeful and that are also a huge gift to others in your life. Thank you for sharing! <3
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October 18, 2024 at 6:24 pm #79688
Jenn Peters
ParticipantHas meditation helped you to work with difficult emotions? If so, how do you think this happened? Why is this important in the first place? Give an example if one comes to mind.
I do believe that meditation has helped me work with difficult emotions in that it has given me the tools to feel emotions without judging them. If I am sitting with sadness in meditation, I can practice becoming the observer of that sadness, or more often than not, it’s the stress and anxiety I’m witnessing. Meditation has taught me to be curious about what I’m feeling and almost try to view it from the outside.
Sometimes, I sit with my feelings in meditation and try to notice what’s coming up for me – if it’s anxiety, I’ll almost talk to myself in my mind as I observe my thoughts. Something like: “Okay, so you’re anxious. That’s interesting. What’s that all about or where is that coming from?” and then sometimes I can be like, “Okay, well you’re sad, that’s okay, let’s just do that then.” This can often diffuse pain for me in a way – almost like it gives me a chance to not take my emotions so seriously. Like, okay, you feel sad – so what – tomorrow you’ll feel happy or maybe not. Whatever. I know this sounds flippant and reductive, but it’s just how my brain works.
Of course, I acknowledge that this is different from our usual sitting breath-centred meditation, where we return back to our breath after we notice a distracting thought or get caught up in it. With this experience, I almost try to dig deeper into that judgment around that emotion and investigate it to get to know it better. It remains to be seen if this is beneficial to me long term or makes anything better but it can help me not get so caught up in the emotion and the despair around having it. Hope this makes some bit of sense, and thanks for reading 🙂
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October 21, 2024 at 12:27 pm #79721
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Jenn,
Thanks for bringing up the whole judgement of our emotions piece. Yes, me too. It was really only through meditation that I became aware that I was piling on the suffering by questioning and castigating and blaming myself for what I was feeling.
Also–I think a little talking to oneself as you describe can be really useful. Made sense to me!
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October 18, 2024 at 7:15 pm #79692
Ann Harmon
ParticipantSomehow when I sit in meditation with different feelings, my meditation practice helps me get to the compassion and diffuses my anger. It’s as though that knot of anger in my chest melts away as I come back again and again to the present moment.
I get really angry at the election situation. I have friends who like the opposite candidate. The anger and disillusionment feels terrible. When I meditate, particularly a loving kindness meditation, the anger softens and because Im wishing them well, I remember that they are loving compassionate beings.
I hope this plug is okay.
Sam Harris has a podcast “Eight Things I’m doing To Stay Sane During Election Season” from August 9. Search for it on Apple Podcasts. Susan did a great interview with him also about the Enneagram.-
October 19, 2024 at 1:09 am #79702
Rena Meloy
ParticipantI love the way you describe how compassion “diffuses” difficult emotions (like anger) and how coming home to presence over and over can “melt” the physical sensations. I can relate to the felt sense of that so much in my own practice, and your words are a beautiful reminder that just being present with whatever we’re feeling is often more than enough. Thank you Ann! <3
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October 19, 2024 at 8:49 am #79710
Kimberly Hillebrand
ParticipantAnn, I relate so much to your thoughts about the election and those close to us who prefer the other candidate. Metta meditation is one of the first structured practices I learned many years ago. It certainly helps me keep a loving, compassionate perspective in situations like we’re facing during the current election season. I appreciate your plug. 🙂
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October 18, 2024 at 7:19 pm #79693
T
ParticipantWhen I first starting having medical problems, my mobility was limited and I was exhausted, but I was so hopped up on steroids that I could never sleep. If I hadn’t already had a long-standing, stable meditation practice, the combination of pain, jitteriness, having a massive identity crisis, etc could have been disastrous. But it wasn’t because I spent hours a day meditating.
Or, at least, trying to meditate. I am certainly no meditation guru, and much of the time I spent practicing involved a great deal of fidgeting, crying, getting up and sitting back down. I wasn’t comfortable in any position for very long. So I did sitting meditations, lying down meditations, standing against the wall meditations, walking meditations.
My ability to stay with the breath was extremely unpredictable. I did a lot of satipatthana (body awareness) meditations and energy body meditations. Clearly, I am obsessive. But I was really feeling the precarity of my existence and I knew that I needed to stay clear and nimble minded because I really thought that at any moment, I could be in the bardos. I didn’t want to die asleep to reality. Or something.
My feelings were all over the place. Most of the time, I couldn’t pick out one dominant feeling, except maybe fear. I got to know fear so well, where it hides in my heart, in my limbs, in my nervous system. I tried to make friends with it. I saw the ways my fear tries to keep me safe. I felt grateful for my fear.
I am in no way saying that I always feel friendly towards fear now. I certainly do not. I would say I spend an average of 75% of my time feeling fearful and about 5% of that time I am able to feel friendly towards that fear. But that tiny percentage of time gives me a lot of clarity about how it is possible to relate to my feelings, even if I don’t do it all the time.
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October 18, 2024 at 7:31 pm #79697
Ann Harmon
ParticipantThat was a beautiful description of dealing with pain I could see that the only way out is through. You described that perfectly. And your description of fear is so right on for me. Thank you and I wish you well.
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October 19, 2024 at 2:34 am #79706
Erin Anderson
ParticipantHi T,
Thanks for your candor about your current experience. I appreciate how you’ve illuminated the chain of connection between pain and fear. Before this very moment, I hadn’t noticed that pain and fear go together in my own experience. I feel encouraged to be brave and peak into mine too.
Wishing you the very best.
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October 18, 2024 at 8:11 pm #79698
Eleanore Langknecht
ParticipantAs I try to build my meditation practice, I’ve found the times when it’s hardest to sit are the times when I feel sad or overwhelmed. Not out of conscious fear of sitting within my feelings, but more out of a general malaise or sluggishness. Every day when I do sit, I definitely feel a difference–an extra little bit of grace for my own feelings. The sort of ambiguous squeezing sluggishness that lingers before I sit is countered by an equal and opposite openness. I don’t think I’ve gotten to the point yet where I’ve moved “through” something with meditation as a part of that process, it all still feels so new to me. But, I’m working on letting that feeling guide and encourage me, reminding myself that even that little bit of openness and perspective holds a corner of a much bigger truth. Taking it step my step, or should I say: sit by sit.
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October 18, 2024 at 11:21 pm #79699
Christine Masi
ParticipantEleanore,
I related to your resistance to sit for meditation during times of unease and that after meditation you sense a lightness. I especially liked your phrase – an extra little bit of grace for my own feelings – -
October 19, 2024 at 2:17 am #79705
Erin Anderson
ParticipantHi Eleanore,
I hear ya! That inner dreary-ness can sure be a bump in the road. I have found it to be kind of beautiful to watch that situation shift over time. I forget about the word grace… I think it’s totally on point. Grace definitely grows with meditation. Thanks for the reminder.
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October 19, 2024 at 1:03 am #79701
Rena Meloy
ParticipantI loved reading this week’s essay. Thank you, Susan. The last line brought tears to my eyes: If you open your heart, you can change everything.
YES.
This has been my experience through and through.
Meditation has taught me so unbelievably much about EVERYTHING, and difficult emotions are no exception. For a long time, I thought the point of life was to feel happy as often as possible. Whenever things felt sad…whenever I felt sad….I just assumed something was “wrong”. I’ve always been a very tender person (*squishy*, as I have learned to fondly call myself), and I spent many years feeling lots of shame around my propensity to cry at seemingly simple things. Even early on in my meditation teaching journey (starting with MBSR teacher training), I was concerned my tenderness would “get in the way” of being a good teacher. I so often viewed it as a liability – in pretty much all spheres of my life.
Through many hours on the cushion, something started to shift. Little by little, I started to see my sadness as something beautiful. An asset. A gift that came from the deep well of love and care within me. Especially during longer retreats, I learned how to sit and “be with”…or as Susan more recently suggested “be within” my sadness, and to feel a sense of comfort and knowing there. There was no longer the energy of fear around it….or the feeling that it was “wrong”, but rather exactly right. Of course I feel sadness (hello first noble truth!). And of course it is welcome….as welcome as joy or peace.
As I grew my ability to relate to sadness in this way, it expanded to other challenging emotions. Anxiety, anger, guilt, worry, irritability, shame….the edge softened on them all, and most of the time, I could allow the energy of the emotions to flow through me without getting completely lost in them. Through self-compassion practice, I was also able to tap into self-kindness and common humanity which softened them even further. When I say soften, I’m speaking more to my relationship with the emotion. I still felt fiery anger, or prickly frustration, etc, but I no longer felt the sharpness of the feeling that this was “bad” and the ensuing need to immediately avoid/get rid of/suppress it. I could just breathe and witness and experience the energy of it without too much judgement. This was profound for me. It still is.
My practice also taught me (and continues to teach me) so much about impermanence as it relates to emotional upwellings. Instead of firing the second arrow of “I will feel this way always” I’ve learned that with a little time and space, every single thing changes….sticky, unpleasant emotions included. So instead of flailing about in an effort to get rid of an emotion, I can just pause for a beat and notice (with genuine curiosity) what unfolds. I still find myself marveling at the intensity of certain feelings….and how quickly that intensity can dissolve, or my perspective can change (especially if I’m not latched onto the story that’s fueling it).
I’ve also started to see, over and over, how difficult emotions are inseperable from beautiful ones. I love Khalil Jibran’s words: “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” It seems the more I can be within and open myself fully to painful emotions, the more I stretch my capacity to be in the fullness of delightful ones.
And of course, perhaps most powerfully, I’ve realized how difficult emotions and experiences are our deepest portals to connection with others. More recently, as grief has entered my life in pronounced ways, I’m amazed by how immediate the threads of connection have felt with others who are also grieving. With loved ones for sure….but especially “strangers”. And from those threads, the wellspring of compassion that emerges from all sides. It all holds so much meaning and beauty….and richness.
To close….in my own experience, learning to work with our difficult emotions is crucial because they are such a HUGE part of our lives and can cause so much suffering (to ourselves and others) without awareness. And when we release the energy of resisting and learn to turn toward and befriend our emotions, they transform us. They become our portals into presence and compassion and deeper understanding of what it means to be fully human. And from that space, only one thing seems to make sense: love.
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October 22, 2024 at 10:58 pm #79726
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantRena – what a beautiful expression, culminating in Love. Your words resonate deeply with me. Many thanks
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October 19, 2024 at 2:05 am #79704
Erin Anderson
ParticipantFirst of all, I am so excited by the topics we have covered the last few weeks. I have to say that this conversation about emotion and difficulty is THE reason I am here. I am so encouraged by this course and by how Susan is sharing this Vajrayana path.
This has been my constant search through the last 10 years of my practice.
My main education has been yoga, wonderful yoga whose practices tend to softening our hearts and creating friendliness with our bodies. Yet, through much of this I have found judgemental ideas about others and warm-hearted compassion to be conditional. By this I am meaning that folks who are honest and share their difficult emotions or are going through illness or challenging times are judged for their choices rather than met with true compassion. To me, much of the teachings seem to reflect a person’s privilege and are charged with spiritual bypassing.I was recently with a teacher that I respect deeply. He is a wonderful, wise, and loving yogi. He was asked about emotion, because we were talking about ease and lightness and the natural happiness that arises from practice. The person who asked was clearly sad and said what are these other emotions for? What is the good of them? What do we do with them? I was saddened by his answer, because he had a moment in which he could meet his student meaningfully. Instead, he very seriously said something about avoiding these emotions because they create longing and colour our field of vision.
It’s a bummer. I want to do better, to be more human with my fellow humans in a practical and elastic way. I want to be useful.
My example of how meditation has supported my experience of difficult emotions is not about a particular incident, though of course there have been many of those. My example is of the general sort of low-lying sadness that I sometimes carry in my heart and mind. Some of this sadness feels useful, like a unifying force to share with others. Some of this sadness is dull and featureless, just a murky drudgery that I carry along as a way of being. When sadness is lurking in my life, I know that it’s not the whole story and it makes it so that I feel for others when their sadness lurks too.
Meditation has helped me find my way through sadness by showing me that “nothing lasts (ever)” and that “I am more than one thing at any given time”. This lovely sort of patience developed slowly over the years through situations that came up while I was practicing. Situations like when I experienced the very worst itch any person has ever felt while meditating, or the most gruesome knee pain, or maybe something nice like the glory of the sun breaking through the clouds to shine on me. I learned, over and over again, that I survived the itch, the knee pain passed, the sun went back behind the clouds it was still a good day. Little by little, urgency to fix myself gave way to a more patient pace, and I began to experience more comfort while I was uncomfortable because I knew it would pass. It would be mostly ok, though I felt sadness, I didn’t resign to hopelessness.
Meditation highlighted for me that though I was experiencing an intense moment, that discomfort wasn’t the whole event. If there was knee pain, there was also breath. If there was some great big worry, it was love that was the thread of connection to that worry. Meditation reminded me that there is always more, there is also stillness, aliveness, friendliness. I can feel sadness, but still feel aliveness and love.
This so important because it shows that we are truly the same. It is important because it prepares me to get up and help.
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October 22, 2024 at 11:04 pm #79727
Karen Daughtry
ParticipantDear Erin, your description of that “low-lying sadness ” is so evocative – sincere thanks for your expression
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October 23, 2024 at 10:35 am #79735
Jana Sample
Participant“it was love that was the thread of connection to that worry…”
I love this, Erin. So beautiful. Thank you.
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October 19, 2024 at 8:43 am #79707
Kimberly Hillebrand
ParticipantMeditation has helped me more than anything else in working with difficult emotions.
I grew up in an environment in which showing sadness, especially in the form of tears, was considered a weakness. As I was considered a “sensitive child,” I grew up holding so much in, repressing, repressing, repressing.
When I first started meditating, I had no idea what I was doing! I had read a book by Thich Nhat Hanh and was inspired to try to meditate – without any instruction. I remember taking a cushion from my couch, placing it on the floor, and sitting down. All I intended to do was focus on my breath – breathing in, breathing out. And with only a few breaths in and out, I started to cry from the onslaught of feelings that were washing over me.
It was the first time I had created a quiet space to come face to face with all the roiling emotions that were just underneath the surface of what I had carefully cultivated to be a fairly expressionless exterior. It shook me. The next time I sat down to meditate, I tried to identify separate emotions and put the word they represented inside a cloud on a very windy day in my mind. Emotions coming and going, blowing through my mind. I still had no idea what I was doing. But I did realize that the space I created for meditation was a safe space to be real with myself. I could throw away how I was raised and what I believed to be society’s expectations, and just be me. Feel what I’m feeling. And get to know myself in the process. It was at that point that I started searching for a teacher.
What I learned over weeks, months, and then years of meditation is that, for me, it’s more natural than not to squash down feelings. Because I was raised that way, but also because then I don’t have to face what’s happening within my own inner landscape. It not only disconnects me from the feelings I’m experiencing but also from the reason I’m feeling the feeling. For me, it is difficult for compassion and empathy to arise from this place.
Feeling the feelings, even if almost every single cloud floating through my mind is labeled as sadness, not only connects me to my deeper self, but it also ties me to the living beings, places, and ideas that cause the feelings of sadness. And just like Susan’s article describes, this is not only the place from which compassion and empathy can organically arise but it’s also the beginning of the desire to take action to try to relieve the suffering.
It’s been decades since I pulled that cushion off my couch and sat for the first time. My meditation cushion is a little softer, my knees ache a little bit more, but I still learn something about myself every time I sit. I’m deeply grateful for all who came before who have trailblazed a path for us to learn to know our own minds.
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October 21, 2024 at 12:11 pm #79720
Anne Dooley
ParticipantDear Kimberly,
Your description of being raised as a child to repress your emotions resonated with me, as well as how you say you internalized repressing your emotions — so that it felt natural to you. I feel I have so much un-doing to get through to really experience emotions.
I appreciate your gratitude toward all who have come before to practice and teach so that this wisdom is available to us!
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October 19, 2024 at 8:44 am #79708
Christine Masi
ParticipantFor me meditation is becoming more aware of what is going on in my life. It brings everything that is swirling around that most times I busy myself to not tune in
Meditating brings thoughts, emotions and body sensations to full awareness. The breath for me is the focal point to be with whatever arises.
For example, if I begin meditating feeling anxiety, my breath will locate where in my body I am sensing the discomfort. I breathe into that sensation and sometimes the sensation becomes my focal point if it feels particularly strong. Often, I notice after meditation, the sensations have shifted and eased-
October 23, 2024 at 6:25 pm #79771
Kelly Newsome Georges
ParticipantThanks, Christine. I agree – using meditation as a practice to sit with whatever arises, I believe, is one of the simplest and most profound ways to get through anything.
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October 19, 2024 at 9:43 am #79712
Catherine
ParticipantWhen I was @ 15 I remember sitting on a rock, all around me people I love, people I trust, people who have watched and nurtured me, we were having one of our infamous picnics on
“Picnic Island”. I was by myself, the rock provided me a place, not too distant, a place where I starred into the water all around us and felt sad. I remember what i was wearing, I see my 15 yr old, uncomfortable self feeling deeply sad. This memory is amplified by the words of one of my mother’s closest friends when she saw me and said “ Why do you look so sad?”. Good question! Why do I feel so sad is a question I ask myself everyday!
My life is still very full of people I love, some deeply, beyond reason, beyond my ability to stop my heart from breaking from the fullness of all of it.
I’m realizing more and more that if I want to feel the fullness of love, loving and being loved by others, I have to be open to the pain of my heart breaking. Being able to sit with a sadness so deep brings it to the surface where I can now sooth it, accepting that its the Yin to lovings Yang, “Like a sock and a shoe you can’t have one without the other”
Opening to this understanding that contrary powerful forces can compliment each other
This gives me the image of an even more powerful combined force that makes me feel open to possibilities.-
October 23, 2024 at 10:33 am #79734
Jana Sample
ParticipantI have found this to be so helpful, actively creating space for my heart to be broken. I think it is such a powerful practice, and so helpful in allowing us to carry it all, as you say “the fullness.” Sending love, Katie.
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October 19, 2024 at 10:01 am #79713
Gwen Daverth
ParticipantPema Chodron’s book Welcoming the Unwelcome helped me center and work with strong emotions in my practice. There is one meditation she leads you through in the book when you find a big emotion that helped me – she tells you to hold your emotion whatever it is in the center of your practice and make that feeling as big as you can. Think of all the times someone really wronged you or whatever brings that emotion alive for you. Make it so big it becomes heavy – so heavy you can grab it in your hand. Then hold it. Physically hold out your hands and really feel this big emotion. Look at it and feel what it feels like. Then imagine yourself letting it go. Letting it float up into the sky and float away. This practice has really helped build my capacity to sit with emotions I naturally pushed away and avoided. By being able to sit longer and really see and understand them I’ve been able to see them for what they are and understand when and how they may serve us and when we need to put them in perspective.
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October 23, 2024 at 6:23 pm #79770
Kelly Newsome Georges
ParticipantI haven’t read this practice but it resonates with me (I love practical, visual, visceral tools). The idea of diving into what’s difficult in a safe way is also right up my alley; and there is something divine about the idea of holding it in one’s hand, almost as an offering to the self. Thank you for sharing this learning, Gwen.
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October 19, 2024 at 12:01 pm #79716
Lianna Patch
Participant(I realized this morning that I was meditating before I was meditating, thanks to attending Quaker meeting throughout high school. If you’re unfamiliar, Quaker “church,” AKA meeting for worship, involves a lot of sitting in silence. So it was a fun little discovery to realize that I didn’t start meditating in college — I started years earlier.)
OK, that’s unrelated.
The more I meditate, the more I’m able to access that split second between action and reaction. The more I meditate, the quicker my road rage dissipates (if it even arises at all). The more I meditate, the more I’m able to ask “What other perspectives might there be?”
Even when my practice feels scattered and anxious and stuffed with thoughts — which it does about 98% of the time — somehow just sitting regularly brings a cooler quality to being inside my own head, and an openheartedness that I sense is kind of The Whole Deal Here.
As I’ve worked with opening my heart, my biggest struggle has been feeling my sadness turn into hopelessness. Maybe I’ll get this quote from Susan’s essay tattooed on my face:
“When rooted in hopelessness, we are likely to take refuge in non-action, which also creates confusion.”
Or this one:
“Despair is what happens when you fight sadness. Compassion is what happens when you don’t. It will not feel “good,” it will feel alive and, as such, will be both exhilarating and painful.”
It’s easy to feel like any effort I make is too small in the face of relentless suffering and evil. Hello, despair! But the alternative (giving up, doing nothing, non-action) just makes me numb, confused, and even guiltier than I felt in the first place.
Working with these tough emotions is easier when I’m able to remember that there’s the emotion, and then there’s whatever is observing the emotion: me/my mind/whatever “me” is. If a strong emotion is a temporary state that’s separate from my “me”-ness, maybe I don’t have to identify completely with that emotion. I can retain a sense of compassion for myself, and for the intensity of what I’m feeling — without completely losing myself in what the feeling is inviting me to do or say.
Sometimes, I can see the effects of my practice in conversations with my loved ones and even with strangers. I feel a pause, and then a pull toward gentleness, and then gratitude for the space to choose where to go next.
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October 23, 2024 at 10:29 am #79733
Jana Sample
ParticipantYes, my road rage dissipates, too! This is maybe the first thing I have regularly noticed changing when my practice gets deeper and more regular. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could all access some more calm while driving? 😀
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October 21, 2024 at 12:00 pm #79719
Anne Dooley
ParticipantMeditation has helped me to become far less in thrall to my difficult emotions. Through meditation I learned that “I” am not my emotions or thoughts; and that my most joyous or wrenching emotions don’t necessarily mean anything beyond themselves. By sitting in meditation, I became aware of my mind and also of consciousness (although I can’t actually say what that means).
In meditation, I encounter my mental chatter. Typically, after running through my to do list, thoughts of what I’m going to eat next, and what clothes were clean to wear to work, I eventually became aware that a lot of my constant mumbling undertones were arguments against whatever was my predominant emotion at the time. You know: why do you feel that, stop feeling that, you should do this, say that, go there, to stop feeling that.
After a while, when I shift my attention away from thinking and let the emotion rise in awareness, I find that feeling angry or sad doesn’t kill me. Sometimes the emotion just settles and softens in my body, sometimes I feel a jolt of energy or heat. I always feel a sense of space in and around me, and peace.
Of course, this rarely happens. But rarely is enough, is a gift.
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October 22, 2024 at 3:05 pm #79723
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
ParticipantRealize
I’ve lived a privileged, relatively trauma-free life, so I appreciate this week’s topic. It let me know what I don’t know. After watching the video, I did some reading. I want to be sensitive to students who may have experienced trauma. I’m no expert, but I know more now than I did and I want to continue learning.
trauma-informed mindfulness: a guide at PsychCentral points out that 61% of people experience trauma, which it defines as “an emotional or physical response to one or more harmful or life-threatening events or circumstances with lasting adverse effects on your mental and physical well-being.”
Recognize
I wasn’t sure that I could recognize the signs of trauma. I got some help from How to Recognize The Signs of Emotional Trauma in Others. I understand why it’s tricky. Both mood swings and being emotionally numb are signs of trauma. I would have to know students well over time to recognize things like increases or decreases in appetite or weight. I’m remembering how Susan sometimes mentions “except for trauma…” in her explanations of things. I would like to do that too, when it’s appropriate.
Right now, I teach Creative Journaling classes online at a center for people with significant health challenges. I’m imagining adding meditation to my journaling classes. Those are single classes, though I often see the same students over time. Diagnosis and treatment may be traumatic experiences for some people. I want to treat people gently.
Respond
I read about using the senses for grounding exercises. That’s fits with journaling exercises I often do: writing about the sights, sounds, fragrances, flavors, and textures of an experience.
Avoid re-traumatizing
I want to encourage students to be safe, to be kind to themselves, and to back off when they feel like they need to do so. I want to remember to keep lines of communication open, so students can let me know how things are going for them.
I am remembering the words of pioneering psychotherapist Carl Jung, who said “learn your theories well, but put them aside when you touch the miracle of the living soul.”
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October 22, 2024 at 3:08 pm #79724
Kate Wolfe-Jenson
Participantwhoops – posted that in the wrong spot. I will correct.
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October 23, 2024 at 10:25 am #79732
Jana Sample
ParticipantI have big emotions and I feel them deeply. I guess at some point when I was a teenager, I started really noticing that people were often telling me to ‘calm down’ or seemed to pull back in conversation or told me how big and intense my eyes get when I was speaking. So I started feeling like probably I was a bit too much for most people and that I should find ways to stifle myself and my big emotions.
For many years I held back a lot, often until it all came bursting out at once. I see now I was also closing my heart, trying to restrict my depth of feeling. Around the time that I began to realize that this was not healthy and that I was not feeling authentic like this, I started experimenting with a regular yoga practice and with that came some experiences with meditation.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I see that this was a turning point for me in terms of working with my emotions, especially the hard ones. Over time as I developed a regular meditation practice I was able to sit more and more with my sadness and anger and fear and anxiety and not let it overwhelm me so much.
With a regular meditation practice, often I can find this little pause between my big emotional reaction and my actual physical response. It also helps to rest with knowing that the intensity of emotion will pass when I sit with it, and meditating has absolutely taught me this. When I’m not meditating regularly I clearly notice a difference in my ability to handle and sit with emotions, especially anxiety. This manifests in my mood, my ability to sleep well, my patience with those around me, and generally in how I’m viewing my life. It’s so much harder to stay present when a big cloud of anxiety is covering everything.
Difficult emotions come up for me sometimes while I’m meditating, even just yesterday this happened. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by a mix of grief and joy and gratitude and then even some anxiety, and I was sobbing. As I kept breathing and sat with the emotions and my breath, I began to feel my body relax and the intensity subside. The emotions were still there but the depth of feeling and difficulty holding them passed.
Having a regular meditation practice helps me access this place of pause and observation, rather than moving directly into outward expression. It has helped me realize that it is okay to be who I am, a person with big feelings, but that I don’t have to spill this out all over everyone around me. I can hold it, as Susan says in the reading, “relax with the discomfort…and stay with it,” and “learn to stabilize your heart in the open state.” I still cry a lot, in sadness and joy etc etc, and still feel things deeply, but I don’t feel so overwhelmed all the time. Only sometimes. 🙂 And in the times of overwhelm I can more easily find a way to sit in the intensity until is passes. -
October 23, 2024 at 6:18 pm #79767
Kelly Newsome Georges
ParticipantThis “difficult emotions” topic, Susan, is one of the reasons I believe I was intuitively directed to this program – and I’m discovering, perhaps, why I’m drawn to the Vajrayana teachings. My knowing that our difficult feelings – sadness and otherwise – are integral teachers and sources of wisdom is so solid and profound, it forms part of the core of my identity. It is lasered into the lenses thorough which I see this world; my work, my parenting, my marriage, my self, this life.
I’m reading Bittersweet by Susan Cain right now (and, of course, 8 other books – so very non-Theravada of me). She discusses throughout the importance of sadness, melancholy, poignancy, minor key music, Leonard Cohen, and more, to who we are as humans. I feel as though I could have written it (I could not have). I am grateful to be reading it (deeply).
All of that said, meditation has helped through difficult emotions consistently. Moment by moment, year by year, season by season. It is one of the most powerful tools I’ve had to be awake in my experiences and, thus, move through the center of them with courage (and a lot of crying). I resisted it for years but, once I finally gave up the effort of not sitting, I found the most profound opening within myself, and it became the first true source of inner strength I’d known. The practice has been the “container,” the way that knows the way, the process that I know how to do even when I don’t know what it’s doing.
And while it isn’t the only tool, it has gotten me through everything so far.
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November 16, 2024 at 9:29 pm #80331
Jamie Evans
ParticipantSo hard to answer and yet so easy. Yes, meditation has helped me work with my anger, my resentments, my anxiety. Not at all in the sense of making them go away. Oh, no. But helping me work WITH them. Sit squarely with them instead of always running away into rumination, distraction, oblivion, compartmentalization.
How? I have no idea. So deeply mysterious.
It’s not that negative emotions evaporate while I’m practising, not at all. The thoughts keep coming in an endless loop and I occasionally lapse into self-criticism. “Why can’t I do this better?” I’m hopeful this tendency will recede as my practice continues and deepens. I’m still scratching the surface of this thing.
But yet I’ve been feeling an inexplicable and barely even describable something seeping from my practice into the rest of my life. I feel different. My sobriety feels more secure, my life feels more grounded in the now. I feel more open and compassionate as well as more realistic. It’s amazing.
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