Question from a reader: how to fit meditation into a mom's life with three kids under 5 and how not to fall asleep? Answer from Karen Maezen Miller!

A exciting first for susanpiver.com: a guest blog post! This one is from the talented and soulful Karen Maezen Miller, a Zen Priest and mother. Her book, Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life (New World Library, April 2010) is a memoir about spirituality in everyday life.

I had received several questions from mothers about how to integrate meditation into their very, very busy lives. I knew Karen could offer the best answer…and here it is!

Q: How to fit meditation into a mom’s life with three kids under 5 and how not to fall asleep?

A: Susan gave me the chance to respond to a reader’s question about how mothers of young children can find the time to meditate. I love to respond to reader questions that I actually have answers for, even if my response doesn’t quite settle the question. I can only teach from my own experience, and you will only learn from yours. Each of us does the best we can, but if we’re lucky, someone along the dark, bumpy road might share a flashlight so we can find our footing. Here again is the question:

How does a mom with three kids under age 5 fit in time for meditation?
This question has quite a bit loaded into it. Right away you see the point: a mom with three kids under 5 has no time. This is true. Moms with one kid, two kids, three kids, or any number of kids at nearly any age has no time. Things might be simpler if we accepted, for starters, that the time when you have no time isn’t necessarily the right time to do more. And yet this is precisely the time when, because we are so frustrated, strung out, angry and depressed, we feel as if we should do more. We should be a better mom. We should be more patient. We should find peace. Right out of the gate we might make meditation one more thing to punish ourselves with, one more thing we should do. I like to say that “should” is your enemy. Your only enemy. Send should to his room and take a timeout.

About that time? You have it.
Am I contradicting myself? You may not have the time to meditate the way you think it should be done, but you have the time. How much time do you need? Far less than you might think.

I am always consoled when I remember the teaching of Yasutani Roshi, a Japanese teacher who taught many beginners how to meditate. He said something like “Don’t do meditation the way you do everything else. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t make it difficult. Be kind to yourself.” He suggested that you start meditating just five minutes a day – five minutes! You probably can’t find five minutes to yourself all day long, except you do have the five minutes a day when you wake up, and the five minutes before you go to sleep. Generally speaking, these are times you can set for yourself. But who wants to meditate then? Maybe you do; maybe you want it enough to take that time for yourself.

How do you keep from falling asleep?
Keep your eyes open. In the Zen tradition, we meditate with our eyes open for this very reason. Keep your eyes open, with your gaze lowered to a point on the wall or floor in front of you. Keep a watch or timer nearby. Start your practice by sitting for five minutes. Put your attention on your breath and follow the inhalations and exhalations. Let thoughts come and let them go. If five minutes is too long, make it four. If it’s too short, make it six. Do it every day and your practice will naturally grow.

You know that already: everything naturally grows. It starts out small and gets bigger, and before you know it, it takes over your life. Good luck.

Here is a guided 10-minute practice (eyes opened…)[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/22555125[/vimeo]

categorized in: dharma, meditation