My New Book

I want to let you know what I’ve been working on for our
community.

I’ve spent the last year writing the book I was born to
write: The Four Noble Truths of Love: Buddhist Wisdom for Modern
Relationships. This book has everything I’ve learned from my
own 20 year relationship + everything I’ve learned from more than
two decades of studying Buddhist teachings on love. And it comes
out on June 14, my 20th wedding anniversary!

The Four Noble Truths of Love occurred to me when I was in the
midst of one of those awful periods in my own marriage—you know,
the kind where you suddenly find you can’t be in the same room
together without fighting…for months. On one particular day in
the middle of it all, I was sitting at my desk, crying. Okay,
sobbing. Uncontrollably. Is it over? I wondered. I thought we
loved each other. What the hell is going on? I have no idea where
to begin fixing this, I thought. Then a voice (in my head? from
the cosmos? you tell me…) said, “Begin at the beginning. At the
beginning are four noble truths.”

Thank you, voice! As a long-time Buddhist, this meant something
to me. The entire Buddhadharma is built around the Four Noble
Truths, which are: life is suffering (yeah, I know, bummer—but it
doesn’t mean everything sucks, it means everything changes);
grasping causes suffering; it’s possible to stop suffering (just
stop grasping), and there is an 8-fold path to guide you.

At this sobbing-at-my-desk moment, I suddenly “saw” these truths
kindly re-arrange themselves to apply to my relationship sorrows.
The Four Noble Truths of Love were born. They are:

1. Relationships are uncomfortable. Period. Whether you’re about
to go on a blind date and have never even met the person or are
having the same damn fight with your partner for the eleventy
billionth time…there is discomfort. Okay. This is not a
terrible thing. It means you’re awake. On the precipice. It’s
important.

2. Expecting them to be comfortable is what makes them
uncomfortable. We think that if we find the perfect relationship,
the “one,” we will be exempt from whatever is bothering us in our
lives. Except we won’t. Rather than moving you into a
snuggle-cocoon, relationships move you into a wild, unprotected,
completely raw space where you have no choice but to stretch your
heart. Which is awesome. Rather than making you comfortable,
relationships break your heart. Into a million more hearts. All
of which know how to love more than you ever dreamed possible.

3. Meeting the discomfort together is love. Yup. Instead of
shoring each other up in a no-fight, no-passion, no-growth zone
of so-called comfort and thinking that is what love is, with a
great partner, you look at all discomforts together, without
blinking: Now we are madly in love…now we have no idea who each
other is…now we are sworn enemies…now we can’t stop making
out… Repeat, repeat, repeat.

4. There is a 3-fold path for working with it all. In the book, I
suggest three important steps you can take alone and together to
continually strengthen your individual and mutual commitment to
love itself.

It’s important to me that you know I am self-publishing this
book. I wrote it to go directly from my heart to yours. No
publisher in the middle trying to make it more “marketable”. No
trying to reduce this profound wisdom into magazine-friendly
content. There is no middle man here, just me and you. I wrote it
in my most authentic voice with the pure intention to offer you
what I know works to create more sweetness, depth, and genuine
intimacy in your most important relationships.

Love is a big deal. Love that feels good and feeds your soul is
an even bigger deal.

More love is on the way!

Love, Susan