Week 1 Essay

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    • #81509
      Jeffrey Dorsey
      Participant

      Hinayana – 6 years ago I tore my ACL and found myself bed ridden for many months. The quiet space of stillness was more welcome then ever before. I felt ripe. I had practiced yoga for 20 years before that, but reflecting on it now, I see it too was always about getting somewhere: from one posture to the next or getting through Ashtanga series one to the second series and so on. It felt like healthy striving at the time, but for me it was striving none the less. Suddenly I was aware of my body in a whole new way, uncertain about what my future healing would bring. I committed to just being… with physical and mental discomfort, boredom, joy, tears, whatever arose. I’ve had a daily practice ever since that day. And while my practice has slowly increased (from 5 minutes to 30 minutes and sometimes twice a day) its never been out of striving, but rather because I felt like each time I sit, I meet myself. Again and again. I’ve taken interest. And regardless of the emotions I sit with, I usually feel more clear about them after sitting and breathing and making space for them. I feel more gentle towards myself. To quote Gil Fronsdil (Meditation teacher at Insight Meditation), I often feel like, “the practice is practicing me.”

      Mahayana – With a steady practice, I’ve notice how my heart softens. I’m seeing how attachment (the near enemy of love) often shows up in my relationships. I’m practicing letting go of expectations, needs, and desires around relationships. During the last six years I started painting again after nearly 20 years; portraits of people. Some I knew, some I met for the first time and felt some kind of unexplainable connection too. Each of them an opportunity to attune, to be vulnerable, to listen, to receive. To practice presence and opening our hearts to one another. In a recent workshop on Courageous Love with Tara Brach, she quoted someone (I think it was Parker Palmer??). “Glistening – to be present with others in ways that help them shine into their deepest color, purpose and wisdom.” I love that.

      Vajrayana – I’m starting to notice increasing moments of sweetness, of beauty, of magic in my life. Whether in my art practice, being in relationships with others, spending time with my cats, or on the cushion practicing by myself or with Sangha. I remember Susan saying once, “If you want to become a great student, teach.” So I started teaching and it has deepened my study of Dharma, my connection with my own wakefulness, and brought me more opportunities for Sangha. I’ve always felt a deep sense that my life and everything in it was sacred in a way that I couldn’t explain. I’ve been told by a somatic healer that I had a past life in Tibet. I learned about the term, “Gross National Happiness” in a lecture once and traced it back to Bhutan which shares a border with Tibet. Then in class on Thursday, Susan shared that the Vajrayana linages trace back to Tibet. I continued to feel called (back?) to make a pilgrimage there.

    • #81536
      KathyE
      Participant

      Wow. This was great to read. You really ‘got’ the assignment. I did not quite know how I even fit into the three types. I appreciated seeing this.

      Kathy

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