Week 3 Essay
- This topic has 26 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 2 weeks ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
-
After much consideration, the teacher with whom I yearn to talk is my grandfather. I was privileged to grow up in his household and to know him for a very long time, until his death at 97. I adored him and he cherished me, his only grandchild. We spent many hours together, sometimes telling stories, sometimes just being in the same space – me curled up with my book in a cozy chair, him grading papers. I saw him as a genius, a guru, the person who I wanted to emulate. I will abbreviate him as “G,” and me as “S.”
S: I have lived 30 years since we said goodbye, and feel almost as unsure and bumbling through life as I did then. How did you get so wise?
G: I always felt unsure, often bumbling – it’s the human way. I just did the best I could with the moment, at the age I was, with my skills at the time.
S: I screwed up so badly, so many times. I hurt people. I hurt myself. I feel so guilty.
G: Yes, you did. I did, too. Your mother, my dear only daughter, did as well. Each time, we were afraid, sometimes of loss, sometimes of overwhelm. Each mess up brought each of us to a different place, like a surging wave.
S: But the guilt? The regret, the remorse, and sense of being a f**kup?
G: Those harsh feelings were like the debris field after a shipwreck. Nothing could change what had already happened, the flotsam washed around until it was gently submerged or landed on a shore. The ship was no more, but the shore was still there, the water cleared. I regretted many things I’d done and felt ashamed for the reasons behind some of my actions, but in the end they led me to a life that included you and your family. There is no way of tracing all of the causes and conditions that brought the present together.
S: You held me in the chaos of my early life, you kept loving me as I careened through young adulthood, you expressed joy being with me in your later years. Thank you, Grandpa. I love you.
G: I love you, too, Susie Q.-
-
-
-
Dear Sue Ellen,
What a beautiful and powerful “conversation” with your grandfather. I never knew my grandparents (they died before I was born) so imagining how valuable your time was with him is so lovely. And, your words of description of his teachings “debris field after a shipwreck” and “The ship was no more, but the shore was still there, the water cleared.” are all so poetic, beautiful and firmly held in your heart. Thank you for sharing your grandfather with me. -
-
-
-
-
I do not have a specific teacher in mind, as I do believe that the ancestors will speak to me as they see fit to do so. I will use T (teacher to indicate any ancestor). I love the prompt provided by Susan, and I will use it.
E: What is most important for me to know today, Dear Ones?
T: It is up to you to determine that which you believe to be most important for today.
E: How is it that I might do this?
T: Pay attention to all that will take place, without judgement. Listen will open ears, see with clear eyes, open your heart to the wisdom, and take the time to sit still.
E: My days are busy, my time is not my own it feels, my memory is not as sharp as it was in years past. What if I don’t remember what has transpired when I do sit still?
T: If you see and hear with an open heart, without judgement, what is important for you to know will reside within you, to be revealed when the time is right.
E: Thank you. -
-
My desired conversation with Pema Chodron.
Me: Hello, Pema. There are so many things that I’d like to say to you; but I want to keep this brief to respect your time. It’s such an honor to be in your presence. You are revered by 1,000 of people all over the world who live in a multitude of circumstances and are of so many ages and yet I believe you have been able to touch each persons’ heart. What is your secret?
Pema: Betsy, I have no secret. Somehow the causes and conditions (and they haven’t all been happy ones) have come together for that to have occurred. I hold the 3 Jewels (the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha) as the gateway on my path and as a commitment to making a positive difference for others.Me: Pema, when I first connected with you through one of your books, When Things Fall Apart” I was in the midst of a divorce from my husband of almost 20 years. I learned that we had many things in common: you and I both school teachers, your husband had suddenly asked for a divorce and you are a mother as am I. How is it that you didn’t just give up?
Pema: I wish I knew the answer to that question. Somehow I had seen how trying quick fix ways weren’t lasting. I didn’t buy the approach of escapism or of self-help techniques. I was fortunate to connect with Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. It is with his guidance, his teachings that I began my path. Sitting meditation practice I learned was essential for discovering my mind, to uncovering my neuroses and for taking these teachings into my life.Me: Pema, I’ve been practicing for over 15 years! And, I’m still me. How long does it take to feel less anxious, fearful, self-judging, and inconsequential? Not that I feel these all the time, but when I do, I feel my heart harden towards myself (and sometimes others).
Pema: Oh, you’re human! The mind produces such thoughts that trigger complementary feelings. These are the gateways to compassion. Your link to others who have had similar experiences. Also, “out of nowhere, we stop struggling and relax. We stop talking to ourselves and come back to the freshness of the present moment. This “evolves gradually, patiently, over time.” How long? “I would say it takes the rest of our lives.”Me: Pema, I believe you’re now 88 years old. Congratulations, and may you continue to live a long life and be of benefit to many in this world. I understand that you have many physical ailments and many responsibilities. And, yet you have such a wonderful sense of humor. How do you keep that sense of joy and laughter so ever present?
Pema: One thing I’d say is that Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche had a great sense of humor and maybe I integrated that into my heart. He would often say, “Lighten up!” I don’t know about you, but I do feel my heart open wider when I lighten up, when I laugh or smile, when I appreciate that we are all humans and are on this path together. When I relax.Me: Thank you, Pema, for your wisdom, your laughter and supporting me on my path.
-
-
I would love to share space with Thich Nhat Hanh. I phrase it that way because I’m not sure it would be necessary for words to be exchanged. As Susan has described about the time spent with her Teacher, much of it had been in silence and yet – or maybe because of that? – so impactful and precious.
In this meeting, this sharing of space I wonder if he might see my buddha nature and me, his. I wonder if he might feel my suffering and me, his. I wonder if I might feel the patience of a man who spent many years in exile, away from his family and homeland, and maybe he could feel my desire to be patient when I sometimes cannot see to what purpose this life is pointing. I wonder if I might feel the joyful mind he has cultivated, one that can hold so much suffering in its spaciousness. And maybe he could feel my yearning to create a mind so supple, so vast.
I have one question I would ask out loud, which is “do you feel hopeful”? I cannot now imagine his answer to that question, yet I imagine his eyes holding mine with so much compassion, sensing from where that question arose. I might imagine that his eyes say, “sweet one, you are held by all that came before you and all that is now and will ever be.”
-
Dear Amy,
What an intimate “conversation” with Thich Hat Hans. Your words reflect your heart-felt desires to mix your mind with his. To hold his teachings in your heart, to guide you on your path. Your “do you feel hopeful?” is my question, too. And, what a loving response: “sweet one,….and will ever be.” Thank you for your insights through your writing.
-
-
I am talking with my teacher and friend Gary Shepherd. He was a manifestation of love. We worked together at the Shanti Project in San Francisco. Gary died in 2012.
P: Gary I miss you. And in some ways you’re right here with me.
G: Yes. And your love is with me. And laughter! High spirits.
P: You offer me the example of keeping your heart open, and then more open, in times of pain and suffering. You taught others to do this — in service to people with terminal illness, and explicitly in service to themselves.
To what end, Gary, keeping the heart open and feeling the anguish and terror?G: Strong question. We see people closing their hearts, battening down the hatches, all around. Twas ever thus. So much pain, and fear of pain, aversion to pain.
To what end sit with the anguish and terror? For love. For laughter! And the capacity to be of service.
It all matters. Your life matters. When you laugh with the bookstore workers. When you listen to your friend’s confusion. When you stand and say “NO” to the fossil fuel companies.P: One way you were of service was the many years you provided emotional support to people through their illness and dying. The AIDS crisis, in San Francisco, in the ‘80s and ‘90s. That was a horror. You were a great teacher in the midst of it.
G: In many ways it was. We had enemies in addition to the virus. People who were willing for us to die, even thought we deserved these deaths. But we loved each other. We loved ourselves. Our hearts broke. Great love was generated. And we changed the world.
And didn’t we have a good time, too.
Those lives, and deaths, have meaning and consequence.P: Gary, your life vividly mattered. Does my life matter? Right now, does sitting silently matter?
G: Oh your life definitely matters, and always has. That’s not going to change as you age. Much is yet to come.
I want you to know that I wasn’t scared when I was in the hospital, when I was dying. Unexpectedly. And I wasn’t scared. I can’t promise this for you, but I encourage you to be open and present for it all.P: Gary. I have heard this, and it comforts my broken heart.
G: I feel your love. Let your light shine Pammie. No “hiding that light under a bushel.” I’m here loving you.
-
-
-
I think my teacher would want me to know that the path will unfold as it should and to have faith in myself.
So much of the spiritual journey is the freedom to find your own way, but I really struggle with this. I want to be intentional and respectful to lineage but without a teacher sitting next to me daily, its a challenge for me. But when I do sit back and relax, I know this is part of the practice.Buddhism is a vast and beautiful world with so much to learn its hard not to become overwhelmed with it all. I just want to honor the process.
-
Hello everyone,
I’ve been wondering about this question for many years: Is it possible to live without hope and fear? Especially in these times, I feel that hope and fear have become significant sources of stress for me, just as they have for many others around the world.
I am grateful to the Open Heart Project and our teacher, Susan, for offering this new course, Buddhism Beyond Belief: The Path of the Householder, which gives me the opportunity to explore and seek an answer to this question.
Susan, do you think it’s possible to live without hope and fear?PS:Sorry, it’s really difficult for me to create a dialogue:)
Thank you! -
Conversation with John Muir for BBB
I have chosen John Muir as the person with whom I would like to have a conversation. While my Buddhist spiritual path, including taking the Refuge and Boddhisattva vows, provide the North Star for my journey in this realm, the core of my spirit revolves around nature and being in the great outdoors. Muir also felt his home was the mountains and where he felt the “presence of the divine in nature”. My questions to him will focus on some of his more famous quotes—ones that from my perspective have Buddhist nature.
Me: Although Buddhism didn’t have a large following in the United States during your lifetime, I’d like for you to reflect on some of your more famous quotes and pontificate on how they could be interpreted with a Buddhist lens.Quote A: “When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe.”
In Buddhism, the concept of emptiness has been interpreted to mean that nothing stands alone, that all is connected. This was exactly the point I was making based on my time spent in my beloved mountains and observing nature.
Quote B: “Most people are on the world, not in it — have no conscious sympathy or relationship to anything about them — undiffused, separate, and rigidly alone like marbles of polished stone, touching but separate”.
In Buddhism, those that take the Bodhisattva vow are to be commended, as in my experience, most humans just bumble through their lives and don’t live in the present sufficiently to really grasp how their lives intermingle with those around them. Nor do they live their lives to improve the life of those around them.
Quote C: “Climb the mountains and get their good tidings”
Me: Mr. Muir—your love of wilderness, the mountains and nature has really spoken to me. You said that even when you were with your family in San Francisco, you felt your “home” was the mountains. You also said that you felt closest to God when you were in Nature. Thank you for your writings and sharing your insights with future generations who find solace in nature and the great outdoors. You are an inspiration to me.PS—I want to acknowledge that John Muir, during his life, made inappropriate comments pertaining to Native Americans and Black Americans. I do not in any way condone these comments, but am focusing on his essays on nature, what wilderness meant to him, and his legacy of support for national parks and other public lands in the U.S.
-
The teacher I would love to be with is Wangari Maathai.
Like your teacher Muir, Sue, She was impassioned with our earth.
(I also love the mountains)
Amy, I cried when I read yours. Deep wounds are so hard to be with, however your practice is evident. What I am learning is that we all are at different stages of life and practice, accepting that and being aware of my limitations,
I ask Wangari-
You planted thousands of trees with thousands of women. The movement you started went beyond just tree planting, what else happened?“Gratitude and respect for Earth’s resources
This is the desire to improve one’s life and life circumstances through the spirit of self-reliance, and not wait for someone else to do it for you. It also entails turning away from inertia and self-destructive activities such as addictions. It encompasses the understanding that the power to change is within you, as is the capacity to provide oneself with the inner energy that’s needed.” -
My teacher today is a hard boiled egg.
Dear Egg: What is most important for me to know today?
E: That you and I will never meet again just as we are today -me still here in my shell after a boiling bath and you fortunate enough to have eggs in your refrigerator while the store you shop at has run out. Remember that you are hungry right now and not starving.
Protect your patience dear one and carefully peel me so that no part goes to waste. Compost my shell and enjoy every bite of the white and yellow parts as form sacrifices form and we integrate into one.
Me: 🙏🏼
-
Dear Tricia, I love your essay! Short, sweet, simple, and profound at the same time. And with a little humour to boot. Thank you. I am happy to be in this class with you.
-
-
-
At first, I thought this would be an essay that I could write with little difficulty, but as I approached it, it became much more challenging than I had originally figured. I have many teachers with whom I would love to have a close, open, and honest conversation. It became overwhelming in a way to choose one in particular. I considered many teachers I have encountered in My life as a Buddhist, in my life as a Baha’i, and my life as a Christian. I was born and baptized in the Catholic church, so I considered Jesus. I took Refuge in 2021 as a Buddhist, I considered Padmasambhava as I feel a close connection to him and his teachings and Tibetan Buddhism. I became a Baha’i, so I considered Baha’u’llah one of the two main figures of the Faith. Many others ran through my mind as I considered this essay.
Then as I sit here writing this essay, the one teacher that I really want to speak to is my very first teacher. My Mum, who passed away in 2017. Though I sort of speak to her all the time, I’d love for her to be here in front of me to have a real conversation together.Me: I Love you and miss you, Mum.
Mum: I know you do, but I am always here with you. I Love you and always will be with you.
Me: I know I am on the right path for me, but how do I gain deep confidence in myself?
Mum: You are on the right path. I have watched over you and am certain that you have found your “calling”. You just need to begin and Trust yourself that you are on the right path and will be able to meet any challenge that comes up. You can borrow my Trust in you until you can feel it within yourself. You know the right and next steps to take inside, do not overthink because that is just your mind(ego) trying to keep you safe. Let go of that because I am here to keep you safe. Be bold my son.
Me: Thank you, I Love you. I will borrow your Trust in me until my Trust in myself grows stronger because we are within each other. I will do my best to stop overthinking and take the actions I need to take to have the best life I can. I will let go of the past, be present, make the decisions, and take the actions to create my future.
Mum: I know you will. You have a kind and gentle heart and you get that from me, I raised you to be this way. You will do good things in the world, this I know. I knew you were special to me as soon as I gave birth to you. Show up for yourself and others with your kind heart and things will work out well for you.
Me: That means everything to me, Mum. I thank you for giving me my life and for saving my life because of the strength of your Love for me, even when the doctors told you I wouldn’t survive after my birth. You have given all this to me and now you have given me the gift of confidence in myself. No words can describe the Love I have in my Being for you.
Mum: No words are needed. I already know and feel this Truth.
Me: Are you truly proud of me?
Mum: Absolutely! You are my special son. So, go out and live your best life and make a kind impact on the world.
Me: I will for you and for you Trust in me. I will Trust myself from now on. You are always with me. I Love you.
Mum: I love you too. I am always within you. Whenever you need me, look within and you will find me and you will find yourself. -
I’m not sure who I’ve been in conversation with over the last six years, but it was in the fall of 2018 when I first asked the question, “What should I do?” and received a clear response that felt like my deepest inner voice/spirit speaking clearly to me. I had surgery on my right ACL and was bed ridden for 3 months and contemplated what life would be like if I couldn’t walk again, all that I take for granted, and how I might best support my own healing. The inner voice is abbreviated as IV below.
Me: So what should I do? I’m stuck in a bed for months and can’t walk. What if I can’t play soccer again? What if can’t run? What if I can’t walk again?
IV: Rest.
Me: But I don’t know how to rest.
IV: Let go. Be still. Listen to the silence. Sit. Heal.
Me: Should I read?
IV: Not now. There will be time for that.
Me: Should I listen to music, or NPR, or podcasts?
IV: Nope.So I sat in silence every day for a long time. Eventually, I remembered my meditation retreat weekend with Susan Piver and started meditating everyday.
Me: What will I do when I am well?
IV: Paint.
Me: I haven’t painted in 20 years. What do I have to say?
IV: A lot. You have 20 years of experiences in relationship with others.
Me: What should I paint?
IV: Paint people. Paint your relationships. Paint them on big canvases and paint them as beautifully as you can.
Me: But, who?
IV: You will know. Paint twelve paintings.
Me: People I know already?
IV: Six people you know and six people you’ve yet to meet.
Me: But how will I know who these people are?
IV: You will know when you need to know.So once I began rehab on my knee, I purchased some large canvases and heard the voice again guiding me…
IV: The color Gold. Caretaker of Mother Earth.
The next day at a leadership conference, a woman stood up with golden blonde hair, and gave a Land Acknowledgement and spoke about how she was 6th generation of people living on this land, caring for it, healing the water polluted by mining. So at the break, I introduced myself, explained this project (for lack of a better word) and asked if she’s let me paint her portrait. She agreed.One by one, I felt the inner voice guiding me to people, to places. Interestingly, at some point during each painting, I felt that I needed to stop. And wait.
IV: Stop. Wait.
Me: What it is I need?Eventually, sometimes within 24 hours, sometimes it was weeks, sometimes over a year, I would receive a clear answer. And many of these answers showed up in the paintings in ways that I couldn’t explain, but the moment I showed the painting to the person I painted, they would ask me how I knew? They knew. This unexplainable connection felt incredibly sacred and extraordinary, but I’ve come to realize (as Susan and my other Buddhist teachers will say) its quite ordinary.
IV: Summer sunlight. Night painting, during a full moon. The color blue.
And one by one, over the course of the five years I painted 11 large paintings.
Me: So who is the last painting?
IV: Snow.
For a year, I searched and waited and tried to arrange meetings with people during snow storm but it wasn’t right. Then, I tore my other ACL and found myself back in bed, with months of healing ahead of me.
IV: It’s you.
Me: Me?
IV: You are the 12th painting.As soon as I was healed enough to be upright, I started exploring how to paint my self portrait. That winter, we visited a lake Chautauqua in NY. We love going there when the lake freezes. I was walking out to the center of the lake one day, further then ever before and it started snowing. And then I heard it…
IV: This is it. Your snow painting.
This was the same lake that I’d swam in years ago, right before the surgery of my right ACL. And I realized that all the other paintings that I’d painted were created in-between that time. And they all the paintings were about people experiencing some kind of trauma, and healing.It has been another year getting consent, figuring out where and when and how to exhibit this project (which will take place in April, 2025.) And now I’ve added the invocation of Guardians and Protectors to ask how to protect this work.
Me: What can I do to protect this exhibit?
IV: Make an altar/shrine. Make offerings. Use ritual to clean, order, and bless the space. Consult the lunar calendar for planning the schedule. And on and on…I’m not sure what/who my inner voice is… me?, my Spirt guide, teacher(s), ancestor(s), creative spirits, all of them maybe? But after being in conversation with it/them for six years I know that is not just about this art project, but about how I live my life, how I’m connected to something bigger, a context, how I make choices (what to do and what not to do), its about trusting. This experience led to the creation of my daily meditation practice and a know that my inner voice is truth.
Side note: I wish I could show you all the paintings. You can check out some of them at this link: https://okaythen.net/category/projects/ And if you happen to be in Pittsburgh, let me know. I’d love to welcome you to the exhibit! 🙂
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.