When meditation is an item on my to-do list, it becomes a chore embedded in the busyness of my life. Harried, moving from one task to another, I lose myself grasping after productivity. If only I could prove how useful I am. Look at me! How dependable I am! Perhaps I can get a gold star for checking off everything on my list. It all gets wrapped up in the story of me.
But what if I consider meditation a bodhisattva ritual? What if, instead of grasping after accomplishment and worth and putting myself first, I imagine benefiting all beings? The form comes to my aid. I can use the four lines of Gampopa to request blessings. I can remind myself, as I begin, to take my seat with dignity and elegance. I can give myself silent instructions with a sense of formality… Mindfulness of body, mindfulness of breath, mindfulness of mind. ( At the same time, I am just sitting there.) At the end of my practice, I can dedicate the merit.
With this change of attitude, I move my practice from something I must do to something that is a privilege. I look forward to living with this refined approach to practice.